Oh, please don’t say I’m hot again. It’s flattering but—
“You’re nice. Like, when we had those third graders tour the station and you showed them around. You were really cool with them. They liked you.”
“Oh. Thanks. I like you, too. And that—oh, that’s nice.” Perhaps everyone’s vocabulary shrank when the sex was good enough. Jason lapped and nibbled at my thighs and my clit, and I came to his supple, energetic tongue, surprised, pleased, thrashing around.
“I’m hard again,” he said, almost apologetically. I wasn’t aware he’d deflated at any point, and I had a feeling I’d come across the used condom in the bed pretty soon.
“Then let’s do something about it.” I handed him a condom and watched him roll it on, kneeling above me. “And I’ll go on top.”
“Will you come like that?”
“Almost definitely.” It was sweet how concerned he was with my orgasms, when I, or any other woman, could out-orgasm him, or any other man, until the cows came home.
And I did. Or at least, until the arrival, not of any cows, but of my new tenant.
“I guess this is it,” Patrick said.
Elise leaned her head against his shoulder. “You’ve been so great about it all.”
“Hey, stop it. Next thing you’ll be inviting me back in and then we’ll start all over again.”
“You’re right.” She stepped out of his arms and he felt as though he were ripping up inside. It was a definite physical sensation, a weird tingle down his arms, adrenaline maybe, or a heart attack. He waited. Was he about to drop dead on his soon-to-be ex-wife’s—or rather, his own—doorstep?
Damn, she’d get his life insurance. The merry widow.
“Yeah. Okay.” He took his glasses off and pinched his nose, hard, to force the tears back. “I couldn’t find the drill. It’s somewhere in the house. It doesn’t matter. I’ll buy another. You need to have one.”
“Do I?”
In Elise’s world there was always someone with a drill, always someone to look after her and protect her and do things for her. Him, her father, her brothers, even Patrick’s friends— God, if he thought any of his friends were screwing her or wanted to screw her, or coming around with their big drills at the ready, he’d kill them, but they’d be insane not to want to screw her….
“Patrick, just go, please.” She looked waiflike and frail, clinging to the front door. She was as tough as old boots.
“I changed the furnace filter.”
“Thank you. You didn’t have to.”
He nodded and trudged to the truck he’d rented for the move.
He drove round the corner, parked and cried for a good two minutes. Well, he thought, blowing his nose, at least he hadn’t cried in front of her.
She hadn’t cried in front of him, either. Shit, he should have torn the house apart and found the damned drill. He’d always despised couples who got into deathly, expensive fights over household items when they divorced, televisions or favorite bits of furniture, but now he understood that irrationality. He couldn’t even bear to think what it would be like if the disputed property were a pet or a kid, but this marriage had none of the above, a thought that did not cheer him particularly.
He put his glasses back on and shoved the truck into Drive, stomping his left foot on the floor in the way he always did driving an automatic, and drove to his new apartment.
He rang the doorbell several times and eventually Jo opened the door. She wore sweats and pink slippers and her hair was on end. She looked sleepy and mussed and sexy. (Yeah, and ten minutes ago he’d been crying over another woman.)
“Sorry I woke you up,” he said.
“No, it’s fine. Come on in.”
He didn’t want to come in the house, but he did to be polite, and she gave him a set of keys.
“I’ll move the pickup,” she said.
Funny, he wouldn’t have thought she was the sort of girl to drive a pickup, and sure enough she wasn’t. A kid wandered out of the house, with “I got lucky” written all over his face— Christ, he was young—and moved the pickup. He introduced himself as Jason, asked what Patrick liked in his coffee and went back into the house. He came out again as Patrick backed the truck into the drive.
“She said I should help you.”
“Thanks.” Exactly how many boyfriends did Jo have?
She wandered out again with mugs of coffee for them both, which she offered with a vague, satisfied smile—heck, now he was paying attention, he saw she had “I got lucky” all over her, too, but for some reason on her he found it endearing—and then she went back into the house
“Cool. IKEA,” said Jason when they got to the flat boxes in the truck. “You want some help putting these together?”
“And what happened next?” Mr. D. asked, when I told him the story at work.
“Please don’t tell me you’re thinking of something along the lines of a hot threesome surrounded by cardboard boxes.”
He laughed. “Not until now. So how did you get rid of Jason?”
“He said he had work to do. It was easier than I expected.”
“And do you think you’ll do it again?”
I tucked the phone under my chin as I replaced CDs on the shelves. “We work together and it could get awkward. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit like having a well-trained puppy around—he was so eager and happy to please me. If I’d asked him to be rough or selfish—and I did, remember?—he’d defuse it by being acquiescent. Quite unintentionally…I don’t think he was jerking my chain.”
“Another dog metaphor?”
“Or a bitch metaphor, but you’re too polite to say it. I guess that’s why I have a cat—you never really know what they’re thinking, although the answer to that is probably nothing at all. But back to Jason—I’d always thought I’d enjoy a hot young stud who was hard all night long, but his erection never went away, and it was boring. I wanted some variety, some textural interest.”
“Did you think about me when you were fucking him?”
“No.” I put the last CD on the shelf. “I thought about telling you about it. When he curled his tongue around my clitoris and put his fingers inside me, I thought, Mr. D. will enjoy this. Did I tell you I kissed him and tasted myself?”
“Go on.” His voice had a dreamy, throaty quality.
“Are you hard?”
“God, yes. Tell me more.”
And I did, and heard him sigh and groan and give a low laugh.
5
“BRING HIM TO BILL’S BIRTHDAY PARTY,” KIMBERLY said.
“Who?”
“The Leprechaun. I can be his rebound girl.” She propped her feet up on her desk and took another mouthful of coffee. It was Wednesday and ostensibly we were meeting to proofread the station newsletter and discuss the fine details of the station manager’s birthday party. She peered at the papers strewn over her desk. “Should this really be the Erotica Symphony?”
“What? No! It’s the Eroica, Italian for heroic. Please tell me there isn’t a T in the middle.”
“Just kidding.”
“And you can’t be serious about Patrick. He’s only been separated a week. Less than a week.”
She shook her head. “My sources tell me it’s been six months since they split up. He’s ready.” She tapped her pencil on her desk. “And when are you going to start dating someone?”
“I don’t really feel like it.” I considered telling her about Jason.
“Dating or telling me?”
At that point the phone rang. “Yeah, she’s here.” Kimberly winked at me with the receiver pressed to her ear.
“What is it?”
“Wait, honey,” Kimberly cooed. “You just sit tight.”
The door to her office swung open and a huge bunch of flowers appeared, almost masking the station receptionist.
“Ooh, who are they from?” they both squealed as I snatched the card out from the floral depths.
Mr. D., please. But these wer
en’t his style, I hoped, and they were far too expensive to be from Jason. I ripped open the card.
“They’re from Willis Scott.” I stared with disbelief and fascinated horror at the phallic floral exhibition in front of me, while Kimberly and the receptionist made excited, giggly comments.
“What does he say?” Kimberly plucked the card from my hands. “‘I owe you lunch. Best, Willis.’ How cute.”
“Is it?” I stared in fascinated horror at the flowers, some of which I was sure had been genetically engineered by a scientist with a dirty mind. Nature could not be so crass.
“Of course. He’s getting ripe.”
“Like a cheese?”
“Ripe to make a major gift.” Kimberly reached for her Rolodex, flipped it over and began typing. “I’m emailing you his number. And his cell. He’ll be a change from those bearded intellectual bores you usually date—”
“Hugh did not have a—”
“Or those muscle-bound rock-climbing types—”
“One, four years ago before I met Hugh—”
“Or those pretty dancers who couldn’t decide whether they were bisexual or not—”
“I couldn’t help hanging out with other dance majors and that was a long time ago, and only one was—”
“So now you can date an adult,” Kimberly said with an air of finality. “And if you give me the Leprechaun’s email I’ll invite him to Bill’s party.”
I scribbled his email address on a Post-it. “I don’t know why I’m agreeing to let you pimp me for the station or corrupt my tenant.”
“I’m sure both of us will behave with the utmost professionalism.” She handed me a paper napkin as I spluttered coffee over her desk.
After six months of housesitting, friends’ sofas and occasional returns to Elise’s bed in a house that no longer felt like home, Patrick thought he should feel relieved to be in his own place. If only. He felt he didn’t belong in this small space, him and the half-dozen humming computers, the clean quiet of it all. Jo was a remarkably silent neighbor—he guessed she slept most of the day. He met her one gloriously sunny afternoon planting bulbs in the front yard.
“Daffodils,” she said. “The squirrels eat everything else.”
“Right,” he said.
“Are you coming to Bill’s party?”
He hesitated. “Maybe.”
“It’ll be fun,” she said, stripping off her gardening gloves. “Liz Ferrar’s coming, probably some other people you know. Everything okay in the apartment?”
“Yeah, it’s great, thanks.” He sounded wildly enthusiastic—he really needed to get out more—as though he were commenting on an orgy.
She usually left for work in the late afternoon and out of curiosity, and by the need to deal with his laundry, he entered the house later that day. The doorway to the apartment opened into the upstairs of the house—polished wood floors, white walls, all very ascetic, like a nunnery.
Except for the bathroom. The half-open door revealed a rack across the bathtub, with expensive underwear laid out to dry. Christ. Was she wearing something like that under her gardening outfit? Classy stuff, too. Sexy and silky and…stockings, too. A far cry from the faded Santa Claus panties, all that exotic lace and silk and satin. Underwear made to be displayed, slowly removed (or not at all), brushed over a guy’s face so he could catch her scent.
Grimly Patrick held on to his laundry basket. There was no way he was going to touch her underwear. Absolutely not. Just because he’d seen her naked once and admired her legs and liked her voice on the radio didn’t mean he had to… No point in touching anything, he argued with himself. They were just scraps of fabric. Now if she, or someone, was wearing them, that would be far more interesting—a nipple poking against taut silk, or a crisp of hair against dampened satin, or… He tried to summon up some good Irish Catholic guilt, and failed.
Something brushed against his leg and he almost dropped the basket. The damn cat, of course, looking at him with solemn, reproachful eyes.
“I get it.” Patrick hefted the basket. “Don’t tell her.”
A bloodcurdling scream came from downstairs. What the fuck… He dropped the basket and ran down the stairs and into the basement.
At first he didn’t recognize her and gave a yell of fear at the faceless stranger who stood screaming in the dim light. She wore a pair of Wellington boots with her jeans tucked into them, a long-sleeved sweater with rubber gloves and something over her face that he recognized, with incredulity, as a fencing mask. In one hand she held a pair of barbecue tongs.
“What the hell?” he shouted, in relief that it was only Jo.
“Get it off my foot!”
“What?”
“It moved!”
“Why are you here in the dark?”
“I don’t like to see their eyes.”
He snapped on the light. “Whose eyes?”
She pointed at her feet. The cat strolled forward and sniffed at her toe.
Patrick squatted to take a better look at the small scrap of fur that lay on her foot. “It’s okay. It’s dead.” He now saw the discarded mousetrap on the floor. “Why not just throw the whole thing out?”
“It’s wasteful.” She said it with a reproachful air. Then she screamed at him. “Don’t use your hand! You get could sick!”
He took the tongs and retrieved the mouse. “What day does the city recycling pick up dead rodents?”
“I throw them in the backyard.”
“Okay.” He unlocked the back door and threw the day’s catch out. “Jo, if it freaks you out so much, I could catch mice for you.”
She removed her fencing mask. “You would?”
“Sure. But why doesn’t the cat catch them?”
“Sometimes he does. I don’t think he’s much of a hunter. That’s real nice of you, Patrick, but you can’t use glue traps and they have their own peanut butter—”
“Consider it a term of my rental. Why do you wear a fencing mask?”
“One time a mouse wasn’t dead and when Hugh found it he let it go and it ran up his leg and bit his knee.”
“Inside his pants?”
“No, he wasn’t wearing… I mean, it was summer. Shorts.” She smiled. “I’m very grateful. Really. I have another trap over there. You’ll need the flashlight. It’s dark in that corner. I just hope they enjoy the peanut butter. It’s not organic, but it’s quite good.”
“Of course.” He found another small corpse with an expression of surprise on its face, or what looked like it. Under her cringing supervision he smeared more peanut butter onto the traps and reset them.
All the while he wondered what she was wearing beneath her jeans and sweater.
“Thank you for the flowers,” I said to Willis.
“I’d hoped you might call me.” He snatched two glasses of wine deftly from a circulating waiter and handed one to me. Around us the party was in full swing, held in the large open space in the middle of the radio station. Once the building had been a small parochial school and this had been the assembly room. I’d lost sight of Patrick, who’d been appropriated by Liz Ferrar.
I shrugged. I’d sent a polite email thank-you to Willis. I wasn’t about to make up any excuses. I took a small sip of the wine—not much, I had to be on air in ten minutes.
“So, lunch,” he said as though I’d made some sort of encouraging response.
“I’m flattered and all that, but you’re not really my type.”
He grinned. “You’re very direct. I like that.”
Oh, crap. I couldn’t win with this guy. So much for honesty. “Oh, I think Bill is going to cut his cake. I’d better—”
“Not for a while yet. So how about it? Lunch tomorrow? I’ll pick you up at twelve?”
Before I could come up with a conventional sort of response about checking my schedule, he grabbed my hand. “Look, I know you think I’m a flake because I’ve cut a few trees down in my time. We have different values. You’re a sort of hippie—”
“No, I’m not. My mother is a hippie. Just because I work in radio—”
“Whatever. I make money. I like money. I like spending money on girls.”
“Jesus, Willis, listen to yourself. I’m not a girl.”
“Woman, then. Women.”
“And I don’t like the idea of being some sort of money pit. What’s in it for you anyway?” I almost hoped he’d say fucking but even he wasn’t that crude.
“Jo.” His thumb caressed the back of my hand and to my astonishment it made me feel…well, probably more the way I should have felt during a night of fucking with Jason, the permanently erect. “I’m interested in you. I know you’re going to say I don’t know you, but I’d like to. We have different values. So what? It keeps things interesting. I have money and I guess you don’t. So let’s pool resources.”
“And what do I bring to this interesting relationship?”
“Willis! So glad you could come!” Kimberly bore down on us, deftly reorganizing her wineglass, plate, purse, napkin and various other odds and ends to kiss Willis’s cheek without pouring zinfandel down his pants. “Jo was just talking about y—”
“No, I wasn’t,” I interjected before Kimberly encouraged him any further.
“We’ll talk soon, okay?” And she was off in a cloud of social fairy dust, leaving me fuming and Willis in firm possession of my hand.
“We’d have fun,” he said.
My instinctive retort was to say I wasn’t into fun but I hesitated. Some fun might be good. I had a serious sort of job with strange hours and a very odd sex life—and I could seduce the pants off Willis and tell Mr. D. about it. I took another look at the clock on the wall.
“Time flies?” he said.
“I have to be in the studio. Watching the clock is a major part of my job. Okay, then.”
“Okay to lunch?” His face split into a huge grin.
“Sure. Pick me up here.” There was no way I’d let him know where I lived.
Tell Me More Page 5
