“But what about all of the money he gets from his father? Won’t he be loaded no matter what?”
“I had his father cut him off.”
“You what?”
Captain Spotty looked back at the clown prince on the other side of the pool. He was wondering why the kid had been in such an irritable mood. It wasn’t just because he had to work with impure clowns. It was also because he actually had to work instead of living off his father’s money as he’d done most of his life.
“I told Bozo that it was the only way I’d let him join my crew,” Vinnie said.
“And he actually agreed?”
Spotty watched Jimmy Bozo and his friends hassling Hats Rizzo across the pool. Rizzo was entertaining party guests, removing his layers of oversized hats to reveal an assortment of colorful fruit-based appetizers, cut into the shape of the senator’s head. When Hats wandered too close to the purebred clowns, they taunted him and flicked the appetizers off the top of his hat when he wasn’t looking.
Vinnie said, “I convinced the boss it was the only way to turn a spoiled brat into a reputable clown. He had to have his wealth taken away from him so that he’d be motivated to earn. It’s the only way I could think of to change the guy.”
As Hats Rizzo walked away, Jimmy Bozo tripped him and the clown fell into the pool with a splash so big it hit several party guests. Rizzo’s seven layers off hats fell off and floated on top of the water, along with all the fruit appetizers. The three purebreds laughed at the chubby clown as he swam through the pool. The senator saw it happen and he did not look happy. Jimmy Bozo didn’t care.
Captain Spotty said, “So you really think he’s going to fit in?”
Rizzo pulled himself out of the pool and walked toward Vinnie and Spotty. He was sopping wet, dripping all over the pavement and holding his soggy hats in his hands with a miserable look on his face.
When Rizzo reached Vinnie and Spotty, he said, “I don’t care if he’s the boss’s son. I’m going to kill that little shit.”
“He’ll fit in,” Vinnie said. “Eventually…”
Then Rizzo squeezed water out of his collection of hats, pretending he was wringing Jimmy Bozo’s scrawny little neck.
Chapter 35
“We need to dump the body on the French side of town,” Vinnie said as he drove Jimmy’s clown car into enemy territory. “It has to look like a couple of street clowns took him out. They can’t suspect anything else.”
Jimmy snorted a line of glitter, trying to overwhelm the alcohol in his system with a more powerful drug.
“People are going to see us if we go driving on the French side of town,” Jimmy said. “Let’s just dump the body and get out of here.”
“We’ll take the back roads,” Vinnie said.
The little red car beeped and chugged through the French ghetto, passing hoboes and junkie clowns, unable to avoid their attention. It was obvious Jimmy’s car didn’t belong there. The French side of Little Bigtop was like a completely different place than Bozo territory. Instead of bright reds and yellows, this area of town was colored with the darkest blues and deepest purples. The architecture was surreal, with black-and-white-striped pillars, ornate doorways, and circular windows revealing expressionless mimelike children in eggplant-colored pajamas.
“We should have paid somebody to do this,” Jimmy said, licking glitter from his fingers.
Vinnie shook his head. “That would’ve created a loose end.”
They turned down a darker, less populated road.
“Don’t worry about it,” Vinnie said. “We’ll find a deserted area and drop the body off. We’ll make it look like a mugging. It happens all the time here.”
When they found a quiet enough spot, they pulled over. Vinnie waited outside the car for a few minutes, just to make sure it was all clear. Then he had Jimmy help him move the body and stuff it behind a dumpster.
“So we make it look like a mugging?” Jimmy asked.
Vinnie nodded.
Jimmy took the money out of Pierre’s wallet and tossed it on the ground next to him. Then he kicked the corpse in the chest.
“What are you doing?” Vinnie asked.
Jimmy kicked the corpse again. Blood exploded from its throat.
“Making it look like a mugging,” Jimmy said.
He continued stomping on the body until its ribs were caved in.
“Why would a mugger break his rib cage?”
Jimmy shrugged. “That’s what I’ve always done when I mugged people.”
“Beating somebody to death for fun and then taking their money afterward is not the same as mugging.”
Jimmy wiped the blood from his size 20 shoe. “It is to me.”
“This is why you’re the smallest-earning capo in the family. You’re lazy when it comes to details.”
“Oh yeah?” Jimmy asked, raising his voice. “And you think I’d be the top earner if I were more like you?”
“It wouldn’t hurt.”
Jimmy raised his voice even louder, loud enough to wake the people in the apartments above. “The only reason I don’t earn as much as you is because my crew is small and inexperienced. You have the largest crew in the family. Of course you’re going to bring in more money.”
“Keep it down, all right?” Vinnie said, looking up at the apartment windows above them, making sure none of their lights turned on. “We should get going. We can argue on the way home.”
Jimmy pushed him.
“Fuck you, Blue Nose. I’ll keep it down when you stop talking to me like I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot,” Vinnie said. “You’re a capo. You should act like one.”
“You see what I mean? That’s what pisses me off more than anything. You still treat me like I’m your dumb underling.”
“After you were promoted, your father asked me to continue looking out for you. I’m just respecting his wishes. And I’ll keep looking out for you for as long as you need looking out for, even after your old man retires and you become the new boss.”
“You think I’ll keep you around once I’m boss?”
“Yeah, I do,” Vinnie said. “I believe you’ll make a great boss one day. And a great boss doesn’t get rid of his prime assets.”
Jimmy snickered. “You’re a prime asset?”
“Let’s just go,” Vinnie said.
Vinnie was done arguing. He got into the car and started the engine. Jimmy had to follow him inside so his words could be heard.
Jimmy said, “Fuck that. You’re no prime asset in my book. You’ll be the first thing to go. You can count on that.”
Chapter 36
At the end of the birthday party, Jimmy Bozo was nowhere to be found. He disappeared while the other clowns did their bits for the guests, sneaking off to cause who knew what trouble. Vinnie and his boys tried to be discreet as they searched the senator’s home, but it was obvious to the staff that something was up.
“He’s upstairs,” Rizzo said.
Vinnie followed Hats up to the third floor where he’d heard the drunken laughter of Jimmy and his boys.
“That idiot…,” Vinnie said when he realized the noises were coming from the master bedroom.
When they opened the door, Vinnie and Hats saw the purebreds taking laughy-gas and giggling in a euphoric daze. Tickles was digging through a jewelry box, stuffing diamond necklaces and gold earrings down his baggy polka-dot pants. Spanky was squishing his big red nose into a pair of pink panties he got from the hamper, sniffing deeply. And Jimmy Bozo was sprawled out on the bed, taking long hits of laughy-gas as he counted stacks of money he’d taken from the senator’s safe.
They didn’t even notice Vinnie and Hats enter the room until they heard him say, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Spanky and Tickles froze in place. Just the look on the capo’s face was enough to sober them up. But Jimmy didn’t care. He continued counting the money, giggling in a cloud of laughy-gas vapor.
Vinni
e went to the clown prince and ripped the money out of his hands. “Are you fucking nuts?”
“What?” Jimmy said. “I have to ask you before I rob a guy now?”
“Yes, exactly,” Vinnie said. “You’re a part of my crew. You don’t do squat without clearing it with me first.”
“Fuck you, Blue Nose.”
Hats grabbed the kid by the scruff of his shirt and pulled him to his feet. “That’s your capo you’re talking to, you little shit. Show him the proper respect.”
Jimmy pulled away from Hats. “You’re not paying me for this job so I got to make it worth my time somehow.”
“None of us is making money here,” Vinnie said. “We’re doing this as a favor. The senator’s relationship with the Bozo Family will pay off later on.” Vinnie held up a stack of cash. “Unless you blow it to get a little pocket change.”
“He wouldn’t have found out it was us,” Jimmy said.
“Who do you think he would suspect, his politician friends or the known criminals who continuously disrespected him at his own party?”
Jimmy broke eye contact and sneered at the floor. Vinnie could tell the clown was fighting the urge to throw a punch at him.
Vinnie looked at Spanky and Tickles. “Put everything back.”
The two purebreds didn’t move. They looked at Jimmy, waiting for him to tell them what to do, but he didn’t look back at them.
“Now!” Vinnie demanded. Then the two clowns jumped straight to work, emptying out their pockets and gathering the cash from the bed. “I don’t want there to be a single sign that any of you was ever in here.”
Jimmy didn’t do a thing to help his associates. He just stood there, his cherry-colored eyes glaring at the floor.
“I’m not telling your father about this,” Vinnie said.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s my job to keep my men in line, not his. I respect his time too much for that.”
Jimmy laughed, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe how much of a kiss-ass the capo was.
Vinnie continued, “When you’re in my crew, you’re not the boss’s son anymore. Get used to that idea. You’re my underling. And you’re going to have to start acting like my underling.”
“Or what?”
“Or you’re going to stay a worthless screwup the rest of your life.”
Chapter 37
Jimmy Bozo said he knew a safer way out of the French clown neighborhood. Vinnie should’ve known better than to listen to him. After ten minutes of following Jimmy’s directions, they were lost.
“It’s a couple blocks farther,” Jimmy said. “Just keep going.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Vinnie said.
“Look, I used to date a girl from this side of town. I’ve been here dozens of times before.”
“How long ago was that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe ten years ago. It doesn’t matter. I know what I’m talking about.”
It was true Jimmy had dated a French clown girl ten years back, but that was long before Le Mystère took over the place. The neighborhood had changed a lot since then.
“Well, if we keep going this way we’re going to end up in The Sideshow.”
“We’re not going to end up in The Sideshow. Don’t even joke about something like that.”
“What, are you scared of The Sideshow?”
“Who the hell isn’t scared of that place?”
They went a few more blocks, traveling in silence. Jimmy read every street sign they passed. The look on his face grew increasingly confused. While the clown prince tried to figure out where they were and how to get back home, Vinnie examined the surroundings. Something didn’t feel right to him.
Vinnie pulled over. “We need to stop.”
“What’s wrong?” Jimmy asked.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
Vinnie looked in the rearview mirror.
“I think we’re being followed.”
Jimmy looked behind them. “What are you talking about? There’s not another car on the road.”
“It’s just a feeling. It’s probably nothing.”
Vinnie got out of the car.
“Where are you going?”
“Wait here. I’m going to ask for directions.”
“Are you kidding me? Who the heck asks for directions anymore?”
“I do.”
Vinnie walked a block down to a convenience store on the corner. The lights were on. The sign said OPEN. The hours said it never closed. But the door was locked. He couldn’t see anyone inside.
He knocked three times on the glass and waited for an answer, assuming the clerk was probably in the back taking a nap. But nobody came out. The street was cold and quiet except for the sound of the clown car’s engine rumbling down the block.
Before Vinnie returned to the vehicle, a squeaky sound echoed the streets. It was the sound of a bicycle wheel that needed oiling. Vinnie turned around, but the street was empty. He lit a cotton candy cigarette and headed back to the car. The squeaky sound returned. Vinnie listened carefully. The noise came from behind him, but not at street level. It was above him. Perhaps it was coming out of one of the apartment windows.
The sound followed him all the way back to the car.
“We’ve got company,” Vinnie told the clown in the passenger seat.
Jimmy had dozed off for a moment. He lifted his head and wiped spit from the side of his red face. “Huh?”
Vinnie looked in the rearview mirror. A clown on a unicycle was riding along the telephone wire like a tightrope. He tilted the mirror to see another clown riding a matching unicycle along the edge of an apartment building. They both moved slowly, their wheels squeaking as they pedaled.
“It’s them,” Vinnie said.
“Who?” Jimmy had no idea what he was talking about. He looked back to see the clowns riding above them. They were juggling glass bottles, tossing them back and forth to each other across the street.
“The Juggler Brothers,” Vinnie said.
“What?” Jimmy looked more carefully, wondering if they might be some other pair of identical juggling clowns riding unicycles. “Are you sure it’s them?”
“Somebody must’ve tipped them off.”
The juggling clowns didn’t acknowledge them at all, focusing on their juggling and balance, staring straight ahead as if they were completely unaware of a world below them. They passed them by without even looking at the clown car, squeaking slowly over them. The sound of glass bottles smacking against the palms of their hands echoed through the street.
For a moment, Vinnie wondered if it was just a coincidence that the Juggler Brothers were there. Perhaps they just happened to be out riding in the middle of the night. Or perhaps one of their friends saw the Bozos driving in their territory and called them up. Perhaps the way they rode their unicycles overhead was just their warning to get off their turf. But Vinnie didn’t believe in coincidences.
“Get down!” Vinnie yelled as an explosion of fire erupted on the hood of the clown car.
The clowns on the unicycles weren’t just juggling glass bottles. They were Molotov cocktails. As they passed them back and forth, one of them lit the ends and the other pitched them at the car below.
“Get out of here!” Jimmy cried.
Vinnie hit the gas. Another cocktail shattered on the roof of the car, covering them in flames. They were like a ball of fire racing down the street. The Juggler Brothers followed after.
Chapter 38
Jimmy Bozo was a dangerous clown to be around. Most people in the family steered clear of him. He had the bad habit of getting into trouble and getting people killed. The two clowns who worked under him, Tickles Valentino and Spanky Carbone, had no idea how much they shortened their life spans by joining Jimmy’s crew. It was only a matter of time before they found themselves with bullets in their heads.
It was a few weeks after the incid
ent at the senator’s birthday party when Vinnie paid them a visit. The two clowns lived together in a small apartment a couple of blocks away from Jimmy’s place. It was where Jimmy wanted them to live, so they’d always be nearby if he needed them.
“Blue Nose?” Spanky asked the second he opened the door.
It wasn’t every day that a capo paid a visit to a couple of turks. In fact, it was rare that capos even knew the names of low-ranking clowns like these.
“Is Tickles here with you?” Vinnie asked.
“Yeah, he’s in the back, taking a shi—” Spanky stopped and corrected himself. “I mean, he’s going to the bathroom.”
Vinnie smirked. It was amusing to him how respectful they were when Little Bozo wasn’t around.
“No disrespect, but what do you want with us?” Spanky asked.
“Get Tickles and come with me,” Vinnie said. “I have some things I want to talk to you guys about.”
When the two turks were ready, they followed Vinnie out to the car. Spotty and Hats were standing out there, waiting for them.
“How you kids doing?” Hats asked.
They froze in their tracks when they saw the smile on Hats’s face. They didn’t know what to make of the situation.
Tickles said, “Fine. Just fine…”
“Good to hear,” Hats said, opening the door for the turks.
They hesitated at first, but the two did as they were told. They got into the back of the car with the three higher-ranked clowns. As they drove, Vinnie lit a cotton candy cigarette and offered one to each of them. Spanky took one, but Tickles refused.
“Relax, kid,” Hats said to Tickles when he saw the turk visibly shaking. “We’re just going for a ride. You’ve got nothing to be nervous about.”
Spotty drove them out of the neighborhood to nowhere in particular.
“How do you like working for Jimmy?” Vinnie asked the clowns.
They looked at each other.
“It’s great,” Spanky said.
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