The young woman leans forward and shows me her wrist. In the very center of her wrist is a plain black semicolon. “Honey, the semicolon carries a significant message. In grammar, they are used to continue a sentence that otherwise could have ended but was given an extension. For those of us who suffer with depression, it symbolizes just that. We could end our lives but we have chosen not to.”
Now I get it. For weeks, I have wondered why Alesandra had the semicolon in her infinity tattoo and now I understand.
With the newfound understanding, I love this idea. “Okay, let’s do this.”
The young woman pulls a sketch out from under the counter and smiles at me. “Awesome, follow me.”
Eryc’s car is in the driveway when we pull up. Just like he promised, he is here waiting for me. I say goodbye to Alesandra and make my way to the front door. When I get it open, I hear nothing but silence. No television, no sounds from the kitchen, nothing. I ease the door shut as quietly as I can and tiptoe across the foyer.
I am about to pass the living room when Eryc’s socked feet catch my eye. He is lying on the couch with feet up on the armrest. Tiptoeing closer, I notice that he has a book open and its face-down on his chest. The cover of the book is eye-catching and the title is one I have not heard of. Devada.
I will need to borrow this book when he is finished with it.
Eryc’s eyes are closed in slumber and he looks so peaceful laying there. Since my mom’s accident, Eryc has gone through great lengths to take care of me, and more so when I was kidnapped and he discovered how deep my depression actually ran.
No wonder the guy is exhausted.
Now it’s time that I do something for him. Maybe I will cook dinner tonight. I ease out of the room but halt when he speaks. It startles me because I thought for sure he was sound asleep.
“That was the longest hour I have ever seen in my life. Thought you said you wouldn’t be gone long?” He glances at his watch. “It’s been two and a half hours already.”
A giggle leaves my lips, a sound that is happening more and more now that Eryc and Alesandra are in my life. I really didn’t mean to be gone so long but the tattoo took longer than I thought. Not because of the tattoo, but the tattooist, Courtney, got to talking to me and shared her own story with me.
Leaning my hip on the back of the sofa, I apologize. “Sorry, I just lost track of time. Has Thad been home yet?”
Eryc shakes his head. Knowing my brother, he won’t be home until he is thrown out of whatever bar he goes to at night. Placing the book on the coffee table, Eryc stands. His brown eyes search my face, looking for something.
After a moment, he smiles and asks, “Kay, would you like to go out for dinner tonight?” I open my mouth to answer but he holds up a hand to halt my words. “I’m buying. I thought it would be a nice change to go to a restaurant.”
He is buying? I’m not sure if this is part of the hormonal thing that pregnant women go through, but for some reason his offer to buy me dinner tugs at my heart and tears fill my eyes. It’s stupid, I know, but I can’t help the ball of emotions that coil in the pit of my stomach. Tremors run through my limbs and I bite the inside of my cheek to hold in the sob that is trying to break free.
Jeez, he is going to think I’m an idiot.
To keep from looking like a bigger fool, I nod my head and smile. Though I’m sure my smile comes out looking like a crocodile bit me rather than looking grateful.
“You okay?” Eryc takes four massive steps toward me with concern in his eyes.
I nod, again, to appease his concern.
“Good.” He tips my chin so that his gaze settles perfectly on mine. “You pick the place and let me know when you’re ready.”
At his touch, a flutter stirs in the pit of my stomach. Following that flutter is a whole new wave of emotions. Emotions like I have never felt before. The kind that make your toes curl and your fingertips tingle. With this rush of emotions, I feel a warmness come over my neck, cheeks, and ears. Because of the heat on my skin, I know that I am turning a light shade of pink.
Eryc notices the tint to my skin. His eyes dart to my cheeks, then to my ears, and finally his gaze travels to my neck. It takes several seconds before he tears his gaze away from my neck.
I pull in a breath and wonder what is going through his mind. With my hair in a messy bun, I know I must look like a disaster.
To keep from embarrassing myself further, I smile at Eryc and then rush up the stairs to change my clothes and get ready for dinner.
It doesn’t take me long to change my outfit. After freeing my hair and giving it a quick run-through with the straightener, I sit on the edge of my bed and think about those little flutters that Eryc caused in the pit of my stomach.
I am not sure why those pesky butterflies have decided to show up now and wreak havoc in my tummy. Why not last week or last month? Why now? And why after I have made the decision to keep my babies and raise them on my own?
A fact I haven’t shared with anyone else yet.
Then I catch my reflection in the mirror and wonder if he will ever reciprocate my feelings. The eyes looking back at me still hold a tiny bit of sorrow. Am I happier now? Of course, but I am also broken. I may be on the mend and enjoying life now, but I am not fully healed yet.
Even if there is a chance that Eryc might think I am beautiful, could he actually love someone like me?
Someone who is broken. Who will always remain fractured long after I have healed.
A single mother of two unborn babies that were conceived through dirty deeds.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Eryc
Sadness still haunts my girl deep within her soul. I can see it in her green eyes. Yes, she is beginning to heal and I am so thankful for this new friend of hers, Alesandra. In the past week, I have seen a major change in Makayla. Slowly, she is learning how to live again and be happy.
Though she is healing, she is still broken.
She doesn’t know her worth, but I will do everything in my power to help her overcome this and recognize that worth. It pains me to see my once happy-go-lucky girl be this timid shell of herself. One who sits upstairs and cries when she thinks no one can hear.
Those cries haunt me in my sleep.
Like an idiot, I am still standing in the living room, staring up at the stairs, where Makayla had disappeared fifteen minutes ago.
The last thing I want is for her to see me standing here like a love-struck fool, so I turn around to retrieve my shoes from where they lay next to the sofa. As I do, I see Makayla’s purse on the floor where she dropped it when she came in. The zipper is open and her wallet and keys are spilling out onto the floor.
Bending down, I pick them up and stuff them back inside her purse. As I do, her cell phone beeps with an incoming message. I am getting ready to zip up her purse when the screen of her phone lights up. The light emanating from her cell phone illuminates a pamphlet and the printed words catch my eye before I can zip the tiny purse.
In big bold letters, it says Abortion.
Pulling the pamphlet free, I stare at the piece of paper. The woman on the front looks contemplative and the bright blue font churns the contents of my stomach.
Abortion? Why does she have this in her purse and where did she get it? I know my aunt didn’t give this to her.
Our conversation the day she had the ultrasound suddenly comes to mind and I feel a little nauseous. The realization that she is prepared to end their lives hits me like a ton of bricks and the pamphlet becomes like lead in my hand. Never in a million years would I have thought she would want to end those tiny lives growing in her belly.
Wanting this threatening piece of paper out of my hand, I stuff it back into her purse with more force than necessary. I know I need to zip her purse and put it back where I found it, but I can’t bring myself to depart with it yet.
A vise closes over my beating heart and squeezes the life out of me. The air in the room thickens and oxygen is suddenl
y too heavy to pull into my lungs. Anger slithers through my veins and the urge to hit something, anything, is overwhelming me.
Yes, I know these feelings are uncalled for. Makayla is not my girlfriend, nor are those babies mine. As much as I try not to feel betrayed, I can’t stop the feeling. In my heart, I have already claimed the three of them as mine. In my heart, Makayla has been mine for most of our lives.
I am so lost in the rantings in my head that I don’t hear Makayla approaching until she speaks. “Hey, how does Chinese sound?” She is standing behind me but I can’t turn to look at her. If I do, I may say something I will regret. “Eryc, is everything okay?”
Is everything okay?
This girl is delusional. I bite the inside of my cheek to try and control this anger building up inside me, but then she places her hand on my shoulder and sparks fly. With a move as fast as lightning, I spin on my heel, jerking the pamphlet out of her purse and then I throw it at her.
Glancing down at the pamphlet, she presses her fingers over her mouth and shakes her head. “You went through my purse?”
I don’t answer her because if I open my mouth, my words will carry so much anger.
“You had no right, that is my personal property.” Her eyes meet mine and they look shocked but also angry.
She’s angry?
She has no right to be angry at me. “Don’t you dare give me crap about your stupid purse. I didn’t snoop through your purse. It was on the floor, open and spilling your junk everywhere. I was simply putting that stuff back inside your purse and that pamphlet was visible.” I take a deep breath.
Breathe, don’t do or say something stupid.
Then she bends down and picks up the pamphlet and that action is the rock that hits my dam.
Pointing my finger in her face, just a fraction of a space away from her nose, I let my angry words loose. “You are nothing but a heartless shell of the girl I once knew.” Dropping my hand, I take a step back. “How could you?”
“How could I what, Eryc?” Fisting the piece of paper in her hand, she turns her angry glare at me. “Have an abortion?”
I can’t even look at her right now, so I stare at a spot over her shoulder.
Throwing the waded-up piece of paper at me, she says, “You don’t know anything. You have no idea why I went there. I went there to—”
I don’t let her finish that sentence. Her reasoning for doing this doesn’t mean squat to me. Cutting my eyes to hers, I return that glare. Judging by the gasp and look of shock on her face, my glare pierced her to the bone. “I don’t give a flip why you did it.” Great, now I’m yelling at her. I never yell. Pulling in a breath to calm some of this anger, I mentally count to five before I speak. “These babies may have been an inconvenience to you, but to kill them before they’ve even lived—” I look away and continue in an exasperated breath. “I’m deeply disappointed in you, Makayla.”
“Eryc, you’re not even listening to what I am trying to say.”
“Because I don’t want to hear your selfish reasoning,” I growl.
“My selfish reasoning?” Now she is yelling.
“Yeah, Makayla, you’re selfish.” I speak through clenched teeth.
“Oh my gosh, Eryc. After everything we have been through these last couple of months, this is the one thing that is going to break us apart? Seriously?” She throws her hands up in the air then marches toward me, shoving me in the chest. “And I am not selfish.”
“Yes, you are. Did you even consider how wrong this is on so many levels?”
“Listen here, preacher’s boy.”
I hate when she calls me preacher’s boy.
“Don’t you dare go bringing God into this conversation. You hear me? I understand your faith and I respect it but this is my body, my pregnancy, and my choice.”
“Your body, pregnancy, and choice be damned. You’re being a selfish wench.”
“I hate you!” She screams at the top of her lungs.
“Yeah, well, I’m not so fond of you right now either!” I scream back which causes her bottom lip to tremble.
Wiping the tears from her face, she snatches her purse from my hand and throws it across the room. “You don’t know a darn thing.”
All this screaming isn’t doing either one of us any good. What I need is some fresh air and time alone. Holding my hands up in the air to indicate this conversation is over, I step around her and walk out the front door without a backward glance.
No explanations, no goodbyes, nothing.
As I descend the porch steps I can hear her heartbroken sobs through the wooden door. The need to rush back inside and wrap her in the comfort of my arms wars with the desire to strangle her for killing those two innocent lives.
Those cries follow me across the lawn to my own house, but I continue to ignore them. If I don’t, I will find myself back in her living room.
Though I am now in my own home, and can no longer hear her wailing, my heart breaks for her. She has been through hell and I did the one thing I swore to her I would never do. I walked away and left her alone.
Wonderful. I am now a liar.
Flopping down onto the sofa, I exhale a long breath.
Those tortured cries of hers will haunt me all night. This I am sure of.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Makayla
Two days. That is how many days have passed since my argument with Eryc. Two days of pure hell. He hasn’t stopped by to check on me or returned any of my phone calls. Nothing. Heck, I haven’t even seen him in his front yard. I know he has been going to school because his car is gone when I wake up but it doesn’t return until late in the evening. I think he is picking up extra hoursmore than his regular two hours a dayat the café he works at.
He is avoiding me, I just know it.
Had he given me a moment the other night to explain things, he would have known that I didn’t terminate this pregnancy. He would have understood that I do not want to be the douchebag of a parent my own father had turned out to be.
I didn’t terminate this pregnancy because I have fallen in love with these two babies.
In fact, the night I was held at gun point was my crossroads. That was the night everything changed for me. Staring death in the face made me realize that though these babies were conceived by an evil prick, they are still a part of me. They are my flesh and blood.
But instead of listening to me, Eryc shoved his religious beliefs and opinions down my throat, and then walked away without a single glance in my direction.
Watching him walk out that door broke me worse than Brandt ever did. It was like Eryc took my heart and put it through a meat grinder then smooshed it under his foot on his way out.
These past two days have been a hell worse than the hell I lived over the summer. I sit by the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of him so I can talk to him. To make him listen to the truth.
Heavy footfalls on the hardwood grow louder as my brother walks toward the kitchen. “Hey, sis.”
Pulling the lunch meat and cheese out of the refrigerator, I toss them on the island.
Thaddeus takes one look at me and furrows his brows. “Are you feeling okay? You look like crap.”
Oh, wow. Thanks Thad.
Opening the bag of bread, I pull out two slices and smear mayonnaise on them before answering my twin. “A, thank you so much for the wonderful compliment. Girls absolutely love being told that we look like crap.” I add Doritos to my ham and cheese sandwich, pressing down in the bread so that the chips crunch nicely on top of the ham. “And B, Eryc is mad at me.”
Thaddeus reaches around me to grab a Coke from the refrigerator. “Sis, the guy is in love with you, I doubt he’s mad.”
“I don’t know about him being in love with me.” I take a bite of my sandwich, wiping mayonnaise from my mouth. “He found something in my purse that he didn’t like and…well, now he’s mad at me.”
“He’s mad over something that was in your purse? What did you have, a
picture of him that you drew devil horns on or something?”
My brother is joking around but I can’t feel the humor behind that comment. Not when my heart is in a million pieces and crying out for Eryc. “No, dipstick. It was an abortion pamphlet.”
Thaddeus’s eyes bug out and he chokes on the Coke he is sipping. “Well, it’s not like you went and did it. Did you?”
“No, Thad. I went in for a consultation, last month before being held at gun point.” I take another bite before continuing. “But Eryc wouldn’t hear me out. He just jumped to conclusions, yelled, and then left.”
My brother shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal. “So, when he cools down he’ll be back.”
“I don’t think he will, Thad, that was a couple days ago.”
Eyes growing wide, I see red tinting his neck. Thaddeus sets his can of Coke on the island hard enough the brown liquid splashes onto the counter. “You mean he hasn’t spoken to you in two days?”
Shaking my head, I answer my brother. “No, he was angry with me because he thought I terminated the pregnancy.”
“That shouldn’t have made a difference.” My brother is now shouting. He takes a second to collect himself. “It shouldn’t matter what you did or didn’t do. You are in the process of healing and he promised to stand by your side.”
“I know.” Thaddeus’s reaction is kind of scaring me. Why is he this upset over Eryc not visiting me? I mean, I have Dr. Fuentez, Rene, and Alesandra. It’s not like I don’t have a support group to help keep me from drowning.
No longer hungry, I lay my sandwich down on the counter.
“This makes me angry, sis.” Thaddeus wipes the spilled Coke with his hand, then wipes that hand on his jeans. “Knowing the hell that you went through with Brandt, and dealing with mom’s accident, then you were kidnapped for heaven’s sake. Knowing all of that, he just stops checking on you?” His breathing is coming faster now.
“He was upset,” I whisper, glancing down at my uneaten sandwich.
“I don’t give a flying flip if he was upset. You have been home all alone the last two days.” His voice grows louder with each word.
Pieces of Me Page 18
