by Chris Taylor
“Unfortunately, Kristy didn’t see it that way. She accused me of having time to spend with my friends, but no time for her and the kids. The more tense things became at home, the more times I’d find myself in a bar.” He shrugged sadly. “It was only a matter of time before things deteriorated to a point where something had to happen.”
“So she punished you by packing up and leaving with your children,” Ava finished.
“Yes, but I don’t blame her. Like I said, it was my fault. I should have talked to her, tried to make her understand. I should have tried harder to share my work life with her. After all, it’s the largest part of my day. While I was never cross or angry with my kids, I wasn’t there for them, either. Not like I should have been.”
His voice hitched with emotion and Ava’s heart clenched tight.
“My dad meant the world to me,” he continued in a husky voice. “I thought he’d hung the moon and the stars. My earliest memories are of my dad with me and Rohan sitting on his knee. He’d tell us stories of the old days, back when he was young. We’d sit for hours on his lap, engrossed in every word. And now he’s gone and there won’t be any more memories. Charlotte only met him twice and Harry—Harry won’t ever remember him.”
He turned to look at Ava and his gaze was tortured. “I don’t want my kids to grow up without memories of me. I’m their dad! I deserve to be part of their lives. I get that I wasn’t ever going to win Father of the Year, but I never abused my kids. I loved them with everything I had! I still do.”
Tears glinted in his eyes and Ava could no longer remain aloof. Setting the notepad and pen aside, she stood and went to him. It was against every ethical rule in the book, but right at that moment, she didn’t give a damn. He was hurting and he needed her help and she was darn well going to give it to him.
Taking a seat beside him, she pulled him into her arms. With his head in her lap, he cried quietly. She stroked his hair with her fingers and urged him to release the pain. He’d bottled it up for way too long. It was time he let it go.
Awhile later, he raised his head, looking embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blubbered all over you like a child.” He sat up and moved away. She immediately felt bereft and then was filled with irritation. This wasn’t about her. It had never been about her. It was about the man she cared for way too much and his struggle back to health.
* * *
“I didn’t tell you about what happened today at the station,” Lachlan said to Ava a little while later, still embarrassed about his outburst. The night was fast closing in, but he hadn’t been able to move from her comfortable couch.
What had he been thinking, falling apart like that? He hadn’t cried since his father’s funeral and that was different than losing it with his therapist over the shitty hand he’d been dealt. So, he’d been doing it tough; he’d lost his wife and kids. That didn’t give him permission to break down like a girl.
All his life, he’d been raised to believe boys were tougher, stronger; able to withstand higher degrees of pain. It was the men who women turned to for strength and endurance, for support when things went wrong. It had been that way for his parents and it had been that way between him and Kristy—at least in the early years. It was only recently, when he discovered he wasn’t as invincible as he thought, that the foundations had begun to crumble.
“I wondered what brought you here for the second time in as many days,” Ava replied and threw him an encouraging smile.
Lachlan cleared his throat and told her about the IA interview and how they’d stood Martin Griffin down.
“Oh, no! He must be devastated!” she replied, bringing her hand up to her mouth. “After everything he’s been through lately with his brother, and now this. How’s he coping?”
Lachlan remained silent. He’d been wondering the same thing. “I suggested he come and see you—for therapy—but he dismissed the idea out of hand. He… He’s going for a promotion. He’s worried any hint that he might not be coping will affect his chances. Of course, the IA thing is going to blow everything out of the water for him, anyway. The investigation’s supposed to be confidential until a decision is reached, but there’s no doubt the people on the job interview panel will know.”
Ava shook her head, looking sad and concerned. “Poor, Martin! I must call Pam and see if there’s anything I can do. Perhaps I could babysit the children one night so they can have some time alone. She must be feeling as bad as he is.”
Lachlan looked at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes. She was a good woman with a kind heart. To reach out to a friend in need was admirable. He wondered if there was something he could do.
The thought had no sooner formed when he remembered that the fair was coming to town. His kids loved going to the annual festival and they’d often gone with Martin and his family. Though his own children weren’t around for this one, he could see if the Griffins wanted to come and take their minds off things for a while.
His gaze slid to Ava. She was writing in her notes. He wondered if she’d be interested in coming along. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of issuing the invitation. Holding on to his courage, he dragged in a deep breath and forged ahead.
“Listen, the fair’s coming to town tomorrow night. Out here in the country, it’s kind of a big deal. People come from all over the district to get together and have a good time. There are displays of farm machinery, livestock; arts and crafts. Cooking and flower displays, crazy rides and at least four different colors of cotton candy. It’s fun. I could ask Martin and Pam if they want to come and they could bring their kids. It could be good for all of them; something to distract them from their troubles.” He risked a glance in Ava’s direction. “What do you think?”
Her smile was soft, her eyes luminous. She pulled off her glasses and nodded. “I think it’s a lovely idea.”
He blushed under her close regard and all of a sudden was at a loss for words. “Would you… Would you like to come with us?”
Her expression grew solemn. “I’m your therapist. I’m not sure that would be appropriate.”
“But you’re also Pam’s friend. You just said you wanted to do something for them and it’s not like a date, or anything.” Another wave of heat crept up his neck and he looked away, praying she wouldn’t notice.
She stared at him thoughtfully. “Just friends, right?”
He nodded emphatically. “Right. Just a group of friends enjoying each other’s company.”
“Right. Because I haven’t forgotten you’re married,” she murmured.
“On paper, perhaps. I think Kristy and I both know it’s been over for quite a while.”
Ava’s eyes flared with some indefinable emotion and he couldn’t help but wonder if his announcement meant something to her. He couldn’t believe how much he wanted it to. Things had started out between them as a passionate fling between two disconnected strangers. They were both seeking something that night and he sure as hell had found it. For those few mindless moments of ecstasy, he’d forgotten the turmoil of his life and had lived only for the pleasure he found with her in his arms.
But now, he’d gotten to know her on a much more personal level. She wasn’t just a sexy-as-hell wedding guest, satisfying a mutual need. She was a real person, warm and kind and giving. She was smart and funny and beautiful. She was everything he wanted.
He wondered if the knowledge would frighten her and then was suddenly impatient to find out. Friends, be damned. He’d never been one for playing games. Besides, he was too old for that kind of shit. He drew in a breath and spoke again.
“I really like you, Ava,” he said, laying it all out bare.
Her expression grew troubled. She slipped on her glasses. “I like you, too, Lachlan,” she admitted quietly and his breath rushed out.
“But,” she held up a hand as if to silence his yelp of elation, “I’m still your therapist and you’re still married. As long as those situations remain as they are, we can never be more than
friends.”
He held her gaze, desperate to make her see. “Before I started coming here, I was convinced I was the reason my marriage had failed. I even told you as much. But thanks to you and the help you’ve given me, I’m now seeing things more clearly. My gradual emotional withdrawal from Kristy was only the catalyst for bringing our marriage to an end. I believe now, it was inevitable. My job didn’t help, but the truth is, we married far too young and we drifted apart. I don’t love her anymore. When the time comes and she serves me with divorce papers, I’ll sign them without a fight.”
To his surprise, Ava’s eyes blazed with emotion. Heightened color reddened her cheeks. She leaned forward in her chair. “Why? Why are you giving up on your marriage? You promised to love her until you parted in death! Didn’t those words mean anything? I’ve come to know you quite well over these past couple of weeks and I never pegged you as a quitter, or a coward.”
Anger stirred low in his gut. “Did you just call me a coward?”
She held his gaze without flinching. “You’re giving up on your marriage. What would you call it?”
His heart thumped and blood rushed through his ears. He couldn’t believe what she was saying. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t love my wife anymore. I haven’t for a very long time. My father once told me the very best thing I could do for my kids was to love their mother with all my heart. And I don’t! I don’t! The way I see it, the best thing for everyone is to call it quits.”
She glared at him. “And what about your children? How will they cope with being raised in a broken home?”
He shook his head, bewildered. “I don’t get it. I thought you just said you liked me, that you wanted to spend time with me.”
“I do.”
“Then why the hell are you pushing me back into Kristy’s arms? Why the hell do you want me to stay married?”
She threw up her hands in frustration. “I’m not saying that. I don’t want you to stay married, but I want you to end it for the right reasons! I want you to be very sure this is what you want. You’ve been through a terrible time emotionally; you still have terrible times to come. I don’t want you to think you can solve your problems by running away from them. Running away never solves anything. Haven’t you learned that much?”
By the time she was finished, her chest was heaving from the force of her emotions. Lachlan stared at her and then with a muttered oath pushed away from the couch.
What the hell? She wanted him to reconcile, to try again?
He strode into the adjoining room and retrieved his coat from the closet. The nights had turned chilly. Winter was on its way. Awkwardly, he did his best to shrug it on. A sharp pain surged down his arm and he grimaced. He’d gotten rid of the sling and was putting on a brave face at work, but every now and then he was reminded the bone was far from healed.
Ava’s mixed messages confused the hell out of him, but deep down, she was right. He needed to reconnect with Kristy, to give his marriage one last chance. He needed to know that if they went their separate ways, he’d given it all he had. He might not be in love with her now, but he had been, in the past. For his kids’ sake, was there a chance he could learn to love her again…?
He turned slowly and faced Ava. She stood just inside the doorway to her office, pale and still.
“You’re right,” he said, “about everything. I’ll call Kristy and see if she’ll meet me somewhere. I need to do what I can to save my marriage.”
With that, he turned back toward the door and let himself out.
* * *
Ava watched him disappear from sight. A sob escaped her tightly compressed lips and she jammed her fist against her mouth in an effort to hold her sorrow in. She’d fallen for him, hard and fast, and yet, she’d all but pushed him away, back to Kristy—back to his wife.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she be happy with the knowledge he liked her, really liked her, and wanted out of his marriage? The fact was, he wasn’t in any position emotionally to be making such life-changing decisions and she didn’t want to be anyone’s rebound relationship.
If she was going to give her heart and soul to him, she needed to know he’d be there for her, for all time: the good times and the bad, the easy and the hard. She needed to be sure he had what it took to commit to a woman for a lifetime.
Okay, so maybe he was right and he and Kristy had married too young, before they even knew who they were. There was a lot of difference between two young people in high school and those same people a decade or so down the track. People changed, grew apart. She knew, better than most, the reasons people gave for filing for divorce, but she wanted to believe the man she gave her heart to would fight for her to the death.
If pushing Lachlan back into the arms of his wife was what had to happen to prove he had the courage and tenacity she needed, then so be it. It sounded like a warped way of dealing with the situation, but it was all she had, despite the fact the very thought of him resurrecting his marriage devastated her.
The first sob was followed by another and then another until she was heaving from the strength of her tears. Stumbling back toward the couch he’d so recently vacated, she collapsed onto it and poured out her heartache and grief. Another old adage came to mind: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.
The wise words pounded gently into her heart. Slowly, softly, they eased her pain and with that, came the faintest flare of hope.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The day of the fair bloomed bright and sunny and boded well for a pleasant evening. Ava hadn’t heard from Lachlan since their last therapy session and wasn’t even sure whether the “non-date” was still happening. Given the way he’d left, she doubted it. That thought filled her with disappointment, but she’d resolved, during the long hours she’d spent tossing and turning in bed before the arrival of the dawn, to stand by what she’d said.
With a sigh, she made a note in the patient file on her desk and then flipped over the page. Her phone beeped with an incoming text and she dug her cell out of her handbag and checked the screen. It was a message from Pam.
The kids r so excited about going 2 the fair 2 night. Lachlan told Martin the 2 of u will meet us there at 6. Can’t wait 2 catch up! Talk soon!
Ava stared at the words and frowned. It took her a moment to comprehend their meaning. Lachlan hadn’t been in contact with her, but it was obvious he’d been in touch with the Griffins. She wondered what it meant that Lachlan still wanted to spend time with her, despite the fact he’d vowed to reconnect with his wife. For once, Ava didn’t have any answers. She’d just have to wait and see.
She glanced at her watch and suppressed a sigh. It was barely midday. She had a whole six hours before the appointed meeting time. At the thought of seeing Lachlan again, a flurry of nerves moved around in her stomach. She frowned. Over the course of their therapy sessions, they’d spent several hours alone. She had no reason to feel jittery.
But this was different. This was a social outing to the fair with friends, under the cover of a blanket of stars. Even when she was a little girl, a trip to the fair had been a time of anticipation and great excitement. She and Alistair and her sisters would talk about the rides they’d go on and the color of the cotton candy they’d eat. They’d dream about toffee apples and soda pop and the anticipation was almost as exciting as the real thing.
Even when she was a teenager, the fair held a special appeal. She could remember being allowed to go one year with her then high school boyfriend, Bernie Atkins, who escorted her there and back. They went on fast rides and she shrieked and screamed as the wind rushed through her hair. Bernie had even stolen a kiss while they’d sat in their carriage, swinging at the very top of the Ferris wheel.
The thought of Lachlan kissing her while they were snuggled on the seats of one of the rides sent another wave of nervous excitement rushing through her. She still meant what she’d said to him the night befo
re, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t hope and dream for more. Then she remembered that if he worked things out with Kristy, she might never feel his arms around her again.
Did she have the courage to give herself another night with him and then let him return to his wife? The thought was quickly followed by a shaft of pain. Was it better to know love, even for a short time, than not to know it at all? She was sure there was an old Stevie Nicks song about something along those lines.
She sighed. The song was right. She’d give herself the gift of one more magical night with Lachlan and then let him go. If he never came back to her, she’d have her memories. If he did, there would be plenty more memories to make.
The phone on her desk trilled, interrupting her thoughts. She reached over and picked up the receiver. “Ava Wolfe.”
“Doctor Wolfe, its Janelle. Your next appointment has arrived.”
“Thank you, Janelle. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Hanging up the phone, Ava let out another little sigh and then determined to get on with her day.
* * *
Butterflies swirled around in Lachlan’s gut as he tucked his long-sleeved, tailored shirt into his jeans. His hair was washed and his teeth were clean and his jaw was freshly shaved. He splashed on some cologne and wondered if Ava liked the way it smelled and then immediately dismissed the thought. She’d made it plain they were only friends and this wasn’t a proper date.
The thought of collecting her from her apartment and taking her to the fair sent another rush of nerves surging through him. He’d never been to her place before. He’d texted her a few hours earlier to confirm arrangements, not at all sure until she’d responded that she was still agreeable to coming along.
He wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d turned him down. He’d declared he was going to try and fix things between him and Kristy. What kind of woman accepted a date with a man who was determined to get back with his wife?
