I smirk. “Technically, they rebuilt my hip in a matter of hours, all while I was sound asleep.”
She leans over, putting a hand on either side of my head and caging me in. Her breathing deepens as her eyes darken. She licks her lips, and I feel like I’m going to blow a load in my pants.
“Well, smartass, after last night’s exertion and your stubbornness this morning, I’m gonna have to adjust your therapy to accommodate for muscle rest so we don’t strain or pull anything.” She leans in closer, her breath hot on my neck. “You know we don’t want you to hurt anything you might wanna use later.”
Before I can adjust from the heat coursing through my body, before I can react or give her some sort of come back, she shoves off and goes back to the kitchen.
Evan sits back, laughing, while I can only think to myself, She’s gonna bust my balls all right, but not in the way she’s thinking.
“I’m going for a short walk to get some fresh air,” Desirae calls out as she puts on shoes and grabs the burner phone off the counter.
Ricca’s men shouldn’t know she is down here, so a stroll around the complex’s lake won’t hurt her.
“Twenty minutes,” I bark as she hits the door.
“Who’s the drill sergeant now?” She laughs as she walks out the door without looking back.
My brother immediately leans forward, eyeing me suspiciously. “Tell me … Tell me you did not fuck her!”
I laugh. “No, but I damn sure would be happy to.”
“All the barflies and biker bunnies available to you and you have to go after your physical therapist? What are you up to, big brother? Are you trying to scare the woman away? You think Ice won’t saddle you with someone else if you make her run out of here?”
I scowl at Ethan. “Hell no, I’m not trying to scare Desirae away. It’s the other way around, dipshit. I’m trying to get a woman to stay for once.”
My little brother blinks, as if he doesn’t understand a word I just said, and then he blinks again. Then I realize the words that just came out of my mouth.
I don’t try to take them back. For the first time in my life, I am trying to get someone to stay. For the first time since our father died, I’m not trying to run away from my life.
I left for the Army to provide but also to avoid. Not being home meant I didn’t have to face everything we had lost. Staying busy from one mission to the next allowed my mind to avoid dwelling on anything back home. I only had to worry about work.
For the first time, I don’t want to drown my problems with another mission. I want to make shit work. I’m just as surprised at myself as he is, but I damn sure don’t want it to change.
Finally, he asks, “You? Ethan? The guy who’s always hammering broads till they can’t walk anymore and then kicking them out before they wanna cuddle? Mr. McCoy is telling me he is actually trying to get a woman to stay with him? As in, she doesn’t want anything to do with you, and you’re trying, anyway?”
I might be able to walk a bit now, but I’m not sure if I could jump off the couch and punch my little brother before he could get away. And if I managed to hurt myself trying, that would only set me back in my plans for Des. That doesn’t mean I can’t shoot my little brother a killer glare, warning him he is in danger of getting an ass whooping. Then it occurs to me that I can beat Ethan at his own game.
“Watch it, fuck-head. If you’re not nice to me, I’ll call Mom and tell her you’re trying to scare off my woman. She’s so desperate for grandchildren she would drive here to bitch-slap you or torture you by moving into your place for a while, ruining your chances of bringing home pussy. Either way, I win.”
“Holy shit! You must be serious about this girl! You’ve never used Mom against me.”
“Damn skippy I’m serious about Des. So don’t fuck this up for me by being an ass. I can fuck it up enough all on my own, Evan.”
A devious smile spreads across his face, and I know I’m really in for it now.
“Should I start shopping for rings for you two? Maybe book a little white chapel? Better yet, maybe I should call Mom and tell her you’re thinking about finally settling down.”
Pointing my finger at Evan, I warn, “You call Mom about Des, and I’m gonna tell Ice I caught you staring at his ol’ lady’s ass the last time we were in After Midnight.”
Evan pales. “You wouldn’t.”
It is hard as hell, but I manage not to laugh at his expression and keep a considering look on my face, as if I’m really contemplating it.
“Don’t worry too much. I don’t think Ice would fuck you up too badly since you make him so much money flashing that pretty, little face of yours to horny women. But I’ve seen firsthand that he can be supremely creative when it comes to punishment.” Given Evan knows Ice was on my Army Special Forces team, I need not elaborate beyond the word creative.
Ethan sticks out his bottom lip and gives me the same puppy dog eyes he always uses on Mom. “You would really do that to me? Isn’t it supposed to be bros before hoes?”
I let my stern expression slide away into an easy grin as I fold my hands behind my head. “That’s where you’ve got it all wrong, little brother. Des isn’t a ho. She’s something different, something special, I think. The kind of woman who could put up with an asshole like me: tough, smart, beautiful—the whole package. After spending all this time with her bossing me around and getting me back on my feet, I’ve decided to test the waters and see if she’s got what it takes to be an ol’ lady.”
“You sound like a man on a mission.”
I give him a nod. “It’s the most important mission I’ve ever committed to: protect and win over Drill Sergeant Bust My Balls.” I smile. “I plan to give it my all.”
~Desirae~
I run the trail around the complex, enjoying the view of the lake, the fresh Florida air, the sun shining down, and time to myself. I focus on the sound of my feet slapping against the asphalt beneath me. The steady thump, thump, thump of my pace is almost hypnotic. I know I should be hyper aware of my surroundings, but I need a moment to myself, a break from my reality. Just a few scarce moments to lose myself in something.
It is so different here than in North Carolina. I feel out of my element, like an out of body experience, but it doesn’t keep me from appreciating the gorgeous scenery. There are palm trees everywhere, along with bushes and flowers in a variety of colors, maintained by the groundskeepers.
The grass almost seems greener here, too, but the idea alone sounds ridiculous. Maybe it’s not the grass but my perspective of life here. Or could it be Ethan, the man I have been trying to keep at arm’s length who closed the distance between us last night in a metaphorical and literal way that I would have never expected him to?
Slowing for my cool down, I feel like I’m on fire from the heat and the burn I have on the inside for my patient. Waking up in his arms is something I could get used to a little too easily. Once he climbed in bed and I could smell him beside me, something calmed and I slept. For the first time since Suzie, I actually had a dreamless sleep and woke up rested.
Since losing my sister, I keep falling into a never ending abyss of darkness. Why am I here? By my own choices, I left behind the only people I trust to live with and work for strangers. They have been good to me, and I understand now that they would stick their necks out to protect me. But coming here originally, all I had was the word of Tank and his club. I know their word is solid, but everything is slipping around me, and I can’t hold on. I miss the familiarity of what I left behind.
Gripping the burner phone, I dial home for the first time since I came to Miami. Tank answers on the second ring.
“Drill Sergeant,” he quips. “You calling to bust my balls? I’m pretty sure we lined you up with someone else to torture.”
“Tank,” I sigh, finding comfort in the familiar.
“You okay?”
“No.” Then I stop myself. It’s not fair to drop an
ything on his plate. After all, I am here because of my wishes, not his. “Yes, I’m okay. I’m just missing everyone.”
“I know, but we can’t call and shit. Don’t want there to be a trail.”
He is right. I shouldn’t have even risked the call. At this point, I don’t care if they find me, but I definitely don’t want trouble for the Hellions … or the Regulators.
“Are there any leads?”
He blows out a breath. “I wish I could share with you, but I can’t. I wish I could ease your mind, but I can’t. I can tell you that we’re looking into it and the Regulators have their resources on it. You’re safe where you are, but don’t take any unnecessary risks.”
I fight back the tears of disappointment. I know club business is club business, and I know he is trying to keep me safe, but sitting back, saying and doing nothing, is killing me inside.
“Give Red my love and tell Sass I miss her.”
“I will. She’ll be happy to know we heard from you. Where’s Hammer?”
“At his place.”
“Where the fuck are you?” he asks angrily.
“Outside for a run.”
I hear the phone move like he’s covering it. He mumbles some words then comes back to me. “Tell me you aren’t alone.”
“That would be a lie,” I say with a little more attitude than I intended.
“Get your ass back to that condo and don’t leave alone!” he roars over the line.
Anger fills me. “Don’t tell me what to do. I can take care of myself.”
“Dammit, Des, we’re trying to keep you safe. Get your ass back to Hammer’s.”
I know he is just worried and trying to do right by me, but I don’t want to be stuck to Ethan like glue. If I am around him much more, I might give into his dirty mouth and his sexy body. Regardless of my desires toward Ethan, I don’t want to have Tank worried, especially being so far away.
“I’ll go back.”
“Until we give you the all clear, you don’t go out without a Regulator at your back, Desirae. I’m serious.”
“I get you. Give everyone my hello. I miss you guys.”
“We miss you. Now take your ass back to Hammer’s.” He ends the call without a good-bye, which isn’t something he’s big on, anyway.
Walking back, I can’t help still feeling wound up. So much for a run to take the edge off.
As I round the corner of the building, I look over my shoulder to see Coal keeping a steady pace behind me. Huh, I wasn’t alone. I should have known better. I have had eyes on me the whole time. Well, Tank will be happy to learn this. Me, I just need to feel like I can breathe.
In front of the door to the stairs, I pause. The elevator would be faster, but the stairs give me a few more moments to myself. I have a job to do, and I’m going to do that. No entanglements with Ethan, business only. At the front door, I pause, holding the metal handle in my hand. Steel yourself, Desirae.
Chapter
14
~Hammer~
Day one: Mission is active. Nightmare engaged at approximately twenty-two hundred, and by twenty-two forty-two, target was resting comfortably. Primary target is currently asleep in my arms.
Being away from the Regulators’ day to day world for so long has me missing the action. Sure I have checked in, and I still get my cut from the businesses as well as our government black ops stuff, but I miss the focus of having a mission. I miss working together to develop a strategy to be on the winning end of the battle. Well, Drill Sergeant Bust My Balls, my new mission is winning you over.
Nothing has ever seemed to matter more to me before.
She stirs, and I squeeze her shoulders, hoping she will stay beside me. When she sits up, I sigh. Thankfully, she hasn’t put up a fight about me sleeping in here with her. Whether she’s ready to admit it or not, she needs me as much as I need her. We fit, and I’m going to show her just how much. I will be the safe place for her to fall. I will be her partner to carry her burdens. I will be here to chase every nightmare away.
“It’s time to start the day, Ethan.” Her eyes show the determination not to give in to this attraction between us as she pushes off and scurries away to the bathroom. I know she’s using it to hide from me, and it only pushes me harder.
Instead of giving her space, I get up, making my way to the kitchen to beat her to her secondary escape. A few minutes later, she enters the kitchen, the surprise on her face evident.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
Even though I am stiff, I fight back the pain as I move around. My legs burn, but I need her to see me as a whole man who is able to be strong for her.
Her face pales and darkness encroaches in her eyes. “Do. Not. Call. Me. That. Ever.”
I step into her space. “It wasn’t my intention to upset you.” I read the file Screech got for me. I know what the name means. I just didn’t think it would evoke this response.
I know her sister was her best friend, so I was trying to bring back the happy parts of her past. She can’t leave it all tucked away as bad. If that was the case, her sister’s life would be a waste, and no life is worthless. It took time for me to learn that.
Even though my dad is gone, he taught me more in his lifetime than some people ever get from their father’s. Rather than be bitter for the loss, I try to be strong for my mother and brother like he would if he were here. I want her to see that, if Suzie were here, she would still want Desirae to find the sunshine. I just need her to see it.
Her eyes soften. “That’s my sister’s nickname.”
“Talk to me.” I reach out and cup her chin.
“Hammer, let it go.” She tries to pull away from me, obviously using my road name again to try to put emotional distance between us since I won’t let her put physical distance there.
I cage her in against the kitchen counter. “I don’t wanna.” It’s time to man up and give her what I gave her in the dark of night. “You wanna heal me, Desirae.”
I see the recognition in her eyes. She heard me. Well, good, now she’s going to see me as I lay it out to her, eye to eye.
“You wanna heal my broken body, Desirae. I wanna heal your broken soul. I can’t give you your sister back, but I can show you how to live again. We both died a little inside, and together, we can learn to live again.”
She blinks and swallows hard.
An idea hits me. It may not be smart, but it’s what I have in the moment.
“Ride with me?”
Her eyes go wide. “On a motorcycle?”
“Yeah, my legs and hips can handle the vibrations for a short ride. You know not to wiggle. We won’t go long. We can escape together. It’ll be me, you, and the open road.”
Knowing this is crazy and dangerous, she still somehow manages to nod her head.
I drop a quick kiss to her lips then back away so we both can go put on jeans and boots. Then we head out to the elevator where I take her hand in mine, and she doesn’t fight me. I will take this as a win. We are getting somewhere, and we are getting there together.
I remember when I took the stairs every day, and now I can’t imagine making the five flights without being in pain by the end.
The sunlight hits as soon as we exit the building, and there sits my one and only woman, my Harley. I trace my finger over her every curve as I visually inspect the machine. She is black and orange with a custom paint job of a Hammer on the gas tank.
Hopping on, I wave Desirae on behind me. She climbs on like a professional and settles in behind me. Leaning in, I feel her breath on my neck.
“Helmet?”
I smile as I crank the engine and let it come to life under us. “Florida, baby; no helmet law.”
She wraps her arms around me tightly. “You do like to live dangerously, don’t you?”
I laugh. “You have no idea.”
Backing out, I let my hips settle into the seat, molding into the bike. We make the slow ride
out of the complex and hit the road. Then I twist the throttle and relax as the wind hits my face, and Desirae holds me with her laughter in my ear.
In my entire life, I have never felt more alive and free than I do in this very moment with her. For the first time since my father died, I can see myself having what he once had with my mom. For years, I walked the edge, not caring if I lived to see another day. I was a soldier. I was trained, did what was commanded, and sent money home. I didn’t live. Sure, I had fun along the way, but I never had my own reason for anything … until the curly-haired, feisty physical therapist came into my life.
I know the ride can’t be too long without putting her in danger, so I choose the roads that will take us in a slow loop with a view of the beach along the way. I hope the view will give Des some of the peace she desperately needs.
We move as one as the beach comes into view, and I hear her gasp. Something tells me this was just what she needed.
It is late afternoon, so the sand is packed with men, women, and children playing in the sand, splashing in the water, and laughing. In this moment, I realize I have gone about everything wrong. I have spent my life running from feeling and being connected to anyone new. Being here with Desirae, I don’t want to have a moment without her. Seeing the crowds of people free to feel, it makes me look at her and all she has lost. This is what I want for her: happiness. I just hope I can show her she can find it with me.
We ride along the stretch of road that parallels the beach for another thirty minutes. Having her settle in behind me, her arms wrapped tightly around me, is peaceful. We need no words between us.
I reach down with my left hand and give her thigh a squeeze. I’m not a man of words, but I am one of action. While some of my actions have pushed her away, I hope she can see I fucked up. I don’t plan to again, though. I want her more, and I want to see where this attraction between us can go.
When I feel the pain building more, I make my way back. I wish I didn’t have to cut this ride so short, but my hips are starting to ache.
Hammer (Regulators MC Book 2) Page 14
