by Annie O'Neil
“Maisie’s on Main?”
Josh had stopped at the local diner on his way to the hospital when he’d arrived in town. Damn good toasted cheese sandwiches. They’d even put in the dill pickles when asked.
“Nope. Korean. Mom’s into ‘Asian trilogy ingredients,’ whatever those are.”
“Aphrodisiacs, I’m guessing.”
“Joshua...” Katie’s voice was loaded with warning.
“Uh-oh!” He put on a mock dismayed face. “You only ever call me Joshua when I’m in trouble. What did I do?”
Katie maintained a neutral expression on her face, but the tone of her voice spoke volumes. “Don’t. Even. Go. There.”
“Which ‘there’?” He tried to joke. “The embarrassing fact your parents are still heavily sexed up and you act more like a parent than they ever did? Or the very interesting news that you haven’t told them you’ve been asking me for a divorce for the past two years?”
“Holy cow!”
Michael popped up from underneath the central reception desk, much to Katie’s obvious horror.
“You two are married?”
“No!”
“Yes.”
Katie’s negative response was drowned out by Josh’s emphatic affirmation.
“Not that we’re telling anyone—are we, Katie?”
“Uh...” Michael’s eyes shifted from one to the other, as if he were expecting one or both of them to sprout wings. Or horns. “I’ll just leave you two to it, then...” And he promptly bolted from the desk toward the staff room.
“Now look what you’ve done!” Katie’s expression was one of pure dismay.
“What I’ve done? Are you kidding me? All I’ve done is everything you’ve asked of me for the past three years, Katie.”
Whoops. Not quite the love-heals-all-wounds tack he was hoping to take.
“Everything but one!” She furiously obliterated her father’s name from the whiteboard.
Josh’s heart plummeted to his guts, then rebounded with a fiery need to lay his cards on the table. Katie didn’t need to know he’d almost died. Didn’t need to know he was being offered the chance of a lifetime in Paris. Didn’t need to know a single one of those things to know if she loved him. But she did need to know them if they were to go forward truthfully. With trust.
He steadied his breathing before he began speaking, but the moment the words came out, he knew he should have walked away. Thrown a snowball. Pulled her into his arms under some mistletoe and showed her the other side of his love. Something—anything—to temper the volcanic strength of rage and sorrow he felt at what had happened to them.
“Is that really what you want? You honestly want me to sign those papers? Or do you just like holding it over me so we can both pretend I was the one who pushed you away after Elizabeth died?”
Josh could have punched himself in the face when he saw the look on her face.
There had been no need to be cruel. It was just that it hurt so bad. A physical pain compounded tenfold when he saw the tears spring into Katie’s eyes before she turned on her heel and strode away.
It was time. Every pore in his body was rebelling, but the decision he’d needed to make since his arrival had been made.
CHAPTER EIGHT
NOT EVEN A snow angel was going to help dilute the bad mood Katie was in. A good stomp around the corridors of the hospital might do her good. Instill a bit of calm now that... She checked her watch... Nope! Wasn’t over yet.
She glanced out the window... A perfectly beautiful white Christmas. If this day would just hurry up and be over, the little gremlins of Christmases Past could just go back to where they came from! She checked her watch again, tapping the surface of the glass as if the hour hand would suddenly leap forward.
Nope! Time didn’t really seem to be playing ball today. Not in the slightest.
She kicked her pace up a notch. Including stairwells, she could get in a good three-mile walk. All she needed was to keep her pager from...
Zzzzt! Zzzzzt!
...going off.
She turned her race-walk into a run toward the surgical recovery ward. Was it the little girl she’d operated on yesterday? Casey Wilson? She offered up silent prayers as she kicked up her pace. Of all the surgeries in her entire career that needed to come out golden... Please, please, please...
If she could just block out the fact that she might not have made it through Casey’s surgery without the sandy-haired, blue-eyed boy she’d lost her heart to way back in the innocent days of her junior residency...
She swiped at the tears cascading down her cheeks. Try harder. Block harder. Shut him down.
She was going to have to. Lives depended upon her ability to focus and to block out the pain that would drive her wild if she let it surface. Block out the need to be held in her husband’s arms and have him tell her everything would be okay when she knew it wouldn’t be. Couldn’t be.
Where had those scars come from?
Run. Work.
Run faster. Work harder.
She reached the recovery ward breathless, more from fear than exertion. Was Casey all right?
“Hey, Dr. McGann.” One of the nurses looked up when Katie approached the desk. “Sorry to set off your pager like that. It’s just the Wilsons. They wanted to thank you for everything you did for Casey, and no one down in Trauma knew where you were.”
“Oh! Good. That’s all right.” Katie’s heart was still thumping away as she registered the nurse’s words. “Fine. Good. Um...”
She saw Casey’s parents through the glass door of the recovery room their daughter was in. Faces soft with pride and affection. She felt a swell of pride and a stab of loss squeeze all the breath out of her.
She and Josh could have been those parents. That family. Would most likely have been home with their little girl right now instead of haunting the corridors of the hospital, sniping at each other.
She could see it so easily. The three of them gathered round their Christmas tree, decorated with a mix of preschool decorations and generations of hand-me-down ornaments. A fire crackling away and all three of them sitting together in a sea of wrapping paper, gifts and laughter...
“Can you just let them know I stopped by, got their message, but had to dash? Apologies.”
“They’re just right—” The nurse looked at her strangely as she angled her pencil in the Wilsons’ direction.
“Sorry.” Katie faked getting another page. “Gotta dash! Give them my best.” She threw the words over her shoulder but kept moving. Away from the memories. Away from the pain.
T-minus I don’t think I can do this much longer.
Katie rattled through the days and hours on her fingers and clenched them into fists. Didn’t matter.
Too many. That was how many more hours she had with Josh.
She swept past the patients’ rooms, hoping to find somewhere else to burn off her excess energy before returning to the ER.
“Merry Christmas, Dr. McGann! Can we offer you some eggnog?” A familiar rosy-cheeked woman caught her by the elbow before she flew past another recovery room.
“Mrs. Klausen?” Her eyes widened at the scene playing out before her. “What’s going on here?”
A small card table had been set up next to her son Chris’s bed, and the other children—Maddie and Nick—were busy hanging up stockings along the curtain rail. Mr. Klausen was poised to start carving an enormous roast turkey.
“Well, we couldn’t let Chris be here all alone on the big day, could we?” Mrs. Klausen asked.
Katie scanned the family, each sporting an atrociously jolly Christmas sweater, faces wreathed in smiles. The delicious scent of turkey floated toward her as Mr. Klausen began slicing the large bird. Gone were the recriminations. The threats
to wring necks, revenge plans for Eustace’s injuries. There were just faces glowing with happiness. An overall sense of contentment that only being together as a family could bring.
“Join us!”
“You shouldn’t be all alone on Christmas Day!”
“Eustace sends his love!”
“Can we at least give you a sandwich?”
A sting of guilt at her brisk treatment of her own parents hit her. It deepened as she wove Josh into the equation. She’d all but built a physical wall around herself to distance her from the things—the people—she thought had hurt her most in the wake of Elizabeth’s death. But if she came at it from a different angle...?
Her parents and Josh were warriors. Relentless, driven, undeterred warriors. Carrying wave after wave of love with them.
Flawed? Hell, yeah! But who wasn’t? She doubted Santa would have a long enough scroll if she were to start cataloging the ways she might have dealt with her grief in better ways. Been a better daughter to parents who clearly weren’t the picket-fence type of mom and dad.
A more loving wife.
“Dr. McGann?” Maddie broke into Katie’s reverie. “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” Katie responded after a moment. “You know...would you mind if I took that turkey sandwich to go?”
* * *
“Truce?”
Katie approached Josh, who was doing his best sit-like-a-Buddha on a gurney he’d wheeled into a quiet corner.
“Truce?”
She tried again, her voice sounding more uncertain the second time.
Josh only just stopped himself from making a snarky comment about not knowing they were at war. But if he stopped and counted just how many scars he’d taken on in the past three years—both figurative and literal—maybe they had been. Heaven knew Katie had been nursing her own wounds, and these past two days had done nothing but reopen them.
He shifted across when she turned and pressed her hands against the gurney to hop up alongside him.
“Want some?” Katie offered when she’d settled.
Josh warily eyed the sandwich she waggled within his eyeline. He wouldn’t have blamed Katie if she had laced the thing with strychnine, the way he’d spoken to her last.
“A peace offering.” Katie held out a triangle of sandwich on the flat of her palm. “C’mon.” She nudged him with her knee. “Go halvesies with me. I’ll take a bite first, to prove I didn’t load it with mistletoe berry sauce!”
He grinned. Mind reader.
He angled his head to take a surreptitious look at her through narrowed eyes. When she’d plunked herself down beside him on the gurney, he’d figured minimal eye contact would be the best way to go, but now that she was here...sandwich in hand... She took a smile-sized chomp of the thick sandwich and made a satisfied “Mmm...” noise.
He exhaled slowly. No doubt about it. No matter the time, date, place...no matter how angry he was or wasn’t...she still took his breath away. If this were the olden days, there would be a kiss on her cheek, a hand slipped round her shoulder or her waist, a cheeky tickle somewhere or other and laughter. By God. He missed the sound of her laugh.
“Truce.”
He put out a hand and received half of the turkey sandwich in his palm.
“It’s from Santa.”
“Really?”
“Sort of,” Katie continued, almost shyly. “Remember the Klausens?”
“The ‘I’m going to wring their necks when I get my hands on them’ Klausens?” Josh held back from taking his first bite.
“The very ones. They’re feasting it up on the recovery ward. Mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, turkey bigger than an emu, stuffing—the whole kit and caboodle!” Katie took another chomp and grinned before her tongue slipped out to swoop up an escaped bit of cranberry sauce.
If this were the olden days, he would have licked that off, then hung around for a bit more lip-lock. He shifted again. For another reason this time.
Sweet dancing reindeer, who made this girl so sexy?
He thought back to this morning’s escapade with her parents and felt the corners of his lips twitch before giving in to a full-blown grin. They might be the most surreal parents he’d ever met—but they were a good-looking couple. A good-looking couple who’d created one spectacularly beautiful daughter. A daughter who clearly didn’t keep her parents up to date with everything in her life.
“Any chance you want to talk me through why you haven’t told your parents we’re not—?”
“Nope,” she cut in, as if she were dodging questions about ditching school for the afternoon. “Aren’t you going to eat that?” Katie popped the rest of her sandwich into her mouth, her fingers automatically reaching toward his untouched triangle.
He took a huge bite, smiling as he chewed, eyes hooked on hers. This was nice. And in the best possible way nice. He slipped his fingers through hers, eyes glued to the snow falling outside the window they were parked across from, not wanting to break the spell. This was more than he had hoped for. Just a few moments to sit and eat a turkey sandwich on Christmas Day with his wife.
He felt a tiny little squeeze from her fingers to his, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Katie lean her head back against the wall and close her eyes, a soft smile playing across her lips. His thumb shifted along her ring finger. His grin widened. Yup. Still there.
He took another bite. It was a helluva sandwich.
* * *
“I’m on my pager if you need me. And you know Maisie’s number is just on the—”
“Go!” Jorja insisted, her finger pointed firmly at the exit.
Katie obeyed.
The instant she turned the corner outside the ambulance bay, she felt her step become a little bit lighter. She tilted her head back and let a huge snowflake land and melt on her tongue.
It was the first time she’d stepped outside the hospital for four days, and the crisp air gave her an unexpected shot of energy. She needed a little reflection time in advance of New Year’s Eve, and seeing as it had crept up on her all of a sudden, she was stealing an hour or two of alone time.
The truce she and Josh had been observing had given her some much-needed time to regroup. And the steady flow of patients had kept them both busy enough not to have to talk about things. Sometimes you needed that.
She stood still for a moment, not wanting to hear the crunching of her boots on the snow, and listened to the perfect wintry silence Copper Canyon did so well.
Maybe “silence” wasn’t the best word to describe it. Perhaps...peaceful winter wonderland soundscape? Her eyes scanned the hillside—the trees and houses still twinkling away with all their holiday lights. The wind wasn’t strong, but there was the occasional creak and shiver of the evergreens as they rocked back and forth with the soothing cadence of a cradle.
She resumed her journey toward Main Street. The call of one of Maisie’s grilled cheese sandwiches had grown too loud to resist. There was only so much hospital canteen food a girl could take, and she wasn’t technically due back on shift for a few hours now.
With everything that had happened over the past few days, Katie found herself looking at the picture-perfect town with fresh eyes. She’d always been a big-city girl. Moving out here two years ago had been less by design and more a matter of the most convenient way to put as much distance as possible between herself and Josh as she could.
Now that he was here, she realized how little of it she had actually seen. Her parents’ condo. Maisie’s. That was about it. It was all she had been able to handle. How her mother—who only came out here once or twice a year—knew about a Korean restaurant that did home delivery was beyond her. Had she lost all curiosity about the world around her? Or just needed things to be as straightforward as possible?
Probably the latter.
It was as if grief had physically filled her up and rendered her incapable of living in a big city. Too frenetic. Too much to process when she could barely take on board what was happening in her own life. And now...? Now she was getting better. Able to take on a bit more razzle-dazzle in her day.
Ready for Josh?
She opened her arms wide, as if to ask the small town what it thought. Was she ready? Could she consider life with her husband again? Or was all of this just life’s way of wrapping up their marriage in a gentler style?
Her feet picked up the pace, as if leading her to the answer. Within a few minutes she found herself outside Maisie’s big picture window, trying to decide whether to laugh or cry. Sitting in her favorite booth was none other than Josh West. She could only see the back of his head. He looked bent in concentration over something. The menu? She doubted it. He walked into a diner and ordered one thing and one thing only.
Maybe that had changed.
She moved toward the door, then hesitated. Something about seeing Josh sitting there felt big. Momentous, even. Magic Eight Ball spooky.
Maybe just a quick walk round the block would help her. If he was still there when she’d done a lap, she’d go in. If not...?
She’d cross that doorway when she came to it.
* * *
Josh couldn’t believe he’d actually done it. Put his signature on the divorce papers. He’d wanted to see what it looked like. Having his name there in black and white. Well... Black typeface and blue ink from the pen he’d sweet-talked from the waitress. He wondered if she would have handed the thing over if she’d known what he was going to sign.
Just looking at the Petition for Divorce made him wish he hadn’t ordered anything to eat. Hadn’t pushed his curiosity so far.
Nausea welled deep within him and he sucked down the rest of his ice water to try and rinse the taste away. His head began to shake back and forth. It looked wrong. Both their names on those papers. It was wrong. The best place for these papers was in a shredder or on top of a roaring fire.
