by Jami Denise
With one hand beneath my pajama shirt and the other making its way into my shorts, he worked his magic until I was completely disrobed. Inside, I started to panic. We hadn't talked about sex yet—we’d barely made it past first base—and he was touching me everywhere. I felt the wetness between my legs increase and cringed. What if he thought it was gross that I was... that... down there?
It didn't seem very appealing to me, but once his deft finger dipped inside of me, all my fears and doubts took a hike—along with my ability to think or speak.
“So soft... wet... fuck,” he breathed.
Knowing he liked it sent me into a whirl of incoherent thoughts. His hips pushed between my thighs, and the way his fly rubbed against me was fantastic. A jolt of electricity flashed through my body, and I raised my hips to get more friction. I wanted to cry out, right there, but I was afraid of sounding needy, even though I was.
I didn't exactly know what I wanted, but I knew I wanted more of it. And I wanted it right there. His finger curled inside of me, and I let out a small yelp in surprise. The hand caressing my breast went over my mouth, and he chuckled when he saw the look of surprise in my eyes.
“Shhh, cookie. You have to be quiet, or your dad will come in here and kill me.”
I nodded and then shook my head. I would be as quiet as a mouse—I'd do whatever it took, but I sure as shit didn't want my dad interrupting us. He'd already forbidden me from seeing Royal, so walking in on him with his hands on my crotch would be a signed death warrant for sure.
Then a soft knock at my door startled us both. Royal's fingers stilled inside of me, and my hands flew to my breasts, covering them up. My mother's voice from behind the door stopped my heart completely.
“Jenna,” my mom whispered.
“What, Mom?” I called out in a voice way too full of panic and volume to be considered discrete.
“Jenna, baby, you need to get Royal out of here before your father wakes.” Her voice was barely a whisper but full of warning.
“Shit,” Royal whispered. “I gotta go.” He leaned down and kissed me three times on the lips before slipping out the window into the darkness. I pulled my clothes on frantically and swung the door open to see my mom standing with her arms crossed over her chest and a bemused look on her face.
“You're safe this time, young lady. Next time, you may not be as lucky. Be careful, that's all I ask. I don't want to have to go down and bail your father out of jail at this time of night. What would the neighbors think? Me out and about in my curlers and robe!” Her lips quirked into a small smile, and she winked before heading back to her bedroom.
My mom had been a big help back then, helping me understand how things were between a man and a woman. I wanted so badly to talk to her about what was going on now, but I was ashamed. Our family thought we had an indestructible relationship.
Most of the time, I had to agree.
My children were beautiful and well-behaved. Our marriage had survived tragedies and hardships most couples never experienced, and most of all, we'd proven everyone that doubted us wrong. We married too young, but we'd defied the odds.
Until the odds caught up to us.
My mother loved Royal and respected all he did for our family, but she knew he wasn't perfect. She was the impartial party I needed to help evaluate the situation.
Everything was too fresh, though. I didn’t even know where to start. Plus, I was too chicken shit to open my mouth and ask for help, so I decided to keep it to myself.
Laney strolled into the room and thankfully steered my thoughts into another direction. “Did Macy help you practice your lines?” I asked as I tossed the vegetables into the salad.
Laney was so excited about the end of the year musical at school. It was her last year, and it was an honor to go out with a bang. She couldn't wait for the high school drama productions, and I knew she'd do just as well as she had in middle school. She was a natural—so talented and fearless.
“She did. She's so good at it. She should totally try out for the winter musical next year,” Laney said excitedly. “Want me to start the garlic bread?”
I smiled. “Thanks. That'll be great. So did you tell Macy she should try out? That'd be a lot of fun if both of you were in it together," I commented.
What I wanted to say was that it'd be nice to have two kids in the same place at the same time instead of running all over town in different directions.
But I didn’t say that.
“She said it's not her thing. Besides, she said she needs to focus on grades. You know, for college,” she said with a shrug.
A cold shiver ran up my spine at the mention of it. College. It seemed unreal that my daughter was already preparing to go away to college. I was proud, so proud, but I was also extremely sad. I knew it was coming, but I was in denial. If I didn't think about it, it wouldn't happen.
Even though she was a pain in the ass a lot of the time, she was also just as sweet. The house would be empty without her exuberance and humor. She kept things lively, and I just didn't want to imagine not having her there.
Of course, I was planting seeds in her head about the local schools so she could live at home. But my daughter was stubborn. She was looking forward to the whole college experience. It made me shudder just thinking about all the things she’d see and do. I trusted her—she was a good girl—but I also knew that if a boy came along with a charismatic smile and fancy words, well, I’d been there. I knew what happened to a young girl’s brain.
“Well, maybe she'll change her mind, and if not, you always have a partner to practice with.”
“Yup,” she said, dropping the plates on the table in the dining room and floating back into the room. “So, is Daddy going to show up to my performance this time?” she asked.
I gave her a weak smile. “Of course, baby. Just be sure you tell him about it ahead of time. I'll be sure to remind him, too.”
She nodded. “I'm going to work on my lines a little more before I start my homework.” She leapt away, her arms straight out in front of her and her legs kicking behind. I loved how free and funny she was, how she never let much get her down. She brought sunshine to our home.
It was times like these when I wanted to wring Royal’s neck. It killed me to see her worried about him and his attention. I knew he was busy working, but lately he'd been putting it before the girls. It was unacceptable.
Just as the irritation started to flare up, the phone rang.
“Mom?”
“Skylar, where are you?” I asked, looking at the clock on the wall. It was half past seven, and she'd been out of practice for over thirty minutes.
“I'm at school. Who's picking me up?” she asked.
I shook my head and headed toward the front door. “Your dad was supposed to pick you up on his way home. I'm on my way. Stay under a light. Are you alone?” I asked.
“No. There are a few of us still here and Coach Tucker is still here.”
I grabbed my jacket and keys and held the phone to my ear with my shoulder. “Okay. Good. That's good. I'll be there as fast as I can.”
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered as I ended the call. “Laney, I'll be back in a bit. I need to pick up Skylar at school. Can you watch dinner, please?”
I hurried to the truck and headed out of the driveway. I didn't even bother trying to call Royal. I was too pissed off, and it was too dark to dial and drive. Thankfully, the school wasn't too far away, and I pulled up in the parking lot ten minutes later.
Skylar ran to the truck and hopped in, flattening her palms against the heater vents to warm up. “It's so freaking cold,” she said.
I shook my head and turned out of the parking lot. “It's nice out. I'd hardly say it’s cold.” I could tell she was pissed about having to wait so long, and frankly, so was I.
“Whatever. I'm all sweaty, and it's cold. What happened to Dad anyway?” she asked.
“I don't know.”
I watched from the corner of my eye as
she nodded and looked out the window. “Coach is letting me play first base. I did really well,” she said proudly.
I smiled at her and held up my hand for a high five. “Way to go, Skylar! I can't wait to watch you play. I'll be there on Thursday for practice.”
“Cool,” she said, smiling.
We talked more about the team on the ride home. I was so proud of my daughter and her enthusiasm. She worked hard and loved it so much. I was proud of all my girls. They had a confidence and zest that I never had as a girl. I was glad they never let things get in the way of what they wanted.
When we pulled up to the house, Royal's truck was in the driveway. It irritated me more that he was there than it would’ve if he hadn't been. It was proof he had completely forgotten about picking up Skylar, and I was furious.
We walked in the house and found him at the kitchen counter, obviously waiting for me to come home and fix his dinner. He smiled widely when he saw us and greeted Skylar. “Hey, pretty girl. How was practice?” he asked her.
“It was good. I'm on first, at least for now.”
“Nice. You worked hard for it. So, he's starting you?” he asked.
“Yup,” Skylar said with a small smirk. “I'm all smelly. I'm going upstairs to take a shower. I'll be down in a bit.” She walked over and gave him a big kiss on the cheek, causing Royal's smile to grow even wider. He swatted her butt as she walked away and turned back to face me.”
“What's for dinner?” His smile was wide and sloppy, and I could tell by his rose-tinged cheeks he was drunk, or at least tipsy.
“Whatever I put on your plate, that's what,” I snapped. I threw my keys and purse on the counter and tugged my coat off angrily, throwing it down on the stool.
I grabbed a potholder and yanked the oven open to take the dish out, fuming with anger. I tried staying composed so I wouldn't just go off on him, but despite my greater attempts, I couldn't take it. I could feel him staring at the back of my head and had an earnest desire to sling the pan of lasagna at his stupid head.
Instead, I placed it on top of the stove and slammed the oven closed. Without looking at him, I asked, “Where have you been?”
“The Tavern. I told you that. The play-off game was on. Why? What the hell is your problem?”
The tone of his voice loosened the grip I had on my temper and I threw the potholder down and spun around to face him. “How much did you drink? Did you forget something tonight? Your daughter was stranded at school for a half hour! I can't believe you drove home like that.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face and groaned, obviously clued in to his mistake. “Fuck. I forgot. I got caught up talking and...” he trailed off before jumping off the stool. “You'll never guess who I ran into tonight,” he said excitedly.
“Who?” I asked, completely disinterested and still highly pissed off.
“Lana. You remember Lana Adams?”
His dumb ass face, and even stupider smile flipped something inside me I didn't even know existed.
“Are you seriously asking me that? Your ex-girlfriend? This has you, what? Excited? Excited enough you forget to pick up your daughter?”
My face went flame red-hot, my nostrils flared, and my hair stood on end.
What an asshole.
“That was a long time ago, Jenna. Jesus, are you seriously holding a grudge after all this time? She seemed excited to see you again.”
“I bet she is,” I snorted. “I wouldn't let that bitch in my house if she was the key holder of heaven's gate.”
I turned my back on him and rummaged through the drawer for utensils. I grabbed some plates from the cupboard and sat them down next to the pan of lasagna, turning just in time to watch him run his hands through his hair and sigh.
“What?” I snapped.
He gave me a condescending smile and walked over to me, grabbing my shoulders and leaning down so he was eye-level. “She's totally changed. I know she was kind of harsh back then, but she's different. She's more like the old Lana I knew, not the nasty girl you remember.”
The urge to knee his balls was strong—so strong that I pushed away quickly and moved so I could walk around him. “I'm going to get the kids for dinner. We'll talk about this later.”
So many emotions whirled around in my head. My hate for Lana was so intense, it felt like I was sixteen again, back at the beach with her evil eyes boring into me. She was nothing but a two-bit whore: an angry, vindictive bitch. Royal always stuck up for her, which made me hate her even more.
* * *
Dinner that night was awkward. I couldn’t even look at Royal without glaring, so I concentrated on the food on my plate, pushing it around but unable to eat. He talked to the kids about school and sports, but I think they felt the underlying tension as well. When he finally got around to apologizing to Skylar, I lost my appetite all together.
“Sorry, for making you wait, Sky. I ran into an old friend at the bar. I lost track of time,” Royal said suddenly, giving Skylar an apologetic smile.
“It's okay. Coach stayed, so it wasn't that bad.”
She was letting him off the hook too easily, but that’s the way she was.
I wasn’t as forgiving. I was so upset with him and my mind itched with questions. Why hadn’t he called to tell me he was running late? Why didn’t he answer the phone? Most of all, why was he so happy to see Lana after all she’d put us through?
I put them in the back of my mind, but I couldn't let them go.
Once dinner was over, Royal helped the girls with their homework, and I cleaned up and did the dishes. I didn't realize I was slamming things around until Royal came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I dropped my head and leaned back against his chest. I didn't want to be upset. I didn't want to fight with him. We were at such a crucial point in our relationship—a point where things couldn't get any worse.
“You still mad at me?” he whispered in my ear, pulling my earlobe between his teeth and biting softly.
I groaned at the sensations that rushed through me. It felt good. He felt good, but I was still pissed off. “I don't trust her.”
I felt his warm breath wash over my neck as he sighed. “It shouldn't matter, Jenna. You trust me, right?” he asked, squeezing me a little tighter with both arms.
I did trust him. I trusted him to take care of me and the kids and not to do stupid things like hang out with his ex-girlfriend. I trusted him to follow through with his responsibilities and pick up his children when he was supposed to.
“I don't care if I sound like a bitch. I don't want her around. At all. You're a married man, Royal. You're a father, and you have no business hanging out with some woman.”
He pulled back and chuckled. I turned to glare at him and watched as his eyes darkened. He leaned against the center island and crossed his arms over his chest.
“So, it's all right for you to go out to lunch with Glenn, but I can't talk to someone I've known practically my whole life?”
I was stunned. He was so stupid, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. "Seriously, we're going there? Your brother? He’s family, Royal. I don't see why this is an issue. I asked you to stay away from her. Why can't you just agree?”
“Because, Jenna. I don't take orders,” he snapped. “I'm tired. I'm going to bed.”
He turned to leave the room, and I slammed my palm against the counter. “Not with me, though. Right?” I said under my breath.
He heard me loud and clear, though. He turned quickly and stalked toward me. Without a word, he grabbed my arm and dragged me up the stairs to our room. I wasn't sure if I was turned on or frightened. He'd been drinking, so I didn't know what the hell he was thinking. He was angry, that was obvious, but something in the way he looked at me made me melt.
He pushed through the door and crossed the room quickly, kicking the door shut before turning and throwing me on the bed. "Get ready for bed, Jenna." He slid his pants down his legs and removed his shirt, tossing it into the corner on the
floor.
He walked toward the bathroom without another word, and I stared at his back, confused. A few minutes after he shut the door, I heard the shower start and jumped off the bed with a huff. I pulled on some pajamas and climbed into bed, not sure if he planned on joining me or not, but hoping he would. Going to bed separately after an argument was a bad idea, so I figured I’d try to entice him a bit.
It was a little desperate, and maybe manipulative, but it couldn't hurt. I went back to the dresser and pulled out one of the outfits I’d purchased before our trip. I needed something to give me a little confidence.
I wanted to deflate the situation, and maybe something good would come out of it after all.
I got back into bed and the bathroom door flew open moments later, and Royal climbed into bed behind me. He was quiet and moved very little—it was unnerving. I turned over to see if he'd fallen asleep and found him turned, facing me.
He reached over wordlessly and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. His hand lingered, and he dragged his knuckles over my cheek. The intensity in his eyes made it seem like all the air had been sucked out of the room. He hadn't looked at me that way in years, and my poor heart just couldn't take it. Without warning, my eyes flooded, and a broken sob escaped my chest. Royal pulled me against him, ducking and holding my head with his large hand.
It was liberating to let it go, to cry and sob and relieve myself of the stress that coiled up in my stomach for so long. Being wrapped up in his arms was everything I wanted and for once, it didn’t feel forced. It was real, genuine, and exactly what I needed. The distance and stress was just too much to bear, especially when I didn't have his arms to escape to.
It made me feel lost—invisible.
When I felt his breath wash over me, his hands on my skin, and his voice in my ear, everything was right. I was safe, loved, and secure. Everything that frightened or worried me disappeared. I wasn't sure why he couldn't grasp just how much I needed him.
"Go to sleep, Jenna," he said quietly.
