Thaddeus pinches his nose, between his eyes, like he is trying to prevent the tears that threaten to flood there.
“As for Kay, there is nothing you could have done. Brandt is a douche that cares about no one. That jerk that tried to kill her was a loser that got what he deserved.” I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from saying hateful things about Brandt and that criminal. “Her fall was something you couldn’t have predicted either. She tripped, plain and simple.” Though I know I am not to blame either, I still feel guilty for her fall. “But I feel ya on that one, I’m feeling guilt for her fall too. If I had just put my feelings aside the other day and just been there for her, without judgement, then she would have never been chasing you down those steps to stop you from confronting me.”
Thaddeus nods but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he picks up his bottle of Coke and takes a long drink. After several long minutes of silence, Thaddeus glances at his watch. “Mom is due for her next round of therapy in a few and I promised her I’d be there.” He picks up his now empty tray. “Tell Makayla I’ll be back. Let her know that I’m with mom.”
I nod. “Of course.”
Thaddeus stands and furrows his brows as if he has something to say to me but is too nervous to say it. It takes him a little while but he finally spits out what he wants to say. “Will you stay with Makayla until I can get back?”
Why the guy feels the need to ask me to stay with her is beyond me. Does he not know that I will be by her side? Okay, yes, I did ignore her for two days but I have no intentions of leaving Makayla ever again. “Yes, of course.”
“You know, for a moron, you’re a pretty decent guy.” Tapping his fingers on the edge of the tray, he smirks. “And I happen to think you’re good for my sister.” Thaddeus doesn’t stick around long enough for me to even reply with a thank you. With a nod, he spins around and leaves.
I drink the last of my tea and head back up to Makayla’s room.
When I reach her door, I ease it open so I don’t disturb her. She is lying in bed sound asleep. Her rosy lips are set in a relaxed smile and her hands are resting protectively on her stomach.
She is so beautiful.
Very, very gently, I drag a chair close to her bedside and sit. Picking up her hand, I sandwich it between my own and watch her sleep.
Mine.
Whether she holds the same feelings for me as I do for her, she is, and will always be, my heart. Honestly, she has always held my heart in her hands. Even when we were dorky nine year olds riding skateboards.
I have always been hers and hers alone.
Chapter Forty-One
Makayla
Little auburn-haired toddlers running around with ice cream cones fill my dreaming mind. I am happy and content until a vice squeezes my upper arm, cutting of the circulation.
Not ready for the two toddlers to leave, I beg them to stay. My begging goes unheard as they giggle and continue playing until my dream fades.
Opening my eyes, I see a petite blonde-haired nurse standing next to my bed. She is glancing at the monitor, then she types notes on the computer. At the sound of my bedsheets moving, she lifts her gaze from the screen.
Her blue eyes sparkle with kindness when she sees me watching her. “Hey there, sweetie. I’m just checking on your blood pressure. It’s back down where it should be. You and those babies are looking really good.” Nodding to the other side of the room, she says, “He’s been here all day.”
I glance over fully expecting to see my brother. Instead I find Eryc sitting in a chair with his hands folded together in his lap and his head dangling forward at a breaking angle. It amazes me how he can even sleep in that position. Talk about a major crick. The one guy who has become my rock, the one who brings me joy in my hurting world, is here with me instead of at home.
My nose stings with the onset of tears and I breathe deeply to stop them from forming. “He has been here the entire time.”
I didn’t phrase that as a question but the nurse answers anyway. “Yes, he’s only left this room to grab food. He refuses to leave your side. That’s quite the boyfriend you got there.”
Quite the boyfriend?
Eryc isn’t my boyfriend but hearing this nurse refer to him as such brings a smile to my face. I could totally see myself as Eryc’s girlfriend. This guy has been healing me from my dark thoughts for over a month now. Because of him, I am slowly returning to the fun and happy girl I once was.
Eryc is the other half of my heart.
The nurse points to a red button on the railing of my bed. “Push this call button if you need anything.”
“I will, thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” The nurse pats my leg before gathering her little clipboard from where it lay next to the computer, and leaves.
From the long hours in this bed, my muscles are achy so I stretch to relieve some of the tension. When I do, a sharp pain shoots from my calf, up my leg and to my hip. The jolt surprises me and I let out a small yelp.
That little noise startles Eryc out of sleep and he immediately jumps out of his chair, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “You okay? Do I need to find the nurse?” He takes a step and I reach out to hook a finger through his belt loop. He glances down at where my hand is resting on his hip and places his on top of mine. “I can get a nurse if you need pain meds or something.”
The concern on his face pierces my soul and I let him know that I’m okay. “I don’t need pain meds. I just stretched wrong, I’m not in pain. I promise.”
He scrutinizes my face, probably looking for signs that I really am in pain. I wasn’t lying, I’m not in pain. It was just a small jolt that was most likely caused from my muscles being so stiff.
“Okay.” He runs his fingers through his hair then unhooks my finger from his belt loop.
One question is weighing heavily on my mind. Until I get an answer I will not be able to relax. I inhale two deep breaths before jumping in head first. “Eryc, are you still mad at me?”
His face is unreadable and his mouth is set in a firm line. Knots form in my stomach at the possibility that he hates me.
“Kay, I’m not mad at you.” Lowering his head, he casts his gaze downward. “When I discovered those pamphlets, it shocked me. You know where I stand on that issue.”
“I know.” Disappointment causes my voice to come out in a whisper.
“But regardless, I should have never been hateful toward you. And for that, I will be eternally sorry.” Gathering my bedsheet in his hands, he twists it around his fingers.
I’m not sure what to say so I stay silent and wait for him to lead this conversation.
Minutes pass, which feel like an eternity, then he lifts his gaze to mine. Unshed tears shine in his brown pools and the instant he blinks, they fall, leaving a wet trail down his cheeks.
Seeing the evidence of his sorrow, I sit up, ignoring the pain that radiates through my thigh and settles in my hip.
Turning so my body faces his, I swipe my thumbs across his cheeks to wipe away the tears.
His hands come up and gently grip my wrists, being extra careful with my left hand which is in a cast. “Please don’t feel sorry for me, Kay.” Tugging my hands down to my knees, he scoots his chair closer and sits. Lifting my right hand in his, he says, “I was a jerk.”
“No—”
Shaking his head, he cuts me off. “I was.” Tears are now flowing freely down his face, and his body begins trembling.
I can see that he is struggling to keep his sobs silent. I keep quiet and allow him the time he needs to collect himself. Eryc’s breathing is long and slow but his tears are not slowing down.
Finally, he leans forward until our foreheads are touching. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he chokes out with a sob.
Baby?
That word freezes me. My whole body locks up on me and all I can do is stare into his eyes. Those brown orbs glisten with his tears and they seem to gaze all the way to my soul. That one word has nervous butterflies stirring in
my belly and twisting in my gut. Baby is a word that Eryc has never used toward anyone older than three.
Was it a slip? A mistake?
“Eryc?”
Cupping my face, he tilts my head and brings his lips to mine in the softest of kisses. A kiss like I have never experienced before. Those warm lips linger in the most tender way and hold so much promise in them. Running his fingers through my hair, he gives a slight tug before pulling away to look into my eyes.
“Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. I understand that you don’t want ties to Brandt, I get that. Thaddeus told me you didn’t do it but I know you want to. It breaks my heart and goes against everything I believe in.” Fingers still tangled in my hair, Eryc presses his nose to mine. “But you matter to me and I will never turn my back on you again.”
So much emotions pass over his features but the one that shines like a beacon is love. So much love.
“That option is no longer on the table.”
Confusion shines on his face and his brows furrow questioningly.
Gripping the loose material at his sides, I explain. “When I was held at gunpoint, something in me clicked. I was suddenly afraid to lose the babies. I feared for their safety.” Emotion thickens my voice and the threat of tears sting my nostrils. “I…I don’t know how, but when I stared down the barrel of that gun, my heart filled with love. Being a mom is not something I planned on and definitely not with a guy I don’t love, but it is what it is.”
“So, you” He pauses. “You’re not terminating the pregnancy?” Hope flashes in his brown eyes and they glisten with new tears.
To affirm, I shake my head. His hands drop from my face and he leans back in his chair, silent. I wish he would speak so I would know what he is thinking.
Biting my bottom lip, I wait for him to say something, anything, but he just sits there with an unreadable expression.
The silence is eating away at me, so I decide to break it. “I’ve decided that not only am I going to carry them to term, I’m going to raise these babies and give them what my deadbeat of a father never gave Thad and me.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Eryc
Wow. She is not only going to give birth to them, but she is going to keep them? This is amazing news. Joy fills my heart, not just because of the fact that they will have a chance at life, but because I will have them in my life. If Makayla allows me to, I will raise them as my own. The beating organ in my chest swells until I’m afraid it might burst from my body.
Are we too young to be parents? Probably. Should we be going to college and living out the rest of our teenage years. Yes, of course. But this is not the hand Makayla was dealt. Because I love her and want to spend my life with her, assuming she wants the same, this is also the hand I am being dealt.
I don’t despise it. I will support her and the kids and be the kind of dad she never had. The kind of dad those kids deserve.
Her fingers start twisting in the ends of her gown and I know that this silence is making her nervous. Gripping my bottom lip between my teeth, I let it loose with a pop. Her gaze lingers on my lips and I wonder if she can still feel them against hers. I know I can still feel hers along mine.
Not able to resist any longer, I stand from my chair and motion for her to scoot over. When she does, I climb in the bed next to her and gather her in my arms, leaning back against the mound of pillows. She sucks in a breath between her teeth.
She won’t admit it but I know she is in more pain than she wants me to believe. It worries me that she is in pain but my aunt has assured me numerous times that Makayla and the babies are fine. Aunt Rene also told me that she will be sore from the fall and it may take a couple of days for that soreness to go away.
Caressing her head where it rests on my chest, I take a deep breath and prepare to tell her exactly how I feel and hope she feels the same. “Kay?”
She tilts her head, so she can look me in the eyes.
“In case you haven’t connected the dots and figured it out,” I bite the inside of my cheek to calm my nerves. This will be the first time I have ever said these words to a girl before. Well, I have said them to my aunt and mom, but they don’t count.
Her brows lift and she pulls back a little to see me better. “Eryc?”
Well, it’s now or never. “I love you.”
Her eyes grow wide and her mouth falls open.
I have surprised her, that much I can see. What I can’t decipher is whether those words surprised her in a good way, or if she is repulsed by them. “Kay? Please say something.”
Tears build up in her eyes and fall when she blinks. I swipe my thumb over them but more fall to take their place. “Eryc.” She shakes her head and my heart squeezes painfully. “As much as I want this, I can’t ask you to love me.”
I open my mouth to speak but she silences me with a finger to my lips.
“Eryc, I’m pregnant with someone else’s children. You deserve so much more than me. You deserve your own family with your own children.”
Selfless. That is what my girl is.
She is selfless for being willing to give up her own desires to ensure I get what I deserve. “You know what, Kay? You are absolutely right. I do deserve to have my very own family.”
I can see that my words have shocked her. She opens and closes her mouth several times but no words come out.
This brings a chuckle out of me which causes her jaw to drop. “Kay, you are the family I want. I have never wanted another girl, it’s always been you.” Pointing to her belly, I say, “And these two precious babies are just a bonus.”
This confession has the opposite effect from what I was hoping to accomplish. She sits up, holding the back of her gown closed, and scoots away from me. “Eryc, don’t. You can’t love me.” Turning her back to me, she says, “You know what all happened this summer. I’m not worthy of your love.”
“You are worth so much more than you know and can even imagine.”
Now, she looks at me over her shoulder. “You’re a preacher’s kid and I’m just a sinner who drank and got high, then ended up with the wrong boy. Your parents would never approve because it would mess up their dreams of you going into ministry.”
“A sinner? You’re calling yourself a sinner?” I chuckle and she frowns at me. “Baby, we’re all sinners. My parents included.” She shakes her head, but I nod mine. “Trust me, there is nothing you’ve done that is a worse sin than mine. We all have a past. Some have a more colorful, or painful, past but we’re all guilty of something. For instance, I’ve struggled with wanting to murder Brandt here lately.”
At my confession, she turns around to face me, crossing her legs underneath her. “So, you want me, regardless of how bruised and damaged I am?”
I nod. “I do. You’re it for me.”
“Eryc, I’m a broken mess. Besides, I haven’t even stepped foot in church in ages. Your parents will not accept me. Heck, there is no way that God himself will accept me.”
“Kay, you have this all wrong. Yes, my parents are ministers, but they will accept you. They already have.” I’m not sure where all of this is coming from.
“Eryc, I’m not worthy of your love.”
Her negativity toward herself is slicing my heart in two. “You are worthy. Kay, this may sound ridiculous and stupid, but you need to forgive yourself for this past summer. Because until you forgive yourself and learn to love yourself again, that burden will not ease. You have come a long way since your therapy sessions and I am so proud of you but forgiving yourself is the key to fully moving on.”
Tears spill down her cheeks and she chokes on a sob. “I don’t know how.”
Now, we are starting to break through that tough exterior. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll do this together. With the help of Dr. Fuentez, my aunt, Alesandra, and me, you will learn to forgive and love yourself again.” Sliding my finger under her chin, I tilt her head up and lean in for another kiss.
This kiss is nothing li
ke the first one.
The first kiss had been soft and tender. This kiss is possessive.
I claim her lips in a bruising kiss, declaring my love for her and claiming her as mine. Darting my tongue out to brush against her lips, I’m surprised when she opens her mouth and slides her tongue along mine.
Our tongues dance and glide together, desperate for more. She scoots close, wrapping her arms around my neck. Makayla is the first girl I have ever kissed, and gosh dang, this feels amazing. I don’t want this to end but I don’t want a nurse to walk in and embarrass her either.
Breaking the kiss, I pull back.
We are both breathing heavily, and her lips are glistening from our kiss. She smiles and I caress her cheek with my knuckles. As she removes her arms from around my neck, I notice markings on her inner wrist. Gripping her hand, I tug her arm close and glance down at her wrist. It’s a purple infinity with the word hope scripted within and a semicolon in the center.
I smile up at her. “You got a tattoo?”
“Oh, um.” Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she looks away. “Yeah. Alesandra sketched it out and took me to have it done.”
I know the meaning behind this tattoo and I approve. “I love it.”
“You do?”
“I do.” I kiss her again and murmur against her lips, “I love you.”
Makayla leans her forehead on mine and places her hand over my heart. “I love you too.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Makayla
Eryc’s admission terrifies me. I have never been in a relationship this serious. Heck, I haven’t been in a relationship that lasted more than two weeks, let alone get to the love stage. And this guy says he will help me with the babies as if they were his own.
Say what?
I feel like I am living in the twilight zone. Tell me, what eighteen-year-old guy says that to a girl? None of them do. All the other guys our age would be running for the hills. No lie, they would be out of here before I could even say hello.
Pieces of Me Page 20
