* * *
Jane dismounted her bike, leaned it on the corner of the shop, and then rushed in to the Tasty Dwarf Bakery to find Muffin Man talking with a faun. Muffin Man looked up when the bell to his shop rang and had a surprised yet pleased expression on his face. He finished his business with the faun and then waved her forward.
"By the Mines of Moria! You are alive," he stated. "And I don't see any missing limbs or other appendages."
"I am alive and in one piece," she said. "Nothing ate me, so I can keep delivering for you."
Muffin Man spoke, "I am glad to hear that nothing ate you, but you were supposed to be back last night. I do not think I can hire you."
"I do have a good excuse for being late," she stated, then handed him the clipboard and quill, and told him, "And I did get the Beast's signature."
"His signature and not one of his servants?" Muffin Man questioned as he took the items and looked over the top paper. "It is his signature. Did you receive it from him in person? Did you faint or scream? Customers frown upon such reactions."
"I did faint, but only because I had been..."
The bell on the front door rang as an old witch a little taller than the dwarf came in. She wore all black with what looked like pieces of candy all over her outfit, she had a pointed hat, and she carried an old fashion broomcorn broomstick.
"One moment," he told Jane, walked over to the witch, and questioned her, "What can I do for you, you old bitty?"
Jane's jaw nearly dropped to the floor as she heard him disrespect a customer. The old witch didn't seem to notice as if it was the norm.
"I need to make some repairs to my house. Could I purchase some ginger bread dough off of you?"
"I do not have any made right now, you old hag," he answered her. "I will have some sent over to your place once I make a new batch."
"Thank you," the witch said as she handed him a pence.
Muffin Man inquired, "Are you adding an addition to your house?"
"No," the witch replied. "I believe a yeahmun was at my house and destroyed part of it."
"Are you sure you did not actually lure some children to your house, you ugly harpy, and they ate it?"
"Yes, I am sure," the witch told him, and then she informed him, "A weapon forged by the yeahmuns struck my house."
"Yeahmun weapons are very powerful and rare, but anyone can wield them," Muffin Man told her. "Was there any other evidence of a yeahmun at your house?"
"No, only the weapon."
"I would not worry," he told her. "It has been years since a yeahmun invaded AaBack." Muffin Man glanced at a photo on the wall of himself and two other males and then he told her, "Remember, yeahmuns are very rare."
"And very scary and extremely dangerous," the witch added. "You should not belittle my fears."
"I do not, you depraved, dog breath, child-eater," the dwarf told her as he went behind the counter and placed the pence in a cash box. "I will start on the dough once I finish speaking with this female."
"I will be expecting the delivery before the day is over, and make sure whoever you send is careful when they come," the witch said, turned, opened the door, hopped on her broomstick, and took to the air, zooming out of AaBack.
"I need to check on my muffins," the dwarf told Jane as he headed into the back. "I will be back shortly."
"Was it necessary to call that elderly lady names? She seemed to be a nice customer."
"I never called her any names," the Muffin Man replied. "I am nearly always polite to my customers."
"I'd hate to see if you were rude," Jane muttered to herself as he walked to the back.
She stood there for a while and then curiosity got the better of her. She had to know what the dwarf had been looking at on the wall, so Jane went over, spotted a photo which was a Polaroid, and she saw that one of the persons in the photo was the dwarf, there was also a tall elf with long pointed ears, and a man with a t-shirt of a gray tundra wolf howling at the moon. She wondered if the man wearing the t-shirt was Lykos.
Muffin Man came back to Jane and inquired, "Where were we? Ah, yes... We were talking about the Beast's signature." He lifted the clipboard he'd been carrying and examined the autograph again. "I am impressed that you got it, even if you did faint, but the stipulation of our agreement was that you would come back last night. I am sorry, but I cannot hire you."
"I did agree to that, so I guess I can't argue," Jane told him, greatly disappointed she wouldn't have a place to stay or any sort of income. She removed the weapon from her backpack as she said, "Here's the club you let me borrow."
He took it from her, examined it, and saw what looked like scales all over the wood as if the marks had been burned into the club. The teeth and claw marks that riddled the club were gone. Muffin Man was about to ask her what happened to the club when she interrupted him.
"I do have a question. Do I have to share my tips?"
"No, the tips are yours to keep. Wait one moment. You fainted at the sight of the Beast, and he still gave you a tip." He rubbed his red beard as he thought, and then the Muffin Man stated, "You were there all night. Just what did you do at the castle that you had to stay through the night?"
"What do you mean? What do you think I was doing?" she questioned, then thought about it, and insisted a little embarrassed, "Oh... No... Like I told you, I fainted and I didn't wake till this morning. Nothing happened."
"Good. I do not want the Beast to conjure up any ideas about services we do not actually provide," Muffin Man stated, then a pigeon landed on the side window sill outside, and tapped on the glass. The dwarf said, "Hold on a second, someone is placing an order."
He went, opened the window, and took a small piece of paper from the bird's mouth. The paper magically tripled in size as it left the bird's beak, then the pigeon flew off as the dwarf read over the note.
"Looks like the Beast has sent in a late order for bear claws. Elf-shot! And he insists that someone named Jane be the one to deliver it. Who in the realm is this Jane! Pompous rich prince! Always making ridiculous demands!"
"I'm Jane," she told him. "Didn't I tell you my name yesterday?"
"You did not and I did not ask," he told her. "In this line of business, I have discovered it is best not to become close with the delivery people. They tend not to last too long or they turn out to be who they don't appear to be." He crossed his arms as he thought about his predicament. "Now what to do? I have already told you you no longer have the job."
"Hire me as an independent delivery girl," she suggested. "I'll work as you need me, and you don't have to commit to keep me on." She added, hoping to entice him into the deal, "It'll also give you time to look for another delivery person."
Muffin Man didn't answer her right away, but turned his attention back to the letter. "The Beast goes on to say he would greatly like to thank the Tasty Dwarf Bakery for having such a brave delivery girl. If it had not been for Jane, the Beast may have lost his life." Muffin Man peered up from the paper and questioned, "Exactly what happened last night?"
Jane began her tale, and she went into great detail, leaving out the part of watching the Beast duel with no shirt on, turning into a duckling, and discovering the tiny rose and the giant rose in the maze. The dwarf listened intently and didn't interrupt her once and then when she finished, he seemed astounded by the occurrence.
"I see," he said. "You do have a good excuse for not coming back last night and to think I never even noticed your bandage."
"Do we have a deal?" she questioned. "Can I work for you as an independent delivery girl?"
"I believe you can," Muffin Man replied. "We will try it out for a week and see how it goes at the same pay rate of course."
"Of course," Jane replied. "As long as I can still live in the loft for free."
"Yes, of course. I will box up the bear claws. Why not grab a muffin or two? There is also milk in the glass bottle over there. It
comes in fresh every morning."
She went over, grabbed two muffins, ate one, drank some milk, then put the other muffin in a bag, and placed the bag in her backpack. The dwarf returned, handed her a box of bear claws, and gave her back the clipboard and quill with a new invoice paper on top.
"Your first delivery will be to the witch who lives in the gingerbread house," Muffin Man said as he handed Jane a paper bag. "She is to receive this dough. Her invoice is the top invoice, and it also has directions to her house and then after that, return to the Beast's castle and deliver his bear claws."
"Yes, boss," Jane told him. "You sure did make the dough pretty quick. Do I need to hurry back?"
"No, those are the only deliveries for today. I will have our messenger pigeon find you if any delivery comes in later."
"Okay. I'm off then."
"One other thing before you go," Muffin Man stated as he handed her the club. "Take this weapon with you. It is yours now. Somehow it has been imbued with some sort of magic."
"What do you mean?" Jane asked him.
"See the markings on the club? They look like snake scales to me. Did something unusual happen to the club when you used it?"
"An enchantress turned it into a viper before I threw it at the goblin," she told him. "I don't think she intended to enchant it, but I think she intended to take me out with my own weapon."
"Whatever the enchantress intentions were, the weapon is imbued and as its owner, you will need to name it."
"How do I do that?"
"Lift it over your head, think about the weapon, and call out the name that first comes to your mind," he told her.
Taking the club, Jane lifted it above her head, then thought about the club, and what happened at the castle. The image of the viper with its mouth wide open repeated in her mind, so she declared, "Your name is Snake Bite."
The name of the club appeared in the scaled wood as if it had been engraved there.
Muffin Man warned her, "Be careful with the club until you have discovered by what it has been imbued with."
"I will, thanks."
She attached the club to her backpack with the leather strap at its end, then went outside, mounted her bike, and easily found the gingerbread house that was just outside of AaBack in the nearby woods. Jane went and knocked on the front door, and the witch opened the door enough to stick her hand out, and Jane handed her the bag of dough.
"Did you see anything your ride over?" the old woman questioned her.
"No, not a thing," Jane told her as she gave her the clipboard and quill next.
She took them, signed the clipboard, and handed them back. "Wait there, I have something for you," the old witch told her, left, then returned, and gave Jane a half pence.
"Thank you," Jane said. The tip was generous, considering the old witch paid a pence for the dough. Jane started to walk toward her bike when she turned back and asked, "Isn't it a little scary living out here in the woods alone?"
"It is," the old witch told Jane. "Many things more terrifying than myself prowl about."
"You're not that terrifying," Jane told her. "You seem kind of sweet to me."
"Are you saying sweet enough to eat?"
"No, silly. I'm talking about sweet and considerate. Do you have any family?"
"I cannot speak to that."
"Oh, that's okay." Jane tried to think of something else to say, and when she couldn't, Jane stated, "I guess I'll be off now."
"Wait, I want to show you something, so that you can report it back to the Muffin Man."
Jane wasn't sure she wanted to go inside, but the old woman came out and led her to the back of the gingerbread house. Jane walked over to a scooter that had been rammed into the back of the house with its front wheel and handle bars, and she discovered that some sort of green gelatin covered the scooter.
"I incapacitated the weapon that attacked my home," the old witch boasted.
"Is that what this green gelatin is?"
The witch nodded.
"Was there a rider?"
"I did not see one, only the ghastly weapon. Yeahmuns have to be responsible."
"Can you describe what a yeahmun is?" Jane inquired.
"I can. One came to AaBack a long time ago. Yeahmuns are hideous creatures who..." The old witch paused as if she fell asleep, then she appeared to wake, and she stated, "They are hideous creatures."
Jane questioned after the vague answer, "What do they look like and exactly what do they do?"
"Yeahmuns look like... Yeahmuns are hideous creatures and they like to..." The old witch paused again and drifted into what appeared to be sleep, but Jane thought maybe it was some sort of enchantment. The witch pulled out again and repeated, "Yeahmuns are hideous creatures."
"You said that before. Do you know you keep repeating yourself?"
"I did? You must be mistaken. I went into great detail about yeahmuns and never repeated myself once," the old witch told her with a bit of irritation. "It is not my fault you do not pay attention."
Jane muttered to herself, "Maybe I'll ask the Muffin Man later." She then told the old witch, "I better get going. I have another delivery."
"Wait, there is something else," the old witch stated. "Yeahmuns are not always hideous to look at. They can disguise themselves and blend in with normal people."
"Normal people like you?" Jane inquired.
The old witch nodded.
"That tidbit of information could come in handy, thank you," Jane spoke as she started to head back to her bike. She got a sense she should help the old woman with something, but she wasn't sure what it was, and her excitement about returning to the Beast got the better of her. "Have a nice day," Jane yelled over her shoulder as she rushed back to her bike.
"Have a nice day?" the old witch repeated her words. "The deary actually bided me good-will. Could this mean something? I also do not remember her belittling me in the least. I believe this moment should go into my diary."
Beauty And The Beast: The Classic Fantasy Fairy Tale With A Twist Page 44
