by Sky Corgan
I waited for him to say something else, but he simply turned back around and continued working as if I had already left the room. That's it? I should be with my family. Is that seriously all he has to say about it?
Anxiety turned into anger into depression. I wanted to discuss the subject further, but I was too upset—too hurt. With slumped shoulders, I returned to my room to lie on my bed, sulk, and think about everything.
I should be with my family. Is he right? Is that the right thing to do, to move back in with Tammy? Now that she's moving to Arizona, I really don't have much of an excuse to stay with Dominick anymore. Besides, I distract him from his work. It would probably be better for him if I moved out.
For as much as I told myself those things though, I didn't believe them. Dominick needed me. I cooked and cleaned for him. Up until the point that I moved in, who knew how long it had been since he'd had a home-cooked meal. Besides, we loved each other. Why shouldn't we live together?
The next morning at breakfast, I decided to revisit the subject.
“Tammy and Marcus are coming down this weekend to look at houses. They want me to go with them,” I said as I slid a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Dominick and then sat across from him with my own breakfast.
He seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. His dark hair was more tousled than normal, and he was wearing a scowl that made me think it would probably be better to eat in silence. Still, his words from the night before nagged at me, and I knew that if I didn't talk about it now, it would bother me all day.
“That should be fun for you. I've always found house shopping to be fun. Actually buying a house is a different story though,” Dominick replied thoughtfully.
“I suppose it will be.” I poked at my eggs. “I guess you'll have to get used to eating out every day again once I move.”
“I guess I will.”
“Of course, that's really not very healthy.”
“No, it's not.”
“Breakfast isn't so bad. I mean, you could still eat cereal. That's pretty healthy. The other meals will be harder.”
He grunted in reply.
“I could make up some food before I leave and freeze it for you. That way, all you'll have to do is microwave it.” I desperately grasped for anything that would make him talk to me about the move, anything that might make him ask me to stay. Dominick didn't seem interested in the conversation though—didn't seem to care, and that hurt worst of all. Didn't it bother him that I was going to be leaving? “When that runs out, I suppose I could make you care packs. You might starve to death otherwise.”
“I won't starve to death. I promise. Whether you believe it or not, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
“I know.” I frowned. “I just want to make things easier for you.”
“You always have made things easier for me, Kim.” He smiled at me then, and it was all I could do not to break down crying. As quickly as I could, I grabbed my plate and hurried it to the sink, refusing to let him see me in such an emotional state. If he was happy that I was moving out, I didn't want to ruin it by making him feel guilty. I stood over the sink, fighting back tears. Instead of coming to soothe me, Dominick retreated to his office. Almost the second he was out of sight, I let loose with the tears, sniffling as I did the dishes before it was time to leave for school.
I was a depressed wreck for most of the day, moping around from class to class. Victor was surprisingly sympathetic. He offered for me to move in with him again, and again, I declined.
I left my tears at school, sucking them up for when I went home and had to pretend I was happy to be moving. It was what needed to be done though. There was no getting around it. Dominick was perfectly content with the idea of me moving, and so I would pretend to be to, for the sake of our relationship.
It wasn't like the scenario with Melinda. We weren't going to be over because I moved out. We were just going to be farther apart. Maybe we wouldn't see each other as much. Perhaps we'd have to hide our relationship from my sister for a while, but we would still be together. It wasn't the end of the world.
The weekend came, and I waited nervously on the loveseat in the living room for Tammy and Marcus to come pick me up to go house shopping. Dominick stayed in his office, though I knew he would come out when they arrived. I was more nervous about him seeing my sister and Marcus than I was about anything else. Would they be able to tell that something was going on between us? Would Dominick look at Marcus with disdain? This would be the first time Dominick had seen him since the wedding. Would he still be thinking about how he had lost my sister? I hoped not, but I couldn't help but consider it.
The doorbell rang, and I jumped about half a foot in the air, as if I hadn't expected it. I had just been so lost in thought that I was distracted. I quickly climbed to my feet and smoothed the front of my skirt, waiting for Dominick to come out of his office before we went to open the door together.
Tammy and Marcus looked like the perfect couple, smiling and excited to see me.
“Hey you!” they said together, taking turns embracing me. Then Tammy hugged Dominick, and the two guys shook hands. It was a pleasant exchange, filled with happy sentiment.
“I bet you can't wait for us to get this one out of your hair,” Tammy said to Dominick, and I cringed internally.
He looked upon her with the same adoration he always had, and I felt tendrils of jealousy snake through me as they addressed each other. Even though he told me he was completely over her, I still had a hard time believing it when I saw them together like this.
“She hasn't been a trouble at all,” Dominick told her.
“On the contrary,” I chimed in. “I'm quite helpful. I cook and clean for him.”
“Making my little sister into your own personal servant, huh?” she teased him.
“I promise, I've done no such thing.” He grinned warmly.
“Well, I'm going to have to borrow your servant for the day. We won't be out too late. I think the last showing is at four. We're going to have dinner after that, but I'll have her back afterward.”
“You guys have a lovely time.”
“Bye, Dom.” I waved awkwardly at him as we walked away, trying to play the part of friend instead of lover. It was strange thinking of us in that way. If Tammy only knew what our relationship really was.
We made idle chat on the way to the first house. Tammy asked how school was going, and if I'd met any new boys lately. Then she went on about how much I'd grown since she'd last seen me, as if I was some kid who sprouted up an inch every time she turned around. In all honesty, I didn't think I had changed at all.
The first house we looked at was ridiculously huge, a five bedroom, three bathroom, two-story home with over three thousand square feet. This was the kind of house I had expected Dominick to live in, with all stainless steel appliances, a kitchen island, all wood and tile floors, and a big back yard. From the street, it looked more like a small mansion than a house.
“Holy hell, how many kids are you guys planning to have?” I asked.
“It's a gorgeous house, but a bit much,” Tammy said as we walked upstairs into a room that was easily big enough to fit three of my bedrooms from Dominick's condo.
“I love it,” Marcus commented as he wrapped his arms around my sister and kissed the side of her head.
“You would. Just think of how long it would take me to clean this thing though,” she told him.
“That's what hired help is for.”
“Oh, yeah, even more money out the window on stuff we don't need.”
“Kim cleans for Dominick. We could just hire her. You'd work for cheap, wouldn't you Kim?” He let go of my sister and tapped me playfully on the shoulder before going to inspect the upstairs bathroom, which was less impressive than the massive downstairs bathroom but still incredibly nice in its own right.
Tammy gave me an earnest look. “He doesn't mean it. We wouldn't make you clean. Well, I mean, you would hav
e to help me with the cleaning, but you know what I mean.”
“I wouldn't even want to clean something like this.” I looked around, thinking of how many hours it would take. Even with Tammy and I both on the job, it would probably be an all day event, if not longer.
After they met with the realtor, we went to lunch at a fast food restaurant and then headed over to option number two. The second house was far less pretentious, though it was still a five bedroom, three bath. The rooms were smaller, but the kitchen was bigger, and the backyard was about three times the size of the one at the first house and perfectly landscaped. There were palm trees and a nice stone walkway that led to a cozy seating area and a pool.
“It looks better than it did in the picture,” Marcus told us.
“It's still huge,” Tammy complained.
“Not as big as the first one,” I commented.
“I liked the outside of the first one better,” Marcus said.
“This one has a nicer yard, but it needs more trees. There's no shade back here. Who wants to sit out beneath the hot Arizona sun on a summer day?” Tammy eyed the seating area, which was positioned in a place with no coverage.
“A canopy could fix that.”
“Or we could plant more trees.”
“A canopy would be less messy.”
“Whatever you say, dear.” She touched his arm affectionately, then rolled her eyes in my direction. I couldn't help but grin at them.
“What do you think, Kim?” Marcus asked me.
“Hey.” I threw my arms up. “This is totally a you guys thing. I'm just along for the ride.”
“We brought you along for your opinion, silly girl. You'll be living here too.”
The reminder made my heart sink.
“Well,” I took a deep breath. “The pool would be a lot to maintain, but the house would be easier to clean since the rooms are smaller. The yard is better for kids though, I think. You'd probably want to fence in the pool.”
“The pool makes this an iffy one for me.” Tammy gave the pool an unpleasant look. “I doubt you'd have time to clean it.”
“I'd have time to clean it,” Marcus insisted.
“You say that now,” she paused. “Well, there's no point in arguing over it. We still have one more house to look at, then we can go to dinner and discuss it.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Marcus spoke with the realtor for a while longer, and then we were whisked away to the third and final option. House number three had fewer rooms but more space. It was a three bedroom, three bathroom, with a tiny backyard and an equally small pool. It didn't take much walking around to realize that none of us were impressed. From the outside, it looked like a mini-mansion, but there were a lot of poor design choices once you got on the inside. The kitchen was small, there were tons of built in shelving that took up an unnecessary amount of space, and two of the rooms had been wallpapered with this hideous green clover pattern.
“No,” Tammy said firmly, and we couldn't help but agree with her.
“Well, I guess it's between option one and option two then,” Marcus said as we loaded back up into the rental car to go to dinner.
“I still don't understand why you picked out houses that are so big. Do we really need all that room?” Tammy asked him.
“A big house for a big family,” he said with a smile.
A big house for a big family. I tried to imagine what it would be like living with them a few years down the road. One of the bedrooms would be mine, probably one of the smaller ones. Two of the other rooms would be for the kids. One would be Tammy and Marcus's bedroom, and another would be their office/work out room/whatever else they planned to use it for. That's what I pictured, at least. The thought of integrating myself into their family just seemed odd and imposing. I felt much more comfortable staying with Dominick. Part of me wanted to bring that up, but I didn't want to hurt Tammy's feelings, and it seemed like Dominick couldn't wait to get rid of me. I would get through this, somehow.
I picked at my food while the two of them argued over which house they liked better. It made no difference to me which one they chose, really. It wasn't going to be my house anyway. I'd just be living there.
“I don't like that pool,” Tammy grumbled into her salad.
“Well if you don't like the pool, then we'll go with the bigger house,” Marcus told her.
“I don't like the bigger house either.”
“Why not?”
“Because it's bigger.”
“I already told you we can hire someone to come clean.”
“And I already told you that's money better used for something else. I don't understand why you didn't pick out a few smaller houses for us to look at.”
“Because I thought you only wanted the best.”
“I do want the best for us. The best doesn't always have to be the biggest though.”
He sighed, “Do you want to get online and see if we can't check out a few more houses tomorrow?”
“No. We don't have time for that. I just want to pick something and get moved as soon as possible.”
“Then, it's going to be one or the other.”
“Let me think about it tonight. I can't decide right now.” She turned her attention to me. “I bet you can't wait to move.”
“I'm not in that big of a hurry,” I admitted.
“Are you and Dominick doing alright?”
It seemed like such a strange question to ask, as if she was referring to a romantic relationship instead of our friendship. I knew that wasn't the case though.
“We're fine. We have a routine down that works for us.”
“I know you were having issues with him for a while.”
“We have our ups and downs, just like any other roommates do, and it was admittedly hard adjusting to living with him for a while, but everything worked out in the end.”
“It did, because soon you won't have to live with him anymore.” She nodded happily.
“Yeah,” I replied hesitantly.
“I know things have been hard for you. Dominick's probably not the easiest person to live with. But don't worry. Things will be better when you move in with us. You can relax and go out with your friends whenever you want, and we can be a family again.”
“It's really not as bad as you're making it out to be,” I insisted. “Dominick stays in his office all the time, so most days, it's like he's not even there. Maybe I have to work a bit harder than I did when I was at home, cooking and cleaning and what not, but that's only because I owe Dominick for being so good to me, for being so good to both of us. I mean, if I had gotten an apartment, think of all the money you would have been out. He's really done us both a big favor, again. He's selfless and kind. Sure, he gets grumpy from time to time, but who doesn't. And I can understand him not wanting me to bring people over. He has a lot to protect. It's really not that big of an inconvenience to me. Besides, he's really loosened up on letting me go out with friends.”
When I looked up, both Marcus and Tammy were staring at me. Instantly, I cowered, feeling embarrassed about my gushing, though I wasn't sure why. It was the truth. Perhaps I had made them feel guilty, or more so Tammy, who was well aware of Dominick's generous nature, though she lacked the sense of obligation to pay him back for it.
“But he's not your family,” she said finally, and that was the end of the conversation.
We spent the rest of the meal in awkward silence, as if my words had stirred up some strange discomfort between us. Tammy was probably getting the idea now that I didn't really want to move, though I would never say it to her face. It was obvious that me moving back in with them meant a lot to her.
The silence was suffocating. I felt like there was much left unsaid, that I should explain myself, that there was no better time to tell them the truth, when they were probably already questioning why I was so defensive about Dominick. It would have been easy just to blurt it out, but the disappointed look on Tammy's face was enough to keep
my mouth shut.
The bill came, Marcus paid it, we left the restaurant, and I lost my opportunity. The car ride back to Dominick's condo was equally quiet, but it felt like the moment was past. Everyone was tired from a long day of walking through gargantuan houses and debating over which one was the best choice.
They dropped me off in front of the condo and barely stayed long enough for Tammy to climb out of the passenger's seat to give me a hug. She said they had a lot of business to attend to the next day, so she wouldn't be able to see me, but she promised that they'd be back in Arizona before Christmas so that we could spend it together. I smiled weakly at her and told her I was looking forward to it. That was what she wanted to hear. That would make her feel better, even though it was only partially true. I wanted to see her for Christmas, but I didn't want to be separated from Dominick.
With a sigh, I watched the car pull out of the parking lot and turn onto the main road, then I went inside. Dominick was on the loveseat watching television. It was odd to see him sitting there, as if he had been waiting for me. All I wanted to do was go to my room and wallow in misery, but when he made grabby hands for me, I knew that wasn't going to be an option.
I forced myself to move towards him until I was in arm's reach, at which point he pulled me down onto his lap and nuzzled his face against my neck before whispering, “How was it?”
“It was pretentious,” was all I could think of to reply.
“Pretentious?”
“Yeah. All the houses we looked at were ridiculous.”
“Ridiculous as in stupid?”
“What does pretentious usually mean.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“Hey, calm down.” He leaned back and looked at me. “It was just a question.”
“It was a stupid question.” I huffed, trying to stand, but he only held me tighter. “Dominic, I'm tired.”
“Too tired for me?” he purred, kissing my shoulder and then continuing up to my neck.
I steadied for a while. His lips did feel good on me, but I couldn't concentrate on them. All I could think about was how angry I was at myself for not taking the opportunity to tell Tammy about us, about how silently desperate I was to stay with Dominick, about how he wasn't even trying to keep me with him. That last thought absolutely disgusted me. That last thought made me pry his hands from around my waist and struggle away. I expected him to give chase, as he always did, to grab me roughly, drag me to the ground, and have his way with me, turning all of my doubts and fears into lust. But he didn't. He simply sat there on the loveseat, his eyes following me to the bedroom, his expression wounded. Guilt surged through me, but I was too distraught to go back. I was tired, both physically and emotionally. All I wanted was sleep.
