Ronan’s parents haven’t apologized for their reaction, but they’re at least talking to us. After the initial shock had worn off, we’d all come to a mutual decision that we’ll move with them to Florida. My parents are crushed, but understand. Where the Colliers are moving has a university with a great accounting program, and with Ronan’s dad’s new job there, he can still mentor him. The same university has an education program as well, so it works out perfectly. His grandmother offered to help me with the baby so I can go to classes. I think that news had been just as hard for my parents than telling them I was pregnant. My mom had cried for days that I’m moving away and they won’t be near their grandbaby. I promised to have them visit often. I have to admit that makes me feel ill, but it’s what is best for us right now.
I put my hand on my stomach. It’s really starting to get round and hard. I’ve had to buy some new pants, and I’m pretty much living in stretchy sweatpants and shirts now. Kinsley calls me every day, as well as Gretchen. When I had finally gotten to tell Gretchen, we had cried together. She is doing well in California and I’m so proud of her. She wasn’t able to come home for the holidays, so I’m not sure when I’ll get to see her next. When I had told her Ronan and I were back together, she had been speechless. I understood completely, as I had never planned on being back with him. But life has a funny way of deciding things for you.
A flutter goes through my stomach, and I freeze. What was that? It happens again, and I put both of my hands on my stomach. I think the baby is moving! Without warning, my thoughts go to Blake. Looking over at my blank bulletin board, my heart squeezes painfully. I miss him so much. I’ve had to keep all of the photos put away in a box in my closet because I just can’t look at them. The only picture I have out now is the ultrasound picture I have on my nightstand. It helps remind me of where my life is headed now, and to keep my focus where it belongs.
Swinging my legs over the side of my bed, I hurry downstairs. My mom is flipping pancakes, our Christmas tradition. “Merry Christmas, honey!” She gives me a kiss.
“You too, Mom! Guess what? I think I felt the baby!”
She drops the spatula and hurries over to me, her hand on my stomach. “It felt like fluttering. I felt it several times. Was that the baby?”
She smiles at me. “Probably, yes. Isn’t that the best feeling ever? It’ll be too soon for anyone else to feel it on the outside, but that’s okay. It’s neat for you to have that little secret with your baby for a while. Oh, Lia.” She wraps her arms around me and I hug her like it’s the last time. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“Don’t start. You know I’m a hormonal pregnant girl,” I tease, wiping my eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom. For everything.”
“Stop,” she says. “You’re taking care of yourself and your new family. Don’t say sorry. I just have an excuse to come to Florida a lot now. I’m so proud of you, Liane. I really am.”
“Mom,” I choke out. “How in the world can you be proud of me?”
“You’ll understand this when you hold your baby in your arms,” she begins. “A mother’s love isn’t conditional, Lia. You’re taking a situation that is very difficult to say the least and turning it into something positive. I have no doubt that you’ll become an amazing teacher while also being a great mom. I believe in you.”
“Can I be honest?”
“Always.”
“I miss Blake,” I sob, trying hard to reign it in. “And I know I shouldn’t. This is my life now. I have to live with the choices I made and where my life is going now. But, before everything, he was my best friend. And he wants nothing to do with me now.”
“Oh, sweetie. I know. Cathy says he came back home, but he’s working 24/7. He won’t talk to her about anything. Give him time. Maybe he’ll come back around and you guys can be friends again.”
I shake my head, knowing that’s not happening. “Whatever happened, Ronan had something to do with it. And I have to let that go and move on, because he’s being so amazing and he’s the father of my baby. But Blake isn’t going to be my friend ever again, Mom.”
“Keep your eyes forward, Liane,” she advises. “You can’t look backwards. It won’t ever help anything.”
I nod, knowing she’s right. “Want some help with the pancakes?”
“YOU’VE SPOILED US rotten!” I exclaim, looking at all the things around Ronan and me.
My parents laugh, and Ronan pulls me to him and kisses the side of my head. “Merry Christmas,” he whispers in my ear. “I love you.” I tip my face up to his and he kisses me softly.
“I love you too,” I say, and mean it. “Can you help me get this stuff to my room?” My parents had gone all out. We’d gotten many outfits for the baby, and they’d gotten me a cell phone and a computer so we can keep in touch. It is way more than I deserve.
Ronan had gotten me a locket for our baby’s picture, and I’d cried. Big surprise. What didn’t make me cry these days? He’d also gotten me a few shirts for the new university we are transferring to.
We climb the stairs and enter my room, which is mostly packed. We leave on New Years Day to start the drive to Florida. His dad starts his new job shortly after the 1st so he is flying, and Ronan and I start classes not long after. Once I get there, I’m going to have to talk to my professors since I’m due in April. I’ll have to take my finals early or have some sort of arrangement for grades. Then, my plan is to take the summer off to get acclimated to being a mom, and then start school again in August. They start school really early in Florida. His parents’ new house has a mother in law suite that we are going to live in. I’ve seen the pictures, and it’s definitely roomier than my dorm. It even has a little nook that we can make into the baby’s nursery. Best of all, it isn’t in the main house. I’m glad that they’re helping us, but I don’t want to be right under them all the time. His grandparents are buying a condo right on the beach a few miles away, and I almost wish we could live with them instead.
Ronan pushes me back on my bed and cages himself over me. I’ve been more receptive to him lately and I’m almost ready. I know he’s beyond ready. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here, with you,” he says. “I’m so excited to be able to live together, go to school together, and raise our baby together.” He lifts my shirt and presses a kiss to my stomach, and I feel it. The last piece of ice around my heart chips away. “But there’s one more thing that would make this even better.”
“Have it be ten years from now?” I joke. He frowns at me and I laugh. “Well? It’s true. We’d be more established…”
“Eh, established is overrated,” he jokes back. “But seriously.” He sits up and pulls me with him. “Despite all the challenges we have ahead of us, I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.” He slides off of my bed, and I wonder what in the heck he’s doing. When he pulls something out of his pocket, my eyes widen in surprise.
“Liane Kelly, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?” I stare at the diamond, and then back at him. “I’d love nothing more than for you to be Liane Collier before our child arrives. We’ll be a real family.”
This is really happening. I’ve come full circle, and this is my life now. “Yes,” I answer, knowing that’s the only answer I can give. I throw myself into his arms after he slides the ring on my finger. I look at it over his shoulder, my mind reeling. I smile, gripping him to me with everything I have. “Thank you,” I whisper. “For everything.”
He pulls me back so we’re face to face. “No, thank you,” he whispers. “Can your fiancé request something?” I nod, and he whispers in my ear. I close my eyes, knowing it’s time. I have to put him away forever and allow my future in.
“Yes,” I say, unwrapping myself from him so I can lock the door. His eyes are wide as I throw my shirt at him, forcing the rest into the proverbial lock box in my heart.
“WE’RE GETTING MARRIED,” Ronan announces, taking my hand and showing everyone. We had somehow gotten both of our famil
ies and a few friends together for a New Years Eve/ going away party. We’re at Ronan’s house enjoying some good food and watching the countdown on television. It’s too cold outside to spend the time on their beautiful patio, but this will be the last cold holiday we’ll have for awhile. Tomorrow we are headed to Florida. “We’re going to get married soon. As soon as we get to Florida, we’re going to start planning. Sometime in January, right sweetie?”
“Right,” I answer. Our families already knew, moments after Ronan proposed. But most of the friends from high school that are here didn’t know. Some of them hadn’t even known we are having a baby. Cue the gossip train. I know Ronan’s parents are frothing at the mouth at us telling people, but this is my life, not theirs. I couldn’t care less what the ‘people’ in our community think of us.
“As soon as we get to Florida, we also get to find out what the baby is,” Ronan brags, his hands on my stomach. I’ve definitely ‘popped’ over the last few weeks.
The group murmurs their congratulations, and I catch my mom’s eye across the room. She’s been a mess all week, knowing our time together is limited. She’s planning to come to Florida when the baby is born and stay with me for a few weeks to help me, but she’s going to miss most of it. It seems no matter what I do, I’m hurting someone.
“READY TO TRY to find out the sex?” The ultrasound tech smiles at me. “Let’s see if we can get this baby to cooperate.” She pokes and prods at my stomach with the wand, making me want to groan. Everything makes me have to pee these days. Ronan smiles. I think he’s more excited about this than I am. When I ask him, he says he doesn’t care what we have. But I’m pretty sure he wants a boy. I honestly don’t care what it is, as long as it’s healthy.
Just a week ago, we’d moved to Florida. The house is beautiful, and having Ronan with me is even better than I could’ve imagined. We both started school a few days ago, and I like my classes so far. My professors are very helpful and understanding, and we have a plan for what’s going to happen when the baby is born. The town is beautiful, and I enjoy sitting out on our porch and looking at the beach whenever I can. His parents are being as cordial as I’ve come to expect from them, and his grandmother and I have really bonded with each other. She often sits with me on the beach, both of us reflecting on where we are in our lives. I love her stories about life, and I take her advice to heart. His mom and I definitely aren’t at that place in our relationship yet, but I hope someday we will be.
“Here’s the heart,” she announces. “It looks great. Here are the lungs. See how the baby is swallowing? That’s great. It’s good practice. Here are the kidneys. Everything looks perfect.” I watch my child move and squirm on the screen, and I’m filled with pride. That’s mine. “And, here we go. Come on, baby. Don’t turn now.” She continues pushing. “Ahh, there it is. Have you ever been to Chicago?”
We both look at her, and I wonder what in the world that has to do with anything. “I haven’t,” I say. “Why?”
“Because that looks like the Sears Tower to me,” she jokes, pointing it out. She clicks a button and types ‘I’m a boy!’ Ronan gasps.
“A boy? Really?”
“Oh yeah. He’s not being shy. That’s your son in there. I’ll print you some pictures.”
Ronan hugs me tight. “We’re having a son,” he says. “It’s a boy!”
“SO WHAT DO you want to name him?” I ask Ronan, my hand over my protruding belly. He’s sitting next to me in bed, reading for one of his classes. Just then, I feel him kick harder than I’d ever felt before. “Ronan!”
He jumps. “What’s the matter?”
I take his hand and put it over my stomach. “Do you feel him? He just kicked really hard.” I put my hand next to his and prod my stomach, hoping he’ll do it again. I’ve been feeling the baby for weeks, but Ronan hasn’t been able to yet. Just then, another huge kick pushes my skin. Ronan’s eyes get wide as he feels his son for the first time.
“Wow,” he says, looking up at me. “That’s amazing. Hi, little buddy.” He puts his face close to my stomach, and I fight tears. It’s the first time Ronan has done anything like this. “We just found out today you’re a little boy! Your mommy wants to figure out what your name is. I guess you like that, huh?”
We sit for a few more moments as our son introduces himself to us. “I want his middle name to be William, if that’s okay,” Ronan tells me. I know that William is his grandfather and father’s name, and his middle name.
“Of course,” I agree. “Any thoughts on the first name? Want to name him after someone in either of our families?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “It’s so hard to think about naming a kid. I mean, that’s going to be his name for the rest of his life.”
“I know,” I laugh. “I like family names, but I also don’t want our poor baby to grow up with an old man’s name. Where did your parents get Ronan from again?”
“Ronan was my grandmother’s maiden name,” he explains, and I remember him telling me that before.
“I don’t think we want to name our son Kelly,” I laugh. “Maybe if it was a girl.” I go through the list of names in my family, forcing my brain away from anything that sounds anything like Blake. Even if I do love that name. “Jack William? After my dad?”
Ronan thinks for a moment. “I don’t know if I like Jack. No offense to your dad.”
“None taken. I’ll keep thinking. My grandpa’s name was Arthur, and my great grandpa’s name was Homer.” Both of us dissolve into hysterical laughter, holding our stomachs. “I think my great uncle’s name was Herbert.”
“Stop!” Ronan laughs. “Poor baby is probably wondering what in the world is going on out here.” He puts his face near my stomach again. “I had a friend when I was in elementary school. His name was Graham. I always thought that was such a cool name. But then he had a little brother. I always wanted a little brother. They named him Carter. I spent the next five years asking my parents if I could have my own Carter. But they always told me no, I didn’t need to have a Carter.”
Tears fill my eyes without warning. Darn these hormones. “That’s such a sweet and sad story all at the same time. I love that name.”
“Which one? Graham or Carter?”
“Carter,” I answer, rolling around on my tongue. “Carter William Collier. I love it! What do you think?”
“I think you’re the most amazing fiancé in the world,” Ronan says, throwing his book to the floor and taking me in his arms.
I SMOOTH MY hands down my white beaded dress, my eyes naturally falling on the baby bump that isn’t supposed to be there. But even though he has caused a lot of stress in my life over the last six months, I wouldn’t change it for anything. He’s mine, and I’m going to be the best mom that I can be. I lift my eyes to my reflection in the full length mirror in front of me, and turn from side to side to check out my profile. It’s not like everyone doesn’t already know why we’re getting married today, but it’s not like I want it broadcast to the world. Ronan and I were meant to be, right? Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean we wouldn’t have ended up together anyway. Carter just made that happen a little sooner than it would’ve.
So here I am. Eighteen-years-old and ready to marry Ronan Collier, my high school sweetheart. We’ve been through hell the past six months, and yet here we are, our wedding day. This was the final step before waiting to welcome Carter into our family.
“You ready, Liane?” My mom appears from behind me, her face smiling but her eyes sad. As much as my parents love me, I know they’re disappointed. It isn’t that they don’t love Ronan; they just hate that I have to grow up so quickly because of my choices. A ripple of sadness courses through me as our eyes met. Not that I would ever say that out loud, but I feel the same way. I know that everything happens for a reason and Ronan and I are meant to be here, but I wish we could’ve waited a few years to do what we’re doing today. And I try to forget that I said someone else was my soul mate just a few mon
ths ago. I had been wrong then, but I’m not now.
“You don’t have to do this,” my mom whispers softly so that no one else in the room can hear. “You can still do this alone.”
I gasp, tears filling my eyes. “No,” I say vehemently. “This is my son. Mine and Ronan’s. I love him, Mom.”
“I have no doubt you love Carter,” my mom says softly, resting her hands on my stomach. “But you know that marrying Ronan is a huge decision. No one would fault you if you wanted to wait. You’re so young to know that you want to be together forever. Just a few months ago, you were…”
“Don’t,” I shriek, causing everyone in the room to stop and look at me. She can’t say that, or I will fall apart. She nods in understanding, and we both turn to smile at the other women in the room before turning back to each other. Blake is a topic I can never talk about again. I have no idea what had happened there or why he dropped me like a hot potato, no matter what Ronan might’ve said to him, but I can’t worry about that ever again. I have a family now. Blake will always just be a part of a wonderful memory from a summer I’ll never forget. I hope someday Blake will find the happiness that I’m going to have. And that maybe someday we can see each other again and remember the good times.
I search my mom’s eyes, wishing I could be brave enough to admit that I’m not ready for this. But I can’t. A piece of my heart will always belong somewhere else, but right now I have no choice. I have to do what is responsible for my new family. Carter will join us in just a few months, and he deserves to have two parents that love him, even if we are only eighteen.
“I love him, Mom. Both of them. Ronan and I are meant to be, and our lives together start today. We’ll be fine. Better than fine. We’ll be great. You’ll see.”
Twisted Souls Page 19
