“I don’t think I should,” my voice warbled. I looked away from Johai and wrapped my arms around my chest.
“It’s late, and there’s a killer out there. I would feel better if you were close by.”
I spun around to face him. The only killer here is you. I would be safer anywhere but here. My accusation was at the tip of my tongue, but I did not have the courage to say it.
Had it been anyone other than him, it would have been a sensible suggestion, albeit with a loaded motive. I was trapped; I could not deny him. He thinks his spell has me in his thrall. If I deny him, he will know the truth. If I stayed here in this state, then I might lose all control of my senses and give in to him in truth.
“Don’t worry. I won’t take advantage of you. I want you to come to me willingly and not because you are grieving.” It sounded just like the real Johai, and I crumbled. The decision was made before the question was ever asked.
He held out his hand to me. I shrugged it off. He laughed. I looked around his tent. It was decent sized, perhaps double the size of Shewa’s. A sleeping mat had been rolled out as if awaiting someone to crawl into it. There was room enough for two, and I feared he would presume to share a sleeping roll. I cannot do this—I have to go. I turned to leave again and found Johai blocking the exit.
“Do you need something?” he asked.
My heart was hammering in my chest. Run! my subconscious screamed at me. I stepped away from the door and cast about my surroundings once more. He had a table with parchments rolled out across them, and I spied a few maps and a stack of books with worn spines. He walked over to the other side of the tent and removed a few extra blankets from a pile. He laid them out across the tent from where the sleeping roll lay.
“You can sleep there. I’ll sleep over here, closer to the door.” He gestured towards the sleeping mat as he straightened out the blankets.
I see so much of the real Johai in him. Is he really gone? I bit my lip and went to sit on the sleeping mat. He said he would not force me and that he wanted me to come to him on my own; then why trap me here with him? Because he knows how his presence affects you. He kept his back to me as he worked. The situation reminded me of our time in Sanore. Could it be that Johai lives inside him as the specter once lived inside Johai?
“Sleep,” he commanded, seeing me staring. He shuffled about the tent, collecting parchments and books and stacking them next to his sleeping roll.
“Why play these games? You could kill me whenever you wanted,” I asked.
He did not pause his stacking to say, “I do not want you dead.”
“Stop lying to me,” I hissed. “You like to make everyone dance to your tune, but in the end we both know it comes down to you or me.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.” He came over to stand over me.
I tilted my head back and tried to read his expression. “Why are you doing this, pretending you care and taking care of me?”
He kneeled down in front of me so we were eye to eye. I recoiled as he reached out to touch my face. He frowned and then placed his hands on his thighs. “You did not kill me. You’re the first to let me live. This is the longest I’ve had a body in centuries...” He paused and looked thoughtful. “And I was genuine when I told you you were meant for me. Your line was destined for me. That‘s why you feel a draw to me. You sensed it even before I had control. Why do you think you fell in love with Johai?”
“You’re lying; I fell in love with Johai—not you.”
He chuckled. “You are so naive.”
I slapped him. He reeled back and nearly fell over. When he regained his balance, he touched his face where our skin had made contact. He looked at me with a fierce expression. I stared back at him. I might feel helpless, but I was not willing to give in.
“I’m going to sleep now.” I lay down with my back to him. My heart was hammering. That was foolish.
Silence stretched for a few moments before he stood up and walked to the other side of the tent. I held my breath, waiting for a retaliation that did not come.
“You may not know it yet, Maea, but I care for you deeply. If you let me, I could love you like he did. I saw you through his eyes while I was trapped inside of him. I know you as he did, and I have his body...” He let the words linger.
I refused to answer the call his words seemed to stir up inside me. I would not succumb to his sweet words. They must be a spell, a way for him to trick me. I am stronger than this.
He sighed. “I am going out for a while. Sleep well, Maea.”
He slipped out of the tent. For several hours, I lay awake, wondering what would happen if I accepted his offer. Did I really fall in love with the specter inside him? I stared at the moving shadows outside the tent. Voices drifted through the night. Panic was sweeping through the Biski encampment as they realized the oracle was dead. I could never love someone who killed so callously. Someone shouted in the distance, and a low keening lament rolled through the encampments. I have to stay with him. I need to convince him to trust me so I can get to Keisan. I chanted my plans over and over to keep my grief at bay.
Eventually sleep claimed me, and when it did, I dreamed. I ran down a hallway. I recognized the grand frescos and mosaics of Keisan. The niches held a myriad of vases and busts. As I had dreamed it before, the halls were empty. Where is it? I must find it. I ran my hands along the walls, looking for a chink or a gap, something to reveal a hidden door. That was it. I needed to find the passageway to the Sea Chamber; it was hidden here somewhere.
“You’ve returned.” My mother’s mellow cadence rolled over me. I turned to face her.
She did not disguise her features now. She had her hood pulled back; her rippling black hair fell down to the small of her back.
“Do you not summon me here in my dreams?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No. You choose when to come to me.”
I frowned. That couldn’t be possible. I did not choose these cryptic dreams, did I?
My mother approached me and brushed my cheek. She wiped away the tears that I did not know were there. “Why do you cry, daughter of my blood?”
I brushed away the remaining tears. “I’m confused and frightened. The oracle, my grandmother, has been murdered. And I do not have the knowledge I need to stop the specter.”
“You have what is needed to stop him. Your grandmother knew her time had come, and she taught you what she could.”
“What do you mean? There’s so much I need to learn. I cannot control one tenth of my abilities.”
“What you need is already within your grasp.”
“Then tell me what do I do?”
She frowned. “You must know by now that I cannot tell you that.”
“Why not? People will die. Everything will turn to ash if you do not help me. You told me as much.”
“Because a blade must be tempered before it can cut.”
“Why must you speak in riddles? I am not a blade, I am a woman. I need your help. You left me in life; can you not assist me in death?”
She looked away from me, and I regretted my words. She stood beside an open window that looked out onto the sea. There were no gulls crying out on the wind or ships in the harbor, but the sea rolled in and out just the same.
“Everyone dies, but the death of a diviner ends the cycle. The circle will be broken at last,” my mother said. Her voice was distant and sad.
“I know that. Can you not tell me anything new? How do I open the gateway?”
She shook her head and said no more. I wanted to weep, but there were no more tears left to shed. “Why does he hate us?” I asked instead.
“Because he loves us; love and hate are two sides of one blade.”
“The specter claims to love me. He says that we are destined. I thought he was lying to lull me into a false security. Are you telling me that there is truth to what he says?”
She turned to look at me. Her eyes were dark violet, deep as the water in the basin, and w
ith just as many secrets. “Once the specter was a human, many thousands of years ago, and he loved the first of our kind, and she, him. They were happy for a time until a curse tore them apart. The first diviner sealed him away after he committed an unforgivable act, and in that moment doomed her children to forever attempt to correct her mistakes. That legacy ends with you. You shall end the cycle at last.”
I felt as if she was not telling me the whole story. What was the curse, and what had the specter done to condemn him? Are we guilty of creating this monster? Or was he a monster from the start and the first did not realize? I had learned by now not to press my mother further; it was futile. She only revealed what she would. “Why me?” I whispered.
“Because you loved Johai, because he bound you to him with a spell, and because you did not kill him when you had the chance. The circle has come back to the start, and it is time to end it. You are the one who is destined to finish this once and for all. You have the power. You are being tempered for the moment when all this will end.”
“How do I know when this ends?”
“You’ve known from the start: on the day the moon swallows the sun. Until then, you must stay by his side. Do not let him know what you plot. Love him as you do, and when the time comes, you finish the task.”
“And this task will kill me?”
She did not reply, but I took her silence as an answer. The circle would not end unless the connection was severed. The specter had to be brought beyond the veil to the life after. The only way to bring him there was death, either mine or Johai’s. Johai saved me once, I owed him my life, and I would pay that debt with my own life. It was the only way.
She touched my face, and I looked up at her. “The day draws near. Prepare yourself, daughter of my blood.”
The dream was fading, and I regarded my mother through a thick white mist. “I don’t want to die,” I said.
“All things come to an end, my child. Be strong.”
I awoke to light streaming through the tent fabric. My blankets were tangled about me as if I had spent the night tossing and turning, and no doubt I had. Johai’s blankets were folded up and put to one side. I would not be surprised if he had not slept at all. I tried not to think about my dream as I braided my hair and got ready for the day.
Outside, men moved about, packing things and getting horses ready. I felt a bit lost among the chaos. Where was Johai? What did I do next? How could I convince him to trust me without losing myself in the spell that was the bond between us?
I spotted him across the camp, talking with Aland and a group of men. Among them was Thero. I crossed the yard and dodged children and dogs running about in order to listen in on the conversation. I had hoped Thero would not get involved with the coming war. He was a peaceful man. As I neared the group, I saw Thero was frowning and shaking his head. I was relieved to see it.
Johai stood at Aland’s shoulder, gazing at the other men as they spoke. The conversation was in Biski so I could not understand their words, but I got the gist of their meaning. Aland was recruiting for his war. One man shouted at Aland. He pointed a finger at him and then back towards the collective camp. A few other men shouted their opinions, and then the first man made another comment before storming off.
“What did he say?” someone said in Neaux.
I looked back to the circle to see the Neaux ambassador approaching the circle of men.
“There was a disagreement on the number of men he was willing to contribute to our cause,” Johai said.
The ambassador nodded. “Well, I hope you will still provide the men we agreed upon. Her Majesty would not be happy to hear otherwise.”
No. They had done as I feared. Neaux had joined with the Stone Clan. I had attempted to convince the ambassador not to do it, but it seemed my pleas had fallen on deaf ears. He was desperate and blind to their deceit.
Johai’s gaze flickered in my direction, and a slow smile spread his face. He looked back to Lord Buree and said, “Of that you can have no doubt.”
“Good.” The ambassador bounced on the balls of his feet. “Her Majesty will be pleased.”
Aland said something to Johai, who smiled. Lord Buree looked on with a suspicious glare.
“We will all be glad when the oppression of Danhad is wiped from the land,” Aland said to Lord Buree.
“Yes, spring cannot come soon enough.” He looked over the endless fields of Biski tribes. How many will take up arms against the north? Even a quarter would be enough to destroy Danhad and Neaux.
“Make sure your queen fulfills her end of the bargain,” Aland said.
“I will do what I can.” The ambassador’s shoulders slumped.
What did the ambassador promise in exchange for Biski aid? I wondered. Mayhap if I got close enough to Johai, they would let me know.
Johai met my gaze and smirked.
What’s your game? He must know I want to prevent the war. Why let me know even this much? It did not add up. I wandered away to the cook fire, where one of the tribeswomen gave me some gruel to break my fast with. It had been cooked with animal fat, and it had a salty taste which left me parched. Or perhaps it was my grief that left me feeling run-down.
Johai came over and sat beside me at the cook fire. “They have made the arrangements. The ambassador and two thirds of his men will return to Neaux to deliver the agreement to the queen. The rest will stay here and join us on our northward march.”
I bit my tongue. I wanted to ask him about Danhad but feared revealing what I knew of his plotting.
“We will leave after the oracle’s funeral.” He reached out to touch my hand. Sparks flew when our skin met; even a seemingly innocent touch sent my senses aflame. This must be his spell.
“You are bringing me into a war?” I asked.
He smiled. “War is inevitable, as you know. Aland will have need of your counsel in the days to come.”
Johai had taken possession of me without me realizing. It suited my purposes, but it chafed against my independence. He was being civil thus far, but how much longer before he tried to press me for more. At times Johai seemed to know what I would do before I did. How could he not know that I was trying to deceive him? Why give me a voice and risk me speaking against a war? The specter had watched me through Johai’s eyes, he had seen how I tried to prevent the war, how I had risked everything to stop Adair in Neaux. What is his game?
“Who am I to counsel a king?” I demurred.
He shook his head. “Aland is no king, though he thinks of himself as one. He has been raiding the north for years now, but he wants more. He craves sophistication, and you, born of a line of both the old and new, are the perfect gift.”
That is it, then. He wants me to win Aland’s trust for him. It was good to know that Aland did not trust him explicitly; there may be room to sow doubt between them.
“I know you want revenge for what Adair did to you. He would have taken your head back then. Can you let him go on controlling the kingdom? Do you not think someone else might be better suited to rule?”
Like you? I thought. That was his intention, that much was clear. Though I did not want to see Adair on the throne for a moment more, I did not want innocent lives to be sacrificed to have him taken from his place either.
I twisted the bowl in my hand, pretending to think over all he said. Not that I had a choice in the matter. I had to join them. If Johai wanted me present at their councils, it only made my job that much easier. The more he trusted, the easier it would be in the end. “I will join you if you fight to destroy Adair. If you swear to kill him with your own hands, then I will be glad to help in any way I can.”
“I am glad to hear that.” He smiled, and my stomach flopped.
Goddess protect me, because I do not know if I will be able to finish this task otherwise.
Chapter Eleven
WE LAID MY GRANDMOTHER to rest three days after the end of the solstice gathering. Many of the Biski had stayed for the ceremony. My grandmother
had been well loved among the Biski peoples. Her guidance would be missed. I asked Elenna who would be the next oracle.
“Our people find a way,” she said cryptically.
If only I could do that for them. I felt more at home among the Biski than I had anywhere else. Johai killed my welcome when he killed my grandmother. I can only look forward from here to Keisan and the Sea Chamber. The funeral rites were held at dusk. I learned from Elenna the Biski held that time of day in reverence as a time of great power; that was why many ceremonies were performed when the sun and moon met, as she put it. The portal between the land of the living and the veil beyond to death was thought to be at its thinnest as well. The sun was beyond the grass plains, and the world was awash in orange and gold. My grandmother lay upon a woven reed boat. Her possessions were arranged around her. A pair of kid slippers, her mortar and pestle, and a swatch of fabric with fern leaves embroidered upon it. Before she had become the oracle, she had been the daughter of the Fern Clan.
Three male du-toath stood with her reed boat, keeping it from floating out onto Mother Lake. I stood upon the shore, Elenna at my back. She had been reserved as of late. She had more reason to grieve than me. Our grandmother was dead, but Elenna had known her for much longer than me. I am a stranger here for all their kindnesses to me. It will be easier to leave now that she is gone. It did not make the parting any less bitter. Elenna and I waded into the water together. We were her only remaining kin, and it was our duty to send her back to the Mother.
The water was frigid, and ice-cold fingers lapped at my ankles, then my calves and thighs as we went into the water. A cruel wind was blowing off the surface of the lake, which sent gooseflesh running up and down my arms. I did not move to warm myself. I will face this bravely. When we reached the raft, the du-toath who held her in place stepped back for us. I grabbed one side and Elenna the other. I took a moment to look at my grandmother’s face. She looked peaceful but for the bluish bruising around her throat, which was not entirely disguised by her gown. Ignoring the bruises, she seemed to be asleep.
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