by Nina Levine
I frantically grab for him, needing him inside me. “Can we discuss this after you fuck me?”
Taking hold of my arms, he stops me and crushes his body to mine. The look in his eyes tells me he has something important to say so I give him the space to say it. “I know I’ve been distracted and distant for a while now, Angel, and I’m sorry. This shit going on… it’s fucked up and I’ve allowed it to come between us. I won’t do that anymore.”
My heart hurts for him. He thinks this is all on him? It’s not. “You’re not the only one who’s allowed distance to build, Winter. We’re both hurting. We both did this.”
He works his jaw, determination clear in his eyes. “However it happened, it stops now. You come first, every fucking day from here on out.”
I want to tell him that what we need is a whole lot more than sex every day, but I don’t want to ruin this moment. Baby steps. We can start with this and build from here. Today, though, we just need to be close and start connecting again.
“I love you and I’ll never stop loving you.” I kiss him, long and slow. “And now what I really want is for you to fuck me and not hold back.”
He doesn’t need any further encouragement. Spinning me around, he takes hold of my hips and thrusts inside me. Hard. Exactly how I want it.
When we’re finished, he kisses me one last time and says with force, “I love you. Never forget that.”
“I never will. And I’ll never allow anything to break us apart.”
His chest rises and falls, and it’s like a load is lifted off his shoulders. “Thank fuck.”
I don’t know what’s running through his head, but after this, I’m more determined for us to get some counselling. My man is hard as nails, but a man can only take so many knocks, and Winter has taken more than his fair share. We’ve each been engrossed in our own pain the last few months; it’s time we shared it again and getting counselling will hopefully help us do that.
6
Lily
* * *
I stare at the bon bons scattered in torn pieces on the kitchen floor and have to work hard to stifle the scream lodged in my chest. It’s 10:00 a.m. and I have a club full of families arriving in two hours for our Christmas barbecue, and now I have no fucking Christmas bon bons. On top of that, we still have no air conditioning. King can’t fix it, and because it’s Christmas Day, he can’t find anyone who can. Also, Travis is still not completely well again, and he’s been far more needy than usual this morning. I told King it’s because of the heat in an effort to force him to find me a miracle cure for the air conditioning. That went down as well as can be expected, i.e. he lost his shit at me. I know I’m being a bitch today, but I. Don’t. Care. It’s fucking hot and no woman should be expected to run Christmas in this kind of heat.
“Mum, Meredith is hogging the Xbox. She won’t let me and Travis have a go,” Cade says from behind me.
I spin to face him. I knew this Xbox was going to be the bane of my existence, but King told me it would be their favourite Christmas present. It might be, but it isn’t mine. “Where’s your father?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“You go find him and ask him to help you sort this out. I’ve got a mess of bon bons to sort out.” My temperature is rising and it’s not just from the lack of cold air.
Cade scowls but turns to do as I said.
“Cade,” I call out as he walks away. “Any idea who did this to the bon bons?”
“Travis,” he calls back.
Taking a deep breath, I remind myself it’s a crime to kill your own children.
I must not go to jail.
I must not go to jail.
I must not go to jail.
“Lily, darling,” my mother says as she glides into the kitchen, twirling in her new skirt. “Brynn just called and she can’t drop off the salads she promised to bring over.”
I stare at her, willing her to take those words back. “Why not?” We’ve had this planned for weeks. Weeks. On their way to Jamie’s parents for lunch, they were going to drop off five huge salads. Salads I need to help me feed all the people coming today.
Mum looks at me like I’m a crazy person. “They’re having car trouble. She said you’d be better off getting someone to collect them.” Frowning, she adds, “Is everything okay, darling?”
If I still smoked, I’d smoke an entire packet right now.
“Take a look at the kitchen floor, Mum. Does everything look okay? Do you feel okay in this hot-as-fuck house? Can you even hear yourself with all the noise the kids are making?”
The sound of boots thudding on the floor causes me to turn, coming face to face with King. He directs his attention to Mum and says, “Hannah, can you give us a minute?”
“I think it might be a good idea,” Mum murmurs before leaving us alone.
King’s eyes come back to me. “What’s going on?”
I gesture at the floor. “Look at what your son did to the bon bons.”
He takes a look but doesn’t seem as perturbed as I am.
I don’t give him the chance to say anything before saying, “That’s all the bon bons, King. All of them! I have zero spares.”
“For fuck’s sake, Lily, they’re just bon bons. Who did it?”
My eyes almost explode from my face. “At this point, I don’t really care who did it; I just care that we now have no bon bons for lunch.”
“We don’t need them.”
“Yes, we do!”
“No one will care if we don’t have them.”
“I’ll care.” I throw my hands in the air and stalk away from him to the pantry. This conversation is not helpful.
“Lily!” he barks. “Don’t walk away from me.”
I carry on. “I’ve got things to do for your lunch. I don’t have time for this conversation.”
He catches up to me and grabs me by the waist. Spinning me to face him, he demands, “My lunch? I wasn’t the one who fucking wanted this lunch.”
I place my hands to his chest trying to push him away, but he’s got a tight hold on me. “No, but I’m doing it for you. For your club.”
His eyes flash with frustration as he backs me against the wall. “What’s really going on here?”
“The only thing going on here is that the bon bons are ruined, the air con is broken, the kids are feral, and my husband’s slowing me down by—”
“Bullshit. You’ve been on edge all morning. Why are you so fucking worked up about some bon bons?”
“Because I wanted this lunch to be perfect for you and the club. That’s fucking why! You’ve all had a shit year and things only seem to be getting worse. Your guys are all stressed. Their families are all stressed. You’re never home. The kids are missing you. I’m missing you. We all need some happy in our lives and I wanted to give it to everyone today. And Christmas needs bon bons!”
I’m hot.
I’m bothered.
And I’m done.
I push him away and make a move to get as far from this kitchen as possible. But King snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me back to him.
“I fucking love you, woman,” he growls. “But you need to let me do the worrying over my club. This isn’t shit I want you stressing over.”
“But I do worry over it. I’ve always worried about you and your guys. I hate seeing you all go through so much. Bringing some happy into your lives is something little I can do for you all.”
He brings his hand to my cheek and cups it, gently rubbing his thumb over my lips. “Bringing happy is good, but not if it costs you. I don’t like seeing you this stressed. I fucking won’t see you this stressed.” He pauses for a moment, thinking. “I’ll get more bon bons. Is there anything else on your list of shit-causing-you-hell? Besides the fucking air con, that is. You’ve already busted my balls over that and I’m still trying, but it’s not looking good.”
The mention of the air con makes me smile.
King caring makes me smile.
And just like that, I feel like I can breathe again.
“I need someone to go over to Brynn’s and collect some salads.”
“Consider it handled. Anything else?”
I press my body into his. “You know, you’re not a bad husband after all. I think I’ll keep you.”
“Who the fuck said anything about me being a bad husband?”
I arch my brows. “Well, there are times where you can be a pain in my ass. But like I said, I’ll keep you around a bit longer.”
“You just try and get rid of me. It’s never fucking happening.”
I loop my hands around his neck. “Promise me you’ll fuck me tonight. I’m dying over here.”
“You and me fucking both,” he mutters. Then, pulling away from me, he says, “I need to get out of here before I fuck you against this wall. I’ll take care of the bon bons and get the salads from Brynn. I want you in the bath calming the fuck down while I’m gone. And when I get back, maybe I’ll have sorted out the air con, too.”
“I can’t just take a bath, King. Someone needs to watch these kids of yours.”
“I’ll ask your mother to do it. You need some time out.”
God, a bath sounds like heaven. I can’t recall the last time I had one. It used to be a nightly ritual for me, but with all the chaos and exhaustion of the last few months, I’ve taken to collapsing into bed at the end of every day without even thinking of the bath.
He wraps his hand around my neck and pulls me close again so he can kiss me. “Fuck knows, I want you wired for my dick today, and at the moment, I’m half convinced you’re wired for my blood instead. Take a bath.”
With that, he exits the kitchen and I’m left thinking about his goddam dick. The man needs to know I think about it far more often than is productive.
I reach for my phone and send him a text.
* * *
Me: Just FYI, your dick is wired into my brain. I wake up thinking about it. I spend far too long thinking about it every day. And I think about it at night when I make myself come. I don’t need to take a bath to get me ready for it.
* * *
His text comes through a few minutes later.
* * *
King: Fucking hell, Lily. I’m hard as fuck here. Don’t send me shit like that when I have shit to do for you.
Me: Good. That makes two of us. You better work your magic tonight and make sure none of our kids are sick. If there’s no dick tonight, there will be hell to pay.
King: Get in the fucking bath.
Me: I love you too xx
7
Zara
* * *
Me: Is your air conditioning still not working?
Mum: I’m in the bath and feeling all relaxed and now you’ve gone and ruined it.
Me: Why are you in the bath?
Mum: King ordered me into it.
Me: Oh God.
* * *
I call her. God knows what’s going on over there.
“I’ve got at least another fifteen minutes in here, Zara. Can we not discuss the state of my air conditioning? I’m trying to stay Zen-like.”
“Zen-like? You wouldn’t know how to be Zen-like if you tried.”
“A girl can pretend.”
“Yes, any girl but my mother. It’s the Christmas Crazies, isn’t it? That’s why he’s put you in the bath.”
“It’s because of the bon bons that he put me in the bath.”
“Okay, now you’re sounding like a true crazy person, Mum. What in the heck is going on over there?”
She tells me what happened and then says, “As for the air con, it’s still not working. King is still trying to get it fixed, but I’ve accepted my fate and fully expect to be sweating my ass off for days.”
“Right, so I should dress appropriately. Good to know. That’s all I was texting for. You may return to your Zen mission.”
We end the call and I choose a dress to wear to the barbecue. I then pull my hair up into a messy bun to keep it off my shoulders.
Fury has taken Noah to his mother’s house and should be home soon. The three of us had a great time this morning opening presents and having Christmas breakfast together. And celebrating my birthday. They spoiled me with yummy food and lots of love; I haven’t felt this special on my birthday since I was a kid and Mum spoiled me.
As I head into the laundry to set a load of washing to wash this afternoon, a text comes through.
* * *
King: You got any bon bons at your place?
Me: I have three spare ones.
King: Bring them with you today.
Me: You having trouble finding enough?
King: Yeah.
Me: Well at least Mum is all Zen-like in her bath. Good job. She’s been crazy for days.
* * *
He doesn’t send any more texts; I figure he’s got a mission and a half ahead of him trying to source bon bons on Christmas Day. I can’t wait to find out if he pulls it off, but then again, this is King; the man can pull miracles out of his ass when it comes to making Mum happy.
I’m drawn from my thoughts when I hear the garage door open and Fury’s ute drive in. My belly does flips at the thought of being alone with him.
I hurry out to the garage but come to a stop just outside it when I hear the sound of a dog and then Fury saying, “Shh, you’re supposed to be a surprise, little one.”
My heart melts at what he says.
The last time he was home, we hung out with some of my work friends at a picnic in a park and one of them had a dog with them. The dog took to Fury, and I loved watching him play with it. Later that night, as we were falling asleep, I’d told him how much I’d love a dog. The man never forgets anything I tell him.
The door to the garage opens and Fury comes into view. He’s holding the cutest little white French bulldog in his arms and I melt some more. Watching Fury with his son is an ovary explosion in the making; I’m pretty sure watching him with this dog is going to be the same.
His face breaks out in a smile before he looks down at the puppy and says, “This is your mummy.” And then, looking back up at me, he says, “Merry Christmas, baby,” before handing the dog to me.
I take the puppy from him, surprised and excited all in one. “You bought me a dog?”
He moves closer so he can kiss me. “Well, she’s both of ours so long as you don’t decide to stop test driving me. And if you do, then she’s all yours. But since we both know I’m never letting you go, you have to share her with me.”
“Oh my God! We have a dog!” I bend my face so I can kiss her, and she gets all excited, licking me and wiggling in my arms. When I’ve got my fill of her, I pull Fury in for another kiss. “Thank you! This really is the best birthday and Christmas ever.”
“You take her inside. I’ve just gotta get her food and toys out of the car. And you need to think of a name for her.”
I smile, already knowing her name.
When I don’t say anything, he prods me, “You already have one, don’t you?”
My smile grows. “Grace.”
Ever since the time four years ago when he told me to give myself some grace, I’ve never forgotten his advice and have often repeated it to myself in times of need. And sometimes we say it to each other now. It’s definitely one of our things, and the name is perfect for our first baby together.
“I like it.” I don’t miss the emotion in his voice and that only stirs mine more.
“Thank you for making today so special for me,” I say softly.
“The first of many, princess.” He jerks his chin. “Take her inside and show her around. I’ll be in in a minute.”
In a gush of excited energy, I plant one more kiss on his lips and then take my baby inside. Placing her on the floor, I say, “Okay, Gracie, no peeing inside, okay? It’s my only rule. Well, that and don’t eat my plants. Oh, and don’t chew things that aren’t your toys, especially not my clothes.” I pause for a moment. “I guess I have more
than one rule, huh?”
While I’m babbling to her, she’s sniffing everything in sight and then takes off down the hallway. I struggle to keep up with her as she runs through the house exploring, and when Fury finds us, we’re in our bedroom.
His deep chuckle comes from the doorway as I’m bending over, trying to coax Grace out from under the bed. “If getting a dog means your ass is gonna be in the air multiple times a day, I’ve just made the best decision of my life.”
I straighten and meet his gaze. “I thought having Noah and then making me your woman were the best decisions of your life.”
He walks my way as Grace runs between us. Grabbing a handful of my dress, he pulls me to him. “I take it back. They were. This is just the best decision of today.”
“No, the best decision of today will be when you decide to take my dress off.”
He lifts my dress; however, I stop him and add, “But first we need to get Gracie set up.”
“Fuck,” he mutters with a shake of his head. “She’s gonna come before me now, isn’t she?”
“Well, babies always come first. Even furbabies.”
He lets my dress go. “Always keeping me on my toes” is all I hear him say as he scoops Grace up and carries her out of the bedroom.
I’m the luckiest girl in the world, that’s for damn sure. And this is just the beginning of our life together.
8
Birdie
* * *
“Here’s the bon bons King asked for,” I say to Lily, handing over the pack of ten that Mum sacrificed for King. “Did he manage to find enough?”
“I don’t know, and to be honest, I’ve moved on from worrying over them,” she says as she takes a sip of wine. “He came home, told me to have a drink, and to sit back and relax because he’s taking over the barbecue. So that’s what I’m doing.”
