by Leanne Banks
In a low voice, more breath than song, Benjamin hummed a lullaby to Emma. Her heart swelled so much it hurt at the loving sound, and she closed her eyes at her odd instinct to cry. She was no crybaby. Why was this happening to her? She couldn’t remember a man affecting her so deeply. It was as if he reached her on a cellular level. The possibility was disturbing. She took a deep breath to still the feelings rolling through her.
She tried counting backward from one hundred to fall asleep, but somehow Benjamin’s lullaby made her drift off.
The next morning she awakened to the sound of Emma chattering through the nursery monitor. She allowed the baby to experience some time by herself. It was good for Emma to self-soothe for a short time.
Coco’s mind wandered to thoughts about Benjamin. Something inside her had solidified. She knew she had strong feelings for him. She knew he was important to her. Coco smiled and bounced out of bed, ready for the day. Ready for her future with whatever happened between her and Benjamin.
She threw on some clothes and made a quick trip to wash her face and brush her teeth then raced into Emma’s room. “Well, good mornin’ darlin’,” she said as the baby began to fuss.
Emma glanced at her and gave a welcoming chortle.
Coco changed the baby and picked her up. “Who wants a bottle and breakfast?”
Emma began her version of a morning chat with unintelligible, but happy sounds. “Bottle first?” A moment later, Coco warmed a bottle and sat on the sofa to feed the baby. Emma gave a few burps and Coco put her in the pack and play.
Coco grabbed a quick shower. When she walked out of her bedroom dressed, with wet hair, Benjamin greeted her in the hallway. “’Morning,” he said.
Her heart hammered against her chest. “’Morning,” she returned. “I’ve already given Emma her bottle. She should be ready for breakfast soon. Did she keep you awake too long last night?”
“Just awhile,” he said, and raked his hand through his damp hair. “Listen, I’m sorry about last night. That shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have—” He broke off.
Her heart felt as if it broke in half. “Shouldn’t have?” she prompted.
“Shouldn’t have kissed you. Shouldn’t have gone after you like that,” he said.
She worked hard to take a breath. “Are you saying you didn’t want me?” she managed, confused and so hurt.
“Not want you,” he echoed and looked away. “At that moment, I did,” he said. “But it still shouldn’t have happened. I don’t want you to start thinking this engagement is real. Last night wouldn’t have happened if we were still in Texas.” He met her gaze. “I can’t get into a relationship right now. I have too much going on.”
Coco crossed her arms over her chest. “Is that the same way you felt about Brooke?”
He took a sharp breath and shook his head. “Brooke was a crazy impulse. I broke all my rules. I don’t want to do that again.”
She struggled to swallow over the lump in her throat. “Okay. I’ll feed Emma.”
She turned away and felt his hand on her arm. But she didn’t turn to look at him because she wasn’t sure she could control her facial expression. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why we can’t do this.”
She pulled her arm away from him. “I’ll feed Emma.”
Thank goodness for the baby. She demanded and received so much of Coco’s attention that for the next several hours, she managed not to look Benjamin in the eye. It was for the best. What should have been a make-out session had turned into something far more for Coco. Crazy. Stupid. She would be more careful from this moment on. She wouldn’t give in to silly secret feelings for Benjamin. She just wished she’d never given herself permission to even consider Benjamin as her man.
After spending most of the day inside, Coco was ready to scream. She needed to get out. She needed to get away from Benjamin. She called Mr. Bernard to ask about an outing. He suggested a few possibilities and Coco selected the beach. Slathering Emma with baby-safe sunscreen and dressing her in a protective baby bathing suit, Coco plopped a hat on the tot’s head and got ready.
When Mr. Bernard knocked at the door, Coco was just about ready.
Benjamin answered the door and Coco grabbed Emma and raced to greet their guide. “Emma and I are going to the beach,” she said breathlessly. “We’ll see you later,” she said and walked out the door, feeling a smidgeon of self-satisfaction that Benjamin was staring after her and the baby with a surprised look on his face.
Mr. Bernard told her a bit about Chantaine’s beaches and warned her that the ocean temperature might be a little chilly for the baby. She appreciated his consideration. With help from him, she was quickly situated on the beach with an umbrella, chaise longue and an extra-large towel.
Coco put Emma in her infant carrier, and for once, the baby didn’t struggle to escape. Emma sat, appearing relaxed, with her eyes half-open. Coco smiled at the sight of Emma, wondering if the sound of the ocean was soothing to the baby.
Sighing, she leaned back against her chair and let the breeze and surf sounds assuage her own riot of feelings and thoughts. With one eye on Emma, Coco watched the soft whitecaps as they gently met the shore. She wondered how often Prince Edward had taken solace at the sight of the sea. Everyone had told her how much he had loved yachting.
The last time Coco had been to the ocean had been three years ago—a too-brief trip with college friends. Her favorite part of that trip had been a walk on the beach by herself. Was that something she had in common with her birth father? Or was it just crazy to consider that she had anything in common with him except some genetic material?
Coco dismissed her debates and focused on the peace and relaxation of the moment. Emma was quietly content, the sun was shining, and Benjamin wasn’t nearby to disrupt her—although his presence wasn’t required to mess with her mind. Just a thought would do.
“Hello, hello,” a voice called from behind her.
Coco glanced up to see Bridget walking toward her, wearing a bright pink hat, a pink suit and pink heels. In the sand? Coco stood and watched as a man followed after the princess carrying a chair. “Thanks so much, Anthony. I won’t be long,” she said to the man then turned to Coco. “Would you like a little cocktail?”
“I’m good with my water,” Coco said. “What a surprise.”
Bridget shot a sly look and sank onto the chair. “I’m good with those,” she said. “I hope I’m not interrupting, but I heard you were having some beach time and since I was driving by, I thought it might be fun to make a little stop.” She glanced down at Emma, who was regarding the princess with curiosity. “Do we have a little beach baby here?”
“I think this is her first ocean sighting and she seems to love it. The sound of the waves and the breeze. It affects me that way,” Coco said. “It was nice of you to stop by.”
“My pleasure. I’m in between appearances today. I’ll turn into ranch frau tomorrow. The things I do to please my husband,” she said, making a tsk-ing sound. “Well, he did give up his career in Dallas to move to my country and my brother immediately saddled him with a hugely challenging job. I would do anything for him, even though he drives me crazy,” Bridget said. “I’m sure it the same with you and your Benjamin.”
Coco clenched her teeth for a moment then produced a smile. “I wonder if all men make their women crazy.”
“Oh, they must,” Bridget said. “You’ve probably heard that whole Venus and Mars thing. Well, scientists have conducted a study on the differences between men and women, and they say we’re so different we could be different species. Pippa the brainiac told me that. So now scientists are telling us what we’ve always known. Men are aliens.”
Coco laughed despite the fact that her heart was still hurting. “And you have two little males, too,” Coco said.
“I know. And I lo
ve all three of my men. The twins are always doing something that makes me laugh and sometimes cry. I suspect the same thing has happened with you and little Emma,” Bridget said, glancing at the baby. “Oh, look, she’s blowing bubbles. I miss those days.”
“If you miss it that much, you could have a baby,” Coco drawled.
“Mon dieu, no,” Bridget said. “I’m sure I’ll do it one day, but Ryder, the boys and this ranch keep me quite busy enough.” She shot Coco a sideways smile. “Cheeky of you to suggest it, though. Sounds like something I might say to one of my sisters.”
A throwaway comment, but the word sisters caught at Coco’s heart.
“Well, enough about that subject,” Bridget said. “The other reason I wanted to chat with you is because there’s going to be a charity gala at the palace in a few days. And we would like you to join us.”
Surprise raced through Coco. “Charity gala,” she echoed and shook her head. “That’s so nice of you, but I would need a babysitter. And I can’t imagine I have anything to wear. And—”
“Excuses, excuses,” Bridget said. “We have several wonderful nannies who would provide excellent care for Emma. And although no one would accuse us of having runway fashions to rival Paris, we do have a few nice boutiques.”
Coco could easily imagine that the price of a dress in one of those boutiques would require at least a month of her pay. “Oh, I don’t know,” she said, thinking the event sounded like the adult version of prom.
“Eve, Pippa and I will be very sad if you don’t attend,” Bridget said.
“And Stefan?” Coco asked, although she suspected she already knew the answer. Stefan would love for her to just disappear.
“Stefan is secretly grateful to you for telling Eve that she is doing a job by being pregnant. No one has been able to get her to slow down. Slow down and Eve don’t belong in the same sentence. She’s one of those save-the-world types,” Bridget said.
“Like you?” Coco asked and took a sip of water.
Bridget twitched her lips. “There you go being cheeky again. We can go shopping for your dress tomorrow,” Bridget said and rose to her feet. She waved for her chauffeur. “Time for me to go. Thanks for letting me join—”
Panic set in. “Bridget, I’m very honored by your invitation, but I don’t think—”
“I don’t want you to be honored. I want you to attend,” Bridget said. “Don’t tell me you don’t like shopping. I had that trouble with Eve and Pippa,” she said, shaking her head.
“That’s it,” Coco fibbed. “I’m just not much of a shopper.”
“Well, I’ll just have to pick something out for you and send it over. Will Benjamin need a suit?” Bridget asked.
“No, but—”
“But nothing. If he brought a suit, he’s ready.”
“I’m not sure this is his kind of party,” Coco said.
“It won’t be that bad. There will be beer available and Benjamin can chat with Ryder about sports. He misses that.” She brushed her hands together. “There. All done. I’ll talk to you soon. Ciao, darling.”
* * *
A couple hours later, Coco strolled into the villa toting Emma.
“How was your time at the beach?” Benjamin asked.
“Great,” Coco said. “I found out we’re going to a charity gala sometime soon.”
“What?” he said.
She felt a quick tension in her belly, but pushed it aside. “No problem. You have a suit, so you should be good. Plus, they’ll serve beer, and Bridget’s doctor husband is from Texas and he’ll want to talk sports.”
“What about Emma?” he asked.
“They have nannies galore,” she said and foisted Emma into his arms. “I need a shower.”
Coco headed straight for the bathroom, turned on the shower and hopped inside. She enjoyed the warm spray over her head and body and willed the water to wash away her worries.
* * *
Benjamin changed his daughter’s diaper and gave her a bottle. He wondered if he should bathe her. He wondered when the hell Coco was going to come see him. He pulled some baby food from the counter, plunked Emma into her infant seat, and began to spoon some green substance into his daughter’s mouth.
“Airplane flying through the sky,” he said, feeding Emma.
“Nice technique,” Coco said, walking into the room. She wore a white robe far larger than she was.
“I have to get creative,” Benjamin said and sailed another foot into Emma’s mouth. “Wanna take over?” he asked.
“But you’re doing so well,” she said.
Benjamin sighed.
Emma gave a raspberry, sending her green food all over Benjamin’s chest.
“I think she’s done with dinner,” Coco said.
Benjamin shot Coco a dark look. “Ya think?”
Emma gave another raspberry and he would have sworn he heard Coco snicker, but he was too busy protecting himself from some vile puréed vegetable to check. He rubbed Emma with a cloth and she began to fuss.
“I’ll take her then I’ll go to bed,” Coco said.
“TV is out here,” he pointed out.
“I can read a book. G’night,” she said.
“But—” Benjamin said as Coco lifted Emma from the baby seat.
“We’re good,” Coco said and took Benjamin’s daughter to the bathroom.
“You sure I can’t help?” he asked.
“No. We’re taking a bath,” Coco said.
Benjamin visualized Coco taking a bath and his body instantly tightened. He walked toward the bathroom and spied Emma in the bathtub. She gurgled at Coco, who encouraged her.
He paused before speaking. “Does she like this?”
“In the right conditions,” Coco said. “Optimal temperature, etc...”
“How do you know all this?” he asked.
“Experiment and practice,” Coco said, still not looking at him, which irritated him.
“You wanna give me a clue?” he asked.
“Soon enough,” she said. “I’ll write it all down, but there are a lot of particulars.”
“Is that a woman thing?” he asked.
Coco rinsed Emma and pulled her from the tub. She shot him a sideways glance. “There are particulars for every baby. Male or female.”
“But in my baby’s case?”
“She likes berry-scented soap and her fave temp is almost hot. She loves a sip of apple juice while she’s in the tub...”
“Hell, that sounds like an apple-tini,” Benjamin said.
“No vodka needed for Miss Emma,” she said. “Just good hugs and a lullaby.”
“And what about the nanny?”
Coco paused for a long moment and bit her lip. “Not your problem.”
“Why do I feel like it is?” he asked.
“Misplaced responsibility?” she asked and placed Emma in his arms. “Enjoy your sweetie pie. I’m going to bed.”
“Whoa,” Benjamin said. “She looks like she’ll be gone for the night in just a few minutes. Flat-screen is available as soon as she’s asleep.”
“I need to protect myself,” Coco said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I mean that you are dangerous at night. I need to avoid you then,” she said and turned away.
Benjamin held his daughter as he watched Coco walk away, and he suddenly felt alone. Regret filled him, tightening his chest and spreading outward.
“Hey,” he said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
She glanced over her shoulder, but didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m great. Let me know if you need help with Emma.”
“I will,” he said, feeling alone. Very alone. He knew he had made a mistake kissing Coco and undressing her as h
e had. On the other hand, he hadn’t slept last night, either, and he’d thought about her all day.
Maybe another night would cure him, he hoped. If not, another day would do it. He swore under his breath. If twenty-four hours didn’t do it, then he would need help.
* * *
A couple hours later, Benjamin went to bed. It took a while for him to fall asleep. A vision swam before him. Coco appeared and lowered her mouth to his. Time passed in a millisecond and she was naked against him. He realized that he was also naked and her breasts felt delicious against his bare chest. Her nipples were taut and sensitive as he touched them.
Her moan made him unbearably aroused. I want you, he said.
I want you, she echoed.
Seconds later, he slid his hand between them to the top of her thighs where she was moist and swollen. He stroked her as he kissed her.
“You feel so good,” he said, sinking into her kiss and the intimate sensation of being so close to her. His breath hitched in his throat and he stretched toward her, wanting to be inside her.
Finally, he thrust inside, where she was wet and warm. He pumped, feeling the sweat bead on his forehead. His heart hammered against his chest. He was so aroused he could explode.
Coco stretched her legs around him and held him close. “I love you,” she whispered.
Her words stopped his heart. “Don’t love me,” he said. “I’m not the right man for you. Not right now.”
“I love you anyway,” she said.
He felt himself rise again inside her. Swearing, he couldn’t hold himself back. Even though she’d told him she’d loved him. Even though she shouldn’t love him, and he shouldn’t let her.
But he couldn’t control the way she made love to him with her body, and he couldn’t stop the way he made love to her with his body, either. He began again the rhythm of sinking himself inside her. He felt himself grow closer and closer to release. He was almost there....
He woke up, sweating, his pulse racing, and he was as hard as a brick. It took him a few seconds to separate the dream from reality. Coco was not in his bed whispering alarming words in his ear while they made love to each other.
