by P. S. Power
“Merry Christmas!” Josh called as soon as Mercy and Joanie made their way into the room. It was a happy sound, the room twinkling along, Christmas music playing on the radio in the background.
For some reason he was the only one smiling though. True, he'd gone off in the middle of the night, but it was an emergency, they'd get that when he explained, wouldn't they? Or was he not allowed to sneak off in the middle of the night and pick up strange girls?
It sounded bad when he thought about it that way. Ooops. Well he might just be in for it then. Hopefully they'd forgive him.
Unless something had happened while he was gone? Josh felt his face fall, let it go blank and eyes widen. God had something really bad come in while he was off playing rescue man? His mind flashed to Amy and the others, wondering with a sick dread if Bill, or even Laura, had snapped and done something... bad.
“Josh...” His mother sounded really worried, tense. She looked it too.
Joanie didn't look at him at all, eyes on the floor, looking ready to cry. He swallowed. Had someone died? They were here, so it had better not be Amy. He didn't think he'd make it if that happened...
Mercy continued after a few seconds.
“We... kind of miscommunicated and no one got you any presents. We both thought the other person was taking care of it and...” She sounded miserable.
Was that all? He smiled and jumped up, laughing loudly in relief and passing around big hugs, with a slightly caffeine induced giddiness. When in doubt, hug people. It seemed like a nice social thing to do.
“Who cares? God... I thought you were going to tell me something really horrible had happened, or read me the riot act because I had to go out last night.” He explained that situation quickly, just using Barbs full name, not thinking about it. Really, he'd just played taxi driver, it wasn't like her name was important, right?
Mercy tilted her head.
“Barbara Wainscot? Carrie and George Wainscot's daughter? That's...” She went quiet then, nodding. “I see... So your client really is Warren Jeffreys? I'd been wondering if you made that whole thing up as an excuse to work your way in over there. It was a good plan, and saved my job, our jobs, so I wasn't going to question the whole thing overly... Well. It was nice of you to help her. Very responsible. It will look good for Warren to have helped set that up in a pinch too. Word gets around about things like that, a politician willing to make sure a young girl isn't left stranded is easy to spin with contributors. Some people will donate a few extra thousand just to have a service like that on demand. We've still been talking about a position in his campaign, then having me turn around and do the same for Bill. Do I get a friends and family rate if I have to send out on something like that?” Her voice had gone so serious it was almost funny.
Josh shrugged and gave her a small smile.
“Since you can pretty much just tell me to, being my mom, I think we can work out something.”
Joanie gave her a funny look, shaking her head hard enough for some of the blond to go flying.
“Um, I think we were on the fact that we're totally stiffing a kid on his Christmas presents... So, go ahead and cry, let it all out... We really will make it up to you. It's all my fault. I wanted this to be so special too. My first holiday with you and Mercy and I blow it totally.” She tried to smile but it looked so sad that it got her another hug. Josh tried not to notice how her breasts pushed up against him.
“Silly. Sit down and have some coffee and a roll. I couldn't care less about presents and honestly haven't for at least two years. Here...” With a small and tidy flourish rolls got onto plates, they were still warm even. He'd gotten a separate container of cream cheese icing for them, so he could do this right. The woman at the bakery suggested it. Cups of coffee got poured too.
There was no more talk of gifts for a while at least. Caffeine could only do so much and while he felt awake, he also felt a bit like crap. Too little sleep for too long. Well, he just had to get through the day and then he could sleep for a whole night. Maybe.
He resisted the urge to lick his fingers, trying to act as if he were an adult and everything, using the napkin he put by his plate instead.
“Now, I did get you two some things. Just little stuff, but we should go do that now, because I have to get out of the house pretty early today.” He gestured toward the living room.
“Joanie's big present first? It's not here, because it isn't wrapped. I lack the skills for something like that. You'll see...”
He got them all sitting down while he ran to his room for it. He wheeled the black office chair out. At first both women smiled, but looked baffled, then Joanie's eyes went wide. It took a bit, but after checking the new chair and the ones by the computer several times, she started crying.
“Oh... it matches the other two... A set of three...”
At least she got the idea. A wall of women hit him then, hugging him in the center of the little room, which was still lit by the tree and the garish lights. Silver Bells played in the background on the radio, an instrumental version.
“Oh, thank you! This is... I think it may be the best present I've ever gotten.” Joanie looked at Mercy and then they both hugged. It was sweet.
The presents for his mom were just plain things. No socks, but no symbolic emotional ones either, just scarves and gloves that matched, along with a hat and a plug-in wand massager that made Joanie laugh when she saw it. It was the big, heavy duty kind. He'd thought it would be useful for relieving tension. It said so on the box, complete with a picture of a fully dressed woman using it on her back, by way of instruction.
“Oooh, I thought we weren't doing sex toys...” She said, her eyes going wide and playful.
Josh looked at the thing, it looked like a mace, a war club, not anything that could be used for anything else, still, he stuck his fingers in his ears and started humming.
“Can't hear you. Hmmm, de, hum....”
It got a laugh.
It occurred to him suddenly that his mom's girlfriend might be a bit of a perv. Oh well. At least she was funny about it.
They didn't have a lot of things to open, but that meant less mess. It also meant that with just a few more hugs he was able to get things started for dinner later that night and set Joanie to watching most of it, not really trusting his mother to pay attention for that long to anything not work related. Then pack up everything into the car for the very careful and slow drive to Amy's house. It was a little early, so he called first. He just wanted to get some things in the oven, like the turkey. Unless they wanted to eat really late.
Laura answered the phone cheerily enough.
“Banister residence, Laura Banister speaking.”
“Hi Laura, Josh Harding. I know we agreed on one in the afternoon for my home invasion, but I have some things to set up for dinner.” He listed it all off quickly, which got her to gasp slightly. It was overdone, but a nice effort on her part he thought.
“Oh... God I want to sleep with you right now.” She chuckled, a low and sexy thing. “But I won't. See, I'm learning and being good. That sounds so wonderful. It beats my absolutely no clue as to what we're going to do, hands down. I was about to start searching for a Chinese place that would deliver. We're just about to do presents here, is... that alright?”
It was an odd question. Why wouldn't it be alright?
“Sure, I'll mainly be in the kitchen. I... didn't have time to get anything for Amy, I mean, we aren't dating or anything, but I feel a bit ham handed coming without a gift. Nothing for the rest of you either, but frankly, you'll live. I'll just have to suck that up. Other than that I can't see it being a problem at all.” He tried to sound confident about it all. It really bothered him, but Laura didn't seem to think it would be a problem.
“I'm pretty sure that everyone is just going to be glad to have you around today Josh.” The words sounded genuine enough at least.
Things were a little strained when he finally got there, nearly an hour later. The m
ain problem was Samantha, which took him by surprise when he got a sense of things. It was a low level frisson, but no one had any gifts for her either, because she hadn't been slated to come down originally, kind of having her own life. She didn't say anything about it, but it was clearly an issue for her. Josh just pulled her into the kitchen and started prepping everything. Smiling at her a little and looking at her from the corner of his eye.
“Holding up?” She was, but barely. That was so clear he really didn't need to ask.
“Being a brat more like it. I know that no one could have gotten me anything and they shouldn't have, even. Just having flashbacks to childhood when I always felt like the younger girls got so much more than I did. It wasn't true, they just got the brightly colored fun stuff and I got clothes and jewelry. I like clothes and jewelry, I just...”
Yeah, that could be hard. Everyone reverted to being a little kid when they got back home. Josh mentioned it quietly then turned to the older girl, a woman really, ten years older than Amy.
“But we deal and in this case that means pretending to be relaxed even if things aren't perfect. It's make believe time. You can handle it though. You're tough and smart, from everything I've seen.”
“Am I? Then why do I keep feeling like bursting into tears?”
“Well, unfortunately, you're sane too. It makes a situation like this way harder to deal with. Things are a bit messed up for the moment. They will be for a while. You'll make it though. You all will.” Because everyone did, in the end. Unless they died or went crazy. Though they had him to help prevent those things, so it should all be OK, after the pain and heartbreak became normal enough. That would just take time.
The meal prep was twice as hard because he didn't know what to do really, and had to keep checking the instructions he'd printed out. After about an hour Amy came and sat in the kitchen while he worked, watching him lovingly.
“You are so awesome.” The words were soft and he nearly didn't hear them. Samantha had taken off for the other room, possibly getting that he really wanted to be alone with her sister. That part had come about when he looked the older woman in the eyes and said. “I'd really love to be alone with Amy.”
It had gotten a laugh, but that was down to his delivery. It was true though. His heart felt like it wanted to leave his chest just to be closer to her. That could get messy, so he opted for just giving her hugs when he got a chance. It wasn't enough. He wanted to just hold her all day long. Work had to be done though. She grinned at him and looked around shyly.
“You know, you're the best boyfriend ever. Even Bill thinks I should snap you up and that's saying something, since he offered to shoot Anthony for me once, back before we broke up even. Rick too, come to think of it. I bet he kind of wish he did now... Sam thinks you're hot too, like dating material hot. Luckily too young for her. Lucky for me I mean. That only leaves Meridith as a real threat. Well, her and Sarah, but that's for another day. She won't start to really like you until I mention that I think you're cool. It's a thing she does. Then I'll have to watch her like a hawk or I'll end up all alone again.”
Josh stuck his tongue out at her, chuckled and then kept working for a while before speaking, trying to think about how to say what he was feeling. It was hard, because the words didn't really exist.
“I... Amy, they can't compare to you. You get that right? You're perfect.” He sounded normal when he said it, but it felt important that she know what he meant.
She shook her head and looked down at the floor, it got him to stop for a second and just look at her. Her face was suddenly sad. It was understandable, given everything, and she shook her head at him, a tiny, very controlled and graceful movement.
“I'm not. I'm broken and so far from perfect you just can't tell. Like one of those dolls that's so ugly they're cute again? That someone like you is even willing to talk to me is... well, I love you. I have for a long time and even if this doesn't last, I want you to know that, OK?” She stood then, and looked ready to leave the room.
Josh sighed and smiled at her, what his face looked like he didn't know at all in the moment, probably a little blank. It sounded too much like she was already planning to leave. Of course, there was nothing to leave yet, nothing official, unless she decided they weren't friends anymore. He hoped not. That would hurt too much. He'd live, but he wouldn't want to.
“Yeah. I... kind of understand. I really do love you too. I think I always will. So, you know, if you ever get to a point where you wonder if anyone in the world does love you, just remember that.”
She smiled, it looked a bit sad, then walked out quickly. She didn't say anything.
Hopefully it wasn't because she was just so embarrassed by what he'd said that she couldn't bear to be in the same room with him. It was probably a little over the top. More than a little... Oops...
By five he had a complete meal ready. Everyone seemed surprised when Josh said he couldn't eat with them though. Amy just stared at her plate. It was kind of a strange thing for her to be doing really. Was she mad at him now, or... Weirded out? Thinking he was obsessed or something?
“I have to get home. We have a full meal there too, and it's the first year that Joanie is with us. Plus if it snows much more I don't know if I'll make it. So I should take off. Call if anything comes up?”
“We will.” Bill said, his voice smooth and calm. Controlled. He really did a lot better when he didn't drink. There still had to be rage simmering below the surface, but it didn't show at all.
Meridith waved at him, but no one got up from the table to see him out. That seemed right, it was Christmas dinner after all, though it would have been nice to say goodbye to Amy. It felt like it was the last time for some reason. Then it always did. That...
Was that just him? He wondered.
It was pretty clear that he had some issues, things he needed to work on, but it was tough to remember that not everyone in the world was Carl or Mercy. True, everyone had left him, sort of, but it wasn't the whole world, just those two mainly. It was hard and scary, trying to accept that anyone could even do anything else. Outside of his comfort zone really. That, Josh knew, was totally screwed up. Maybe he needed to just relax and not assume that his past experiences meant that everything would always be the same way in the future?
After all, didn't he get some say in how things went? If nothing else, there was what he did in life to consider. When it came down to it, if he didn't leave, or give up on other people, didn't that count for something?
He drove slowly, the wipers going full blast to try and keep the snow from blinding him. The car started to slide a few times, but he barely crawled along and the road was mainly flat and level after the first bit. It still took an hour, but dinner was just going onto the table as he walked in. It was perfect.
Oh, the candied yams were burnt on top, the rolls he'd made the night before were cold and the mashed potatoes lumpy. The cranberry jelly was room temperature and the butter hard as a rock, instead of the smooth whipped kind he'd put out at the Banisters...
But he wouldn't have traded the meals for a million dollars.
This was his family after all. It would have been nice to have Amy there too, and really, he'd considered that earlier, trying to pull her along with him, but her family needed her there right now. More than Josh did.
They had sparkling cider to go with the meal, which got Joanie to make a face.
“No wine or Champaign?” It wasn't a criticism really, but she seemed slightly put out by the lack.
Josh snickered at her.
“Um, J-girl? If you want booze you can't send the sixteen year old out to do all the shopping.”
“Oh.” She shook her head and smiled at him. “Good point. I forgot how young you are for a minute. You don't act sixteen. More like thirty-six.”
Mercy nodded.
“A fact not lost on me.” She took a small bite of her roll and smiled warmly at him too. It was nice.
“Ach, don't you two worr
y about me...” Josh sipped the cider to buy time. “After all, in a week when I'm locking myself in my room to cry over my lost love, I'll seem sixteen enough for you, I'm sure.” He chuckled but the others didn't.
“Things... not going well?” Mercy said, sounding... motherly. It was an odd thing to hear in her voice.
Josh nodded.
“Well enough so far, I mean, we aren't even dating, but you know, everybody leaves in the end. That's just life, right? Even if she doesn't go anywhere I can only expect so much. Then again, I think I might be turning into a pessimist.”
He didn't mean it any particular way, but suddenly everyone else had tears in their eyes. God, well, messed up that one didn't he? He tried to play it off.
“That's for the future though. I'll work on it. For now we're all here and together.” He lifted his glass a bit, “to us?”
Near tears or not the others responded properly, hoisting their own glasses of expensive apple juice.
“To us.”
Chapter fourteen
The next day, things pretty much went back to normal.
Mercy went into work and Joanie stayed with her, even as the day stretched on into evening. Warren called, but it was just to check in. When Josh called to check with Bill and Laura, Amy was feeling too “under the weather” to come to the phone. Then, they all sounded like crap. Still, that was, most likely, the starting point of the withdrawal. Well, it had to happen. Maybe. It really did hurt, but knowing it was coming made it easier to deal with.
At least that was the plan.
He wrote about it all in the notebook, in black ink, trying not to get too morose about it all. Josh made a point of adding it all, including the Joanie stuff. Why not?
They weren't a couple or anything, so no one in the world would have any reason to think that he'd feel particularly bad when it ended even. Josh would just be alone again and the world would carry on like before.
