by Beth Wiseman
Amanda nodded, glad Josiah had accepted the community’s help without an argument. Maybe this outpouring would help him see God’s hand in his life. She had prayed almost continually for that to happen after leaving him yesterday morning. She knew she couldn’t convince him herself, that her words about God’s faithfulness had passed right through him with no effect. She had to let Josiah go and let God take over. It hadn’t been easy, but when she woke up this morning, she felt the Lord lift that burden from her.
She surveyed her yard and Josiah’s, taking in everyone who had shown up for the barn raising. The turnout was nothing short of amazing, considering it was a last-minute event. Yet so many men and women had taken part of or even the whole day off to come and help. Many children were there, too, running around the Grabers’ backyard and playing on the swing set. She saw Sarah Fisher chasing after her toddler. She called out for her father, who was busy sawing a long section of wood into pieces. She also saw Miriam Fisher talking to her sister, Lydia King. Their husbands, Seth and Daniel, had spent the morning working alongside Josiah, Aaron, and Ben.
“Here come the men,” Rebecca said a few moments later. “They look hungerich too!”
“Aaron’s always hungerich.” Leah stuck a spoon in the chicken salad.
They lined up at the end of the table, and the women served them buffet style. When Ben reached them, Amanda noticed the tender look he gave Rebecca, and how she blushed in response. Aaron stood right behind him, and he lingered longer than he should have in front of Leah and her chicken salad.
“Hurry up, Aaron,” Peter called from farther down the line. “The rest of us need to eat too.”
Aaron winked at Leah and moved on.
In between dishing out spoonfuls of colorful carrot salad, Amanda glanced around for Josiah but didn’t see him in line. Then she caught a glimpse of him still working on the frame of the barn. Her father walked over to him, carrying a plate of food and a drink. The men spoke for a few minutes, then Josiah dropped his hammer and headed for the food line.
Since he was the last in line, some of the other women had already stopped serving and gone inside to help with the cleanup. Only Rebecca and Leah had stayed, and when Josiah approached them, they quietly disappeared.
Josiah thrust out his plate, which held two fresh yeast rolls and a large pat of butter. Amanda scooped some of Leah’s chicken salad onto the plate, then a generous helping of carrot salad.
“Danki,” he said, picking up a plastic fork and piling on slices of ham. He glanced at her, his face red and streaked with dirt from working. “Are you to thank for all of this?”
“Nee,” she said. “Your Onkel John organized everything. I happened to mention it to him yesterday.”
“Because you just happened to be over there.”
She merely smiled.
“Is there enough for seconds?” Seth Fisher approached the table, flashing a charming grin.
“For you, always.” Amanda served Seth, who had a reputation for being a bottomless pit when it came to food. She then turned to talk to Josiah again, only to find he had disappeared.
Chapter Fourteen
JOSIAH WALKED THROUGH THE FRAMED-IN POLE BARN, breathing in the scent of fresh oak. Everyone had left a little over an hour ago, making sure they got home before dark so they could do their own chores and take care of their families. Plenty of work lay ahead, but the men had managed to frame the barn and put up the supports for the roof. He could do the rest of the job himself.
As he examined their handiwork, he marveled at the gift they’d given him. Before his uncle left, Josiah tried to find out how much the materials had cost so he could pay everyone back. His uncle refused to say, reminding him that the materials and labor were donated. He didn’t owe anyone a dime.
He paced off the length of the barn, stopping at the back corner. The frame of the barn extended at least four feet on all sides beyond its original size. Another gift.
As he sank to his knees, it took a moment for him to realize he’d knelt down in the exact same spot where his father had beaten him with the horse whip shortly after his mother had died. He ran his hand on the dirt ground in front of him, then looked at his palm. Brown dirt mixed with black ash and sawdust. Not a trace of the short stool his daed made him sit on before applying the punishment. Not a sign of the horse whip anywhere. Both had burned up in the fire.
Josiah closed his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. The heaviness that had weighed on his heart and soul for so many years slowly drained away. He could sense God’s presence now, in the midst of the ashes of his past. Now he knew why he had returned to Paradise. Not to fix up an old house and sell it so he could keep running away from the relentless memories. God had brought him back here to face those memories—and let them go.
I’m ready, Lord. Please take this pain from me . . .
He didn’t know how long he prayed, but when he opened his eyes, it was nearly dark. His father’s image formed in his mind, the man’s face contorted with anger as it usually had been during the last years of his life. But instead of the usual resentment and guilt, Josiah experienced peace. “I forgive you, Daed,” he whispered into the darkness. He not only said the words, he felt them. “I forgive you.”
Although she was tired from helping with the barn raising the day before, Amanda had difficulty sleeping that night. Right before sundown she had gone outside to check on Lucy, who had given birth to four kittens earlier that morning in the barn. On the way she had spotted Josiah kneeling inside the barn, and she had fought the urge to check on him. But a niggling inside her soul held her back. She couldn’t keep rushing to his side all the time, attempting to fix something she wasn’t equipped to fix. She had to let him go, and if that meant his leaving her for Ohio, then she’d have to deal with it.
Yet as she tossed and turned, fighting the tears and praying to the Lord, she knew letting Josiah go would be the hardest thing she’d ever have to do.
She rose even earlier than usual, well before sunup. Quickly she donned a long-sleeved light gray dress, brushed her hair and pinned it up, then secured her kapp to her head. Picking up her flashlight off the nightstand, she quietly slipped out of the house to the backyard. While she wanted to check on Lucy and her adorable kittens again, she didn’t dare go in the barn and disturb the animals. Instead, she walked to the swing set and sat down on a swing.
Amanda closed her eyes. A few birds were twittering in the surrounding trees, getting ready to start their day. The scent of smoke that had been in the air yesterday had disappeared completely, and she breathed in the sweet scent of grass. The chilly morning didn’t bother her. She started to hum a hymn as she gently swung back and forth. When she finished the song, she opened her eyes, startled to see Josiah there. She hadn’t heard him approach.
“Don’t stop on my account,” he said.
Dawn had started to break, but she couldn’t make out his features clearly. He wore a coat over his white T-shirt and gray pants, but he’d left his hat at home. How long had he been standing there listening to her?
“I was finished anyway.” She dug the toe of her shoe into the dirt and pushed the swing back. “You’re up early.”
“Had trouble sleeping.”
“Me too.”
Josiah stood next to her. “You mind?” he asked, pointing to the empty swing.
“Nee.” What was he up to? She’d become used to him fleeing from her or outright avoiding her, not seeking her out.
He sat down on the swing, which hung lower than the other two so the smaller children could reach it. His knees came halfway to his chin, but he didn’t seem to care.
Neither of them spoke for a moment, but instead of the silence feeling awkward between them, it felt natural. Like it had been when they were kids. From their vantage in Amanda’s yard, they had a perfect view of the sunrise. Amanda sighed.
“Something wrong?”
“Nee,” she said, twisting in the swing so she could see him. “G
od’s gifted us with another brechdich morning.”
Josiah looked at her and smiled. Beams of new sunlight lit up his face.
Amanda stared at him for a moment, content to take him in. Then she realized it wasn’t just the sun that made him shine. Tears sprang to her eyes. “Josiah?”
His grin widened. “I get it now, Mandy. You were right. All that time I thought God had left me. Turns out I ran away from Him. I lived in fear of becoming like my father, and I tried to steer clear of everyone because of that. But it didn’t matter. Running away, blaming God, being afraid . . . I had already become my father. Maybe I wasn’t as openly cruel, but I had turned bitter inside. But God and mei . . . we had a long talk yesterday. I know I don’t have to live like that anymore. I finally forgave my father and let the past geh.”
Happiness surged through her. “Oh, Josiah! I’m so happy for you!”
“I don’t think I would have figured it out on my own. Not without your help.” He took her hand. “I’m sorry, Mandy,” he said softly. “I’m sorry for everything.”
She glanced down at their hands as they hung suspended between the two swings. Their fingers entwined together, the intimate clasp sending a pleasant wave of emotion through her body. “It’s all right, Josiah. I understand why.”
“Nee, it’s not all right. You’ve never been anything but honest with me, and I should have told you the truth a long time ago. Maybe if I had said something, everything would have been different.”
“And maybe it would have stayed the same. You can’t spend your life second-guessing the past.”
“I know. I’d rather talk about the future.”
“What about the future?”
“There’s a Realtor coming here later on today. I talked to him a few days ago. He seemed really excited I was fixing up the place, but he thought it would go for a gut price even without the renovations. Of course, I’ll have to finish the barn, but I only have to do minor repairs on the house.”
“I see.” She removed her hand from his grasp and stared at her lap, fighting the lump forming in her throat.
“He even quoted me a number. It’s a lot of money, plenty enough for me to get started in Ohio.”
“That’s . . . great.” So she’d been wrong about his feelings for her after all. So very, very wrong. Pain seared her heart as she comprehended what he’d just said. He really was leaving. It wouldn’t take long to complete the barn and address the minor problems in the house. A week, maybe two at the most, then he’d be gone.
Wrapping her arms around her body, she wished she could disappear. She thought she had prepared herself for this, but she could barely contain her heartache. She never should have told him she loved him—she never should have let herself fall in love with him. And she’d been wrong about God, too, at least about His setting Josiah apart for her. Somehow she’d find the strength to mend her heart, but right now she couldn’t even look at him. If she did, she’d burst into tears.
She rose from the swing, her arms still crossed over her chest. “I’ve got to get inside. Daed’s probably up already, and I’ll have to make breakfast. I’ll send the boys over when we’re done.” Unable to stop herself, she faced him. “Just do me one favor, before you leave.”
He jumped up from the swing. “Amanda—”
“Make sure you say good-bye.” Whirling around, she started for the house, only to stop in her tracks when he gently grabbed her arm. He tugged her toward him, and before she could say a word, he kissed her.
A few seconds later, they parted. “Just for the record, that was not a good-bye kiss.” His gaze lingered over her face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Her lips still tingling, she said, “But the Realtor—”
“Is making a trip out here for nothing.”
Joy surged through her. “You’re not leaving?”
“Nee. I love you, Mandy. That’s something else I haven’t been honest about. I’ve loved you for a long time, I think even before I left Paradise. You’ve always been the only woman for me.”
Her eyes widened. “I had no idea.”
“I never let on. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, for one thing. Also . . . I thought you’d laugh in my face if I told you.”
“I would never do that.”
“I know that now. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Mandy. I’m not a perfect man. I still have a temper, but I’m hoping with God’s help I can control it. I also don’t have much to offer. I only have this house and part of a barn to my name. I’ll never have money like Peter does.”
“You know I don’t care about that.”
He grinned. “It’s one of the reasons I love you. One of many.” He ran his thumb over her cheek. “I love your enthusiasm, your spontaneity, your spirit, your unconditional belief and love.” Then his expression grew somber. “I’ve spent the last ten years longing for something I never thought I’d have. A wife. Family. A place of my own.”
“You can have all of those things, Josiah.” Her voice trembled as she put her arms around him.
“I can?”
“Ya,” she said, resting her cheek against his chest. “All you have to do is ask.”
An Amish Gathering
READING GROUP GUIDE
*Guide contains spoilers, so don’t read before completing the novellas.
* * *
For reading groups with five or more members,
the authors will participate in the discussion
of this collection. If you’re interested,
go to www.Amishhearts.com.
* * *
A CHANGE OF HEART
1. Leah’s father worries throughout the story that Leah will not master the skills necessary to become a good Amish fraa. At what point does he begin to realize that Leah’s stories are much more than just a frivolous waste of time?
2. Aaron agrees to read Leah’s books as a way to get close to her. What are some of the things Aaron learns about Leah by reading her stories?
3. Auntie Ruth nudges Leah and Aaron together by writing notes to each of them. What do you think would have happened if Ruth hadn’t done this? Would they eventually have found their way back to each other? If so, who do you think would have initiated a get-together?
4. Leah’s Englisch friends, Donna and Clare, are not at the same spiritual place in their lives as Leah. Can it be in a person’s best interest to avoid people with whom they are unequally yoked, as many Amish believe? Have you ever been friends with someone with whom you were unequally yoked spiritually? How did it affect you?
WHEN WINTER COMES
1. Rebecca has felt for years that she isn’t as attractive or interesting as her twin. Do you have siblings to whom you feel you come in second in some way? Why?
2. As the oldest child in the family, Rebecca feels she has to be the caretaker. What role do you think birth order plays in a person’s development?
3. How do you personally know when something is God’s will for your life? When have you been right about this? When have you been wrong?
4. It takes a long time for Rebecca to make peace with her sister’s death. What would you say to someone who is having trouble coming to terms with the death of a loved one? What do you feel God wants us to learn from the death of someone we love?
A PLACE OF HIS OWN
1. When Josiah arrives in Paradise, he’s determined not to depend on anyone else. Has there ever been a time in your life when people let you down? How did you learn to trust again?
2. Amanda is a “fixer”—she’s eager to solve everyone’s problems. What lesson did she learn in the story?
3. Although it’s not stated in the story, do you think Josiah asked for and accepted God’s forgiveness? Why or why not?
4. Sometimes it seems easier to blame God for our troubles than to ask Him to help us during times of hardship. Why do you think we tend to do this? What should we do instead?
Amish Recipes
MARIAN PETERSHEIM’S TOMATO PIE
/> 1. Mix until right consistency to press into bottom of pie dish:
2 cups Bisquick
½ cup milk
2. Slice 2 medium tomatoes and line the crust.
3. Sprinkle with:
1 teaspoon basil
1 teaspoon parsley flakes
½ teaspoon thyme leaves
½ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon brown sugar
Salt and pepper
4. Mix together and spread over tomatoes and spices:
1 cup mayonnaise
¾ cup shredded American cheese
5. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 45 minutes until golden brown.
Rebecca Miller’s Chicken and Corn Soup
1. Bring to boil in chicken stock and simmer for 1 hour:
1½ pounds chicken with bones attached
1 quart chicken stock
2. Remove chicken. Cool. Debone and dice. Return meat to pot.
3. Add following ingredients and simmer for approximately 30 minutes until celery, carrots, and onion are tender.
½ cup each diced celery, carrots, and onion
½ teaspoon celery seed
1 (16 ounce) package frozen corn (or fresh corn if available)
