One morning in the summer, Merryn was alarmed when she received a message from Queenie saying she was not well. She hastily put Josette in her pram and took a tram over to Grand Parade, fearing her mother had been drinking too much again.
‘I am in a dreadful state,’ Queenie moaned, dabbing her face with her lace handkerchief as she lay on the sofa in her parlour. ‘I’m desperately in need of your care.’
‘But Nan hired you a new maid when she left before last Christmas.’
Her mother gave a sniff of displeasure. ‘I had to dismiss that girl as she was absolutely useless. Finding decent servants these days is quite impossible, therefore you and Johnny will have to come and live here with me.’
Merryn stared at her in astonishment. ‘You always said you’d no wish for us to do that.’
‘Well, things have changed.’
‘I’m not sure that would work for me. I have a baby and husband to look after, and Johnny spends hours involved in rehearsals and his performances at the theatre. Besides, I’ve done a great deal of work to improve the house we’re renting, so have no wish to abandon it. I could try to find you a new housekeeper and I’ll be happy to call in to help whenever I can.’
‘I’m afraid that will not be good enough. You must move here permanently, darling, since I am not at all well. The doctor has checked my pulse, heart and other organs, and informed me that I have a problem with high blood pressure and possibly with my kidneys.’
Dismay ricocheted within Merryn, realising her beloved mother could be seriously ill. ‘Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that, Queenie. I assume this has come about because of your obsession with gin. Does the doctor intend to send you to the hospital?’
‘I refused to allow him to do that.’
‘Goodness, that was entirely the wrong decision.’
‘Please do not scold me – he admitted I needed to be examined but there’s no guarantee of an available cure.’ Queenie began to weep.
‘I’m sure there could be, Mama.’ Holding her mother close in her arms to offer her a comforting hug, Merryn felt desperate over how to deal with this issue. Why on earth had she refused to go? Because she’d no longer be able to drink there. Merryn had always feared Queenie’s health could worsen because of her addiction to alcohol. However distressing this was, she really did not feel capable of acting as a housekeeper and a nurse. Surely she could find someone far better skilled at such jobs than herself. She made a mental note to speak to the doctor about that, and what exactly Queenie required. ‘Let’s hope it’s simply an infection or a mild bladder disease such as cystitis, from which you will soon recover. Has the doctor offered you any medicine?’
‘He has given me some pills, ordered me to rest and eat mild food, no fat or meat and plenty of fruit and vegetables. As you will appreciate that doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.’
‘You should do as he recommends and agree to be examined. Meanwhile, I’ll find someone to cook for you, dearest Mama, and see that you’re well looked after. I’ll also arrange for the doctor to send a nurse to call in regularly.’
‘No need for that, darling. Caring for me will be entirely your task.’
Over supper that evening when Merryn told Johnny about her mother’s problem and her demand they go to live with her, he looked and sounded surprisingly pleased. ‘I agree we should do our utmost to help. In fact, realising Queenie was unwell I made this suggestion to her. I’m delighted she has agreed. And I assume you must love her.’
Merryn stared at him in a confusion of astonishment and concern. ‘She’s my mother, so of course I do. But you had no right to make this suggestion without discussing it with me first. I’ve offered to find her a far more skilled housekeeper and a nurse to care for her day and night, not feeling up to the task myself and having no wish to move.’
‘Damnation, why would you not agree to do that? Your mother’s home on Grand Parade is far more beautiful than this messy cottage, however much time and effort you’ve wasted on trying to improve it.’
Merryn firmly shook her head, worrying whether it was right for her to feel this reluctance to sacrifice her own life and give in to her mother’s demands. Working for Queenie had never proved to be easy despite often being treated as her favourite daughter. Maybe she was not truly ill, but Johnny had convinced her that she was in order to accommodate his desire to live in a better house. ‘As you spend most of your time at the Palace Theatre, were we to move, caring for Queenie would be left entirely in my hands. I have enough to do looking after Josette, as well as you, my dear, so I’m not in favour of that unless it’s absolutely essential. I will call in regularly to check she’s all right, but she has always been far too demanding.’
‘She may be a very dominant lady yet has been most helpful to us. If Queenie needs assistance you should offer to care for her,’ he coldly informed her. ‘And we do still require her financial support.’
Merryn blinked in surprise. Was this another reason he’d made such a suggestion to Queenie, not simply his desire to live in that lovely house, and she’d come up with this tale of her being ill in order to comply with his request? If this was another of her lies, that would explain why she hadn’t agreed to go to a hospital for an examination. ‘I certainly have no wish to live with Mama simply for financial reasons. If you don’t feel you are earning sufficient money, Johnny, then I could try to earn a little by doing some sewing for people.’
‘No, you damn well won’t. You’ve never appreciated how important money is and that it is my responsibility, not yours,’ he snarled. ‘Get back to the washing up or you’ll still be elbows deep in suds when that child needs feeding. You’re far too obsessed with this damn cottage, let alone your own self-sufficiency.’
Merryn was instantly filled with guilt at this remark. Aware of how caring her dear sister was, she could find no appropriate response to this comment. Noting the glimmer of anger in her husband’s eyes and remembering the time he’d raised his fist to her, almost as if he might hit her, she felt a prickle of warning that it would be dangerous to disagree with him. Besides, if Queenie truly did have kidney failure and was in need of full care and attention, special diet and treatment, it would be wrong of her to refuse to move in and care for her if only for a little while. How could she neglect the mother she loved? Taking a breath, she gave a nod of acceptance. ‘Perhaps you’re right and this is what we must do, however difficult it may be.’
‘Excellent! You’ve seen reality at last. I’ll have a word with Queenie to arrange our move.’
Oh, how Merryn missed her sister, feeling dreadfully lonely and far too controlled by her husband and mother. But, as Johnny said, she must face reality, overcome this sense of depression that had been with her for some months and take into account that she at least had a darling daughter of her own to love and care for. Pouring a kettle of boiling water into the sink, Merryn valiantly returned to her domestic duties, hoping Johnny wouldn’t see the tears dripping into the washing-up bowl.
Several more cruises took place over the following months. They called at Florence, Genoa, Cadiz, Marseille, Gibraltar, where they went on many exciting trips, as well as revisits to some of their favourite spots. Sometimes they were unable to go on shore, having a list of tasks they were obliged to do on board ship. These might involve cleaning and tidying, washing and ironing, or taking part in lifeboat safety drills. They became quite expert at that as every crew member, including entertainers, were required to guide and support the guests as they too were trained on how to wear their lifejacket and where they must assemble if they ever had to evacuate the ship. Not a prospect Cecily wished to consider possible in this peaceful world.
‘Perhaps working on these cruise ships will help us to gain a job back in Cornwall or some other place in England if and when we wish to do that,’ she said one morning over breakfast.
Boyd snorted with laughter. ‘I doubt it. Confined within this ship feels like being locked in another world and most of the pass
engers will be unlikely to remember our names, even if they do enjoy our show.’
‘What a sad thought.’
‘The benefit is the money we’re earning, plus the fact we do not have to pay rent for our accommodation or this good food we’re provided with, even though it may not be quite as classy as that cooked for the passengers,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘Performing is always hard work, but on these cruises it’s great fun, don’t you think?’
Cecily smiled. ‘I do agree. Some shows are a little stressful, but never as much as they were in the war. Those concert parties were far more demanding and traumatic, a part of my life I now wish to block forever out of my mind.’
‘I do too,’ he said with a sigh.
‘And we’re a good team. You’ve become master of the grand piano, performing well for the audience and have brought excitement into my life.’
‘As you have for me,’ he said, and she felt her heart squeeze with happiness.
Most days they performed in the lounge, bar or dining area each lunchtime. In the evenings, they entertained the guests before or after dinner so Cecily was required to be more glamorously dressed, with no sign of the uniform she’d first worn in front of the Tommies in France. Boyd would always be suitably attired in his evening suit, looking most handsome. Once a week, they would give a much longer show in the dance hall where Boyd would play ballroom music and jazz tunes appropriate for dancing. This went on till after midnight and he was very popular, receiving a great deal of applause and appreciation from the audience.
Cecily felt determined to revel in this new decade and enjoy the madness of the early Twenties. She would sing new songs such as ‘After They’ve Seen Paree’. Her favourite one was ‘I Want to Hold You in My Arms’. She would cast teasing little smiles and a flicker of her hands across at Boyd as she sang it, making the audience chuckle. She also sang some of the ones she’d written, which were also well received.
Occasionally she would be obliged to dance with a man if requested to do so, passengers needing to be treated with respect. Cecily never involved herself closely with any of these well-to-do-men who could afford to go cruising, simply remaining studiously cautious and polite. Not that there were many around, the ship being largely occupied by women and retired gentlemen, as was England right now. Dancing with a stranger raised not the slightest twinge of emotion within her.
As she moved across the dance floor singing, one quite good-looking fellow, if rather old, constantly pestered her, asking her to dance. The scent of him was very like Queenie whenever she’d been drunk. Finally feeling obliged to accept, he surprised her by offering a proposal. Giving him a wry smile she laughingly declined, treating it as a joke, as she had with Louis when they’d danced together that lovely evening. A relationship had grown between them over time. Had she actually loved him? She couldn’t be certain but felt privileged to have given him those delightful few days and nights before he was lost. Now revelling in this new job, her growing affection for Boyd was becoming very apparent.
‘Did you fancy that rich, drunken man and accept his proposal?’ he asked, pulling her close into his arms as they walked down to the stairs to their rooms on the lower deck.
Glancing up into his gentle gaze, she grinned. ‘Definitely not. Too many men consider actresses and singers as terribly naughty ladies who spend most of their time drinking champagne, flirting and misbehaving with admirers, or lazing about, doing nothing too strenuous. Mama’s life to a T, not mine. I’m more interested in my career, although Queenie is obsessed with hers too,’ she added with a chuckle.
‘That’s a ridiculous attitude for a man to take. Entirely wrong.’
‘It is indeed. Our critics should appreciate that hundreds of artists, mainly women, have provided entertainment for the Tommies, not sex and booze. We helped to boost their morale. I’m told that Vesta Tilley did the same and raised money for the troops by selling signed photos of herself, as well as sending them postcards and gifts. A lovely and most talented lady.’
‘So are you, Cecily. I love our increasing closeness.’ Drawing her into his arms, he whispered in her ear, ‘I adore you. In fact, I think I’m falling in love with you.’ He kissed her most passionately and her entire resolve to stay clear of men slipped away. He was so intoxicating, drugging her with sweetness. Curling her hands into the tousled locks of his hair, Cecily felt a soar of happiness. Then lifting her hips, he pressed her up against the hardness of him, his desire for her very evident, and in herself too.
‘Oh, I love you too,’ she said, eagerly kissing him again.
Slipping into his cabin they made love, an intoxicating excitement flooding through her.
THIRTY
LIFE WITH her mother became even worse than it had been in the past. Merryn was constantly scolded for not combing her blonde hair correctly or tucking up the ends neatly enough. Let alone pinning it in the right place. That had happened so many times at the Palace Theatre that Merryn had found herself dismissed on countless occasions. If only Queenie would do that now, but her mother’s demands had grown beyond endurance.
Each morning when Merryn took in her tray of breakfast, as was expected of her, Queenie would recite a number of jobs she was required to do. ‘Carry out all the necessary washing and ironing, as well as changing my bed sheets each day. Keep the floors of this beautiful large house well scrubbed. Make sure all doors and windows are closed tight each evening and that all fires, which you must light each morning, are safely put out before you retire at night. Trim the lamps, keep the dining table, dresser and all other items of furniture well polished. Brush and clean my shoes, hats and clothes, and deal with the pile of underwear and gowns in my dressing room that require mending. Do bear in mind that should I require your attention, I shall ring this bell.’
‘Good gracious, I’m your daughter, not a servant. As Cecily would say, you are very Victorian in your attitude. I’ll do what I have time for, Queenie. I’ve put a request for a cleaner or housekeeper in the local paper. The doctor has agreed that a nurse will call in most days to attend to you. Once you recover, we will return to our own home.’
‘Don’t you dare do such a thing. I require you to live here to look after me for as long as I need you. Oh, and please go and purchase a bottle of rum. I’m in need of it to deal with my troubled nerves.’
‘No, Mama, don’t talk nonsense. You are sick with possible kidney failure so I would never agree to your addicting yourself to alcohol ever again,’ Merryn calmly informed her.
‘Do as I order you!’ Queenie screamed in fury. The fierce look in her eyes seemed to indicate that was indeed how she viewed Merryn, as a Victorian servant. Her intention being for her daughter to spend her life waiting hand, foot and finger on her whims and peccadilloes. ‘Roast some meat for my dinner, leaving just a touch of fat with it.’
‘I thought the doctor instructed you not to have meat, let alone fat? I could make you some vegetable soup.’
‘Listen to what I’m telling you, stupid girl.’
Venomous thoughts echoed in her head as Merryn marched downstairs and burst through the kitchen door, her cheeks scarlet with anger. If only Nan were still here. She’d always dealt with Queenie so much better. Being now quite old, she was entitled to retire and Merryn did not feel she had the right to call her back.
After lunch, having provided Queenie with a meal of lukewarm kippers, being unable to get the oven to heat up properly, she went to examine her dressing room. Merryn was appalled to find it littered with gowns, underwear, shoes and hats, as if when Queenie returned from the theatre each evening she’d simply tossed them around in a haphazard manner, many scattered on the floor. Clicking her tongue with fresh annoyance, Merryn gathered them all up, smoothed and ironed the crumpled gowns and began to hang them carefully in the wardrobe or folded them into a drawer.
It proved to be a time-consuming task, a little enlivened by watching Josette playing with hats and shoes she fancied. By the time Merryn got around to
making her daughter’s supper, bathing and putting her to bed, Queenie’s bell had been loudly ringing for some time. No doubt this was because she deemed it was time for her dinner, for which Merryn had dutifully roasted her some beef, as instructed. What a nightmare she was.
Merryn became utterly exhausted, finding all the domestic work in this large house far too taxing. She would constantly run up and down stairs to provide Queenie with food, cups of tea and pills, all applicable to the orders issued by the doctor. She did eventually manage to engage a nurse, and a woman as housekeeper to cook and clean. With a sigh of relief, Merryn began to relax. To her dismay, within days Queenie had dismissed them and when she found replacements, they too were sacked. ‘Why would you do that, Mama? I cannot possibly cope with all this work or the demands you are placing on me.’
‘Yes, you can. Pay proper attention to what I tell you, not least because those women were useless and that nurse far too interfering. As a result, I feel even worse.’ Falling back on to her pillow, she cried out in pain and began to weep.
Hastily rushing to comfort Queenie in her arms, Merryn was filled with a wave of pity and confusion. How on earth could she manage to cope?
Queenie became oddly silent and increasingly distant, treating her like a stranger with whom she had no wish to discuss her health issues. She barely even glanced at her, looking extremely blank as she sat eating her breakfast in bed. Was that because of a resentment she felt over the amount of time Merryn spent with her own child and husband, instead of carrying out every single duty she was ordered to do? Or was Queenie again suffering from nightmares, filtering into her mind from her past? That might explain why she would often be asleep during the day for hours at a time. Whatever the reason, she seemed to be wrapped up in herself and sinking into depression. How Merryn wished she could cheer her spirits and help her to recover.
Seated beside her and bouncing her child up and down on her lap, Merryn sang to Josette: ‘Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye, four and twenty blackbirds, baked in a pie.’
Girls of the Great War Page 26
