With Ida here in front of her and both of them alone, Debbie’s thoughts turned to whether or not she should tell Ida about Alvin. She thought for a moment and then said, “Ida, I need to tell you something…”
Ida glanced at Debbie and, catching the tone, turned pale. “What is it? Not bad news?”
“Yah, I suppose it is bad news… in a way. Though someday maybe I’ll think differently about it. On Sunday night, Alvin cut off our relationship. I don’t think he’s coming back, which means…”
Ida stopped her by wrapping her in both arms and whispering in her ear, “Oh, Debbie! You know I didn’t care for Alvin, but I’m still sorry.”
“I know.” Debbie couldn’t pull off a smile.
“Now I know why you’ve been so quiet these past few days. And to think I didn’t ask. I’ve been so wrapped up in the wedding—but that’s no excuse.”
“It’s okay.” Debbie wiped her eyes. “You couldn’t have done anything.”
“Was he nasty to you?” Ida’s look became intense.
Debbie laughed. “No, Ida. He was a perfect gentleman. And that may have been part of the problem. He didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so I think he’s been keeping things hidden inside. The problem now is that I can’t be your witness on your special day. I’m so sorry for letting you down.”
A look of brief anger flashed across Ida’s face. “Don’t be saying that, Debbie. It’s not your fault. Alvin is to blame for this! But still, I’m sorry for you that it didn’t work out. I know your heart was set on the man.”
“I suppose so.” Debbie glanced away. She really didn’t want a long discussion with Ida on the matter. How Ida felt about Alvin was no secret. But as usual her friend was being supportive.
Ida studied her now. “You know, I still want you to be my witness, Debbie.”
Debbie choked. “Not with Paul. Don’t even think about it.”
Before Ida could answer, the milk-house door swung open and Emery burst in. He took in both of them with a quick glance. “Oh nee! Is this trouble I see! What’s afoot now?”
“It’s none of your business,” Ida told him.
But Debbie wanted Emery to know, although she wasn’t sure why. The words blurted out. “Alvin terminated our relationship on Sunday night.”
Emery jerked his head around. “Now that was mighty dumb of him. A gut-looking woman like you.”
“Thank you!” Debbie gave him a hint of a smile.
Emery grinned. “Did the man find greener pastures?”
“Emery!” Ida shrieked. “Be sensitive to Debbie’s feelings.”
Debbie kept her smile pasted on. “I think that’s probably a good way of saying it, although I’ve wanted to avoid such thoughts. I imagine Mildred Schrock has been working her charms.”
Emery made a face. “Well, take it from me. It’s Alvin’s loss—and a big one at that.”
Now she was going to really cry, Debbie thought as her eyes stung.
Emery seemed to notice her discomfort. He turned, headed toward the back of the barn to bring in the cows. They were being too nice to her, Debbie thought. She didn’t deserve any of this, but God had led her here. He would supply her with what she needed to continue the journey—alone, if necessary.
And she was sure Mildred had much more to do with this than Alvin had wanted to admit. But she mustn’t think ill of Alvin or of Mildred. A sob caught in her throat. If Alvin chose Mildred over her, she would bear the shame as any decent woman would. She was not the first woman who’d been rejected in favor of another.
Ida touched her arm as the cows pushed in. “We’ll talk later about someone to sit with you on my wedding day.”
Twenty-Eight
Debbie stood at the kitchen sink later that morning washing the last of the breakfast dishes. Lois had arrived some ten minutes earlier and was busy at work at the dining room table with Saloma. The two had their heads together with recipe books spread out around them. They were deep in conversation about the menu for Ida’s wedding.
As Debbie glanced out of the window, she caught sight of Verna’s buggy pulling into the driveway. “Verna’s here!” Debbie said as she turned to go out the washroom door.
Lois shouted after her, “Tell Verna gut morning for me. I’ll give her a kiss when she comes in.”
Debbie hurried across the lawn. She couldn’t help but find good cheer in Lois’s antics this morning. At least the girl had arrived in a decent dress instead of jeans or a cut-off shirt. Lois had even agreed to Saloma’s requirement that she wear an Amish dress at the wedding.
Thankfully, Ida had said nothing more about who was to sit with her as a witness at the wedding. No doubt Ida meant to give her feelings a rest before the mention of some distant Beiler relative she’d never seen before. With all that was wrong in her life right now, she could take the consideration with a grateful heart. Hadn’t even the brief glimpse of Verna as she came in the driveway choked her up? If she didn’t watch herself in the next few minutes, she’d go on her long-overdue blubbering breakdown right by Verna’s buggy where the whole Beiler family could see her.
Verna left her horse by the hitching post and turned to greet Debbie with a hug. “It’s so gut to see you again!”
Debbie smiled. “And you. I’m thinking little Sarah Mae is all bundled up in that buggy somewhere.”
Verna glowed with joy. “That she is.”
Debbie marched over to peek at the boppli wrapped in the quilt Verna had fastened to the buggy seat. Sarah Mae’s face scrunched up in a bright smile. “She knows me!” Debbie cooed. “May I carry her into the house?”
“We’d better unhitch Isaiah first.” Verna wrinkled up her face. “He shouldn’t stand out here all day, especially if it turns cold.”
“Of course!” Debbie rushed to help. “How quickly I forget the routines of Amish life. But I’m learning.”
“You’re doing very well since your baptism,” Verna said. “And long before that, really. You almost grew with us.”
Debbie lowered her head as she unfastened the tugs. “It’s still not quite the same.”
“You’ll make Alvin an excellent Amish frau,” Verna said, her voice lilting.
Debbie bit her lip.
Verna laughed. “Now don’t go blushing on me. I know how much Alvin means to you. I’m sure he’s thinking the same thing of you. Now that the man has finally gotten around to asking you home on dates. Remember how hard we used to work, Debbie? Scheming to match Alvin up with you at my wedding as a table waiter. I thought the poor man would die of fright. But Alvin has come a long way from such a timid start, if I must say so myself. And I’m not ashamed to claim credit either. You two make a very nice couple.”
Debbie said nothing as she held the buggy shaft as Verna led Isaiah forward. Her silence finally drew Verna’s attention.
Verna pulled Isaiah up with a jerk and turned. “Debbie, you’re sure quiet this morning. Did I say something wrong?”
Debbie dropped the shaft and covered her face with her hands. “Alvin broke off our relationship Sunday night.”
“Oh, Debbie!” Verna let the tie rope fall and rushed over. “Surely not! I can’t believe it! Why, that man is a hopeless case after all. Oh, Debbie, I’m so sorry this happened.” A strain of hope crept into Verna’s voice. “Do you think it’s final?”
Debbie choked for a moment before she answered. “I’m afraid so. My heart feels like a piece of lead sunk down to the bottom of the ocean.”
“Oh!” Verna wrapped her in another hug, and the two clung to each other for a long time—until baby Sarah Mae’s cry cracked the air. Verna let go to hurry to the buggy and gather the baby in her arms. “Were you scared that Mommy had left? I’m right here, just taking the horsey into the barn.”
“I’ll take Isaiah,” Debbie said, grabbing Isaiah’s tie rope. “You take the baby in out of the cold.”
Verna didn’t protest as she pulled the quilt off the buggy seat to wrap around Sarah Mae. “Will you bring my s
atchel in?”
Debbie nodded as Verna sent a mournful glance her way. “We’ll talk more about this later, Debbie.”
Debbie pulled on Isaiah’s tie rope. The horse stared at her and blinked his eyes. “You’re coming with me,” she said. Isaiah followed as if he understood. He entered the barn and whinnied to the other horses. Debbie tied him in an empty stall and gave him a small bucket of oats. She made sure there was hay in the rack and water. With one last pat on his neck, she left the barn. Verna’s buggy door was still open, so she stopped to pick up the satchel and then closed the door. When she walked into the house, all three Beiler women were cooing over baby Sarah. Verna stood beside them with all the glory of motherhood.
Debbie quenched a sob. This was no time for a pity party. But the sight of the women gathered around the baby brought the stabbing thought that she might never get to experience giving birth to her own child.
Debbie pasted on a smile and joined the group. She reached over to squeeze Lois’s arm. “How’s married life?”
Lois glowed. “It’s unbelievable! I’m so in love with the man I can’t see straight sometimes. It’s what I’ve always wanted, Debbie.”
Saloma sent Lois a sharp glance, and Debbie knew she needed to change the subject to something other than Lois’s life in the Englisha world. “I’m glad to hear that. And I’m glad you’re here to help with Ida’s wedding.”
“Yah, and I will dress Amish. That will seem almost like old times.” Lois lost her smile for a moment. “But it’s only for the day. Doug won’t come. He’s sore about, well, you know, about you not coming to our wedding.”
Debbie winced but bit her tongue. Lois chattered away. “He’ll get over it. He’s so understanding. He knows things are different. If I bring him a few pies home from the wedding, and some Amish date pudding, which he’s never had, that’ll put a smile back on his face.”
“Sounds like you have things figured out,” Debbie said. She would ask no more questions of Lois. All of them seemed doomed to veer into uncomfortable territory for Saloma.
Lois regarded her for a moment. “I meant to ask you, Debbie. What didn’t you like about Doug? I mean, you did date him. I asked Doug, and he mumbled something about you two not being meant for each other.”
Debbie’s head spun. Now they really were in rough territory.
“Lois!” Saloma gasped. “That’s indecent to ask.”
“Sorry,” Lois said. “I was just curious.”
Debbie found her voice. “Doug’s right, Lois. You fit him much better than I ever could have.”
Lois glowed. “Thanks, Debbie. That makes me feel gut. But why are you dating that Alvin Knepp? He’s not even close to being like Doug…”
“Lois!” Saloma’s voice cut her daughter’s comment short.
Lois shrugged. “Sorry. I meant no harm, Debbie.”
Debbie sighed. She might as well tell the truth. It would come out soon enough anyway. “Alvin ended our relationship Sunday night.”
Lois raised her eyebrows. “Can’t say I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want me to keep my eye out for a decent date—you know, out there?”
“Lois!” Saloma’s voice was even sharper. “That’s enough!”
Lois wasn’t through though. “You don’t have to get all snappy, Mamm. I like my life out there. I thought Debbie might want to rejoin the crowd.”
A deep pall settled over the room. Little baby Sarah kicked on the quilt, but no one looked.
“We have said enough on this.” Mamm’s voice hadn’t lost its edge. “Only Da Hah can know where this all will end. You’ve left the faith. And I fear for Daett’s health at times. This will surely drive him to an early grave. But Debbie is not joining you in your foolishness. Of that I’m certain.”
Lois looked like she was ready to say something, but she changed her mind. Saloma gathered little Sarah Mae in her arms and kissed her on the cheek several times. “Yah, little dear one. You came along to comfort our hearts, didn’t you? Da Hah is that way, giving so much more than we deserve. He sends peace again into our hearts.”
Ida and Verna glanced at each other and, without a word, headed upstairs. Lois shook her head and left for the kitchen. Debbie turned and followed Ida and Verna upstairs. They had plans to clean the whole house, so she assumed that’s where the two were headed. She wondered why they hadn’t taken brooms and wash buckets with them. Maybe they planned to assess the situation first.
Debbie reached the top of the stairs to find the two near Ida’s bedroom door in animated conversation.
“Sorry,” she whispered as she began to back down the stairs.
Ida motioned Debbie over. “I was just trying to get Verna on my side before I told you, but I’m not having much success.”
“Tell me what?” Debbie stepped back up. Could this morning get any worse? What did Ida have in mind now?
Verna ignored Debbie and addressed Ida instead. “It’s only been two weeks. The man’s barely out of the hospital. And he’s depressed—extremely. We were over to see him last night and well…” Verna let the sentence hang.
Ida’s face was set. “All the more reason to ask him.” Ida ticked off imaginary numbers on her fingers. “It’ll be four weeks by the wedding day. He could use the morale boost. It will get him back into the life of the community. He’ll see that nothing has really changed at all.”
Verna didn’t appear convinced.
Debbie burst in with, “What are you two talking about?”
Verna ignored her again and got in what sounded like a parting shot. “See, Ida, I told you. Now stop interfering.” Verna turned toward her. “Ida wants Paul Wagler to fill in for Alvin.”
Debbie blanched. “Ida just doesn’t give up.”
Ida grabbed her arm. “Nee, don’t think the wrong thing, Debbie. This would be for both of you. It would do you gut to keep going with another man in a situation that doesn’t mean anything. And Paul needs help after what he’s been through. I know him well enough to know that. I did drive to the hospital with him, you know.”
“I don’t like this, Ida,” Verna said. “Let it be.”
“Joe can ask him,” Ida said. “He’s Paul’s gut friend, and you’ve already been to visit him.”
“What about my opinion?” Debbie got in edgewise. “Don’t I count?”
“Oh! Yah!” Ida turned toward her. “But surely, Debbie, you can see the sense in this. Besides, it’s my wedding. You would do it for me, wouldn’t you?”
Ida hit a nerve with that line of thought. Debbie would do just about anything for Ida, and her friend knew it. But still her heart sank at the idea. All she could muster was, “I don’t know about this.”
Ida seemed content to leave things there for now. “That’s okay. Just promise to think about it. Verna, we’ll let you know once Debbie decides.”
Verna shrugged. “Whatever. Now, we’d better get to work or this house is never going to get cleaned.”
Debbie followed the two downstairs, not knowing what to think. Life hurt enough already without any fresh wars that might erupt with Paul. And the last thing she wanted was for Paul to get encouragement for his romantic ideas about her. But neither Ida or Verna had seemed to think this would be a possibility.
Debbie stifled a groan and grimaced as she resigned herself to the cleaning work ahead of them.
Twenty-Nine
The next Sunday night after the hymn singing, Debbie stood in the line of girls on the sidewalk as they waited for their rides. She’d almost stayed home, but she knew that was no way to act. She had to reject her instinct to crawl into a hole and hide. After all, it would only hurt worse later. One was better off to face things now—even if they hurt.
Debbie peered toward the barn where some of the men were still hitching their horses to the buggies. She was sure one of them was Emery. He’d left for the barn moments ago. Alvin too had scooted out the door some time ago and would be appearing soon. Debbie could feel the other girls glancing at her. Appa
rently some of them still hadn’t heard that she was no longer dating Alvin. But that didn’t surprise her. As a couple, they weren’t a high priority for the community. Not with other things on people’s minds. Paul Wagler was still mending at home, and the wedding season would soon be in full swing.
Ida would be among the first to say her vows. Minister Kanagy had made his appearance again this afternoon. He’d insisted that for once he wanted to take Ida to the hymn singing. Apparently the man wished to give Ida at least the appearance of a formal courtship. Ida had objected to any extra attention expended on her at the expense of Minister Kanagy’s children. But the man hadn’t budged. He said his sister Lily and her boyfriend, Mahlon, had their own wedding to plan next month. They could do so while they babysat the children. Thus Minister Kanagy had come to pick Ida up that afternoon.
Ida had spurted a few more protests but given in. The two were long gone now. They had been one of the first couples to leave after the parting song had ended. Debbie still couldn’t get used to the sight of Minister Kanagy and Ida together. But Ida seemed happy, and what did Debbie know? Look what a mess she’d made out of her dating relationship. Hopefully Alvin had already driven past with his buggy. There would be no reminder that had things gone right, she would be climbing into Alvin’s buggy so he could drive her home.
Debbie glanced toward the barn and caught sight of Emery’s buggy. She moved toward it but stopped short. Alvin’s buggy had pulled out of the line and was waiting by itself. Who was Alvin waiting for? He didn’t have any sisters. And Alvin didn’t like to wait. Debbie had never made him wait on any of their dates—few though they were.
Then Debbie froze in place at the sound of the washroom door slamming and the sight of Mildred running down the line of girls. A deathly kind of cold crept through Debbie as she wrapped her shawl tighter over her shoulders. Mildred was clearly creating a scene on purpose. She was flaunting her conquest. And it was working. Most of the girls in the line alternated quick glances between Alvin’s buggy, Mildred, and Debbie.
Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) Page 19
