“I said calm down. I swear I can see the gears turning in your head.”
“Whatever.”
Nicky cocked his head. “I’m not sure I understand you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Why would you want to mate with a shifter?”
André didn’t know where that answer came from, but he wasn’t going to answer standing up and waiting for Nicky to kick him out.
He toed his shoes off and flopped on Nicky’s unmade bed. The sheets smelled of him, of man, and André kind of wanted to roll in it, but he didn’t think they were at that point in their relationship just yet. He sat up and crossed his legs, smiling slightly at Nicky’s arched brow.
“Why wouldn’t I want to be with a shifter?” he finally answered.
Nicky scowled. “You can’t answer a question with another question.”
“Why not?”
“Because that way you’re not answering.”
“Answer my question first, then.”
Nicky crossed his arms on his chest. “I asked first.”
André chuckled. “Really? What, are we in school or something?” Nicky’s scowl deepened and André raised his hands in surrender. “Fine, I’ll answer, but really, why wouldn’t I want to be with a shifter? I’ll get to grow old with my friends, who are mostly shifters. I’ll know my mate will never betray me, never hurt me. I’ll have someone I can trust implicitly with everything, someone who won’t judge me and who is perfect for me. Who wouldn’t want that? Humans might not have mates, or at least most of them don’t, but we do have the soul mate concept. We very much want the same thing shifters want.”
Nicky’s scowl had almost completely disappeared by the time André was done with his explanation. “But wouldn’t you have preferred someone else?”
“Why? Because you attacked one of my best friends more than a year ago? Because you behaved like a homophobic asshole?”
Nicky looked down, and André didn’t like it. Nicky shouldn’t look down. He shouldn’t be ashamed of anything, especially not with André. “I’m nothing,” Nicky said softly. “I don’t have anything left.”
André wanted to reach out, to take Nicky’s hand, but he wasn’t sure Nicky would take it well. It would be a sign of support, but was Nicky ready to accept it? “Of course you do,” he said.
Nicky chuckled deprecatingly and gestured at the room. “What? This room? My job at the bar? I don’t even have a car, for fuck’s sake.”
André had suspected this was going to be a problem. He’d been around enough shifters to know that losing an alpha position was never a nice thing. Dominic had also told him a bit about Nicky as well as how proud he seemed to be.
He swallowed and looked at his hands, running a finger along the seam of his jeans. “Look, I understand you felt awful when your friends and your family basically kicked you out, and I even understand why you didn’t accept Dominic’s offer.”
“I don’t need charity.”
André rolled his eyes. Of course that was where Nicky would go. He looked up at him, and yup, the scowl was back. “How is being offered a place to stay charity?”
“I haven’t done anything to earn that place.”
“Aren’t you working? You could pay rent.”
Nicky snorted. “I can barely afford the rent of this room. I’ve seen the mansion. There’s no way I could afford rent. Besides, as far as I know no one pays rent there.”
“No, because they’re a family. I wouldn’t make my dads pay if they lived with me.”
Nicky sighed, and he looked more tired and weary than angry. “I’m not a part of their family.”
“Because you didn’t want to be. I do understand you were in a bad place back then, but now, well. There’s me. I’m part of Dominic’s family, and if you wanted me, you could be a part of it too. Or you could be a part of it even without me.”
André wanted Nicky to want him, but he wasn’t going to force him into anything. He wasn’t about to dangle the family carrot in front of Nicky’s face and give it to him only if he said yes to a relationship with André.
Nicky didn’t answer, so André pushed on. He hated the silence between them, and even though he knew he was probably saying a bunch of bullshit, it was better than waiting. “Really, Dominic wants you with them. He’d welcome you with open arms if you decided to go. You don’t even have to be with me. I mean, I’m one of Dominic’s best friends, but he doesn’t care about those things. He’s a good man, and he’s just. He wouldn’t put my happiness or wants above yours, not even if we’re friends. I don’t really live in the mansion anyway. I spend a lot of time there, but I have an apartment in New York, and my dads live there. I could stay away for a while if that’s what you want.”
Nicky crouched in front of André and André snapped his mouth shut. He looked at Nicky, his eyes widening when he saw the smile on Nicky’s lips.
“Do you always talk so much?” Nicky asked, his voice tinged with amusement.
“Err, only when I’m nervous. I don’t like silence, and I don’t like waiting. When you put the two together, well, I go crazy.”
“I noticed.”
André nodded and pressed his lips together. He wanted Nicky to answer, to tell him what the fuck he wanted before André could go mad or start rambling again. Verbal diarrhea wasn’t sexy in any way, shape, or form, and that was exactly what André had been doing in the past few minutes.
Nicky shifted position, going down on his knees. “I thought I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t... I was never supposed to be the alpha of my old pride. My brother was, but he died, and I had to take his place. He’d been trained by my father since he was a teenager. I wasn’t. When they both died in a car accident. I was thrust into the role that should have been his, and I had no idea what to do, how to deal with everything. I tried to step down, but my pride was very keen on tradition, and I had to take my father’s place, even if I sucked at it.”
André opened his mouth. He wasn’t sure what he could say. He was sure Nicky hadn’t sucked that badly, but before he could get anything out, Nicky shook his head.
“I know I sucked. But I learned. I was alpha for a bit more than a year when my beta decided we couldn’t leave the council in Dominic’s hands. He thought I should have the feline seat. I guess it would have given our pride more power, but I never wanted it. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I didn’t want to lose the only thing I had left. My mother died when I was a kid, you know. The pride was my family, and when Dominic won the challenge, I lost it.”
* * * *
Nicky had never talked about this. He’d never told anyone about his mother, about his father and his brother. His pride had known, of course, but men didn’t talk about feelings, and he’d had to be a strong alpha for them. Anything different and it would have meant trouble. Not that they’d seemed to have any problems dumping his ass in Whitedell.
He sometimes wondered how things were going. He didn’t know who had become alpha after he’d been injured, but he thought it was probably his beta. He was the only man with enough power to be able to hold the reins without too many problems
“I’m sorry,” André said, breaking through the gloom of Nicky’s thoughts.
Nicky shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”
“Maybe, but you’re still hurt. You’re still lonely.”
Nicky couldn’t deny that, just like he couldn’t deny it was his own fault. He’d isolated himself after the challenge. He’d been angry with the world, with himself. He’d just gotten used to being the alpha, and it had been taken away from him, just because he hadn’t been strong enough, both physically and mentally. He should have said no when his beta had proposed he challenge Dominic. He should have said no, because he’d been the alpha, but he’d been so eager to please everyone, to show he was a good alpha, that he’d done the exact opposite.
He’d thought Roger, his beta, was proud of him and of what he’d
become, but those thoughts had vanished when Roger and the others had told Dominic they didn’t want a weak alpha.
“You don’t have to, you know,” André said gently. His hand was raised in front of him, as if he wanted to touch Nicky but wasn’t sure if Nicky would accept it.
Nicky took André’s hand and linked their fingers together. André’s eyes widened in surprise, then his expression shifted to a pleased one. Nicky focused on the feeling of André’s hand in his. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever held hands with anyone. Probably not since he’d been a kid.
It was also the first real contact he’d had with another human being in a year. Well, now and when André had stumbled into his arms the day before. He hadn’t realized he’d missed it so much.
Even before, when he’d still had his brother and his father, they hadn’t touched with affection. His father would have pitched a fit if Nicky had tried to hug him, and while his brother was softer, at least with him, he was similar to their father that way.
Brian had been the only one who’d known Nicky was gay. Nicky had told him when he was twelve, thinking it wasn’t anything special. It wasn’t as if they talked about things like that in his pride, and he’d been curious to know if anyone else felt like he did.
Brian had sat him down and had explained he couldn’t tell anyone else. He’d promised he’d change things once he was alpha, but he’d died. Instead of being the alpha his brother would have been, Nicky had been the alpha the pride expected him to be. He wasn’t proud of it, but he was different now. He wasn’t sure he’d changed enough, though.
“You can change your life,” André said. “You don’t have to be alone anymore, even if you don’t want to be with me. I wouldn’t take the pride away from you. I couldn’t do that.”
Nicky hated that he’d managed to convince André he didn’t want him, even without saying anything. He shook his head. “I never said I didn’t want you. I’m just not sure I know how to be with people anymore, you or friends. Most of the pride probably remembers me, and they’ll remember what I did. How can they accept me when my own pride wouldn’t?”
“Because most of them have been through something similar. They know how it feels to be cast out, to be alone and in pain. They might be careful around you for a while, but as soon as they realize you won’t hurt them and that you just want to live your life, they’ll accept you. You can have a family again, Nicky. You just have to let yourself be happy. Stop punishing yourself for something you had no power over. Please.”
Nicky wished it was that easy. He couldn’t stop feeling guilty and angry over the past, but maybe now that he had something else in his life, things would be better. There would be no miracles, but he wasn’t alone anymore, no matter what happened. André would always be there for him, even if the pride wasn’t.
“I’m not sure I can move in so easily,” he said, because he knew André was waiting for him to say something.
“You don’t have to. You can stay here and come out to visit, or we can see each other in town. I can come here. I don’t care, Nicky. I just want to see you.”
Nicky looked up and cupped André’s face with his free hand. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve to find his mate in the lowest point in his life. André was trying to help him even though he didn’t know him yet. He didn’t feel the pull of the mate bond, not like Nicky did, yet he seemed so worried.
“I can do that.”
André smiled. “Do what?”
“Come visit. If I’m going to move in eventually, I might as well get it out of the way while I still live here. That way, if anyone doesn’t want me there, I’ll be able to come back here.”
“No one will kick you out. Dominic will make sure of it.”
The last thing Nicky wanted was to tear Dominic’s pride apart with only his presence, but he nodded, because he wanted to make André happy.
He let his hand fall on André’s knee. He hadn’t imagined his life would change so completely when he’d awakened that morning. He didn’t think the changes would be easy, but while he might not feel like he deserved André, he knew André deserved to be with his mate. He couldn’t back out of that, and he’d do what he could to make André happy.
“Didn’t you say you live in New York?” Nicky asked when the thought hit him.
“Not exactly. I have an apartment in New York, and that’s where I work, but I spend a lot of time here.”
“How do you do that with your job?”
“I have to travel a lot for it, and when I need to be in New York, Nysys usually shimmers me there. He and Morin have an apartment there too, but they’re just like me. They spend most of their time here, especially now that Morin sold his company.”
Nicky looked at André. He was wearing casual clothes, but now that Nicky looked closer, he could tell they were expensive. André’s hair seemed wild, with curls falling on his forehead, but Nicky had no doubts they were meant to be like that.
“What exactly do you do?” he asked, fearing the answer.
“Oh, I have a small line of men’s clothes.”
“Small line?”
“Well, we only have a few shops here and there, and we sell on line, of course. Nothing much.”
Nicky swallowed. “You’re rich.”
André worried his lower lip with his teeth and Nicky couldn’t even bring himself to think about that, even though his dick twitched in his jeans.
“I guess it depends on what you think rich is,” André finally said, looking uncomfortable.
“You’re avoiding answering my question again.”
“Maybe. I just don’t want you to get angry or push me away, not now that I finally got you to talk to me and to accept that you can’t be your own island for the rest of your life.”
Nicky sighed. “Just tell me. I know I can’t do anything about it, and I’m not going to push you away. I promise.”
André looked at him like he didn’t believe him, but he nodded. “Right. So, my dads are rich, as in millions. I’m not going to tell you how much because it’s their money anyway, no matter how much they like to sneak some of it into my personal account.”
“What about you?”
“I’m... in the lower part of it.”
“Lower part of what?”
“Millions.”
“So what? You only have a few million?”
“I don’t have the exact amount.”
“I’m sure you can estimate it.”
“Promise you won’t run?”
Nicky squeezed André’s hand harder. “I promise.”
“Because it’s not my fault my dads are rich, and I earned my own money. I don’t want to give it away just because you don’t like the idea of it. I live like a normal person, so I don’t spend much, and I swear I won’t spend money on you if you don’t want me to.”
Nicky highly doubted that, but he nodded anyway. “I know.”
“Okay. Umm, about twenty million, give or take a million?”
Nicky swallowed. “Okay.”
“Okay? That’s all?”
“Yeah.”
André narrowed his eyes. “I know this isn’t over yet, but I’m starving. Do you want to go eat something?” He grinned. “You can pay for it. We’ll call it our first date.”
Nicky rolled his eyes. André already knew exactly how to deal with him, and he had no doubt his mate would have him wrapped around his fingers in no time.
Chapter Three
André whistled as he bounced down the stairs. He had everything he needed to be happy—loving parents, friends, a job he loved, and a boyfriend. Nothing much had happened with Nicky yet, but André could feel they were getting there. It was about time. They’d gone out four times already, and apart from holding hands and kissing, they hadn’t done anything that wasn’t talking.
He hoped Nicky was working through some of his problems, but they hadn’t talked about it, and not for André’s
lack of trying. Nicky was still very private, even after telling André about his family before their first date. André wanted to get to know his mate, and the only thing he knew for now was what had happened to Nicky’s family, with his pride, and with Dominic.
He knew Nicky didn’t usually talk about those things either, so he knew that even though it didn’t feel like it, Nicky had opened up to him, but he wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything, and didn’t that thought make him feel like a twelve-year-old having his first crush?
“My, my. Someone’s happy this morning.”
André jumped down the last few steps and looked at Keenan. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Is it your mystery boyfriend?”
André had talked with Dominic after coming back from his and Nicky’s first date, and they’d agreed to keep it on the down low for the moment. Dominic didn’t think anyone would have a problem with Nicky, but since they already had big problems with the hunters, he didn’t want to risk making the pride members angry, especially since Nicky wasn’t ready to come to the mansion anyway.
André hadn’t had a problem with not telling anyone, and he’d had fun watching Dominic threatening to find a way to lock Nysys out of the mansion if he said anything. Nysys had pouted, but he’d promised. André had been clear, though—if and when Nicky felt ready to move in, or even only to visit, he wouldn’t keep it a secret.
“Of course it is.”
Keenan sighed. “Ah, the pleasure of first love.”
André wrinkled his nose. “You do realize I’ve been in love before, right?”
“So you are in love?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You implied it.”
André shook his head. “It’s too soon to be in love.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve only been out four times.”
Keenan narrowed his eyes and stared at André as if he knew André wasn’t telling the truth. André was, even though he was leaving out part of it, so he beamed until Keenan finally looked like he believed him. “Well, you look happy anyway, and that means I’m happy for you. It warms my chilly little heart.”
André Page 4
