"Don't make assumptions," I replied.
She rolled her eyes and fell silent.
We sat in silence for a long time while our mothers were otherwise occupied. Finally, Ms. Sweeny looked up from the paperwork and smiled sweetly at us.
"If you girls will go and fetch your luggage, we should be finished by the time you've returned. Then I can take you back to the dorms, and help you unpack."
Alice and I nodded and went back to the big circle drive. She took two battered suitcases from the trunk of her car, while I got my suitcase and my mother's old trunk.
"Do you need help with that monstrosity?" Alice asked, nodding toward the trunk.
"No, it has wheels, so it's easy enough to handle. Thank you, though."
"Ok, but I hope you aren't too attached to it. I don't think we'll be able to take it with us when we scale the walls and make our escape."
"I don't plan to escape."
"You will probably love it here. It will be just like summer camp, only with more guilt."
"I just don't have anywhere to go," I said.
"But that's all part of the adventure, isn't it? We should escape and go on the road, looking for America. It will be just like Easy Rider, only with more hot lesbian action."
I ignored her, and began walking back up the pathway.
"Sorry if I offended your delicate sensibilities," she grumbled behind me.
"I'm sorry. I'm simply too tired, right now," I sighed.
We were met at the front door by Ms. Sweeny and our mothers, who helped us with our things. Then we were lead down a long hallway to a pointed arch doorway with a faded plate beside it that read, calefactory.
"This is the common room, where most of our patients spend their free time." Ms. Sweeney opened the door to a spacious room with ornate windows along the back wall. There was a television, several tables and chairs, and an old upright piano in the corner.
"Look, Miranda, you should be able to practice whenever you like," my mother said, pointing at the piano.
"Do you play?" Ms. Sweeny asked me.
I nodded, "Yes."
"That's wonderful. I play a little, myself. I play the organ for chapel on Wednesday and Sunday. Wait until you see the chapel; it's really beautiful."
She led the way through the back door to a walkway under the buttresses which formed the side of a large courtyard. The grass in the courtyard was dead and yellow, and the fountain was empty of water and full of dead leaves, but I could imagine the courtyard as a bright garden in the springtime, with the flower beds full of marigolds and bluebells, and the fountain sparkling merrily in the sunshine. Ms. Sweeny talked animatedly about architecture and history, of times when the fountain ran with water and the garden was tended, as she led us to the right side of the courtyard, where there was a long, narrow building.
"The abbey used to be a mission during the expansion west. Later, the monks who ran the mission turned it into a school. It was expanded a lot, then, and the architecture was made more elaborate and gothic. You can see the earlier simplicity in the cloisters and the chapel."
She opened the first door on the long building and into a long hall lined with doors. The first door was opened, revealing a small cell with only a bed and a desk, and not room for much else.
"This is the dorm room assigned to Miranda. Go ahead and leave your things here, Miranda, we can unpack later. The room next door is the one assigned to Alice."
Both rooms were identical; small, and sparsely furnished. The only difference was that Alice's room had only one door, leading to the hallway, while mine had a second door which led to the courtyard. After we'd stowed our things, Ms. Sweeny took us back out to the courtyard, and up a set of steep, stone steps behind the fountain which lead to the chapel.
The chapel looked to be the oldest part of the abbey. It was small, and made from roughly cut limestone blocks, with a steeple topped with a rough wooden cross. The inside had bare stone floors and rough wooden pews. In the back was a small electric organ. Ms. Sweeny made another speech praising the history of the old church, and passed a few remarks about how inspirational Pastor Smith's sermons were when read there. I would have otherwise found Ms. Sweeny's lecture fascinating, but from the combination of fatigue and sadness, my mind was too languid to pay much attention to her words, and my attention wandered. I barely noticed when she stopped talking and led the way back to the main building.
#
Ms. Sweeny took us back into the office, and spent some time lecturing Alice and me about the rules we were expected to follow. Then, somehow, we were back in the parlor, and Mother and I were left to say our last goodbye.
"I'll talk to you next Sunday, Miranda. Be good. I know you don't want to be here, but follow the rules, and don't make any trouble. The staff is here to help you; please keep that in mind," Mother said.
"Mother, it isn't too late. You can still take me home, and we can forget about this. I'll agree to see any therapist you like, at home. I'll even agree to stop seeing Clara, as long as you're uncomfortable with that. If I stay here, I won't be able to see you or Daddy, I will fall behind in my studies- that might keep me from getting into a good college- and I won't be able to make any progress with the piano. I was just starting to improve under Mr. Boscov. I should be at home, with you and Daddy, and I should be in school. Please, consider that."
"We have considered all of these things, Miranda. We will miss you, but this won't be so different than you going to College, will it? I will talk to you on the phone, and send you care packages. I'm not worried about your schoolwork, because you've always done well. I'm sure you'll keep up with your studies while you're here. You need to be here, Miranda. You need help, and the people here can give it to you. Your father and I love you, Miranda."
My eyes filled with tears, and I looked away, trying to keep myself calm and steady. Mother put her arms around me.
"You'll see, Miranda. This is for the best. Promise me you will be good."
"I will try to do what's right, Mother. That is all I can promise you. I do love you and Daddy."
"Goodbye, Miranda."
"Goodbye."
I watched as Mother turned and walked out of the dark parlor and into the bright sunlight outside. I heaved one shaky sigh to calm myself, and brought my hand to my chest, touching the silver cross which hung around my neck.
When I turned back, the parlor was empty. Alice's mother had already departed, and Alice was nowhere to be seen. I walked alone back to the dormitories, or, more accurately, the cloisters. When I reached my room, I was astounded to find the door was wide open, and Ms. Sweeny was already inside, unpacking my suitcase.
"Hello, Miranda," she said sweetly as I came in, completely unabashed at having been found sifting through my private possessions. "I thought you might like a hand unpacking."
"Thank you," I said, too tired to do anything but keep up the pretense of civility. I knew Ms. Sweeny's real purpose in helping me unpack, and that was to make certain I hadn't brought anything objectionable with me. I hadn't anything to hide, so I stepped inside and let her go through my things, watching her unfold item after item while I took an absurd amount of time to spread the warm, silver and grey comforter I'd brought from home over the bed.
"You have a lot of very cute clothes," she remarked, which I understood to be her approval of the fact that my clothes were modest and followed the guidelines set forth in the rulebook. She carefully unfolded, then re-folded each item and placed them in drawers under the bed. When she came to my books, however, she took the bulk of them away from me, including the collection of Byron's poems that Mark had given me on the previous Christmas.
"We don't believe that reading books with romantic themes like these are good for people in your position. You need to spend your time working on your priorities and values, not yearning after some unrealistic ideal," she explained, gesturing to the pile of books she'd confiscated. I was left with my Latin textbook, Plato's Republic, and Dante's The
Divine Comedy. "Don't worry, though. We have a very large collection of pre-approved books in the library that our students are welcome to read any time they like.
I placed my few books, along with my pens and stationary, on the desk while she went through the rest of my things. She even took my MP3 player and went through all of the songs I'd put on it. Fortunately, she approved of the collection of mostly classical piano music I had downloaded onto it, so she allowed me to keep it. I was left with the impression that, if any other staff member disapproved of any of my remaining things, they'd be removed as well. Ms. Sweeny seemed to expect I would have no objections to the arrangement, however, and smiled cheerfully as she placed my books in a large box and carried them out of the room.
She turned at the door and said to me.
"Dinner is in an hour. I'll leave you to get settled in. There is a folder on your desk which has your daily schedule, along with the rules and some other information. There is a map of the abbey there, as well. Dinner is served in the dining room, in the south wing."
She turned and walked out of the room, and I was finally left alone to indulge my tears.
Chapter 9
Myths
The Devil
I must have cried myself to sleep, because when I opened my eyes to look at my clock, an hour had almost passed. I went to the small mirror that hung on the door, brushed my hair and straightened my clothes, and opened the door to the courtyard. I noted, with some alarm, that the door didn't seem to have a latch like the inside door, and resolved to bar it with the heaviest piece of furniture I had when I returned.
When I stepped outside the courtyard was no longer empty, but instead, several boys were outside playing football. I stood by my door and watched them play a while. As I watched, my interest was captured by a particularly uncoordinated but enthusiastic player who, in spite of his best efforts, continually fumbled the ball as he ran. Soon I was so amused by his antics that I momentarily forgot my troubles. I became so wrapped up in the game that, when the uncoordinated boy scored a touchdown by running between two trees on the far side of the courtyard, I found myself clapping.
The boys looked up at me in surprise, and I stopped clapping, embarrassed. The uncoordinated boy gave me a smile so bright my embarrassment almost disappeared, and ran over to me with the others tiredly trailing behind him.
"Hello," the boy said happily. "My name is James. These are Julian, Chris, and Pete," he gestured vaguely to the boys standing behind him.
"You must be one of the new girls who were supposed to arrive today." he continued. "Are you Alice, or Miranda?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but he cut me off, saying, "You must be Miranda. You look like a Miranda. Doesn't she look like a Miranda?" he asked the boy with curly hair, who was standing to his right.
The boy merely shrugged and reached to shake my hand. "I'm Julian Vogel," he said in a soft voice.
"Miranda Rothschild," I replied. "It’s nice to meet you."
"I knew you were Miranda!" James said smugly as I introduced myself to the others.
"So Miranda, dinner is served at six o'clock sharp around here. Do you know where the dining room is?" James asked.
"No. I have a map in my room," I said.
"You don't need a map. I'll take you. Just let me go wash up, and then we'll go. Promise to wait for me, here?"
I nodded. "I won't move from this spot."
"Well, you can move a little, just don't wander too far. I'll be right back." He said goodbye to the others, who were wandering either to their dorms or to the main building, and then ran across the courtyard to his own dorm.
I was still standing and waiting where James left me when I saw Alice emerge from the exit door of the girl's dormitories. Her eyes were red, as though she'd been crying, and she was frowning at a piece of paper she held. She walked over to me and thrust the paper into my hands.
"This map is completely unreadable," she complained. "It's a blurry photocopy of an old floor plan, and it's written in some sort of ancient language."
"I see what you mean," I said after a few moments of gazing at the map. "You should wait here with me. James said he was going to show me where the dining room is."
"'James' isn't another councilor, is he?" she asked.
"I don't think he is. He's in the boys’ dorms, now."
Alice nodded, and we waited a few more moments in uncomfortable silence before the door to the boy's dorm opened again. James emerged, having changed clothes, smiling and waving enthusiastically.
"I'm glad you waited. I'm sorry I took so long," he said. He turned to Alice and said, "hello, you must be Alice. Even if I hadn't already met Miranda, I'd have been able to guess. You look like an Alice as much as Miranda looks like a Miranda. So, are you guys ready to go?"
"I'm ready to scale the wall and go on an adventure, if you and Miranda are ready," Alice said. "No one else is watching. Now is our chance."
James shook his head bemusedly. "I'm here voluntarily, but even if I weren't, that is a terrible idea. There's no town nearby, and people don't drive this way very often, so hitchhiking would be difficult. It's going to get very cold, tonight, anyway."
"You actually came here of your own free will?" Alice asked.
"Of course I did. Most of us are here because we want to get better," James replied.
"That explains why you look so ridiculously cheerful," Alice said. "At least Miranda has the decency to look miserable."
"Thank you very much," I said sarcastically.
Alice continued her attempts at darkening James's mood, but he kept a cheerful dialogue as we walked to the dining room, which was labeled by another plate that read refectory.
The dining room was a long, high-ceilinged room with two long wooden tables lined with rough wooden benches, which were almost full of students by the time we arrived. James led us to the end of the first table, where Julian and a younger girl with mouse-brown hair sat.
"You met Julian earlier, right Miranda? And this is Grace," he said, gesturing to the brown-haired girl. "These are the new girls, Alice and Miranda."
I said a polite hello and sat at the end of the bench, next to James and across from Alice. The dining room seemed unnaturally quiet, despite the fact that it was currently occupied by a large number of young people, and the fact that every small noise seemed to echo thunderously through the room. The only bits of conversation were being carried out in whispers and low murmurs, but these died down quickly as a tall, lean man at the head of my table stood.
Without instruction, everyone around both tables held hands and bowed their heads, and the man led a quick prayer. Then, another, older man, who had been sitting at the head of the other table, stood and began to speak.
"I hope everyone has had a pleasant Sunday. I have a couple of announcements to make before we eat. First, I'd like to welcome our newcomers, Alice and Miranda," he gestured to the end of the table where we sat. "Let’s all make them feel at home here, and provide them with a safe environment for recovery.
"Also, I've just heard over the radio that we will be getting several inches of snow tonight. If the central heating in the dorms isn't enough to fend off the cold, feel free to make use of the space heaters that are available in your rooms."
Alice seemed to cheer considerably at the news that there would be snow, and when we were dismissed by row to make our way to the back of the dining room to get a tray of food from the kitchens, she followed me, speaking in a friendly manner.
"Doesn't it seem far too early for snow?" she said. "Still, at least the snow is one redeeming thing about this place."
"Won't the snow ruin your escape plans?" I asked.
"Those are already ruined, since I can't find anyone to go with me," she sighed.
We made our way back to the table with our trays. At the table, the conversation regarding the weather was more morose.
"I just know they will cancel our Saturday outing, if the snow doesn't melt by Friday ," Grace wa
s saying.
"You mean they actually let us out, sometimes?" Alice asked.
"Of course," James said. "Every other weekend, we go to the nearby town to go shopping, or watch a movie. This Saturday we're going to go bowling, if the weather allows."
"Sounds positively thrilling," Alice said, rolling her eyes.
"We have to get out and do something, or else we'd go stir-crazy," Grace countered.
"You're already going stir-crazy," Julian noted. "Don't worry about it, though. There's probably only going to be a couple of inches of snow. They won't cancel our outing for that."
"I'll be cold and miserable, anyway. I hate the snow," Grace said obstinately.
"Do you like the snow?" James asked me kindly. I'd been listening to the conversation as I ate, but my eyes were fixed on my tray to convey that I had little intention on joining. James, however, still seemed determined to befriend me, and I couldn't bring myself to be rude to him.
"I love the snow," I said, looking up from my tray and attempting to smile. "I've never lived in a place where it snowed very often. I can never sleep well when it's cold, though."
"You won't sleep very much, here. 'Mary of Misery' makes too much noise," James said, his dark eyes sparkling with mischief.
"Please don't tell them that story. I'll have nightmares," Grace said.
"Yeah, it's their first night here, James. Let them have one night of peace before you scare them out of their wits," Julian added.
"I have to hear the story, now," Alice said. "I love scary stories, especially the kind that give me nightmares."
"What about you, Miranda," James asked me.
"It doesn't matter if you scare me. I won't sleep tonight, anyway," I said, shrugging.
"That settles it," James said gleefully. "Keep in mind; we did warn you.
"When this place was still a mission, over 150 years ago, there was a nun named Sister Mary."
"In the version I heard, Mary was a student here when it was a boarding school," Grace interrupted. "That was less than 100 years ago."
Mephisto Waltz Page 17
