by A. L. Knorr
“Excellent.” She eyed the game-makers and Basil. “I presume Mr. Pendleton has been notified of the outcome and is on his way with the paperwork? I need to get it out of the way quickly. School begins in eight weeks and I need all the time I can muster to prepare.”
Basil made some tired sounding reply to this, but I was barely listening.
I was still stuck on Babs’ reaction. Was asking for a week just a tactic to stall for time? But time for what? A lot could happen in a week and I trusted Babs about as much as I trusted Enzo. Dr. Bud could be coaxed to a certain point of view, for instance. If not coaxed, then coerced.
I watched Babs through narrowed eyes as she followed the medical team out the front door. Something was wrong, and it was more than the death of Eira. Yes, Babs could get up to a lot in one week, but so could I.
Twenty-Eight
Stupid Cupid
“Stamppot?” Mr. Hoedemaker asked, eyes bright.
I peered into the pot. It contained a lumpy, green-tinged mash. Since I wasn’t likely to taste my food anyway I nodded and let him scoop his concoction into my bowl, besides I’d had it before and survived.
The cafeteria was quiet but not empty. Gage was seated beside Dr. Price and across from Cecily. Basil had excused himself claiming a headache. He’d retired to his suite, a suite that wouldn’t be his for much longer.
The thought of Babs moving into Basil’s suite and taking over his office was utterly depressing.
Carrying my food over to the table sent a whiff of the food’s scent into my nostrils. The smell was more pleasant than its look. Potato, butter, vegetables, and a smoky, sausage-gravy. My stomach growled and I felt a wash of guilt. I shouldn’t have an appetite but my body was starving. Fire burned calories, and I’d used it a lot today.
Setting my tray down beside Gage, I took a seat. From my back pocket, my cell phone vibrated. Shifting onto one hip, I retrieved my phone, intending to ignore the call. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Then I saw the caller ID.
Excusing myself with a quiet murmur, I headed for the exit. I waited until I was out of hearing range before bringing the phone to my ear.
“Hi,” I said as I passed into the hall.
“Hi,” replied Tomio.
My pulse quickened at the sound of his voice, more from anger than anything else. “You left. You just vanished.”
“I know.”
“Right before the biggest, most important, challenge in the games, my combat coach and sparring partner just disappeared.” Heat was rising in my cheeks as the horrible, nightmarish day came rushing out through an emotional opening Tomio had unwittingly made by calling me right now.
“I know. I’m sorry.” He sounded genuinely contrite. “But what happened between us—”
“I get that that was unexpected, but couldn’t you have put the personal aside until the games were over? I mean, come on, Tomio. I thought you had a backbone, some kind of honor.”
He gave a hiss and paused before responding. “Honor is why I left.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, if you would just—”
“You think it’s honorable to ditch one of your best friends in an hour when she needs—”
“Saxony, will you shut up for a minute!” He barked this loud enough that I pulled my phone away from my ear.
I grit my teeth and barked back, “So, talk then!”
“I’m sorry I left, but I was ashamed. I’m still ashamed. I didn’t know what to do and I thought the best thing was to extricate myself from the situation so you could focus on what you needed to do to win.”
I gave an exasperated laugh. “You couldn’t have told me that before you left?”
“I’m not finished.”
I clenched my jaw and exhaled through my nose.
“I did a bad thing,” he continued. “I’ve been dying to kiss you since we first became sparring buddies. I tried to ignore it. Gage is my best friend. I knew it was foolishness to fall for you but my heart—” he paused suddenly, like he’d veered off into terrain he hadn’t been aiming for.
“Your heart what?” Some of my anger had receded.
“It doesn’t matter. I dealt with it in a less than ideal manner.”
“You sound like Basil,” I muttered. “Less than ideal.”
“I dug myself into a hole and I’m doing my best to get out of it. I’m sorry for what happened, I’m sorry I left, okay? I’m ashamed, and, I mean,” he huffed, “well, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am,” I whispered. “And as soon as I figure out a way to tell Gage, I’m going to.”
Tomio was quiet for so long I thought he’d covertly hung up on me.
“Tomio?”
“I’m here.”
“I didn’t know if you were going to be making a habit out of disappearing.”
He was quiet again.
“Tomio?”
He sighed. “Somehow, you’ve managed to make me feel even worse. Why are you so bloody honest? Couldn’t we just put it behind us? Pretend it never happened?”
“Is that what you would want If you were Gage?”
He sighed again. “No.”
I closed my eyes. A flashback came unbidden, invading my mind, the feeling of Tomio’s mouth on mine, the way I felt everything. The way my fire sat back with approval, like this was a match it could get behind.
I rubbed at my temples. “I’m not entirely sure it was a mistake.”
“What do you mean?” Tomio sounded like he was holding his breath.
“It’s complicated. Too complicated to untangle right now. I’m confused, about more than just this. Today, I—”
I gulped and my nose began to tingle.
“Today, what?” Tomio sounded on high alert now. He didn’t know the last challenge had already happened.
“Today, I fought Eira—”
“Really? Because, that’s the other reason I was calling,” Tomio interjected. “I guess it’s too little, too late.”
“What? I’m not following.”
“I figured out what she is. She’s a cryohäxa, an ice mage from Scandinavia. Fairly rare.”
A tear slipped down my cheek as he put a name to the species of being I had ended today. I didn’t trust my voice so I just said, “Mhm?”
“Yeah. I wish I’d found out sooner, I wanted to warn you. I’m sorry about that too. I seem to be failing all over the place lately. So, how did it go?”
I sniffed and ran a sleeve across my nose.
“Saxony, are you… are you crying?” He sounded mortified.
“Nope,” I sniffed again. “Yep. A little.”
He cursed softly and I could picture him raking his hair into spikes.
“She’s dead, Tomio. I killed her,” I blurted, facing the paneling in the hallway and putting my forehead against the wood. I curbed the desire to thump against it repeatedly.
“No.” He choked out the word, pregnant with disbelief.
“I can’t—” My lower lip was trembling now. I felt like I was made of glass.
“Saxony?”
I whirled at the sound of Gage’s voice, the cell stuck to my ear.
“Your food is getting co—” he stopped when he saw my face. Then he was there, taking me into his arms, folding me against his body.
“That sounded like Gage,” Tomio said in my ear.
I gave a sniffly affirmative grunt.
“I’ll let you go,” he said quietly. “I’m so sorry. I’m in shock. You’re in shock. I’ll call again soon. I promise. Okay?”
“Mhmm.” I pressed my face against Gage’s denim shirt.
It felt surreal. Like a kind of torture invented by a deranged and maniacal cupid. Wrapped up in Gage’s arms, his smell filling my nose. His lips on my hair. His fingers drawing tracers of fire on the skin of my neck as he stroked my curls back. And Tomio’s voice in my ear, the man whose kiss I could really feel.
With a last whispered apology, Tomio disconnected the call.
; My phone slipped from my grip and Gage caught it, hugging me more tightly as the dam holding back my tears finally broke.
I lay awake watching the beam of moonlight as it crept across the floor. Gage lay beside me, his breathing slow and steady. I was still, but only because I didn’t want to wake him. My mind was a thrashing animal caught in a trap.
Lifting my head for a glimpse at the clock on my nightstand, I saw it was almost five. The sun would make its presence known soon. My eyes felt hot and full of sand. I hadn’t slept at all.
Gage murmured something unintelligible and I felt him touch my shoulder.
“Did I wake you?” I whispered, turning to look at him.
He lay on his side with his face mashed into the pillow. The blond-tipped lashes of one eye lifted. His iris looked black in the gloom of early morning.
“Mope,” he croaked.
It was the first time we’d ever shared a bed overnight and it was the exact opposite of what you’d expect. He wore a t-shirt and pajama pants. I wore a long-sleeved night-shirt and shorts. We went to bed without talking. Cuddling only meant we’d slowly build so much heat we’d soak the bed with sweat, so that was out. But I didn’t want to be alone and he didn’t want to leave me so we lay side-by-side without touching.
He cleared his throat and adjusted his pillow, cracking both eyes open. He had pillow marks on his face and his eyes were puffy. He studied me for a moment, blinking away sleep.
“You look tired. Did you sleep?”
“A little,” I lied.
I had passed the night replaying what had happened with Eira and the scene with Babs in the front lobby.
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around how my blow could have caused Eira’s death. Yes, I’d had a moment of anger when she’d spit in my face, but even then… Non-lethal strikes had been drilled into me for months now. They were automatic. I could only hope that the autopsy might shine light on an explanation. Maybe she had some unknown heart condition, like Targa’s father had had.
Gage’s arm snaked around my waist and pulled me to him. He nuzzled into my neck and pressed my chest to his.
Immediately my fire sprang to life, sizzling at my collarbone and under my ear, sending loops of heat cascading from Gage’s lips down my torso. My upper lip felt damp almost instantly. I so loved to be close to him, so wanted to feel him next to me. Why couldn’t my fire just butt out of my relationship?
Gage’s lips found mine and he kissed me, softly at first, then with more passion. My lips and face sparkled with heat, well along the way to where I knew it would lead: numbness.
I broke the kiss. Even in the dim, early morning light I could see the moisture gathering on Gage’s forehead. I shuffled back a little on the mattress, making space and air between us.
“Too hot?” Gage asked, rubbing a hand across his upper lip.
I nodded, taking a deep breath. “You?”
He pressed his lips together briefly, like someone spreading lipstick. “A little numb.”
I groaned and flopped onto my back.
“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out.” Gage reached for me but pulled back, not wanting to build more heat.
“How will it be okay? Our fires don’t want us to be together.”
He shifted his torso up to lie on his elbow, propping his head on his hand. “Is that really what you think?”
“What else can I think? Every time we get physical, I get so hot and sweaty that my nerves shut down. I like you so much—”
He blinked a couple of times at that and I saw a flash of hurt. I knew he wanted to hear me say that I loved him. I did love him, but neither of us had said it out loud before and saying it right now would only make this situation more difficult.
“But it doesn’t seem to matter how we feel about each other. If it’s going to be like this…” I gestured at us and my sentence trailed off.
“I keep hoping it’s just a bump we have to get over,” he said. “Maybe if we ignore it, just keep going, it will realize—”
“How much I want that not to be wishful thinking,” I replied, shifting to mirror his stance so I could see his face better. I took a breath and forged ahead before I thought about it too much. “Tomio and I—we kissed.”
He froze, his eyes fastened on mine. They widened a fraction as what I’d just admitted fully registered.
My heart began to pound but there was no going back now. The words tumbled out of me. “I am sorry, it wasn’t planned, we were sparring and then it just… happened. It’s been eating at me, and Tomio feels horrible.”
“So that’s why he left?” Gage sounded so calm, so reasonable, and that scared me.
I nodded, stomach turning inside out.
“And that was him on the phone, in the hall?”
I nodded again.
The room was silent for a long time. An owl hooted somewhere outside the window.
Gage held out a palm in supplication. “So what does that mean, Saxony? Where does that put us?”
I opened my mouth but had no answers, only a useless stutter.
Gage let his hand fall on the duvet. “Do you want to be with him?”
“I—no. I don’t know.” This is a nightmare, I thought. A living nightmare. The hurt in Gage’s eyes, the calm in his voice, it was slicing my heart to ribbons and I just wanted to take away his pain, but if I lied to take away this pain it would only mean more pain later.
“It’s not a complicated question.” Gage sat up, the covers falling to his waist. He shifted on the bed to lean against the wall.
“It is, though.” I sat up myself now because I couldn’t have this conversation lying down if he wasn’t lying down. Already I felt a horrible chasm growing between us and I was desperate to close it again. But at what cost? How could we go back to the way things were five minutes ago?
“Was it good?” Gage’s voice broke, his features were stricken now. I hated myself for putting that look there, for messing up his beautiful face like that.
“It was…” It had been amazing but I could not, would not, say that out loud. “There was no fire, no heat getting in the way. So it was different.”
Gage dropped his head forward and plunged the fingers of one hand into his bedhead, tugging at it. Then he left his hair alone to rub at his eyes. “This is a nightmare,” he murmured.
I was nodding but he couldn’t see it because he was grinding his eyeballs into his head with his knuckles.
“Yes,” I croaked, hoping he could hear how much I agreed with him. “I’m sorry.”
He left off the grinding to look up, his eyes bleary. “Why is it a nightmare for you? It sounds like you’re perfect for each other.”
“We’re not perfect for—” I swallowed without finishing my denial. Truthfully, I had no idea whether Tomio and I were good for each other or not. We were friends, friends who had shared a kiss that felt the way a kiss was supposed to feel.
My heart had been set on Gage since that day in my bedroom just before Christmas, when we’d made up. My heart still wanted Gage, but my fire was doing everything it could to show me how much it disagreed.
We were quiet, the tension in the room was so thick we could have hung a garland on it.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
The corners of Gage’s lips turned up just briefly, but there was no pleasure in the look, only pain. “I’m not the one who killed someone, so of the two of us, I’d say I’m pretty okay. Yeah.”
Stung, I blinked at him. My hands felt sweaty.
Gage pushed the covers off his legs and shoved himself toward the end of the bed, avoiding me to get off. The gesture made me feel like a fish-bone was stuck in my throat.
He stood, looking around briefly for the socks he’d discarded the night before.
“Where are you going?” I hated the weak sound of my voice.
He picked up one sock, then the other, then stood there, his body facing me but his gaze on the floor. “To go back to sleep. Maybe when I wake up, I’ll disc
over this whole thing was all just a bad dream.”
He opened the door and was gone, leaving me to wonder what he meant by “this whole thing”; the conversation we’d just had or our entire relationship?
Twenty-Nine
Kentish Town
If Gage was able to sleep after that, more power to him. For me, it was impossible. After another couple of hours of agonized tossing and turning, I dressed and left my room for the library.
Morning light poured through the diamond-panes in soft shafts. I headed for the section on supernaturals. My footsteps made the floor boards creak and groan. Skimming a finger over the titles, I selected an encyclopedia of supernatural species.
I set the big book on a table, slid into a chair and opened it. I found the C section and ran my finger down the page until I found cryohäxa.
It described Eira almost to a tee, leaving out the extra abilities that she had due to her hybrid nature. The section was only a page and a half long and revealed a few things of interest that led me to take other titles from the shelves. I became so lost in my reading that when the library’s clock chimed that it was nine. I straightened with a start at the sound. I’d been worlds away.
Gage sprang to mind immediately, the way he’d looked when he reminded me that I’d killed someone. As if I needed reminding.
My heart spasmed painfully and I winced. Taking a few deep breaths, I put away the titles I’d gathered over the last hour and left the library. My mind kept wanting to review the conversation with Gage, like a tongue going to the tender place of a missing tooth. But I’d come across some interesting facts about cryohäxa, facts that led to more questions, questions that led to strange answers, so I tried with only moderate success to ignore the pain in my chest.
My first stop would be the game-makers. If they wouldn’t help me, then I’d hit a brick wall.
I headed for the mudroom exit. The day was shaping up to be a beauty, with birds heralding summer and only a wisp of cloud hanging out over the Channel. Passing under the arch, I opened the door to the fire-gym’s lobby, then the fire-gym itself. There was no reason to keep it locked up any more.
