She put the cup down again and closed her eyes. She seemed to be steeling herself for an arduous task. When she opened her eyes, again, there was a gleam of determination.
“Amber wasn’t around, like she normally is when we’re together. He took me to the beach, and sat with his arm around me for a long time. Then he said he wanted me to kiss him. He didn’t try to kiss me, himself, but was insistent that I be the first to initiate a kiss. He subtly reminded me that he had the power to ruin the lives of 2 people I care about, and then-“
She stopped speaking, tears spilling from her eyes. I reached out to grab her hand once more, and this time she did not resist.
“I did it,” she sobbed, clinging to my hand like a lifeline. “Afterward, he just smiled at me and said, ‘you see, I’m not doing anything to you that you don’t already want.’” She broke down, then and put her head on the table and the sobs continued. I put both of my arms around her and held her until the cries ebbed away. Then she sat up and returned my embrace.
We held each other, silently, for a long time. I was filled with conflicting emotions. My anger toward David, for manipulating and harming Clara, burned like a white-hot brand in my chest. Somehow, though, I also felt joy. Clara was in my arms again, and my homecoming was finally complete.
“I’ve been waiting for this,” I said aloud, before I could censor myself.
“So have I,” she replied shakily.
“I didn’t mean your crying, of course,” I clarified.
“I know,” she laughed, and pulled away, wiping her eyes. “I realize that you don’t believe that guilt is worthwhile, but the guilt I felt after I kissed David, combined with the guilt I’d felt over how I’d been treating my friends, showed me that giving in to David’s demands was not the right thing to do. I realized that I should have told someone I trusted immediately, instead of giving in to blackmail. I had thought that as long as no one else was hurt, I could sacrifice myself to save my sister and my friend. I was naïve to think I would be the only one hurt by my decision.”
“You aren’t an acceptable sacrifice, anyway,” I said. “It’s wrong that you should suffer, and David should gain everything he wants. We need to fight him.”
“I wish I could fight him, but how can I, without putting Chad or Giselle in danger?”
I put my hand to my head, and thought. “We need to find a way to destroy those pictures.”
“He’s very careful with them. He doesn’t have a copy on his computer, in case anyone tries to implicate him. The only copy is on his camera’s memory stick, and he’s hidden that very well.”
“We need an ally,” I said. “We need to get someone who he thinks he can trust to help us find it. Is there any way we could get Amber to betray him?”
“Amber is completely under his thumb. You should see the way he orders her around, and she’ll do whatever he says. Plus, she’s too unpredictable for us to be able to trust.”
I nodded. “We need some more time to think about this. Do you think that you could feign illness for a couple of days, as an excuse to avoid David?”
“I’ve been sleep-deprived and I’ve lost weight. I’m pretty sure I could convince people that I’m ill,” she agreed.
“Good. We need an excuse to keep you away from David until we are able to get those photos.”
Mother came into the room, then, looking worried. “Clara, I’m afraid the storm isn’t letting up at all, and some of the roads are flooded. You’re more than welcome to stay the night in our guest room.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Rothschild. I should go call my mother, and tell her where I am,” Clara said.
“Have the two of you made up?” Mother asked when Clara had left the room.
“Things are complicated, right now,” I said evasively.
Mother poured herself a cup of tea, a thoughtful expression on her face.
“There’s a potluck brunch after church, tomorrow,” she said. “The youth choir is giving a small concert, too. Your friend, Amber, is singing a solo. You should invite Clara to come with us.”
I was shocked. “Mother, are you trying to get us back together?”
Mother smiled sadly as she sipped her tea. “Well, Miranda, you’ve improved a lot since you’ve come home, but I can tell you’re still unhappy. I want the old Miranda back.”
#
When Clara finished her call, Mother helped her settle into the guest bedroom, and I retired to my own room. Trying to sleep was utterly futile, so I sat on my window seat, and gazed out into the night while I pondered Clara’s predicament. My thoughts were muddled and incoherent, though, and I knew the only way I could order them again was to sleep. I stood and grabbed the first book I saw on my desk, my beloved volume of Byron’s poetry, and began to read.
The tone of the poetry was too dark, however, to be soothing to my mind or help me sleep, so I put the book on my night table and closed my eyes. I could not empty my mind, though.
“I wish I knew what to do,” I said aloud. “I know I can’t have all the answers, but I’d settle for a hint.”
I gave up and grabbed my book again, this time turning to the title page, in hopes of finding some comfort in the words Mark had written there.
To Alice,
I’m sorry for all of the trouble I’ve caused you. I’ll always love you, no matter what. Please forgive me. I miss you.
Your brother,
David.
I rubbed my eyes, certain that the late hour, combined with my agitated state of mind, was causing me to read the words incorrectly, but my vision proved to be clear, and the words stayed, unchanging.
As I read through the inscription a second time, I remembered that the book Alice had received at Christmas had been identical to mine, and I realized that after our books had both been confiscated, they must have been switched by mistake. My mind took a second to process the implications of what I’d read, then I jumped up, clutching the book, and ran down the hall into the guest room.
Clara opened the door as soon as I knocked, awake but startled by my excited arrival.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” I said. “I need to ask you a couple of questions.”
She nodded and stepped away from the door to let me inside.
“Does David have a sister?” I asked, sitting on a chair by the bed.
She seemed taken aback by the question. “As a matter of fact, he does have a half-sister, though I’ve never met her.”
I handed her the book, open to the title page. “Is this David’s handwriting?” I asked.
“Yes, it is. Where did you get this?”
“I got it by accident. Alice has my book. I know her- she can help us. She’s just come to live with David, and she’s absolutely trustworthy.”
“Are you sure?” she asked skeptically.
“Of course I am. She’s the one who contacted my parents when I became sick, and made certain I got help, at great personal risk.”
“Call her,” Clara said without hesitation.
I went to my room to get my phone, and when I returned I called Alice, putting the phone on speaker.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Alice,” I said. “I’m sorry for calling so late, but I have a huge favor to ask you.”
“You’re lucky. I was already awake. Prodigal Ministries left me with a raging case of insomnia,” Alice said lightheartedly. “How can I help?”
“Is your brother David Andersen, by any chance?” I asked.
There was a second of silence, and then I heard a sigh. “What’s he done, now?” she asked.
“He’s blackmailing Clara,” I said.
“Blackmail…nice. That’s a new one for him, as far as I know, but I can’t say I’m surprised. He can be a manipulative bastard.”
“Listen, I would appreciate it if you could look for something- a memory stick belonging to a camera. Clara’s here, she could describe it to you.”
“I only saw it once,” Clara said, “It’s just a blue memory sti
ck. It looks pretty ordinary.”
“I’ve seen it,” Alice said unexpectedly. “Yesterday, when he thought I wasn’t around, I saw him give it to a friend of his, Amber. He told her to keep it hidden. I thought that seemed strange, which is why I remember.”
“Wonderful, Amber has it, after all,” I said. “I’m back to plan A.”
“If Amber has it, I can get it back,” Alice said.
“Are you sure?” I asked. I felt as skeptical as Clara looked.
“Of course,” Alice said confidently. “Are you sure it’s the only copy of- whatever it is?”
“We’re pretty sure it is. David doesn’t want it found or linked to him in any way. The only person he can trust to go along with something like this is Amber,” Clara said.
“That’s his fatal mistake,” Alice said.
#
The next morning, I sat in the front row in church, listening to the youth choir. Their voices were as bright and clear as the early spring sunlight which filtered in through the stained glass windows. I sat between my parents as I listened. Two rows behind, Clara sat bravely beside David. I’d driven her home as early that morning, as soon as David had called her on her cell phone, demanding that she accompany him to watch Amber sing. Soon afterward, Alice had called, assuring me that she’d been successful in convincing Amber to help us.
My father bent down and whispered in my ear. “Clara and that nice Andersen boy are sitting two rows back, and I’m sure I saw Alice around here, somewhere. You don’t have to sit with us old folk,” he said.
“I like sitting with you,” I whispered back. “I’ll catch up with my friends, later.”
Daddy smiled and patted my arm, and turned back to listen to the music.
Amber came down from the choir rafters, and walked to the microphone. I searched her face for any sign of the usual clash of conscience to indicate her recent betrayal of David, but I didn’t see any. In fact, her face shone with a peace and confidence I’d never seen there, before. My stomach twisted nervously, and I feared something had gone wrong.
Amber sang more beautifully than I’d ever heard her sing, and when the last pure notes still rang through the air, the congregation broke out in enthusiastic applause. She acknowledged this only with a slight nod, and stepped back into the chorus, holding hands with her fellows as the congregation sang the closing hymn.
Afterward, I hung back as the rest of the congregation filed out of the sanctuary to go to the fellowship hall. Soon, Amber and I were the only ones left.
“It’s a beautiful morning, isn’t it?” she asked.
I agreed. “You seem better than the last time I saw you.”
”I feel better,” Amber said, “and I owe you a debt of thanks.”
“Why?” I asked.
Before she could answer, Alice walked back into the sanctuary from the fellowship hall.
“Clara and David are on their way,” she said. “I think David expects to get lucky- here of all places. He’s in for a nasty surprise, isn’t he?”
The doors opened once more, and Clara walked in, followed closely by David. Clara smiled at me, and winked, but David grabbed her hand and smiled smugly at me, then turned to Alice.
“I’m glad you’ve decided to show some interest in attending church, Alice, but you should have chosen another one. This one is too full of temptation,” he said.
Alice smiled at her brother’s disapproval. “I’m afraid that temptation is only part of the reason I’m here. I’m also here as a favor to my friend, Miranda.”
He looked from Alice to myself, then focused his fierce, black gaze on Amber.
“What’s going on?” he asked sternly.
Amber flinched, then squared her shoulders and looked into David’s eyes.
“I had an epiphany last night, David, and I want to tell you about it. You see, Alice called me last night, and we had a very nice talk. We talked about our past, and we talked about the things we’ve both been through since then, and I learned a lot. I learned that no one has any special knowledge of God, or any special insight into the nature of good and evil that I wouldn’t be able to gain for myself. We’re all given a conscience, and a brain to figure out right and wrong for ourselves, and if we give up either, we’re vulnerable to being led to do terrible things.”
“This is interesting, and all, but I’ve already sat through one sermon, today,” David said, narrowing his eyes.
“Don’t worry, I have a point,” Amber said, stepping down from the choir risers and into the patch of light cast by the stained-glass window of the cross. She turned to smile at Alice, and then turned back to David.
“Thinking for myself is a new thing, so I’m starting slowly and simply. I think that we can all agree that it’s good to help people, and bad to hurt people.”
“Of course,” sighed David, as Amber seemed to expect an answer.
“I’ve been helping you, recently, which is good, but together we’ve been hurting Clara, which is bad. Plus, us hurting Clara is hurting Miranda, which is also bad.” She closed her eyes, and began to count on her fingers, as though solving a complex math problem.
“We hurt Miranda in another way, too, by getting my parents to convince hers to send her to the Prodigal Ministries school. Plus, you had Alice sent away, too. Even though I didn’t know about that, I still feel a little bit responsible.”
“You aren’t,” Alice said.
“Amber, I’ve explained this to you before,” David said gently, as if he were speaking to a child. “This may hurt them now, but in the long run, they’ll be much happier.”
“No, they won’t. They’ll be miserable, just like me. You’ve seen how happy Clara and Miranda are together. If you really love Clara, you’ll want her to be happy. That’s why I hope you aren’t mad at me, because of what I did.”
She reached into her pocket, and pulled out a handful of broken blue plastic and metal, and poured it into Alice’s waiting hands.
“I yielded to unnatural temptation, and because of this, we are both damned.” Amber said to Alice with a knowing smile.
Clara wrenched her hand away from David’s then, and ran to me. I took her in my arms, and we both started laughing.
David stood alone where Clara had left him, his face red with fury. He seemed about to speak, or shout, but I interrupted him.
“You’re Laurel, aren’t you,” I said to Amber.
“Laurel is my middle name,” she said. “I’m the one who sent you the card. My conscience has been bothering me ever since I found out that Alice was sent to Prodigal Ministries, too. I have you to thank for telling me, on Thursday. How did you figure out that I was Laurel?”
“That’s my fault,” Alice said. “I told her about you, but I used your middle name. I knew that you wanted to keep your time at Prodigal Ministries a secret, and I thought you might know each other. Plus, I always thought the name Laurel suited you so much better than Amber.”
“Wait, so Amber was sent to Prodigal Ministries?” Clara asked, her voice filled with surprise.
“Do you remember the fall of our freshman year, when I told everyone I was going to visit my older sister in Austin? Well, I was really in reparative therapy. My parents sent me, after David told them about my relationship with Alice. What happened to me there didn’t make me a better person. I lost myself.”
David, who’d been standing by, fuming silently, finally spoke.
“Amber, do you want your mother to find out that you’ve been speaking with Alice?” he warned. “She’ll put you back in therapy, you know.”
Amber paled, but Alice merely laughed.
“Go ahead. While you’re at it, you can explain why Amber’s been speaking to me.”
“My sister, my best friend, and the woman I love- this is like a disease, and I know who’s to blame,” David growled. He turned to me. “I hope you’re happy, Miranda. This is ultimately your fault.”
“I just got here this summer,” I reminded him. “Why does every
one seem to think I’m responsible for spreading some insidious, gay disease?”
“It doesn’t matter that you’ve just arrived,” David said. “Everything was getting better, until you returned. I swear to God, I will pay you back for this. You’ll be sorry you were ever born.”
“No, she won’t,” Alice said. “If you do anything to her, I will ruin your reputation.”
He scoffed. “You don’t have anything on me.”
“How about my very existence? If you do anything to hurt Miranda, I’ll tell everyone about your poor, illegitimate half-sister- the product of an affair between your eminent doctor father and a poor call-girl.”
“You would really do that to me? I’m the only person who’s ever cared about you. I’m the one who protects you from my Mother. Why would you do such a thing?”
“I don’t want to,” Alice said softly, “But if I have to, I will.
David didn’t get angry, or yell, or threaten revenge. His expression softened for a moment, and I could almost see the loving, older brother Alice had spoken of to me. But, almost as soon as then tenderness crossed his face, he’d set his jaw, turned his back, and left the church.
#
A happy understanding passed between Clara and me. We took each other’s hand and went to the luncheon together. There we sat, ate, and talked together, and it felt as though we’d never been separated.
Afterward, we went for a walk through the adjoining playground. We saw Alice and ‘Laurel’ sitting and talking quietly together by the swing set, so we turned our steps away from them and walked down a narrow path through scrub that led to the beach.
“Do you think that Amber’s changed, or do you think she’ll go back to her old self?” Clara asked as we walked.
“Alice said that the time Amber spent at the abbey changed her completely, and I’m not sure if she will ever be the ‘Laurel’ that Alice knew, again. I don’t think anyone can come out of the abbey unscathed,” I said.
Mephisto Waltz Page 29
