by Sarah Pawley
“There,” she said, pointing out her little brother in the picture. She kept that photo in her pocket, always. Why she felt the need to bring it out and show it to him, she didn’t know. But some small part of her wanted to express the love she had for her family.
They are my family, she thought. No matter what happens, or how far away I go, I carry them with me always.
Those sentiments she didn’t express in words. She had no desire to be singled out as a girlish, sentimental fool…especially not around him. It was daring enough that she was sharing the picture with him.
“So who are the rest of these people?”
That sounded like a rather stupid question. Couldn’t he see what was right in front of him? And then it dawned on her that in his own way, he was asking to meet them. He could see they were her relations, but he wanted her to introduce the people that mattered most to her. And she did not know why, but she felt a strange need to oblige him.
“That’s Mama, and Daddy. Raymond is the oldest after Jack. Then it’s James, and me. Then there’s Thomas and Matthew, and Robert is the littlest.”
He looked at the picture a moment longer, and then handed it back to her.
“So why are they at home and you’re not?”
They had suddenly wandered into personal territory…and she was not prepared for that. It almost scared her to move towards such a subject. He seemed to be interested. He was even being rather polite and soft spoken. But how much longer would they go on before he made some cutting remark and broke the spell? The thought of it was too much, and she was suddenly regretful of bringing out the picture in the first place. She took it from his hand, putting it back in her pocket.
“It’s a long story,” she said. “Too long, in fact. You wouldn’t be interested.”
Or would you? She asked herself. A tiny part of her almost hoped he would be, for she had an overwhelming desire to talk with him about her innermost thoughts. But a greater part of her feared ridicule and judgment…the way Charlie had once made fun of her. So she felt it best not to dwell on foolish hopes. And his reply seemed to confirm her suspicions about him.
“You’re right,” he replied with a nod. “I don’t like to chit-chat. Pointless conversation has always bothered me. I only talk when the subject is of real interest.”
She found herself agreeing with him…and saying so before she could stop herself.
“Me too. That’s why I like to read, since most people I know don’t share my interests. Reading is a little like being with a friend you can’t see.” She felt her face redden, thinking that she’d just said something quite idiotic. But his reply to it surprised her.
“That’s an insightful observation. You have a sharp little mind.”
She looked over at him, seeing the slight smile on his face, one that turned up the corner of his mouth just a little. But she seemed to prefer that to something more grand, for it was more genuine than any smile she’d seen on his face before. It seemed to bring light to his whole being.
“You read the book, didn’t you?” he asked, turning his head to look her in the eye.
She started to deny it. But then he raised his eyebrow, as if daring her to lie. And when he was looking at her that way, with those gorgeous eyes of his all soft, she found it impossible to speak.
Reading the answer in her expression, he grinned. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist.”
Strange, but his gloating didn’t seem to bother her then. She couldn’t believe she was even thinking it, but there was something charming about the look he wore at that moment. Still, she tried to maintain a collected aspect.
“How do you know I read it?”
He shrugged slightly. “Anyone who memorizes Pride and Prejudice must be bookish. I’m guilty of it myself, so I know my own kind. I knew it was only a matter of time before you gave in to temptation.”
She had consented to defeat…and he knew it. But somehow, it didn‘t bother her. She shrugged.
“I guess there’s no harm in falling for a book.”
He shook his head. “Not if you have an intelligent mind. And I think you and I fall into that category.”
You and I, she thought. There was something in those words that moved her. We have connected, she thought. How wonderful to have found someone who thinks the way I do. She dared to look at him, and found he was looking at her. My Lord, she thought. What is that look? Why does it turn me to jelly? She didn’t understand that burning gleam in his eyes. All she knew was that it robbed her of her senses. Why do I feel as if I’m falling from a great height? And am I mad, or is he moving closer to me right now? Is his face really so near mine as I think it is? And if it comes closer, then what will I do?
“Gracie!”
Oh Lord, that’s Alice’s voice calling. And it broke through to her senses, making her sit up straight and fidget her hands as she tried to compose herself. She stumbled over her words a little, but managed to say them all the same.
“Um, thank you for your book.” She cleared her throat, trying to sound calm. “But I don’t reckon I’ll ever read it again. It’s just too sad.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I have to see what Alice needs.”
“Where are you going?” he asked.
But she moved away quickly before he could stop her.
Better to leave now before something happens, she thought.
She found Alice, who was standing by the food table, pouring some lemonade…and wearing a devilish little smile.
“Oh my word, Gracie, I saw it all. For a second I thought I’d have to turn the hose on you two.”
Her eyes grew wide, almost panicked. “But we didn’t do anything!”
Alice just giggled. “What a shame.”
She wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. But Alice put an arm around her, speaking in her comforting way.
“Oh little sister, don’t be ashamed. Besides, I was watching and I came to your rescue, just like you asked me to. You’re safe and sound now. Although I think you might have stirred up someone besides Henry. See for yourself.”
She pointed across the yard, and Grace looked to see Victoria making her way towards Henry. And she looked fit to be tied. Grace brought a nervous hand to cover her mouth.
“Oh no, what did I do? What if she throws a fit or something? Oh Lord, it’ll ruin the whole party.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry,” said Alice. “She won’t throw a tantrum and embarrass herself. She’s too vain for that. And besides, Henry would just make her leave if she made a scene.”
Picking up a glass of lemonade, she handed it to her.
“Here, take this to your brother. You look like you could use a breather.”
Sighing with relief, Grace hurried off to see to the errand, and though she was tempted, she did not look back. At the porch of the house next door, she handed her brother the drink. Then she took a seat in a rocking chair in a shadowed corner. She sat and listened to men talking, as she had done so many times back home…and as she had done then, she did not participate in their conversation. Only this time, it wasn’t because she was not wanted. She had no desire to talk. She only wished to hide, and with her brother so near, she felt quite safe from any female wrath.
And safe from the lure of tempting blue eyes.
How warm his hand had been when he had taken hold of her wrist. His voice, when spoken in the pleasant tone that their conversation had taken, flowed with a rich and warm feeling. How intelligently he spoke, more than any man she'd known before. And his smile. Her heart beat fast when she thought of it. As in so many moments before, her memory quoted a passage that seemed to relay what she was thinking - what she was feeling, better than her own words could describe…
He smiled at me with a certain smile he had of his own, and which he used but on rare occasions. He seemed to think it too good for common purposes. It was the real sunshine of feeling…
Perhaps it was the real sunshine of feeling. But her heart sank a little when she
remembered that her budding feelings could never be allowed to take full bloom. Whether he felt genuine affection for her, or even just a passing interest, it did not matter. He was a man of the world. He lived with his mistress, for heaven's sake. What loyalty could there be in such a man? And if there was loyalty there, it belonged to another, and she dared not interfere with such a bond. The consequences were too great a danger.
* * * * *
Come back here, he wanted to say.
He watched her as she walked away, and if it wasn’t for the fact that his head was spinning just a little, he would have gone after her. When he’d seen her rise to her feet to go, he’d had an impulse to reach out and pull her back to his side. He didn't like the way she fled so fast, as if she feared him. But then he thought about that for a moment, and smiled to himself.
Maybe she was right to fear him. He’d told her before that he’d thought about stealing a kiss. Now he knew that he wanted to do much more than think about it. Sitting beside her, so close, he’d been a moment away from actually doing it, and would have if her sister-in-law hadn’t interfered. Never mind the fact that everyone around them was watching. In that moment, he hadn’t seen anything else but her. He thought of her hair that fell in rich waves around her shoulders. It looked so soft, and he’d been so tempted to reach out and twine a golden curl around his finger. And what a lovely smile she had, even if she’d only given him a small one. The few times he’d seen her before, she’d always looked angry or fearful, although even then she’d been attractive as hell.
But when she smiled, it was incredible. It was like watching sunlight emerging from behind a cloud, illuminating her whole presence. And then there were her lips that looked so soft and rosy. She had a small mouth, but he found it just perfect. Her lips were a natural shade of coral pink, colored only by nature and not by some cosmetic paint. And if it hadn’t been for the interruption, he would have finally found out just how soft that tempting little mouth was. Damn his luck. Maybe if he tried again, he could have another chance. Maybe he could somehow sneak her away from the crowd, sweet talk her a little. Anything was possible if he planned it right. And he was just about to get to his feet when Victoria came walking up to him. At first he didn’t look at her, even though she was standing right in front of him.
“Enjoying yourself?” she asked.
He nodded. “Very much.” He wasn’t a fool. She’d seen him talking to Grace, and now she was here sniffing around, looking for clues to prove her suspicions.
“Are you ready to head up to the lake?” she asked.
“In a little while,” he replied, rising to his feet. “We haven’t even been here thirty minutes. It wouldn’t be very neighborly if we just up and left, now would it?” He went to the table and poured two glasses of lemonade, handing her one. “Have a drink and take it easy. Enjoy yourself a little.”
He strolled over toward the house next door, and she followed a few steps behind. Normally, she would not have stayed so close. When they had these kinds of neighborhood gatherings, she was usually content to find a quiet corner and keep to herself until he came to fetch her and take her home. But now it seemed that she wanted to keep him in her sights. How could he do anything if she was trailing him like a stubborn bloodhound?
Maybe it’s better to wait, he thought. Bide my time. Grace wasn’t going anywhere, although at the moment, she seemed to have disappeared. Where is that girl hiding now? He wondered. He glanced around and saw John Langdon, and thought that maybe she’d gone to her brother for protection. It seemed like a logical answer, although he knew he’d have to move with caution. If she’d told her brother something wrong had gone on, there was a good chance he’d find himself fending off an attack.
But as he approached the house next door, he was offered a smile and a handshake, and he knew he was safe for the moment. Jack was exuberant.
“Henry, where the hell have you been? We were looking for you the other night at the club and never saw you once. Where did you go?”
“Oh, I was around,” Henry answered. “The place is always so busy on the weekends. Sometimes I get lost in the crowd.”
Jack nodded. “I think I know the reason why they pack the place, and it’s standing right there behind you.” He smiled kindly at Victoria, who was looking away with an air of great distraction. Still, she managed to look at Jack for a moment, giving him a polite smile in return. “You know, speaking of talent,” said Jack, “I think maybe we should get my little sister to entertain us. This is a party, after all. Now where did she go?"
Henry was wondering the same thing. It took a lot of strength not to turn his neck to look for her. It wasn’t wise…not with Victoria standing right beside him. He couldn’t be for certain what she’d do if he overstepped his bounds, although he honestly didn’t care. But he didn’t want to make a scene, for the sake of his neighbors. So he tried to maintain a careless aspect.
"Oh there she is," said Jack, moving towards the porch where Grace was sitting. "Come on out of that corner, baby sister. We want to hear you play and sing a little.”
Play and sing? Henry thought. He knew she played piano. But there was more to her talents? He was instantly curious.
He watched as she waved her brother away, shaking her head. But Jack was quite persistent. He went over to her and took her hand, trying to pull her to her feet.
“Come on, sis. It's been a long time since I heard a song from you. I'll even play along with you and we’ll get Alice to join in."
“Maybe we should just let her be,” Henry chimed in. “She looks a little skittish to me. Maybe she’s too scared to perform in front of people.”
What he hoped was to provoke her. He wanted to see that bolder side of her personality, wondering if a challenge would do the trick. He met her eyes, daring her to prove him wrong. And he was thrilled when she got to her feet, following her brother back over to their yard. He gave himself a few moments pause, just so it wouldn’t look like he was chasing after her. When he thought a decent amount of time had passed, he casually strolled over to the Langdon’s porch, where a small crowd had started to gather.
Alice brought out instruments…a fiddle and banjo, a guitar and mandolin, which Grace took in hand, and Jack had a harmonica which he put in his pocket. They sat close together, and just before they began, Jack turned to Henry with a sharp eye, but a slight grin.
“Listen here, Mr. big shot businessman. Don’t go getting no ideas after you hear this. She’s not for hire.”
Henry just smiled a little and held up his hands in defense.
They began to play, and right away it became clear what talented musicians and singers they were. They soared through lovely harmonies that reminded him of Irish songs he used to hear as a child. Some were fast and infectious, others were slow and sweet, and when they did a rendition of “The Wabash Cannonball” Henry and the others watching were delighted by Grace’s ability to yodel.
But it was the soft, sweet sound of a country hymn that captured him and the others who were listening, leaving them spellbound. Her voice was tender and sweet, unpolished and yet oh so pure. It was a moving experience to listen to her, and everyone listening was in awe.
Except for Victoria.
No one seemed to notice that she stood off to the side with a pained expression on her face. In the middle of a song, she suddenly turned and walked away, and only Henry caught sight of it. For a few minutes he ignored her departure, preferring to stay where he was. All three of the Langdons were true talents, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Grace. Not only was her voice a marvel, but her fingers were so nimble in playing, moving effortlessly as they danced across the strings of the instrument she held. How he would have loved to remain and hear more. But he knew that he had to go, and with great reluctance he pulled himself away from the crowd and went after Victoria. He followed her into the house, shutting the door firmly behind them.
"All right, let's have it," he said. "We're in the house. We're all a
lone, and I know you've been waiting to rant and rave about something. So let's get it over with."
"It's her, isn't it?" she cried.
God, woman, he thought. You don't waste time, do you? Then he snorted, and to her question he gave his own. "Her who?"
"Don't play dumb with me!" she cried. "I'm talking about that skinny little bird over there. She's the one who has your head all a mess, isn’t she?”
Lord, how he detested the jealously of women, especially a woman like Victoria. As if she had some claim on him. As if she had the right to pry into his business. And as if he was going to give her the satisfaction of admitting anything. He didn’t bother to hide his contempt.
"For God's sake, Victoria. You see me talking to a neighbor and that's the first thing you think?"
"What do you expect me to think? I'm not a fool. I saw the way you were looking at her. I saw the way you were watching her while she was singing. I'm not blind, Henry!"
He let out an irritated sigh and moved past her. "You're out of your mind. And even if I was looking at her, what concern is it of yours? Who I talk to and who I spend time with is none of your business."
"It is my business!" she shouted, her voice cracking slightly. "Everything about you is my business!"
At that he turned on her, furious. "We are NOT married!"
Suddenly she shrank back a little, her eyes full of deep pain at his statement. Tears began to well in her eyes, but his tone did not soften. She had her place, and it was about time she learned it. He advanced forward a step, pointing an angry finger at her, his voice low and menacing.
"YOU are not my wife. I have never given a vow of any kind to you. But I have kept you under my roof. I have treated you as well as any man could treat a woman. I have kept company with no one but you. So do not dare to question me on anything."
He watched her, eyes blazing, and he saw her sink down to a sitting position on the sofa. She tried to turn away from him, to hide the tears that had started to spill down her cheeks. But she could not hide the sobs that came from within her. For a brief moment, he felt a twinge of guilt at what he had wrought. Then, his brow furrowed in anger and frustration.
