by J. L. Beck
“I’m not a drunken country boy, I’m a drunken playboy,” I sneered, grabbing the bottle back from him. I wasn’t wasted every night because I still had classes to take during the week, but definitely wouldn’t consider myself sober. I had to drink. It was the only thing that kept me away from her.
“Please, don’t tell me this is all still over Gia.” He didn’t so much ask but assumed which pissed me off.
“Why the fuck would you think that?” I countered back as he shrugged his shoulders as if the answer was right in front of me.
“You haven’t drank this hard since your freshman year, on top of that you’re never home and when you are I’ve found you out here or sleeping on the balcony. If it has to do with her, just tell me, bro. I’ll help you out.” His voice was pleading, telling me that even though he had warned me away from her and this was no one’s fault but my own− he still cared how I felt. Something about that made me understand his concern. We were twins after all, and when it came down to it, we channeled one another’s emotions.
Placing the bottle to my lips, I took another swig letting the whiskey burn a path down to my stomach.
“Chance…” my voice trailed off as my mind spaced out while that day hit me full force.
“I know it wasn’t the most ideal situation, but I wanted to say thanks for having my back with my dad.” She stood at the entrance of my room, looking as if she was afraid to approach me. My heart had taken a beating the second I heard her tell her parents I was her boyfriend.
Lies. We would never be anything more than a lie to them when they did find out the truth, and that pissed me off the most. Add in the fact I had been threatened by her very real FBI agent father and I wasn’t looking forward to when the truth did come out.
“I saved your ass.” The words fell from my lips without hesitation. There were a million other things I wanted to tell her, but what I was feeling right now was not the perfect time to say them.
She smiled at me and my breath stilled, she was beautiful. Like a sunset against the ocean.
“I know, and I wanted you to know that it means a lot to me that you went along with it. I just…” She stopped midsentence looking at me with uncertainty. “I don’t want what happened today to happen again. We need to distance ourselves, we need to be…” I couldn’t say I wasn’t angry because I was, but I couldn’t say that I didn’t expect it. We both had vowed to one time, one chance. One moment. That had already turned into two, and if we didn’t distance ourselves now it would turn into three. I wasn’t good at loving someone. I could care for them, take them in and treat them right, but love… love meant something completely different. It meant being blind to another person. To allowing them into all the small parts that make you who you are. It meant secrets being told, feelings being revealed.
“Just friends?” I finished her sentence for her, already knowing what it was that she was going to say. I could see the sadness in her dark eyes and the hesitation that she felt to step away from the pull we had towards one another.
“Yeah, just friends.” Darkness surrounded me in the most surreal way as I watched her look down at the ground and walk away.
“Chase!!!” Chance’s voice brought me back from the memory, and the anxiety on his face told me that I had seriously scared him.
“You know me, just daydreaming.” I lifted my hand to take another drink but realized it must’ve slipped from my hand in my incoherent state.
“Come on and get up. We’re going in the house. This being a loner bullshit is getting old. You have got to get the fuck over this. She’s just a girl,” Chance yelled, and of course it was then that she would make her appearance.
“Who’s just a girl?” Her singsong voice met my ears instantly, making my heart beat a little faster. God, if only I could feel hers beating against mine once more.
I looked up briefly, even though I knew I shouldn’t. She was wearing a pair of insanely short shorts and a tank top that showed her lower belly.
“Oh, no one,” I answered sternly, allowing Chance to help me up.
Gia’s nose snarled up in concern. “I thought I would ask since I heard so much commotion down here.” She seemed slightly hurt that I had acted so rudely, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to feel sad, angry… livid even. After all, that’s how I felt every day that I had to wake up and be in the same house as her.
“If we wanted your help we would’ve asked for it,” I stated nonchalantly as if her concern meant nothing to me.
“He doesn’t mean that.” Chance stepped in, attempting to twist my words around.
“He does.” I corrected him without a care in the world.
Her eyes grew wide and her fists clenched together as she drew them to her side. I had never felt so much satisfaction for pushing someone away before in my life.
“He’s been drinking a lot. You can’t take anything he says right now to heart.” Chance seemed to continue with the excuses, which in turn caused me to burst out in laughter.
“Yes, you can, Gia. For everything a drunk person says while drinking, they truthfully mean to say while sober.” I grinned at her, humor in my voice. I watched her eyes narrow as she barred her teeth between her lips. She was furious, so mad that I could all but see the steam flying from her ears.
Good, I thought.
Chance’s elbow dug into my side painfully, but I continued to smile even as we left her standing down by the pool. I felt nothing, the whiskey having melted away any and all my feelings. I didn’t want to go back to my playboy ways, to the party boy Chase, but I didn’t think I could stay away from her unless I gave her a reason to. She needed to hate me.
“She hates me.” The confession seemed to come out as a whisper, yet Chance heard it, telling me so with a sigh from him.
“Hate is an overused word. I would more so say annoyed. I’m certain she doesn’t understand why you’re distant. Then again, she made you pretend to be her boyfriend so her dad wouldn’t chew her ass out.” I paused mid-step, hearing Chance say it just made it worse.
“Exactly. It’s kind of common sense why I would be distant with her. Not once in my life have I ever been friend zoned by a girl.”
Chance tilted his head at my words before reaching for my belt.
“What the fuck, Chance?” I pushed him away as he laughed.
“I was just going to check and see if you had a pussy since you’re acting like one.” I flipped him off, steadying myself against the brick of the house.
“Let’s go in. I’ll make you something to eat, you can sleep this off, and then I’m hiding all the whiskey in the house from you.” Before I could make my way inside, Taylor was walking through the sliding glass door. I watched as Chance backed up leaving her enough room to slide by. Their eyes collided in a way that fire and ice would, but in the most secretive of ways. Taylor broke the connection first, picking up a light jog as she went to the pool, leaving Chance staring at her until she was out of sight.
“You totally want her.” I laughed, going through the sliding glass doors.
“I might have a slight nagging in the back of my head that says take her and make her yours, but I’m not as dumb as you are. The line was drawn in the sand far before I came along. That and she’s a freshman, and I’m a senior who lucked up and got a TA position. I can’t, nor will I fuck that up.” He seemed composed with his decision, but I knew my brother better than anyone. If a Winchester wanted something− anything, they always went for it, no matter the consequences.
“I was born to break the rules, Chance.” My words slurred, and I realized I truly was drunk off my ass.
“Believe me, I know.” He laughed my comment off, heading towards the kitchen to get me something to eat. I stumbled into the living room, flopping myself onto the leather sofa.
Time seemed to drift in and out, my thoughts circling around Gia as if she wasn’t the one person I thought about all the time.
You seriously could call it a sick obsession, a fascination
, a glorious need to claim her as my own, whatever the fuck you wanted to call it, but I called it hunger, a desire to have her as my own.
“Eat this, and then go to bed.” Chance ordered, placing a sandwich on a plate in my lap. I eyed it, wondering if he had poisoned it. Eventually, hunger got the best of me and I took a bite, eating it all until it was gone.
“Don’t regret being a dick when you wake up in the morning. She shouldn’t have used you and then played that friend card when she got what she wanted,” Chance said as he got up leaving me to myself.
I settled further into the couch, knowing that he was right. I felt used. The same way I had made others feel. It was like a never ending circle for me. I don’t know if God wanted to give me a large dose of karma, or if he felt that waving Gia in front of me was a good idea, but either way I was going to turn into the devil because of her.
She was the one temptation that I wanted more than anything.
“I’m pretty sure he hates me,” I whispered to myself. I wasn’t moaning or crying over Chase. Or the fact that I had done the very thing I knew I would do by telling him to pretend to be my boyfriend.
I had ruined us before we ever began. I knew that he wanted more, hell I wanted more. I craved his body, his touch, his kisses, and the way he moaned my name, but I knew better than to jump ship with him. He was a playboy, one day he would get tired of me and bam, someone new would be brought in replacing me.
Yet, I couldn’t stay away from him. I sat downstairs for hours, watching him sleep knowing that it was the closest I could get to him without him walking away. Sometime in the late hours of the night I headed upstairs, afraid that if I fell asleep down here he would wake up and freak out, but also wondering if he dreamed about me like I did him.
It had been a month since we actually talked, every chance I got to speak to him he blew me off and I understood why, but it didn’t mean that it hurt any less. I wasn’t going to give up, though, I just didn’t know what it was that I could say to him to make him understand. Saying too much gave way to my real feelings, and saying too little didn’t tell him enough.
As I sat at the island in the kitchen pushing my frosted flakes around before class, I realized I needed to say something to him as soon as I could, and by fate he came rushing down the stairs. His hair was wet and all over the place. His body stiff and full of pent up aggression. His eyes zeroed in on me, as he went the long way around to enter the kitchen.
“Morning,” I greeted him and he grunted in return. Not even a smile or a look passed to me. Instead he kept his back to me as he got the items he wanted from the fridge. I stared for a moment before dropping my spoon into my bowl, causing a loud clank to fill the room.
I was so over being ignored and treated like dirt.
Without thought I got up from my seat and made my way over to him, gripping his arm and forcing him to face me. His eyes searched mine before dropping down to where my hand gripped his bicep.
“What is your beef with me? I get that I fucked up with the whole ‘Hey dad, this is my boyfriend’ thing, but what else was I supposed to do?” My question was rushed, and my body was flushed as desires formed in my head. I didn’t want to talk to him. I wanted to touch him. I wanted my body sliding against his.
“You used me for what you needed and then pushed me aside. Yes we fucked, and yes it was nice, but that’s all it was. You used me, and I used you.” He smiled, but it wasn’t sweet. No, it was the smile of the devil.
I shook my head knowing better than to believe his shit story, all the signals he had been giving me for the last month told me otherwise.
“You’re a liar,” I growled, pushing my finger into his chest. He pushed back, cornering me against the counter until my back was pushed against it. I could feel the heat coming off of him, his eyes lingering on my lips.
“I fucked you, Gia. I fucked you long and hard. It was good, by God it was so damn good, and when you screamed my name and your sweet pussy squeezed me tightly it was amazing, but the truth is…” His lips were almost touching mine and I wanted them too. I didn’t even care about what he was saying. My eyes started to drift close, right before he finished.
“You’re the same as all the others. You wanted to use me and you did. We both got what we wanted I suppose, and if you offer it to me again, I’ll take it. I mean that is the playboy in me.” His tongue darted out, and I felt myself pushing him away. His words forcing my happy thoughts away. I knew he didn’t mean it. I could tell in the words he spoke to me, and the fact that he had gone through ten bottles of whiskey in a month.
“You’re such a fucking liar, and that’s how I’ll see you until you are ready to be honest with me.” It took everything in me to walk away, to ignore the fact that I was simply afraid of falling for him in the worst way.
Grabbing my bag and books off the living room sofa, I forced myself to go to my classes. The day dragged on, the only upside being the fact that I finally got my test back that was given the first week in my Advanced Biology class. I guess all the study sessions with Chance and his nagging had paid off because I scored a 98, only getting one answer wrong. Taking a picture of my graded test, I sent it to Chance wondering if we should have a meet up each week just to go over everything I had learned as I made my way to my one elective class.
Women’s Studies.
“I hope everyone’s day is going great. I sent out an email last night letting you all know that I would be giving you an extra two days to work on your papers. Please tell me you all checked your emails?” Professor Winchester smiled at the class and it was in that smile I discovered something I never even realized before this moment.
She was Chase and Chance’s mom.
I don’t know how I never pieced it together in the weeks I had been attending her classes, after all they have the same last name, but it never dawned on me until now, and now it all made sense.
Her dark hair, her eyes that matched Chance’s, the exotic look in her features evident in Chase and Chance as well.
I cast my eyes down towards my paper, pretending to take notes as she wrote on the board. Having her as a professor twice a week was going to make it hard for me to forget about Chase, especially since I knew the connection between the two of them now. Rolling my eyes, I almost growled out loud. As if living with him wasn’t hard enough. The conversation with Chase didn’t help anything either, and now I was feeling worse just from looking at his mom.
Life could always get worse, right?
My phone vibrated in my shorts and I pulled my phone from my pocket, noticing an incoming text from Taylor. The text was simple and straight to the point.
Tay: Ryan Gosling
My hands started to sweat. That was emergency girl code for get your ass to me fast because I need you.
“I’m sure that text message can wait a couple minutes, right Ms. King?” I lifted my eyes to the front of the room where Professor Winchester was addressing me. I could feel my face growing red.
“Of… of course.” I tumbled over my words as if I didn’t know how to talk. She smiled at me, and I returned her smile as I put my phone away.
I waited the next ten minutes out wondering what it was that Taylor needed. We had set up the emergency code in case one of us ever needed one another. The second we were dismissed, I gathered up my things and hauled ass out of the classroom. I moved through the hallway, trying to text Taylor that I was on my way and failed to watch where I was going as I focused on one thing only.
My body collided with another body hard and a hand slid around my waist, squeezing firmly.
“Well hello there… what a lovely surprise.” Simon Masters’ sinful voice filled my head as I shoved his hand away. I had gotten involved with him once and that was enough to show me just how much of an idiot he really was.
“I would say hello, but I need to be on my way, so maybe next time.” I snapped rudely which must’ve amused him because the smile on his face seemed to grow larger.
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��That’s what you said last time.” Simon’s voice was deep and his eyes held danger. He was far from the good boy that my father wanted me to be with. He was a bad boy with a capital B.
“No.” My teeth ground together. “If I recall, I said leave me the fuck alone last time, but since you want to be a bigger douchebag than usual I guess I’m going to have to−” I didn’t get to finish my sentence because a blur startled me from my thoughts as I was shoved back behind a solid body. His stance hostile and ready to throw down as he pushed in between us.
“When a lady says no, she means NO.” I knew that voice. My heart seemed to beat out of my chest at the actual thought of Chase coming to my rescue, and somehow I was slightly pissed that he hadn’t allowed me to fight my own battle.
“Winchester.” Simon sneered, his groupies growing around us. I could tell by the intense glare Chase had in his eyes and the clenching of his jaw that he was ready to fuck Simon’s world up.
“Step. The. Fuck. Off. Or I’ll make you.” I could no longer hear the Chase I knew in his voice. The man before me was an entirely different one. A man on a path of destruction, a man that wanted to show his dominance to another man.
Simon didn’t seem one bit phased by what Chase had to say. In fact, his hand lifted pushing on Chase’s shoulder as if to taunt him into throwing the first punch. I knew I needed to step in because if I didn’t Chase was going to hand Simon his ass, and it would be him that would be disciplined.
Simon Masters always got away with things. They could have proof and he still would walk away unscathed. I guess that’s what happens when your family sits on the board of directors for the university you attend.
Pushing against Chase’s back, I squeezed in between them. There was barely enough room to breathe, let alone push Simon back, but I did. His eyes narrowed in anger, and as he lifted his fist to Chase, I knew that I had put myself in the wrong place. I felt his fist against my cheek before I could even muster a muscle to move. The intensity of the blow forced me off my feet, causing me to land hard against the ground.
