by Lara Swann
It isn’t until I’m start putting breakfast together that I see the note - lying on the kitchen island with my name on it. In Alistair’s elegant handwriting.
I raise my eyebrows. Love notes aren’t exactly something we’ve ever done for each other, but if he wants to start…hell, I’m not going to complain. I pull it towards me and open the fancy envelope.
Leah,
Yesterday I got to take one of my favorite girls out and spoil her.
Today, let me do the same for my other one.
Come by my office this afternoon and we’ll have a special day, just us.
And don’t kick the babysitter out. I went through twenty to find her.
I’ll be damned if we don’t do this dating thing.
Alistair
I have to cover my mouth with my hand to hold back the laughter. As far as sweet, romantic notes go…I’m not sure he’s quite got the right idea. But as far as actually convincing me to go along with this…yeah, he hit the nail on the head.
“What is it, Mommy?” Maddie is looking at me as I try to stifle the giggles.
I ruffle her hair.
“It’s nothing, baby. Daddy just wants to take Mommy out for a special day - like you had yesterday.”
Another thought occurs to me, as I wonder how I’m going to explain babysitter to her. The only people I’ve ever left her with have been people she’s already known - and I’ve made sure she’s comfortable with them.
I hope to god he told her to get here early.
I don’t care what he says - if she doesn’t meet my standards, this whole thing is off.
“Oh, yes.” Maddie says, nodding.
I crouch down beside her.
“Maddie, sweetie. Daddy has asked a special woman to come and look after you this afternoon.” I start. “While Mommy and Daddy are out together, like you went out with Daddy yesterday. But I’ll be here when you meet her, and I’ll make sure you like her very much—”
“Yes, I know.” She says, with the air of infinite knowledge only my four-year-old can give. I pause.
“Umm…” I cock my head at her, as it occurs to me. “Did Daddy tell you about it yesterday?”
She nods, her familiar head bounce that always makes me think she’s going to hit something.
“He said it was a surprise, so I couldn’t tell you.”
That…clever…something…guy.
“And you’re okay if Mommy goes out later?” I ask.
She nods again, and I laugh to myself.
Okay. He gets points for making this easier for me. So long as she actually likes the babysitter, that is. Otherwise I can see a stream of tantrums to deal with - if I even accept the girl.
For some reason, the idea of getting a babysitter hadn’t even occurred to me. Maybe because I never have, in all these years. Not even because of the money - I just didn’t have the time to think about doing anything else.
But a date…I smile as I get breakfast ready for Maddie.
And as I spend the day entertaining her, the idea of a proper date night with Alistair is all I can think about. My mind drifts to what he’s got planned and where he might want to take me - and how the hell I’m going to cope leaving Maddie with a stranger. Enough so that she starts complaining that I’m not playing her games right, and I have to hurriedly make something up to convince her I’m still fully engaged.
A month ago, I would’ve killed for this kind of time with her, but as much as I’m enjoying it…I can’t help the buzz of thinking of later.
How things change, hmm? And how quickly you get used to it…
I’m right in the middle of lunch when the babysitter arrives. The high-end concierge calls through to the apartment to announce that to me, and I hurrumph a little about it.
Okay, so I wanted her to be early…but hours early? What does Alistair expect - for me to spend hours talking to this woman?!
Then again, she is going to be looking after my kid. For the whole evening. I wonder whether hours is quite long enough for me to learn everything there is to know and fully vet her before I leave her alone with Maddie. And I guess it would give her some time to get to know my girl, too.
I’m still trying to work out whether I’m irritated or pleased with the timing Alistair’s arranged when I open the door - with sandwich spread on my top, my hair sticking up at all ends and the kitchen looking like a war zone. Thank you for that, Maddie. Ah well, this girl should see what it’s actually like around here—
Then I freeze, as I see who is actually standing behind the door.
Wearing an expression somewhere between a beaming smile - and stunned wonder.
I let go of the door. I don’t even invite her in. I can’t say anything.
“Tommy!” Maddie runs screaming towards us, only to be met by an equally exuberant boy running past his Mom’s legs.
They start talking ninety-to-the-dozen and completely put me and Mathilda to shame.
“What…” I start, about a dozen emotions flicking through me at once.
Happiness at finally seeing her again. Stunned disbelief that she’s really here. Confusion. A growing uncertainty of whether to be blown away by what Alistair’s just done - or completely pissed off that he did it without talking to me first.
And a deep insecurity that she’s seeing me like this. In this place. Alistair’s place. Gold-plated apartment and everything.
“Hey Leah.” Mathilda recovers first, the dazed look in her eyes breaking out into a slow smile. “Don’t I get a hug?”
My hand is still on my mouth, my eyes are still bugging out - but at the prompt, I’m suddenly all over her.
My arms wrapping around her and squeezing so tight, as my eyes close and I still can’t say a word - still completely struck speechless. And no idea how to explain…anything.
As it is, as soon as we move back from each other and I have the mental capacity to invite her in and shut the door behind her - she starts off the explaining for me.
“You never came back to Pittsburgh. So I thought I’d come to you.” She grins at me. “Admittedly financed by the absolutely jaw-dropping guy you managed to pick up, but I’m not complaining about that. Especially not when he came in person to deliver the offer. Dear god, woman, you have some explaining to do.”
“He did what?!” It’s the first thing I can get out.
Just what has Alistair been doing on my behalf.
“Uhuh. I’ll tell you if you tell me, girl. This story definitely starts with you.”
I finally let out a reluctant laugh, and then I hug her again. And a quick hug turns into a full-blown embrace - again.
“Oh god, I missed you Mathilda. It sucked when you left Pittsburgh.”
“Enough that you had to leave yourself, huh?” She smiles back at me, then looks around and whistles. “Gotta say though, you did a helluva lot better than me with it. I’m gonna have to find a way to get me some of your luck.”
“Mommy, I’m still hungry!” Maddie interrupts, and I look around at her and Tommy, belatedly remembering what I was doing before.
“Right, yes - coming sweetie.” I call, then glance back to Mathilda. “Sorry, we were just in the middle of lunch. Have you eaten?”
“A little, but we could always eat some more.” She grins at me. “I was told I could have whatever I wanted from the place if I watched your little girl for an evening - which looks to be a damn site more than you ever offered me, girl.”
I grin at her, shaking my head at the teasing, but insanely grateful for it anyway - because every light-hearted little comment tells me that she doesn’t seem to be holding any of this against me.
I get back to the chaos of making lunch with two kids running around, and Mathilda hops up on one of the kitchen island stools - after I insist a good dozen times that she doesn’t need to help.
She looks me up and down as she does, and when I turn back to serve out four sets of sandwiches, I find her grinning.
I raise an eyebrow, and s
he laughs, nodding pointedly to my stained top and no-doubt frazzled appearance.
“Just glad you’re still the same slightly disheveled, real girl I know - even if you’re surrounded by sparkles and diamonds now.”
I laugh, but the comment warms me unexpectedly. It adds a reassuring thought to my unconscious need to work out who I am in the midst of all these swirling, disparate parts of my life. Like, maybe I can be everything at once.
“Thanks, Tilly.” I squeeze her shoulder as I move past, watching as the kids practically inhale the sandwiches from where they’re still talking on the floor.
Usually I’d insist on eating lunch properly - but I’m far too distracted for that today.
By Mathilda being here - and the date with Alistair tonight. I just want to sit down and catch up with Mathilda properly - so I can forgive Maddie and Tommy for wanting the same thing.
“It…means a lot, that you see that.” I say, slightly hesitant. “I wasn’t sure what you’d think, seeing me here. It’s not exactly…well, like it was back in Pittsburgh.”
She gives me a deliberate look. “It sure isn’t, girl. And I want to hear everything. But unless you start making a big thing of it, stuff like this doesn’t change anything for me. Get all pissy and uptight, though…and I’ll be outta here faster than you can start talking about the latest designer trends.”
I laugh again, grinning unexpectedly at the kind of comfort that only comes when you realize - truly realize - that you’ve found someone who’ll stick by you and support you through whatever weird shit might happen to you. Good and bad.
It’s almost exactly the same way I felt when Emma came looking for me after I left New York, and I fight down the sudden wave of sentimentality that wants to overwhelm me.
With Emma, I didn’t know what would happen when my life turned to shit.
With Mathilda…I had no idea what she’d think of the opposite.
“But if you don’t tell me what the something-something happened, then I swear, girl—”
“Okay, okay.” I hold my hands up, fully aware she deserves the full story.
So I spend the afternoon telling her. I start with my college romance, the massive fall out, my discovery that I was pregnant…and my decision that my kid and I would be better off without Alistair. But what I really talk about - is the last few weeks. Everything that’s happened since I came back to New York. And how much I’ve fallen for the guy I never should have left in the first place.
When I’m done, that hint of wonder in her eyes hasn’t faded - if anything, it’s gotten bigger. But it’s overwhelmed by the happiness I see there on my behalf, and I almost feel ashamed that I ever doubted how she’d react.
I still have to ask again, though. Just to make sure.
“So…you really don’t…mind, or anything? That…that I have all of this now? And could’ve had it, all those years we were struggling…”
That still bothers me sometimes, that Maddie could have had this years ago - could have had a Daddy. My conversation with Alistair and his reassurances helped - but there are still echoes of it. And I think it will take a while for me to completely get over.
Mathilda shakes her head slowly.
“Sure, maybe I want to smack you upside the head for not telling him sooner - and for not looking for this sooner, when things were really bad. But, hell, I’ve probably made worse decisions in my life - I’m not going to say anything about how you choose to live yours. And yeah, if I’d run away from a millionaire or something, I sure wouldn’t go around telling people about it.”
I laugh again, then lean in for another hug. I really have missed her.
“I maybe want to smack myself for that, too.” I admit ruefully, then finally ask what I’ve been dying to hear this whole time. “So are you going to tell me what happened, Tilly? What the hell did Alistair do?”
It’s her turn to laugh this time, and she reaches for another chip as we sit with one eye on the kids - who are so absorbed running from toy to toy that they haven’t come to bother us once.
“He showed up on the doorstep of your place and said he was a friend of yours, looking for a favor. He wanted to take you out on a date, but couldn’t find a babysitter for your kid that you’d ever accept.” She pops the chip in her mouth and crunches, shaking her head. “I couldn’t work him out at first, thought it was some kind of scam - he was too well dressed, too posh to be coming round that part of town. But…he did seem to know enough about you, and you’d already said you were getting on well with your baby daddy, so…I asked him a few pointed questions. And yeah, sure enough, it was Maddie’s daddy. After that - well, I sure had nothing better to do than to take the free ride to come see you and Maddie.”
I smile again, though I still wish I could get a play-by-play of that conversation. “Well, I’m glad you did.”
“Me too.” She grins back. “Though once I saw the car…god, and everything else too…yeah, it didn’t take long to work out this guy was loaded. Then I just knew I had to come find you - for an explanation if nothing else.”
“So…” I tilt my head at her, suddenly hesitant again.
Which, apparently, she’s done with.
“Okay, what? C’mon Leah, we never had trouble talking to each other before. Keep getting all careful around me and I’ll think things really have changed.”
“Okay, okay, that’s fair. I just—well, it was okay to talk about life and plans and money and all of that when we basically had none of any of them. But now…I don’t want you to think I’m…I don’t know—”
“Overstepping? Trying to fix all my problems with your endless fortune?” Her eyes flash knowingly, and I can feel my cheeks reddening. “Oh, please do. Think I’m going to turn down a bit of good luck? I’ve been waiting all my life to catch a break.”
“Heh…sorry. You’re right. I’m being stupid.” I shrug. “I was just going to ask what your plans were - whether you’d thought about them, or needed…anything.”
Whether Alistair has already done something else I don’t know about. Which he probably has. Because it’s Alistair.
“You really didn’t put him up to it, huh?” She looks at me, seeming entirely bemused.
Something flutters in my stomach.
“Alistair?” I ask, already knowing the answer. “What’s he done?”
“Well, for the moment…he’s just invited me to come babysit for Maddie tonight. And catch up with you. An offer I couldn’t refuse. Even without the staggering figure he settled on for one night of my time.”
That fluttery feeling gets worse.
“Oh.” I say.
“After tonight? I don’t know. He started talking about room, board and stupid money to stick around here, go on play dates with Maddie, and occasional childcare. I thought it was nonsense - some exaggeration to impress you, maybe, or a spur-of-the-moment idea he’d never follow through on. So I didn’t say anything. But then I saw this place, and…fudge-sticks, Leah, a penthouse in Manhattan?!” She shakes her head. “Obviously, money doesn’t mean anything to this guy anymore.”
“Yeah, you’re right about that.” I snort, but I’m still having mild spasms at the thought of Alistair interfering with my friend’s life like that. “And no, I never put him up to that - or anything. I’m sorry he thought he could just—”
“I might take him up on it.” She interrupts, giving me a long look. “If he’s serious, anyway. Would you mind - if I did?”
I blink in surprise, caught off guard. “No, no of course not. But—”
“But what?” She says, but it’s with a knowing smile. “Sure, he’s your boyfriend. He’s just doing this as a favor. It’s practically charity. I know all that. But I’m not proud - I’ll take it. Can’t deny I thought about it, when he started talking - I mean, who wouldn’t take the invitation to fantasize about money, about a way out? And…with money like that? I could change my life - Tommy could go to a decent school, I could use the time and money to study part time, get
a degree and a real job. I’d be an effing fool not to.”
I look at her, and finally hear what she’s actually saying. And, of course, it makes sense. It’s probably what anyone with half a brain would do.
I just couldn’t see it through my own hesitations - my certainty that Alistair had gone too far, had pushed himself into her life where he shouldn’t have and done something to make things awkward between us.
And I suddenly feel terrible that that wasn’t my first thought. I wanted to help her - I really did. But…I was so caught up in my own discomfort that the idea of using Alistair’s money for it...
Damn.
I reach out and take her hand, the guilt of Alistair appearing out of nowhere on her door suddenly replaced by the fact that I hadn’t. At least not yet. And it would’ve taken me a hell of a lot longer to work it out, too.
“You know I would’ve offered you anything you wanted, if I could, right? If you’d said.” I say. “I just didn’t want to…”
“Trample all over my independence and self-worth?” She raises an eyebrow at me. “Yeah, I think I get it. But I’m not you, Leah - I don’t care. I’ve never worried about stuff like that when it comes to giving my kid - or hell, even myself - a better future.”
I smile wryly as I hear the echo of everything Emma’s been telling me for the last few weeks.
And when she puts it like that…
“I’m kind of an idiot about this stuff, aren’t I?”
She rolls her eyes at me, but there’s affection behind the gesture.
“Yes. But it sounds like you found someone who isn’t going to give you much choice when it comes to that stuff.” She says with an easy grin, and I can’t deny the truth of that. “And, talking of - you shouldn’t be keeping him waiting, either. Not when he went to all this effort just for a date night.”
I blink at that, suddenly remembering why Mathilda is here in the first place - or the alleged reason, anyway. The excitement of earlier over what Alistair has planned comes back full force, and a quick glance at the clock tells me just how much time has passed while I’ve been absorbed in catching up with Mathilda.
