by Nicole Casey
11
Adam
As night fell over the island I had all the time in the world to reflect on the mistakes that had led to me being in this situation in the first place.
I knew that Jessie was only a few hundred meters away but she might as well have been back in Buenos Aires or up there on the Moon that hung silently in the sky so high above me.
We had never felt closer yet so far apart. Every grain of sand between us could have been a kilometer wide and it wouldn’t have made any difference.
To top it all off, my camp was a disaster and so was hers. The temperature was starting to drop a lot more than I had expected and my light clothing wasn’t going to keep me very warm.
Jessie was in an even worse situation than I was, as she only had a flimsy t-shirt on. It might even still be wet from when we had got shipwrecked.
I looked up at the Moon, as though expecting to find the answers to my problems engraved on it. To be honest, the answers came from a lot closer to home, as I truly listened to my heart for the first time in my life.
It felt like some sort of miracle as I finally began to feel as though I understood myself. I wasn’t the rough, tough guy that I had been pretending to be. It was just some stupid part I had given myself and that I no longer knew how to escape from.
I felt some sort of indefinable emotion bubble up inside me as I thought about how I could make things right against with Jessie if only I could find my real self and my genuine personality. She was perfect for me and I had risked it all by being stupid and thinking only of shallow things.
It was so clear to me as I looked up at the dark sky over the island that I had done it all wrong from the very first second that I had laid my eyes on her. I had to admit that I had been doing everything all wrong for longer than I cared to think about.
Strangely, I felt a sense of liberation rather than regret when I thought about my mistakes. If I could admit them to myself then maybe, just maybe, I could do something to fix them as well.
Making things right again wasn’t going to be easy. Jessie might never feel able to relax with me again after what I had done and the attitude I had shown. Yet, I had to give it a try to see if she felt able to forgive me.
As soon as the ideas were clear in my head I knew that I had to act that very night, before old fears and bad habits stopped me from doing so. I had wasted far too much time already to be able to give myself the luxury of hanging around and waiting for the perfect moment before acting.
It was probably around midnight or now, or maybe even later, but I knew that she was as wide awake as I was.
I walked over to her camp and saw that she wasn’t there. She was down on the beach where the water was washing over her feet.
Jessie was staring up at the sky as well. When she saw me she sat up straight, seemingly prepared for another fight or at least an argument. That was how our relationship had always worked, wasn’t it?
I sat down on the sand beside her. Jessie looked even more alluring than normal in the moonlight and with only the gentle sounds of waves running on to the sand to listen to.
We sat in silence for a moment. The mood seemed perfect and I didn’t want to spoil it with a clumsy choice of words. She had pulled my t-shirt down over her knees and looked so sweet and innocent that I had to fight back a lump in my throat before I could speak.
“Jess, I’m sorry for…well, everything really.”
“For being a spoiled, heartless little brat?”
“Yeah, especially for that.”
“And for getting me stranded out here due to being selfish and thoughtless?”
“Yup, that too.”
“And for seducing me on your yacht?”
“Um, that no so much.”
We sat in silence for a bit longer, it was a far more comfortable silence now, though. It felt as though the heavy sense of awkwardness that had hung over us had disappeared at a stroke. Was this going to be so easy after all?
Our bodies were almost touching and I tentatively put an arm around Jessie’s shoulders. She was cold but her body felt just right when leaning against mine. She didn’t pull away, so I was going to claim that as my first small victory in the battle to win her back.
“Do you want to stay in my camp tonight?”
She was looking out to sea so I couldn’t read the expression on her face after I had asked the question.
“Hell no.” She turned around sharply to look at me. “Your camp is even worse than mine.”
“So, invite me over to yours then.”
“Do you want to stay in my camp tonight?”
“Uh huh.”
The silenced carried on for a few minutes more then she stood up and held her hand out me. After walking together to our new joint camp we sleep, with our bodies almost but not quite touching.
We were making progress but there was no doubt that they were still issues to smooth out before we could look ahead to the future with any degree of confidence.
“Do you think that a man like me could ever…win a girl like you?”
“I don’t know. What is a man like you like? I mean, what are you really like, under the billionaire bluster and the fake arrogance?”
I closed my eyes and tried to find the answer deep within me. I could almost touch it but I couldn’t yet put it into words. Who was I really? The answer moved closer and closer until I could see it at last.
“I’m just like you, Jess.”
“In what way?”
I shrugged even though I knew that she couldn’t see me in the darkness.
“I just need to love and be loved. I have weaknesses-“
“A lot of weaknesses.”
“I have a lot of weaknesses and, hey, a few good points too.”
“Such as?”
“Such as…” I closed my eyes again. This was incredible. She gave me the time and the space to find the answers within me. Was it going to work again?
Maybe 10 minutes passed. It is hard to keep track of time when you are cut off from the world and can only feel the wet sand and the silky smooth hand of the woman that you think you are falling in love with.
“Such as my desire to make the world a better place. Such as the genuine love I feel for you. Such as the way I want to make you happy more than anything else I have ever done. Did I mention that I make some mean pancakes?”
“With bananas?”
“Maple syrup, I’m afraid.”
“Ah well, it’s something I guess.”
“What are your good points, Jess?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been searching for them but I can’t quite seem to catch them in the light long enough to examine them.”
“Let me tell you then.”
“Please do.”
“Okay, so Jess is a kind generous woman who worries more about other people than about herself.”
“How could you possibly know that? It’s just a wild guess by a crazy, sleep-deprived, and shipwrecked man.”
“No. I can tell just by looking at you and listening to you. How you cared for your brother, how you have tried to make me a better person. How you have such a big heart.”
“No-one’s ever noticed any of those things in me before. I’m not even sure they really exist at times.”
“They’re easy to spot if you take the time to look. I saw them right away when I finally decided to look for them. Sorry, it took me a while to work it out.”
Finally, I felt we had advanced enough for me to put my hand on her head and stroke her wonderfully unruly hair. It was wilder than ever but somehow more adorable too. I would love to wake up and see that hair every single morning for the rest of my life.
“You’ve got great hair too.”
“Ah, I recommend swimming in the salty ocean and then sleeping on the sand in the wild for a few days to get the perfect coiffure.”
“You really go the extra mile for your image, don’t you?”
We sat down there, talking and joking un
til we were virtually falling asleep in each other’s arms. Something had changed in the world that night and it could never go back to being the same as it was before.
The island no longer seemed like a prison either. Now it was a place where we could really be ourselves, free from the pressures of trying to maintain our imagines or be what other people wanted us to be.
I fell asleep with a lighter heart and a freer mind that I had felt in years, possibly ever.
When I woke up in the morning Jessie was gone.
12
Jessie
I opened my eyes and saw that it was still dark, but it was that wonderful, fleeting moment when you just know that the sun is going to appear at any second to signal the start of a brand new day and a new opportunity to make the most of life.
The sun was just under the horizon and I wanted to be out on the beach to greet it when it made its first appearance of the day. Adam was sleeping so I left him there. This was something that I wanted to experience alone anyway.
I had slept very little in the last few nights but I was restless again and needed to walk and think. I went for a stroll along the sand around the curved bay. The feeling of wet sand under my wet toes was amazing and it instantly relaxed me. I loved the sensation of sinking into the sand as I walked.
On a whim, I took off the t-shirt and threw it onto the beach. Well, there was absolutely no–one around to see me walking naked along the sand, feeling the joy of the early morning sun on my bare skin. I had done the same thing once in the jungle reserve, walking down to the outdoor shower naked when I knew that everyone else was asleep.
This felt different, though. More thrilling and more like a bold step in my life rather than a moment of madness to liven up my day.
This was the kind of total freedom that I had dreamed of when I had set off on my travels but had never quite managed to feel before now.
The first rays of the sun shone on the beach and I lay on the sand making angels with my arms and legs like I used to do in the snow as a kid. I was now covered all over in wet sand, so I ran into the water to wash it all off before carrying on with my exploration of the island.
This was like having my own private island where I could do whatever I wanted without having to give explanations or conform to other people’s ideas about what I should be like and how I should behave.
Something had clicked in my mind last night. I had convinced myself since leaving home that I had discovered the true meaning of freedom, but I hadn’t until the last few hours spent on the sand with Adam by my side that I had truly felt it.
In fact, for most of my time backpacking and working in the jungle I had been scared, lonely or confused. Of course, it had all been part of the journey towards understanding what freedom really is and appreciating it. I could see now that I couldn’t enjoy this moment without having passed through everything else on the way.
The final part of the process had come last night. While Adam had been apologizing to me I had come to understand that I could finally achieve freedom with him by my side, believing in me and seeing in me the good things that even I struggled to notice at times.
I had always considered being in a relationship as being something that would restrict me and limit my life in some way. Last night I had finally seen that being with Adam could open up a whole new world for me. Not because he was rich, but because he was capable of seeing things that I couldn’t and teaching me about ideas that had never once crossed my mind before now.
While I was lying on my stomach with the water caressing me I saw Adam standing on the shore looking at me. He looked slightly confused and I assumed that he wasn’t sure whether I wanted him to join me or not.
“I hope you’re not getting my t-shirt wet again.” The little smile out of the side of his mouth told me that he had noticed that the t-shirt was lying on the sand far away from where I was splashing around. He was relaxed and his face looked different. He wasn’t trying to pretend to be someone that he wasn’t anymore. This was the real Adam I was meeting at last and I liked him a lot.
“I’m not getting any clothes wet.” I rolled over onto my back and then onto my stomach again so that he could see for himself. “The water’s fantastic, come in and splash around a bit.”
“I always wondered whether I would ever meet a tempting mermaid on a tropical beach but I didn’t expect her to be so gorgeous.”
I felt his hands slide under my body and he then cradled me in his strong arms. I put my arms around him and then caressed him all over. We were both completely naked and very aroused but this was simply a time to enjoy being together in the most natural state possible without doing anything else.
We were together in the water for what could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours, holding each other and enjoying the peace of the moment. My hand was massaging his firm buttocks and he had a hand on my breasts, yet it just felt all so sweet and innocent rather than anything naughty or sordid. This felt like what life as a couple was meant to be like, just the two of us without a single worry or distraction anywhere to be seen.
A big wave hit us out of the blue. We fell to the ground laughing and spitting out water. When we got back up again another hit us, bigger this time. What was happening?
A third wave, bigger than the last one, sending us floundering onto the beach spitting sea water and feeling slightly dazed.
“Is it a tsunami?”
“It’s a ship’s wake.” Adam struggled to his feet and starting waving his hands wildly.
I did the same. If anyone had seen us from the large container ship that passed the island we would have looked really weird, a naked couple desperately waving on the beach.
No-one saw us, though.
I sat down feeling disappointed. Would we ever get out of here and be able to start a normal life together in the real world? At least the passing ship meant that we weren’t completely cut off from civilization but when would the next one pass?
“Hang on, I think it went round to the other side of the island. If we cross those hills we might be able to catch up with it.”
“Do you think there might be a village or town there where it’s going to?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
With so much going on in our relationship I hadn’t even considered the possibility of going over to the other side of the mountains before now, but it made sense. It would be a tough trek but far from impossible to achieve.
We spent a few minutes gathering together some food and drinking water for the trip. There wasn’t a lot else for us to take away. Having so few possessions felt exhilarating but I wondered how a billionaire who was used to being surrounded by luxury would feel about it.
“Don’t you miss your yacht and all your stuff?”
“No. I think that was what was stopping me from being myself. I was being controlled by my wealth and my belongings rather than being in control of them.”
“That makes sense. Do you think they will be able to salvage the yacht?”
He just shrugged.
“I don’t care. It’s not who I am anymore.”
I picked up a few packets of the food that he had salvaged. There was only enough for one or maybe two meals so we were going to have to find something on the other side of the island or we were in serious trouble.
Strangely, I felt that I was going to miss this isolated little beach. As we started up the hill I took a last look back at the place where my life and way of thinking had changed forever.
13
Adam
The trek up the mountains wouldn’t have been particularly difficult if it wasn’t for the stifling heat and humidity. The truth was that they were more like reasonably big hills rather than real mountains. The sun was now shining brightly, though, and it was tough going because of this.
I had salvaged some clothes from the yacht the first day and they had dried out fully while spread over a small bush, so we were decently dressed for the first time in days. It fe
lt strange to climb a hill on a tropical island with a dress shirt and pants on. At least I had decided not to salvage the bow ties and cravats from my wardrobe.
The most noticeable difference in our appearance was down to something deeper and far more significant, though. Something between us had changed and it genuinely felt as though we had reached a new, mature stage in our relationship and in our lives.
We helped each other climb up the difficult parts of the path without complaints and we discovered more about each other’s lives as we chatted on our regular breaks to drink water and rest our tired legs.
I opened up like never before as we sat together looking down at the bay where we had spent our first days as shipwrecks. It all seemed so long ago already, even after just a few hours of climbing.
I told Jessie how my wealth and privileged upbringing had isolated me from the rest of the world. For so long I had felt as though I was barely a part of the human race, unable to share my feelings with other people because I thought that no-one could possibly understand me.
While I explained this the thoughts were coming to me for the first time in my life. I was literally telling Jessie the thoughts at exactly the same time that they occurred to me.
She listened in silence, nodding occasionally and at other times grabbing my hand to show that she understood. We finished the last of the supplies of food and water that I had salvaged, so we were going to have to find some signs of life on the other side of the island or else I was going to have to get very good at hunting or scavenging very quickly.
Yet, we were relaxed and almost care-free for the first time since we had met.
When we reached the next stop on our climb she sat down on my knee and I caressed my hair.
She rubbed my neck and later gave me a foot massage that brought my feet back to life again. I had never felt someone care for me so tenderly and honestly before.
I bent down and kissed Jessie.
