Twelve
Later that evening after supper, Ida knelt as she poured warm water into the bowl set on the living room floor at Joe and Verna’s place. She tested the temperature with her fingers before she lifted the squirming Sarah Mae and set her inside. Ida kept a firm grip and washed her new niece with one hand. Gently she rubbed the soapy washcloth into the baby’s creases. Verna sat on the couch wrapped in a thick quilt and watched with a concerned face.
Joe was on the rocker and seemed to have no worries about how a baby should be washed. He cooed, “She’s such a darling.”
“Be careful. Don’t break her.” Verna pushed the quilt aside and tried to get up.
Joe laughed. “She’s too cute to break.”
“Those are the ones that break,” Verna asserted as she sat down again.
“I’m being careful.” Ida lifted Sarah Mae out of the water and dried her with the softest cotton towel she’d found in Verna’s linen closet. It was deep blue with stitched edges. Still, the cloth deepened the reddish hue of the baby’s wet skin. Sarah Mae kicked her legs and protested with a cry.
“She wants her daett.” Joe made a move to get up, but Ida gestured him down and made him wait until she’d dressed Sarah Mae. She handed the baby girl to him. He cuddled the infant in his arm, the picture of happiness. Verna leaned toward the two with a glow on her face.
Ida too smiled at the sight. This week had been among the most enjoyable of her life. Oh how she loved babies and the attention they received. Daett and Mamm, along with Emery, had visited on Monday night. Joe’s parents had come the following night. Ida had made hot chocolate and popcorn both times, and she kept her eye on Verna lest her sister tire herself too much. But Verna seemed to know when she’d had enough activity. Both parents were also sensitive and had left at a decent hour—after one last round of exclamations over the little bundle.
Things had gone so well Ida could almost forget what faced her next. Verna and Joe’s joy had drawn her in like a cocoon and wrapped her in a glorious glow of love and expectation. Verna already talked of Sarah Mae’s first Sunday visit to the services and how the boppli would again be the center of attention. This was, after all, the first of Bishop Beiler’s girls to bring a child into the community. And through it all Mamm would glow like a lamp with the wick turned on high.
This was also Lois’s honeymoon week with her Englisha husband, Doug. The comparison of joy on the one hand and grief on the other was hard to fathom. How could Lois jet off to that Mexican city Lois had called Cancun? The place must be full of fancy things. Surely Lois knew this, and that’s why when she was home on her last visit she’d only whispered the information to Ida when Mamm couldn’t hear. None of the family had gone to the wedding. What a sight that must have been, with Lois in an Englisha white dress and a long, flowing veil. Lois hadn’t said exactly how she’d be dressed, but that’s how brides appeared in doctor offices’ magazines in Mifflinburg. Ida knew that Lois loved all things Englisha, and she would certainly have copied the best.
There would be pictures of Lois’s wedding and of Cancun. Lois would have them in her car when she visited after the honeymoon. She’d come over to the house without Doug that first visit. That was a given. Would Lois dare bring pictures into the house? That would take a lot of nerve even for Lois. But if Lois did, Mamm would need to throw them right out on the porch. There was no question about that.
Maybe she could sneak a look sometime when she visited Lois in Selinsgrove. But that might never happen now that Lois was firmly Englisha. And as Minister Kanagy’s frau, visiting Lois might be even more difficult to explain. Bishop Beiler’s daughter might get away with such a thing, but not a minister’s frau. That was just the way things were. Lois was responsible for the choices she made, and she would have her new position as frau and mamm to consider.
Ida emptied the bath bowl into the sink as memories of Melvin’s children flooded her mind. How she’d loved all six of them. But she didn’t want hope to rise in her heart just yet. That was why she hadn’t allowed thoughts of Melvin’s children to enter her mind this week. It hadn’t been that difficult, surrounded as she was by the joy of Verna’s new boppli. But now the weekend lay ahead, and Minister Kanagy would surely pay her a visit before Sunday. He might even come tonight. He’d know she was at Verna’s place, and he’d also know a visit was necessary to plan the wedding.
She would keep the wedding small, Ida told herself. But she’d said the same thing about her planned wedding to Melvin, and Mamm had overridden her. They had been in the midst of plans for a wedding the size of Verna’s when news arrived of Melvin’s passing. The baked pies and purchased food items had already filled the basement. But this time there really would be a small wedding. No matter what Mamm said. But first she would have to tell Mamm that she was going to wed. A whole week had gone by, and Mamm still didn’t know anything about Ida’s sort of engagement to Minister Kanagy.
Ida pinched herself. She was promised to Minister Kanagy! This was hard to believe, and yet it was true… just as true as when she’d consented to be Melvin’s frau. There had been no thrills or chills when they’d spoken last Sunday on the back porch. No butterflies raced around Ida’s stomach. But that didn’t matter. She hadn’t felt that way about Melvin at first. Now with Minister Kanagy they were both older and practical. Minister Kanagy needed a frau, and Ida wanted Melvin’s children as her own. The exchange was fair enough. She would make this plain to the minister when he visited. He would agree, and that would be the end of the matter.
Ida returned to the living room where Joe was still cooing over baby Sarah Mae. She left them again to prepare Verna’s bed for the night. In the bedroom, she stripped off the sheet and slipped on a fresh one. Wash day had been every other day this week with the amount of dirty diapers Sarah Mae created. The wash line filled with white cloth diapers had been a beautiful sight. They’d flapped in the wind as the day warmed. All the hard work involved with kinner contained many rewards. Yah, the gift to bring kinner into the world to serve Da Hah in their generation must be one of the greatest privileges allowed Da Hah’s people.
Ida looked out the window and caught sight of buggy lights turning into the driveway. That would be Minister Kanagy! She smiled. Already she had the man figured out, and she hadn’t even said the vows with him. Wasn’t that a gut sign?
Oh! Verna and Joe didn’t know about Minister Kanagy’s interest in her. They would be surprised, and they must be told right away. Ida raced back into the living room. She tripped over the edge of the couch, and barely stopped her fall in time with a quick grab of the sofa’s back.
Verna and Joe looked up in alarm. “Is something wrong, Ida?” Verna asked.
Her words rushed out. “Minister Kanagy’s coming for a visit. I don’t know for sure, but it’s possible he’s coming to see me. You see, he and I… we’ve been…oh!” Ida paused to catch her breath. “He may be here because we need to speak of our wedding.”
“Ida!” Verna reached over to grab her sister’s arm. “You’re speaking with Minister Kanagy this soon after his frau’s passing?”
At least Verna wasn’t objecting to Minister Kanagy, just to the timing. Ida hadn’t expected Verna to object though. Joe looked a little skeptical, but he didn’t say anything.
Ida gulped. “It may be a little soon, but there are kinner involved. Minister Kanagy’s and Melvin’s. So it seemed right to me when Minister Kanagy asked.”
Verna waved her hand toward Joe. “Go to the door then, Joe. Welcome the man in. Oh, where can they go to talk? I guess we can hide out in our bedroom.”
“Nee, you won’t!” Ida said at once. “We’ll go upstairs to my room.”
Just then the women heard Joe speak. “Gut evening, Ben.”
“Gut evening, Joe.”
Minister Ben Kanagy’s voice squeaked a little, Ida thought. The man was obviously nervous again. But what man wouldn’t be under the circumstances? He probably figured Verna and Joe didn’t know w
hy he was here.
Ida stood straight and walked to the front door, even as the minister stepped inside. She gave him a smile and a little nod. That should let him know everything was fine.
He seemed to relax as he turned to Joe first and then to Verna. “Congratulations on the birth of your first child. I was so glad to hear everything went well. Da Hah has blessed you with a great gift.”
“That He has,” Joe agreed. His voice changed to a teasing tone. “Has little Sarah Mae gotten herself into church trouble already?”
Joe laughed and Minister Kanagy joined in. His laughter was a bit nervous.
Ida gave him another smile, and she could see him relax.
Minister Kanagy cleared his throat. “I guess you know why I’m here—to speak with Ida.”
Joe nodded. “She just told us moments ago of your gut news.”
“It’s… ” Minister Kanagy obviously was searching for what to say.
“You don’t have to explain,” Verna said. “Ida thinks you’d be most comfortable visiting upstairs in her room. But if you prefer, Joe and I can take little Sarah Mae and hightail it for our bedroom. That way you two can have the living room to yourselves… if you think that best.”
Minister Kanagy’s hand twitched. “I wouldn’t wish to disturb you. Not in the least. Nee, upstairs is fine. We’ll behave ourselves.”
Verna tried to smile at the nervous laughter that followed between Joe and the minister.
Ida figured the joke wasn’t any more funny to Verna than it was to her. Minister Kanagy should stick to the business at hand. He shouldn’t try to lighten the mood. But he must still hurt over the loss of his frau, Barbara. Ida would need to cut the man a lot of slack, even if he made cheesy jokes.
Without a glance at Minister Kanagy, Ida retrieved the lit kerosene lamp from the kitchen table and led the way upstairs. The steps soon squeaked behind her as Minister Kanagy followed. He’d caught up by the time she arrived at the bedroom she’d been using. Ida stepped inside and motioned toward the only chair. “I’ll sit on the bed, if you don’t mind.”
Minister Kanagy nodded and sat down.
Ida put the lamp on the dresser. She turned the flame up until it threatened to smoke. The flickering light played on the minister’s dark beard.
Minister Kanagy smiled and glanced up at her. He didn’t seem a bit nervous now, which was gut. She didn’t want a man who was always nervous around her. Apparently once Minister Kanagy was through the first part of an awkward situation, he calmed down. And she seemed to help him along that way, rather than hinder him. That was also gut. Ida gave him a smile as she seated herself on the edge of the bed.
The minister cleared his throat. “I’m glad to see you tonight, Ida. I hope this is a good time and that I’m not inconveniencing you.”
Ida’s smile came easily. “I was half expecting you, so I’m happy you’ve come.”
“I’m happy to hear that.” Minister Kanagy thought for a moment. “If you don’t mind, Ida, I’d like to tell you about Barbara first. I want to make it clear that I’m not expecting you to replace her. I will always have a special place in my heart for Barbara. I want no secrets on that matter between us. I thought it would be better if I told you about her right up front. Then, if you wish, you can tell me about Melvin. He was my brother, and I know you loved him.”
“I did.” Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes. “And, yah, I wish to hear about Barbara.”
Thirteen
Minister Kanagy had spoken for thirty minutes now, and Ida felt a little guilty that she hadn’t been totally wrapped up in his story. Her mind had wandered even with her initial interest in what he had to say. The tale of his former frau’s life was important to Minister Kanagy, so it was important to her. And Minister Kanagy had said she was to speak about his brother Melvin after he finished. But truth be told, she really didn’t want to speak of Melvin. Their love had never been lived out day-to-day like the story Minister Kanagy was telling. Ida had only dreamed of having a life together with Melvin. They had never had even a fraction of what Minister Kanagy had with Barbara.
She forced herself to focus.
“… the year Wilma was born. We’d waited so many years for the first one. Barbara thought Da Hah had decided we were to remain childless, but I kept up my hope. And it did happen. I can remember my joy. I must have looked like Joe did downstairs tonight. Perhaps even more so because we had waited so long. John came a year later. I thought we were well on our way to a large family. A little late, but still time, I told myself.” A hint of a smile spread over his face.
Ida decided she couldn’t think of him anymore as Minister Kanagy. He must become Ben to her. Ben. Ida ran the name through her mind a few times. It felt okay. Not as fearsome and frightening as “Minister Kanagy.” This man in front of her would soon be her husband—if Da Hah so willed it. Minister…nee, Ben should no longer strike uneasiness in her.
“Perhaps I should say something, Ben,” Ida interrupted. She gave him a warm smile when he appeared surprised. “I want you to take as long as you wish to speak of Barbara, but I’d like best to be able to say things myself when they come to me.” She gave him another smile. “It works for me that way.”
“Yah,” Ben said, regarding her with surprise.
He seemed to adjust rather quickly, for which Ida was grateful. She took a deep breath. “It’s this thing about Melvin’s children. I know you have two of them at your house—Willard and Rosa—in addition to your own two.”
“Oh!” A smile spread across his face. “Of course you will wish to see all six of Melvin’s children at times. That won’t be a problem. It’s most understandable that you would. We can start right soon, if you wish. I’ll come pick you up on Sunday afternoon, and we can visit them.”
He wasn’t quite understanding what she was trying to say. Ida steadied herself. “Nee, Ben, that’s not what I mean at all. In fact, I don’t wish to spend time with them before our wedding.” Ida glanced away as heat rushed into her face. She took a moment to gather herself together. “I want all of them in our home after the wedding, Ben. Your two children plus Willard, Rosa, Amos, Ephraim, Lonnie, and Lisa. All of them.”
He was startled, even shocked. “All of them, Ida? But they have settled in with others of the family. We can’t disrupt that.”
“This is what I want, Ben.” Ida tried to keep her voice firm. “This is partly why I am willing to say vows with you. For the children. Melvin’s and yours. I was sure you already knew this.”
The struggle on his face was severe. “But, Ida, this cannot be. I have four children at my home now. Mine and two of Melvin’s. Four more would be eight! And then with the ones Da Hah perhaps will give us… ”
Ida forced a smile. “You just said moments ago that you wished for a large family. Maybe Da Hah heard you.”
Ben’s face turned a little pale.
Obviously he wasn’t used to such plain talk from a woman, especially plain talk that was correcting him. Ida let out a breath and silently thanked Da Hah for having Sadie speak to her on this matter. It was a good thing Sadie had insisted she bring this up before saying vows.
“You seem to have made up your mind, Ida.”
Ida met his gaze. “I will not marry without agreement on this condition. Either all of your brother Melvin’s children come to live in our home after the wedding, Ben, or… or it’s best we not say the vows.”
He was silent for a long moment. “You are sure of this, Ida? You really mean it? This is what you desire?”
Ida nodded and affirmed, “I do, Ben.”
His face softened. “Well, Melvin was my brother, and we did love each other. Perhaps this is Da Hah’s will.”
“It is.” Ida didn’t hesitate. “And it is mine. Da Hah listens to a mamm’s heart, does He not? And if you promise me this and then take this from me, Ben, I will never be the frau you wish for. A part of my heart will die—a part you will wish hadn’t.”
Ben was an honorable m
an and wouldn’t go back on his word once it was given, but why let it even be a temptation? She wanted to make it plain where she stood, that part of it would require having eight children in the house, plus the ones she would bear for him if Da Hah willed. Ida looked away as her face flamed again.
He thought long before he spoke. “You’re a gut woman, Ida. Your heart is in the right place. You have not asked for ease, or pleasure, or for a gentle rule from my hand. Rather, you have asked for hardship, and trouble, and for helping the hearts of troubled children who have lost their parents. I cannot but give you what Da Hah has already given, Ida. It would be a sin for me to deny such love. I only hope you will one day see me in such a way. Such a love as yours is truly holy and righteous, and I am unworthy. Yah, Ida. I will make arrangements to bring all of Melvin’s children to our home a week or so before the wedding.”
Ida choked for a moment as hot tears rushed down her cheeks. This she had not expected. Such wunderbah words! They burned in her heart. Ben understood! Ida stood and stepped toward him.
He hesitated, but stood also and opened his arms. They embraced. Stiffly at first, and then with ease. His hand reached for her face. He touched her cheeks, his eyes intense. “Ida, I love you already. More than I can ever say.”
She stilled his words with her fingers on his lips. She angled her head up even more to receive his kiss. Her first thought was that he kissed as Melvin had. The passion was the same. He kept his arms around her for a long time, but he finally relaxed his hug and gently separated from her. “This is not yet right, Ida. We have not said the vows, and I was once a married man. I want to be careful and honorable.”
She nodded and sat on the bed again. He walked to the window and pushed aside the drapes for a better view. As he gazed out the window, Ida studied the back of his head. She was glad she had kissed him. It comforted her heart even though she’d been certain this course was Da Hah’s will. Confirmation was gut. But how would she compare with Barbara? Ben seemed to like her and even said so. Their relationship might not be a flame of fire like she’d eventually felt for Melvin or the raging river Paul Wagler used to stir in her. But this feeling was something gut nonetheless. Wholesome even as it was tempered by the deep sorrow they had both experienced. In many ways they were one already in spirit. Ben would probably laugh at her if he knew how much she read into their one kiss, but she was glad he had spoken his heart. She would never have dared approach him with her heart open without his words. And now she knew. She would not dread his kisses or his love.
Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) Page 9
