by Vella Munn
Shaw dispensed with her pants followed by removing her socks. He left her in her underwear while he removed the rest of his clothes. He did so matter-of-factly, at least it seemed that way. She wished she had spelled out what she wanted in the way of foreplay because she would have let him know how much she wanted to take responsibility for making him naked for her.
When he took something from his pants pocket and placed it on the bed, she acknowledged the protection with a nod followed by unhooking her bra. The garment slid off her shoulders but remained around her breasts.
Shaw placed his hands over her ribs and pushed her back onto the bed. Bouncing, she reached for him. However, instead of letting her draw him on top of her, he took hold of her hips and tugged off her practical panties. Now she couldn’t swallow, couldn’t think what, if anything, she should do. Her body was stretched out for him, a gift. He presented his body to her, freely given.
Ready, she wanted to tell him. I’m ready for you. It didn’t matter that her bra was still in the way and he hadn’t yet put on the condom, she needed him inside her.
To give herself to him.
He parted her legs, leaned over her, and ran his tongue over, down, and around her belly. Mewling, she clamped hold of his shoulders but didn’t try to stop him. She couldn’t stay still. Low moans kept escaping.
Seconds or minutes or maybe hours later, he sat on the side of the bed. When she rolled toward him, he drew her bra away and tossed it somewhere.
“I’ve been waiting to do this for so long.” That said, he again leaned over her.
His mouth and tongue found her breasts. He was gentle, damp, warm. She arched her back and raked his sides while he nibbled and bathed her. Her nipples were so hard they hurt. She felt the sensation clear to her spine and between her legs. Her moans increased and her head thrashed.
“Please,” she begged. “Please.”
He didn’t ask for an explanation, only remained over her, teasing and pleasuring her. His harsh breaths washed her naked flesh, compelling her to increase her hold on him and rock from side to side. He closed his mouth over her left breast and drew it upward, making her gasp and squirm.
“Too much?” His voice was muffled.
“I don’t know.”
To her relief, he didn’t laugh. His hold on her breast slackened giving her a moment of something approaching sanity. She did the only thing she could think of which was to let go of his arm, slide her hand between their bodies, and close her fingers around his erection.
“Are—you ready?” he asked.
He sounded as lost as she felt. “Yes.”
“Then—just a minute.”
She couldn’t wait an entire minute, surely he knew that. When he’d done what he needed to, he slid her around so she was stretched out lengthwise and straddled her.
“Now,” she commanded. “Now, please.”
“Yes.”
His word was a song, a promise, maybe even a challenge. She would try to straighten it out in her mind later, not now because he was separating her legs and she was moving with him, preparing herself for him. Loving him for now.
She hissed as he slipped into her. Much as she wanted to chart his journey, she had other things to do like listen to her body sing and celebrate herself as a sexual creature.
They made love as one, no longer strangers, familiar with each other. They had the same cadence, and their needs dovetailed. She sensed when he was focused on her pleasure and when his own desires took over. There was nothing civilized about the way he thrust into her. She’d have to take him for what he was, primitive and raw.
Good. Beyond good.
She was vaguely aware that her nails might be hurting him but holding back was beyond her. The bed squeaked and the mattress shook and she could see the moon.
A sensation she hadn’t felt for a long, long time rushed at her. Its intensity frightened her until she understood it for what it was, her body celebrating being a woman. Tears leaked as she surrendered to her body’s will and power. She cried out. Was still gone when Shaw came.
He groaned, grunted, strained.
Gave.
Chapter Eighteen
She’d have to tell Alisha that she loved being in a room without a clock. Maybe there was one, but she couldn’t see it in the dark. Shaw was sleeping next to her, his breathing low and steady in contrast to how he’d sounded when they were making love.
Making love. Yes, that was what it had been.
And sex. Plain, simple, sensational sex.
There’d been a lot wrong about her parents’ marriage but as far as she and her brother knew, her parents hadn’t cheated on each other. More than once Mick had told her he wasn’t sure he’d ever get married because the example they’d been privy to had been so dysfunctional. Then he’d met Carol.
“I know it’s right,” Mick had told her right before he asked Carol to marry him. “I trust her and she trusts me. I can be me, totally me. Most of all, I don’t have to keep anything from her.”
Haley drew the blanket up to her chin, rolled onto her side, and stared at the window. Given the energetic lovemaking that she’d held her own in, she shouldn’t have any trouble falling back to sleep, but her mind wasn’t interested in surrendering.
She tried to distract herself from the most vivid memories by replaying what Shaw and she’d done to and for each other, both before and after their bodies joined, but that only woke her up more. Careful not to disturb him, she slipped out of bed, draped his shirt over her shoulders, and tiptoed to the window.
I don’t have to keep anything from Carol.
Her brother hadn’t spelled things out in those exact words, but he hadn’t needed to. There was only one subject brother and sister still had difficulty talking to each other about, but it was as big as anything could get—their mother’s murder at their father’s hand.
Carol had told Haley she could come to her any time she needed to talk. “I don’t think there’s anything I don’t know,” Carol had said. “Mick has been pretty open. I’m not going to be shocked. Hopefully I can help.”
However, despite Carol’s loving offer and Mick’s big brother protectiveness, Haley still kept certain things to herself. She didn’t want that any more. She wanted—no, she needed to face what haunted her. If she didn’t, she’d never be what Shaw deserved.
The possibility made her shudder. How many times had she questioned whether she was destined to spend her life trapped in guilt? Eventually she’d made her peace with it after a fashion and had developed a number of coping techniques. If the nightmares got bad again, she could see another psychiatrist. Hopefully he’d patch her back together and if he couldn’t—
No more uncertainty! No more hiding in silence and dreading the night.
She almost laughed at the admission that she feared nighttime because this one was perfect. Shaw and she had had sex. They’d made love. Were officially lovers.
The moon was higher in the sky than earlier, and it and the stars were reflected in the iced-over lake. The snow had taken on a pale blue cast and the trees had become something out of a fairytale. If a wolf was out hunting tonight maybe it realized what a gift it was being given. Maybe, she told herself, instinct was telling the predator about the humans sharing the night with it.
It wouldn’t be like this every night. In fact a storm was due late tomorrow. But even as she plodded through fresh snow and tried to keep flakes out of her eyes and hair, she would remember this. The pristine silence was locked inside her.
Mother, I wish you could see this. You’d love it. You deserve—so much more than you were given.
“Are you all right?”
I’m fine. She nearly told Shaw, who’d gotten up and joined her without her being aware, but if she did, she’d be cheating both of them. “I was thinking about my mother,” she said without looking over her shoulder at him.
“Your mother?”
She didn’t blame him for not understanding. He probably belie
ved her thoughts would revolve around what had taken place between them. That was where they’d been until a few minutes ago.
“Yes. Does that bother you?”
“Of course not. Where had the memories taken you? I’d like to know that.”
“Mother would fall in love with Lake Serene. Despite everything that went on, Mom liked living where we did because she could see so much of the sky. She told me the sky comforted her and gave her courage. Only…”
She felt him move before he wrapped his arms around her and drew her against him. His naked warmth eased her journey from the past to the present, and she rested the back of her head on his shoulder.
“Only what?” he whispered.
Even her brother didn’t know everything, but she couldn’t keep the truth from the man she was sharing a Montana night with. The why didn’t matter, she needed to speak.
“There were limits to Mother’s courage.” Talking with Shaw behind her was easier than facing him. “Shaw, she’d be alive if she had divorced my father.”
“Not necessarily. I dealt with more than one ex-spouse who refused to let go.”
“Dad would taunt her to leave him. He even threw her clothes outside a few times.” She shook her head. “Mom always carried them back inside. When I asked her why, she said I’d understand when I was older.”
“Do you?”
She could refuse to answer. It might not take much to distract Shaw, to distract herself either, but she’d kept so much bottled up for so long. As for why it needed to come out tonight—
“Mom was afraid she couldn’t support her children on her own. She’d dropped out of high school in her senior year. She was pregnant with Mick. My parents got married three months before Mick was born and moved into a trailer on her parents’ land. She occasionally worked at the local farm and ranch store or waitressed.”
“Not high-paying jobs.”
“No. Mom eventually got her GED, but she didn’t have much in the way of marketable skills.”
“Which played a significant role in her reluctance to go out on her own.”
“Yes.”
“Did law enforcement ever get involved?”
Of course he’d ask that. “Yes. Once when Mick was still living at home. My brother called nine-one-one but Mom told the responding officer it was nothing. I don’t think she had any visible injuries that day. Another time she made the call. She—had two black eyes and other injuries. Dad spent the night in jail.” Her emotions were backing up so it felt as if a dam was building, but she forced herself past it. “After he was released, Dad stayed away for a couple of days then came back. Mom let him in. I don’t know why he wasn’t charged with attacking her.” The word attacking made her shudder.
“You’re getting cold,” Shaw said. “Do you want to go back to bed?”
“Not yet.” Her mother had spent so much of her life tiptoeing around that Haley recognized the signs in herself, but things had to change tonight.
“All right.” Shaw moved so they were side by side. When he draped his arm over her shoulder, she slid her arm around his naked waist. If he was getting cold, she couldn’t tell.
“It’s incredible out there,” he said.
He was right. They were looking at a forest untouched by humans. It was ageless and new—home to countless creatures, including the ultimate predator.
Where are you? What are you doing?
“The day—the day it happened,” she went on, “I was planning to stay after school. I was on the softball team and there was supposed to be practice.”
“I’m glad you were involved in sports.”
Something drew her attention to the base of the closest group of trees. “I spent as much time as I could away from home. Mom—she had a large garden where she grew vegetables she sold at the local growers’ market. I thought she’d be working outside all day so when I heard practice had been canceled, I took the bus. Otherwise I would have caught a ride later with a teammate’s folks.”
“You weren’t expected home so early.”
“No.” Don’t stop. He knows what you’re going to say. “There was a quarter mile walk from the bus stop to our place. I didn’t see Dad’s truck until I was nearly home.” She swallowed against the fear she’d never fully escaped. “Seeing him there, I knew something bad was happening.”
“Because he was supposed to be at work?”
“Yes. My folks had been arguing for days. Mom wanted to use what she earned from her garden to buy herself a car.”
“She didn’t have transportation?”
“She did but her beater wasn’t worth fixing. Dad said he needed a new truck more than she did a car.”
“It was her money.”
“Yes, it was.” It felt as if she’d been standing here with Shaw for hours and yet she still had so far to go. Thanks to Shaw, she could get the job done. “The day before, I’d told Dad I couldn’t always rely on teammates’ parents bringing me home. Mom should do it sometimes. That way she and I could do the grocery shopping and—he told me to shut up. When I saw his truck, I knew he’d taken time from work to set Mom’s thinking straight.”
“Is that what he called it, setting her thinking straight?”
“Sometimes.” Shaw must have heard stories like this before.
“So,” Shaw said softly, “were they arguing?”
She took a deep breath, tightened her hold on his waist, continued to stare at the trees, and forced herself to keep going. Her dad had been screaming at her mother when she walked in. He barely glanced at her while her mom told her to go to her room. Instead, she put down her backpack and stepped between her parents. This craziness had to stop. Otherwise she was going to call the police and go live with Mick.
Something snapped inside her that day. The contrast between her life away from home and what she endured within those walls propelled her on. School and sports was where she felt alive. Home was tense silence punctuated by outbursts and occasional violence.
“Dad told me to shut up. In the past, I would have, but I was fourteen, no longer a little girl. I got in his face.”
“What did you say?”
“I don’t remember the exact words.” In essence she’d exploded, years of fear and tension erupting from her. “He kept telling me to shut up, but I couldn’t. He slapped me.” She sucked in all the air her lungs could hold. “I slapped him back.”
“Good.”
“I’d never done anything like that. We were both being violent. I should have…”
He rubbed her back. “Take your time. You don’t have to tell me everything at once.”
Stunned by a sudden realization, she spun toward him. Shaw had broken free of his responsibilities at the resort so he could spend time with her. He’d had no expectation it would turn out this way. If he’d had, he might have canceled.
“I’m so sorry. You don’t need to hear—”
“I’m here and I’m not going away.” Several silent seconds passed. “And I’m ready whenever you are.”
There was something in his tone that went deeper than his much-needed encouragement. The offer hadn’t come easily for him. Later, once she’d dealt with her past, she’d ask him to tell her what he was thinking.
As for why she’d been given insight into his mind—maybe Lake Serene was responsible.
Barely aware of what she was doing, she turned from Shaw and faced the window. Cold radiated out from the glass, but she didn’t back away. Her attention returned to the base of the trees. At first she wasn’t sure. Then she had no doubt something was there—a dark something.
“Shaw,” she got out. “Look.”
He joined her. “What is it?”
“Look.”
“I don’t—Oh my…”
A wolf. The longer she studied the lean form, the more certain and in awe she became. The creature’s side faced the cabin. His head was at right angles to his body and uplifted, staring at them. Just existing.
“He’s watchi
ng us,” she muttered. “He knows we’re here.”
Shaw’s breathing snagged. “Maybe he smells us.”
“He must have heard the snowmobile. Shaw, maybe he’s been here all this time.”
“Maybe, like when we were at Grizzly Peak, he’s trying to make sense of the two-legged creatures invading his forest.”
His forest. Shaw was right. The alert but motionless wolf belonged here in ways humans never would. Decades ago men with guns had wiped out most of his ancestors but that didn’t matter to today’s wolf. He was at Lake Serene and had nothing to fear from Shaw even though he’d felt the need to bring a weapon with him.
“What an incredible experience,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
“I wish I could take a picture, but I didn’t think he’d show up.”
“You and I will always know.”
You and I. She was standing next to a naked man in the middle of the night in the middle of a forest that had wrapped itself around her heart. The wolf would stay or leave according to what instinct and impulse told him to do.
What she could control was what she’d been telling Shaw, words maybe made possible by the wolf’s presence.
“I want to go on,” she said. “I believe I need to.”
He squeezed her. “I understand.”
“I’ve never seen my father as angry as he was that day.” She continued to study the still-motionless form. Thank you for being—you. “He was used to my mother pushing back and then giving up. He’d kicked Mick out because Mick refused to follow his rules.”
“Why didn’t you leave with your brother?”
“Mom. I couldn’t leave her alone.”
When Shaw didn’t say anything, she wondered if he blamed her mother for what had happened. Eventually she’d tell him she’d never understood her parents, but saying so tonight would get in the way of what else Shaw deserved to know.
