by Anna B. Doe
Just to have her love.
Tugging a runaway strand behind her ear I feel her hands grip my body stronger.
Even in her sleep, she’s holding onto me. Even in her sleep she’s afraid of losing me.
The first thought warms me, but the second is like a bucket of ice water thrown over my head.
There is no escaping these contradictory feelings.
Bel murmurs something incoherently in her sleep, her body snuggling more into my side.
Two months. That’s how long we have to survive until our forever will begin.
Just two more months.
Nothing wrong can happen in sixty days.
Right?
CHAPTER 13
ANABEL
“How are you holding up?”
I look at Sienna on the screen of my phone. We’ve been doing video calls ever since I left the Sates. Usually, this is not something I do with my friends or family here, but I have to admit I kind of got used to it. It was easier that way, and I miss her ugly mug.
Okay, not ugly at all.
Pregnancy looks good on her. She’s always so radiant, so bright. There was no rough few months for her. She never complained about morning sickness or lack of appetite. And the baby bump makes her look even more gorgeous than before.
Since the last time we talked, Sienna cut her hair. Said it was getting in the way. Now the honey strands touch her shoulders. Golden color brightens her naturally brown hair and it looks so good on her signature, wavy styled hair.
“Okay, I guess.”
“You know he would have stayed if he could, right?”
“I know, Si. I don’t blame him. I blame life, but that doesn’t make it easier.”
All of the above is truth. I don’t blame William. I know we can’t avoid real life forever. I know it’s messy and gets in the way. I know even once we get married and I move to the States, it won’t be easy. With his job, it’ll never be easy. He’ll always be on the road and I’ll be left behind, but at least then there won’t be ocean between us, six time zones (at least), and we won’t be on two different continents.
“I admire you, you know. I don’t think I would be able to let J.D. go that far away. The football season is hard as it is.”
“You’ve just grown soft since you two got married,” I tease her.
The married life looks good on her too. She smiles more. She’s happier than before. There is no weight on her shoulders or darkness creeping behind those radiant amber eyes.
“I didn’t grow soft!” she protests. “I’ve just …”
“Become homier. More maternal …”
One corner of her lips lifts in a half-smile. Her cellphone-free hand that is supported on her stomach starts slowly caressing the bump.
“I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I am. In no time you’ll even start to cook!”
“Don’t you even joke about that! I like our house just fine. There is no need to burn it to the ground.”
That makes us both laugh.
After the incident at her wedding, and Sienna getting cold feet because she was convinced J.D. isn’t aware of the lack of her cooking skills and that would be a deal breaker, I couldn’t stop teasing her every chance I got.
“Yeah, better not. Leave all the cooking to Mrs. Tayson and you take care of the little guy in there.”
“Can you believe this little guy will be here in no time? What do I even know about little boys? What if I do something wrong?”
Her sudden panic makes me chuckle. Sienna can be such a drama queen sometimes.
“You’ll do just fine, Si. You’re amazing with kids.”
Which is completely true. She has two nieces, Ivy and Bell, and she’s already like a mother to Grace. Technically, Grace is J.D.’s little sister, which would make her Sienna’s sister-in-law. But because of the big age difference between the two siblings, J.D. and Sienna are more like parents to her. Sienna even recently adopted her.
“Not with little boys. I’ve never been around little boys.”
“You’ll learn. And you have J.D.; I think he has some idea on what little boys like to do.”
Sienna snorts. “If I leave it to J.D. our baby boy will be up to no good before he starts to walk!”
“Like father, like son.”
We laugh, and a bit of worry erases from Sienna’s face.
“How is the wedding planning going?”
“Good …” When she lifts her perfect brow, I sigh and admit, “I don’t have idea. When we decided on some basic things like color and where I want the wedding to be I just gave the reins to our moms. One less thing I have to stress about. Also, are you still okay with Val being the maid of honor?”
She waves her hand dismissively. “Of course. I’ll be ready to pop up any minute, and I’m always tired as it is.”
I nod my head in agreement.
“Did you look for the dress yet?” I feel color rise on my cheeks. “You totally didn’t, did you?”
“I will! Soon, I promise.”
“Don’t make me waddle my pregnant ass on a plane to go wedding dress shopping with you, missy!”
I roll my eyes, but the image of her waddling anywhere makes me smile. “You’re not that far along to waddle.”
“Have you been pregnant?”
“No, but …”
“Then you don’t know shit,” she interrupts me. Poor J.D. That guy doesn’t have it easy with her. “Trust me, you should use the pregnant card as much as you can. It expires after nine months.”
“And what is that you want?”
“Pineapple with peanut butter.”
“Like together?”
“Of course. And I want a lot of sex! Did you know pregnancy hormones make you extra horny? Thank goodness J.D. has good stamina and can keep up with it. It’s a good thing I married a professional football player.”
This one makes me laugh extra hard. So hard the phone almost slips through my fingers.
“Anyway, I have to go. I’m picking up Grace from school and taking her to dance class. Talk to you soon?”
“Talk to you soon!” I agree. “Say hi to Grace and your mom for me.”
Once the call is disconnected, I throw my phone at the end of the bed and get back to working on my thesis. If I can’t be with William, at least I can do all in my power to get back together as soon as possible. And the only way I can do that is if I graduate on time.
*
WILLIAM
As soon as I step into a dim sports bar, my eyes start scanning the crowd for my best friend. I find him in the booth in the back where we usually sit in Sports & Burgers, a sports bar that we frequent during the season. And sometimes off season.
Being here is easy. Everybody knows us, and they don’t treat us any different than other patrons. People don’t harass us for pictures and autographs all the time, so we can just sit down and have a normal meal between friends.
“What took you so long, Price?” J.D. grumbles from the other side of the booth once I slide in.
In the same moment, one of the waitresses comes and puts a bottle of my usual in front of me.
“Your usual meal, boys?”
We nod our heads. “Thanks, Macy.”
“I’ll be back in a bit.”
“I took way longer than I expected.” I bring the bottle to my lips and take one healthy swallow. “I hate all this PR and endorsement shit, but Dominic wants me to do it. Says it’s good for my image and the pay is sweet. Like I need more money. I would rather be with Tink.”
Just thinking about her makes my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad. I love her. I love her so much it hurts. And I miss her. What I said is true. I’d much rather be in Croatia with her. Go to the gym while she’s doing her internship or watch sports while she writes next to me in bed. I’d pressure her into dropping work to take a walk and watch the sunset close to the sea.
There is this one place in the O
ld Town called The Sea Organ. It’s the part where the earth meets the sea and when it’s windy and the waves crash against the shore they create music. It’s kind of awesome and the sunsets there are the best.
But at the same time, every time I think of her I can’t not remember how she was that last day. How broken and insecure and sad she was when she heard I had to leave early.
I don’t think I can do it once again, Will.
Her words still haunt me. When she murmured them against my skin, my whole body froze. My heart stopped beating, and I couldn’t breathe. I could feel her drifting away from me. Retreating to the safety of the walls that took me so long to break down so I could get to the woman she really is.
I was scared, so fucking scared, that she will tell me to go and don’t turn back. I thought she’s breaking up with me. I would break up with me if I were her. Anabel deserves better, so much better. She deserves somebody who can be there every single day to kiss her and tell her how much they love her. Somebody to hold her at night.
But she didn’t tell me to go. No, she brought me closer. So close we were one. Like we should be. She kissed my doubts away and reassured me there is still us. Not her, not me. Us.
“How is that going?” J.D. breaks me out of my thoughts. “I can’t imagine Bel was too happy when you said you have to leave early.”
“Ohh, man.” I sigh. I’d been home for a while, but with all the work that needed to be done and the fact that J.D. didn’t like to leave Sienna pregnant and alone we didn’t get a chance to talk. “That was one big disaster.”
“She didn’t take it well?”
“Not taking it well doesn’t even begin to cover it. She fell apart. When she saw the suitcase, she broke.”
I tell him all about the day Bel found out I had to leave early. The cursing, the yelling, her fists pounding my chest all while tears fell down her cheeks. And not the pretty kind, either. Big, ugly tears that go along with snotty nose and red puffy eyes.
“I’m sorry, man. I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you.”
“We just have to survive a couple more months and then we have forever.”
J.D. nods his head in agreement.
In that moment, Macy comes with our dinner. She’s been working here even longer than we’ve been coming to this place. She’s in her forties and a single mom to a teenage boy. We talk to her a bit before she goes back to work.
While eating a burger and fries, J.D. tells me about all I’ve missed while I was in Croatia. Our parents moving in together and family dinners. Grace’s dance classes and school. Sienna’s insecurities about the pregnancy, crazy hormones and cravings. He even pulled out the picture of little guy that he carries around in his wallet to show me.
I told him about my time with Tink. Our parents meeting and engagement party. Her internship and book. My training and stay in Zadar.
We didn’t go back to the heavy stuff.
“William?”
I turn around and my eyes meet light blue-gray eyes surrounded by thick dark eyelashes.
“Emma?”
Emma Hale is an up and coming tennis player hired with me and a few other athletes to do a commercial for a brand of sports clothing. She’s just a kid, barely twenty, but I’ve heard she’s really good. Tennis is not quite my thing.
“What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same. After all, we’re at my field.”
She nods her head, her sleek brown hair swinging with the motion. “Right. Knights’ stadium is around the corner.”
Her eyes look over my shoulder at J.D. “Emma, this is my teammate and best friend, J.D. Shelton. J.D., Emma is my co-worker on that endorsement deal I’ve been telling you about.”
They shake hands and exchange pleasantries. “So, what brings you here, Emma?”
“I was meeting a friend of mine that lives close, but in the end, something came up and she couldn’t come.”
Macy comes with another round and looks at the three of us. “Anything else?”
Both Emma and J.D. turn to look at me. Great. Just what I needed. If I don’t invite her to stay I’ll be a complete douche and if I do there is no way I’ll leave like I planned.
“Why don’t you join us?” I smile weakly.
Please say no.
Please.
I wanted to catch up with my buddy over beers and burgers and then go home to talk to my girl on Skype before it gets too late and she goes to bed.
She smiles brightly at me, and I feel my hope burn down slowly.
Emma slides in the booth next to me and places her order.
For the next thirty minutes we talk about stupid shit. I try to concentrate on the moment and forget about the blinking light signaling a text message from Bel. I try not to look at the clock and count the time difference between Croatia and States, wondering if I’ll get to talk to her once I’m done here.
After some time, J.D.’s phone rings and he answers. The call is short, but I can see a different kind of shine in his green eyes. Sienna’s on the phone. He laughs at something she said, shaking his head.
“I’ll be there soon, babe,” he says finally and hangs up.
“What’s up with Si?”
“Hormones. She wants tacos.” He laughs quietly.
“What’s wrong with tacos?”
“She wants tacos, chocolate mint ice cream, cherry Pop-Tarts, and pineapple.”
“Only Sienna.” I chuckle.
“So, I have to go and feed my hungry wife and kid before she starts demolishing my house. I’ll see you later, kids.”
Would it be rude if I suggest we also go?
Probably.
I sigh and turn to Emma. “Want another drink?”
CHAPTER 14
ANABEL
The alarm starts buzzing, and I groan loudly in protest. I start patting around my comforter in search of the stupid device, but once my hand curls around the cold metal I realize that’s not the source of all that noise. Intercom is.
Who the hell is at the door at this unholy hour?
It’s Saturday, the day when I get to sleep in because although I don’t have classes during the week I still have to get up early and go to the internship and then in the afternoons I work on my thesis or book.
Once the classes are done, that’s when real life kicks in.
So far, it sucks.
School simply can’t prepare you for real life. Eight to four or nine to five job. Getting up early in the morning five days a week. Doing the same stuff over and over again. At least while you’re in school you get variety in subjects and you don’t have to do the same thing every single day.
So yeah, real life sucks, and I’m one of the lucky ones who gets to do her own thing once this is all over. I can have my own schedule and be my own person.
Standing from the bed, I hurry to the door. Black spots darken my vision and I feel my legs wobble underneath me. I stumble, but somehow manage to stay on my feet.
Once I’m at the door I grip the door frame tightly. Closing my eyes, I will myself to take a few deep breaths in.
The intercom buzzes again, so I push the answer button blindly.
“Yes?”
“Bel? Where the hell are you?” Val’s annoyed voice greets me.
Shit!
I totally forgot about wedding dress shopping!
“I’m so sorry, Val! I overslept. Come inside, I’ll be ready in a few.”
Val finally pressured me into going wedding dress hunting. Pressured me, AKA told me she made reservations in a few salons and I have to show up.
I guess she’s just doing her job as the maid of honor. Because, let’s face it, I suck at being the bride. Mom and Emily are organizing the whole event and I couldn’t even get the one thing on my list done.
I unlock the door so she can enter once she’s here and hurry to my dresser to get something to wear. Obviously, that’s a wrong thing to do because the dark spots appear in my vision again and I can feel
myself swoon on my legs. I’m drenched in cold sweat and my stomach is rolling unhappily.
What the hell is wrong with me?
The last few weeks have been stressful, but there is no need to feel this weak. Is there? I drink enough fluids, and even when I’m not hungry I make myself eat because I don’t have time to be sick. I try not to stay up too late, but I’ve been pretty restless lately and sleep doesn’t come easily.
The door opens and closes behind Valentina. A light breeze that enters with her brings the smell of her perfume to my nostrils.
“How the hell did you oversleep? You are never late!”
She leaves her stuff on the desk and turns to look at me. Her eyes narrow. “Are you okay? You look pale.”
My stomach rumbles in protest. Her perfume is so strong it fills the whole room instantly, and I feel the last night’s dinner making a reappearance. I cover my mouth with my hand as I turn on the heel of my feet and rush to the bathroom.
Good thing is I live in a small apartment, so I get there on time.
“Bel!” Val calls after me, but I don’t turn around. If I stop, I’ll make a mess all over the place.
My legs give up on me once I’m in the bathroom and my knees connect hard with the tiles. So hard I think it’ll leave a nasty bruise.
I empty last night’s dinner in the toilet. There wasn’t much to begin with, but I can’t seem to stop. Over and over I gag and heave, but there is nothing more in my stomach to empty.
“Are you okay?” Val rushes in bathroom and the scent of her perfume fills the room making me gag even more.
“Please … Just … Window …”
More than see, I feel her leave. Slowly, my breathing returns to normal and I feel the nausea withdraw.
My hands grip the seat tightly. My whole face and neck are sweaty from the extraction.
Val opens the windows in the main room and I can feel the cool breeze touch my skin.
After the need to throw up my intestines withdraws I get on my shaky legs and walk slowly to the sink. Turning on the cold water, I dampen the towel and squeeze out extra liquid before I press it to my sweaty skin.
