by Sarah Pawley
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
There was a long pause before he answered. “Nothing.” He turned away for a moment. Then he turned back. “Do you need a ride home?”
She shook her head, a little nervous quiver fluttering in her belly. The feelings she had were so very confusing. She feared being alone with him. And yet, if he had only insisted a little harder about taking her home, she might actually have gone. But she remembered her plans with Jack and Alice.
“My brother and Alice are meeting me here. Matter of fact, they’re probably waiting for me right now.”
From the back of the room, there came a familiar voice calling. She turned to find Jack waiting.
“Sis, are you ready to go?”
She looked back to Henry for a moment, and saw him walking away. Why did she feel as if she were abandoning him? She could have sworn that just before he turned away, she saw a hint of disappointment in his face. For some reason, it pained her to think that her refusal might have hurt his feelings. She wanted to go to him, to ask if he was all right. But she knew she couldn’t. He wouldn’t have admitted to having his feelings hurt, even if they were. So she turned to Jack and made her way towards him. As she neared him, she heard Henry’s voice behind her.
“Tomorrow, at noon?”
She turned to him, nodding her head. He nodded back, and disappeared from sight.
* * * * *
In his office, Henry tried to distract himself by picking up papers and studying them, but he found it useless. His mind was too full of other matters. He tossed the papers aside as he sat down in his chair, letting out a deep sigh.
His hopes had been high at the start of the day. Then his plan had backfired on him. He’d brought her here, wanting her close so he might interact with her, even if it was only on a professional level. But he’d also hoped that by being her boss, she would depend on him in some way…and maybe in time, her dependence on him would grow into closeness.
He couldn’t have imagined how she would blossom so suddenly. He wouldn’t have thought that others, men in particular, would be as enchanted by her as he was…and that she would be so charmed in return.
How the hell could he have known that someone would ask her out on a date? And worse, she might have accepted, if it weren’t for having a prior engagement. In truth, he’d been quite fearful that she would accept the invitation…and even after he’d heard her decline, the fang of envy still bit him hard.
It had been so long since he’d been envious of any man, and he’d forgotten how bad it could be. The sting of it made him want to smash something with his fist.
He shook his head at his musings, wondering just when he’d become such a hopeless fool. He rose from his chair and left the office, walking down the hall and down the stairs toward the front doors. He needed to think and clear his head, and he was glad his important matters had been settled for the day. Any other small things could wait until tomorrow. Quickly he locked up the place, and took a slow walk towards the El-Train.
He wasn’t quite certain what he would do about her. Not yet, anyway. It would come to him in time. But between now and then, he didn’t intend for her to be swayed by someone else. He couldn’t have everything his way, but he was still the boss. He had authority, and he damn well intended to use it…even it was to his own advantage.
Chapter 17
“New Heights”
The early morning sun shined through the living room window. It was a lovely, quiet morning, except for the low volume of the music coming from the record player. Standing with sheet music in hand, Grace went over the song lyrics, quietly singing to herself as she practiced. All was melodious, flowing quite nicely…until she stumbled over a word for the third time.
"Damn!" she cried, stomping her foot.
The stomp made the record player jump, which made the record skip and screech. She rushed over to shut it off, and when the silence fell so did her head, coming to rest in her hands.
The week had started with such promise. Being with the band had been so wonderful, and she found herself looking forward to each day with them. And she’d anticipated seeing Henry every day. But as it turned out, his manner as a boss was very different than his usual persona. He was quite serious, even stern at times, particularly with Toby. At times he seemed very irritated with him, always telling him to do more work and less socializing. She wasn’t quite sure why Henry would single Toby out, when the whole atmosphere of the club was so very relaxed. Everyone chatted and goofed around a little in between practicing their music or routines. It seemed rather strange to her. But then again, he was the boss. He must have had his reasons for his behavior, so she didn’t do more than wonder about it.
Stern as he was when he was working, she found herself watching him more and more with fascination. His presence commanded respect, and from the way he moved, it was clear he knew he was the top dog. And oh how she loved to watch him move about. His strides were smooth and confident, his eyes a brighter shade of blue when he was deeply involved in matters of business. At times she would be looking at him and those eyes would turn to her. A few times he gave her a little smile when he caught her staring, and she would turn away with a blush. At those moments she was certain he’d come to her, ready with a sly remark.
But he didn’t. In truth, he didn’t speak to her very much at all, except to ask her how her work was progressing or how she was getting along with everyone. Part of her was glad he was being a gentleman for once. But another part of her wondered at the change in his behavior.
Is he bored with me? She asked herself. Has he lost interest in me already?
She wouldn’t have blamed him if he had turned his interests elsewhere. In all honesty, she wanted a deeper relationship with him…but fear and uncertainty kept her from pursuing it. He was so much older, so much more experienced. She was so unschooled in so many ways. If he did want more from her than friendship…if by some small chance, he might think of engaging in a romance, he would likely be disappointed by her naiveté in even the smallest matters. Maybe it was better not to hope for something more.
If there was a consolation to Henry’s seeming lack of interest, at least Toby and the boys in the band were there for her. Toby was quickly becoming a good friend, always ready with a joke or some way to entertain her. Thomas was like the grandfather she’d never known, so patient and easy-going as he taught her. It was he who had suggested she practice at home with the aid of a record player, to help her learn the lyrics. So she had. But she’d hardly started practicing before she found herself having to begin again, for she missed a word here or a phrase there. She tried not to look at the paper in her hand, but found her eyes consulting it again and again. At first, she had remained calm about her mistakes, telling herself not to mind it and start over. But with each practice came more slips and small mistakes, and they began to chip away at the confidence that had just started to build within her.
Early this morning she had risen at her usual time, but instead of going to the kitchen to cook, she had gone back to the record player and turned it on, though she kept the volume low. Alice came in a little while later, watching her for a moment. Grace apologized for not starting breakfast, but Alice waved it off and left her alone to work.
Several times, she listened to the record all the way through without singing, to let the words and music soak into her brain. Then once again she began her vocals. When she got through the entire thing without a mistake, she felt her confidence soar. But when she began again, and her tongue slipped over a word, she wanted to pick up the record and slam it down. Instead she cursed out loud.
"What's with the cussing, baby sister?"
Jack stood, leaning against the doorframe, dressed in his work clothes. She looked at him for just a moment before turning away again, and she grumbled in frustration.
"I'll never get this in time. They'll have to find someone else."
Jack pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. "Oh come on,
now. You started this, and you'll finish it. We're not quitters, are we?"
She slumped in defeat, moving to the sofa and falling on it in a heap of discouragement. She flung her arms over her eyes, as Jack came to sit in the chair beside her.
"Oh buck up, will you?" he demanded. "I can't stand a weak woman."
She sat up a little, her brow crinkled in irritation. "A little while ago you were fussing at me for wanting to do this. Now you're mad at me for NOT wanting to do it. Make up your mind!" She flopped back down.
"Don't get all huffy with me," he snapped at her. "You're the little hothead who insisted on doing what you wanted to do. Now you're stuck with it. It's your bed, sister. You'll have to lay in it."
She curled up on her side and tried to hide, but he just laughed at her. Then he took her by the sleeve, pulling her up to a sitting position. And a moment later, he was dragging her to her feet. She protested, insisting that she be left alone. But he ignored her.
"Quit your bellyaching.” He went to the record player and turned it on. She stood there for a moment, and watched with a raised eyebrow as he began to dance and sing to the song. She tried not to smile, forcing the muscles of her face to remain composed. Then, he tried to dance with her.
She pushed him away. "Get away from me, you idiot.” But she couldn’t help smiling a little.
"This is not an incestuous thing," he declared, holding her at a distance from himself and leading her into a dance.
The smile fell from her face. "That's disgusting!"
"You're the one with your mind in the gutter, not me!" he shouted back. "Now shut up and move your feet. If you're going to sing, you should know how to dance, too."
She reluctantly consented to the lesson, and found that it came to her quite naturally. All the time they moved, Jack kept looking at the floor, perhaps fearing that she might smash his toes. But she didn’t. It seemed to all come to her quite easily, and it helped ease a little of the fears she had on other matters. When the song was over, there came a round of applause from behind them. They both turned to look.
"Nice," said Alice. "Very smooth."
Jack came forward, smiling. "What can I say? I'm the best."
"I was talking about Grace," she replied, now with face straight. But it turned back into a little smile as he came to stand before her. He leaned in and kissed her, an ardent expression on his face.
"Evil woman," he said, smiling wickedly. He made for the door, putting his hat on his head. He paused for a moment to tip his cap at Grace, and then he was gone.
Alice, still smiling, went to stand next to Grace, who had turned and picked up her lyric sheet again.
"You aren't thinking of quitting, are you?"
Grace looked up at her. "How did you know I was?"
"I heard you taking to Jack.”
Grace shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think I can get out now. I already promised to be part of the show. I don't know what I'm going to do." She sighed again.
"Well I say, don't miss the brass ring.”
Grace looked at her with a blank expression, and Alice smiled.
"It's an expression," she said. "When you ride a carousel, each time you go around, you have a chance to grab a ring made of brass. If you catch it, you get a free ride. So the meaning of the saying is, don't miss your chance. This is your chance, Gracie. Don't let it go by."
She gave her a light touch on the arm, and left her to her thoughts.
Grace reached out to turn the record player back on, but paused when she heard a knock on the front door. Somehow, she knew who it was even before Alice went to answer it. Her heart beat a little faster, and she anxiously reached up to tuck a loose curl of hair behind her ear. Why her appearance suddenly mattered so much to her, she didn't know. It was almost like a reflex… something involuntary that she could not control. A moment later she heard that warm, familiar voice falling on her ear, and she could not suppress a thrill that ran over and through her.
"Sis, you have a visitor," said Alice, who flashed a sly little smile as she left the two of them alone, retreating into the kitchen.
Grace turned slowly, and felt her breath catch slightly as Henry set eyes on her and gave her a slight smile. He came near, his hat in hand. He looked from her to the player a moment, reading the label on the record, then back to her again.
"Working at home, I see. Very smart of you. But then again, you don’t have to try very hard in that department, do you?
She lowered her head, feeling a blush come to her cheeks at his compliment. She tried to hide her smile. Much as she wanted to bask in his sunshine, there was something within her that held back. But he was making that rather difficult, with the way he looked at her at times, and the way his voice was so soothing and rich. If only she could believe in him, without having a memory that warned against it…a memory of Victoria, in particular. Had he spoken to her like this, at some time in the dim and distant past? Had he smiled at her in this way, and sent the same warm thrills down her spine, just at the sound of his voice? Her smile fell away as she realized that Victoria most probably had felt those very same feelings, and in the end, they had all been for nothing.
Henry must have sensed the change from joy to doubt, for she heard him sigh bitterly. She looked up, and saw that his smile had gone as well.
"I see it's too early in the morning for compliments," he said. "My apologies. I'll just skip the flattery and get to the point." He lifted his chin slightly. "I wanted to thank you for being a help to me. For putting yourself out there against your will, etcetera, etcetera. So I wanted to know if you’d like to take a little trip?"
"A trip?" she exclaimed, shaking her head. "I don't know. We have to be at the club soon, don't we?"
Now he smiled again. "I'm the boss, aren't I? I can show up whenever I please. It's one of the many perks of owning a business. So, are you coming along?" He turned from her, almost as if he expected her to follow. And strangely enough, she did. She paused just at the front door.
"Where are we going?"
He clucked his tongue as he put his hat on, and he smirked at her. “Don't ask so many questions. Sometimes a journey is better when you don't know the destination."
Alice appeared in the kitchen doorway, watching them. Henry turned to her with a smile.
"Don't worry. I'll bring her back safe and sound, along with her reputation."
Grace watched as Alice smiled and wagged her eyebrows. Then, Grace turned her eyes back to Henry. He opened the door, waiting for her. Hesitant, and yet willing, she stepped out before him, feeling his eyes upon her as they moved down the sidewalk. She was headed towards the streetcar stop on the corner. But his words made her still her steps.
"We're driving," he said. "Where we're going is a little outside of the city."
She paused a moment, feeling a shiver of anxiety at the thought of being alone with him again, and in the close quarters of a car. And as before, he seemed to sense her feelings, as the look on his face told of his irritation. But for the moment he was silent on it, and she moved with him across the street to his car, where he opened the door for her and waited. She took her seat, waiting for him. When he came around to his seat, and the door closed, she expected him to say nothing about her nervous ways. Though she'd often wondered if her wariness offended him, how could she know? It had seemed to be his way to wear a look of irritation, and then to let it pass away as if it had never been there. He had never voiced his feelings. But this time he turned to her, his expression serious and slightly dark.
"Look," he said, his tone sharp. "I'm no angel, but I’m not a heathen devil either. I’m not dead set on jumping you, if you must know.”
She stammered shamefully, trying to defend herself. But his words kept her from it.
"I’ve been as pleasant as I know how to be. And I thought it would be nice if you and I could spend some time together, outside of work. Away from the clutches of your brother and sister-in-law. But if you’re that afraid of me, maybe
this isn't a good idea. Maybe we should stop associating with each other at all."
He waited, as if allowing her the chance to get out of the car and go home. She put her fingers on the door handle, but then she paused.
When did I become such a coward? She thought. I adore this man, but I try to fly away like a nervous little bird whenever he gets too close.
She turned to look at him, seeing his handsome features marred by the scowl he wore. He stared straight ahead, his hands resting on the steering wheel. He was silent. It hurt her to imagine what he must have thought of her. She had wanted him to see her as strong and independent…able to make her decisions with intelligence and maturity. But now she realized how small her behavior was…how her mistrust in others made her seem flighty and weak. If she said nothing now, just opened the door and walked away, his suspicions about her would be confirmed. And that she could not allow.
"I'm sorry. I don’t like to be mean. I just can’t help how I am.” She looked at her knees, trying to keep her composure by focusing intently on something. She felt the burn of tears, but fought to keep them at bay. He already thought her weak, and tears would only confirm it for him. At long last, she heard him speak…and his voice turned calm and soothing.
"We all have our ways. Change is never easy for any of us."
Her voice wavered slightly.
"No, it's not.” She reached up to wipe away a tear that had escaped, hoping he didn't take much notice of it. If he did, he said nothing. He just reached his hand forward to turn the key in the ignition. And without speaking he backed out and slowly drove away.
* * * * *
They rode in silence for some time, each thinking their own separate thoughts. She was focused on the road ahead and the passing of the scene outside her window. They were leaving the city, as he’d said, and with great curiosity she wondered what he had in store for her. There was no way of knowing, even if she asked him, for she was certain he would never tell until he got her where he wanted her. So she just sat quietly and waited, as they made their way down a small town road, and soon turned down a long and winding drive. It wasn't long at all before she realized they were at a small airport. She'd never actually seen one before, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out. Looking out at the numerous aircraft before her, she felt a nervous knot starting to form in her belly. She looked over at him, seeing the hint of a smile on his face. She narrowed her eyes at him.
