By the third day, she can’t bear it, and she goes to Leo’s door. But even before she goes to unlock it, she sees that a shiny new bolt lock has been installed.
To keep her out, she’s sure.
Her only hope of seeing Leo now is getting him to open the door.
* * *
—
SPOTS ON THE wall. Yellow. Leo puts his hands on the warm spot. He feels the yellow warm on the backs of them. He watches his fingers. He is still and watching. Eventually, the yellow moves. And he moves his hand again. Then the yellow is gone.
Leo looks at his watch and turns on the TV. It is time for Gilligan’s Island. But Venus is not here. He hears knocking. Three raps.
A voice is calling. It is interrupting! He blocks it out. The voice calls louder. Someone is shouting his name. It is the girl with the Cheetos. The girl who sings ABCs. He hears five raps on the door. The raps touch only a tiny part of his mind. He’s buzzing comfortably. He’s unwilling to break away. The knocks keep coming.
“Leo!” the girl calls. “I have Cheetos.”
Leo sees the bag in his mind. It is the right orange. He wants Cheetos.
“Open the door!” she calls.
Leo hears his father’s loud voice in his head. His father’s face is red. He remembers touching and pain. Never. Open. The. Door.
He sees the man with the orange hair. He says the same thing. Never. Open. The. Door.
The girl keeps knocking. She has black hair that is the right black. Her hands are the wrong brown. Sometimes she has a blue shirt that is the right blue. She brings him things. She doesn’t touch. She never yells. Leo wants her to come inside. Why won’t she come?
One sunny day in late March, Tinker stands in the supermarket, trying to think like a retard. After weeks of trying, he still hasn’t conquered breakfast. Once, he even cooked for the kid—made him a damn fine omelet—and Leo refused to take a single bite. It’s not like the kid is going to starve or get sick from eating bologna for breakfast. But feeding Leo is like trying to crack a code, and Tinker wants to win.
So far, Leo hates eggs, and bacon, too. He’s already tried two cereals—Apple Jacks and Trix. “Other kids love this shit,” he’d told Leo, digging into a bowl of Trix himself, milk dribbling down his chin. “What’s wrong with you, kid? It’s got round things and fun colors!”
Now he scans the cereal aisle and notices the Cheerios. They aren’t sweet, but Cheerios make sense, because you’d start eating those when you’re still in your high chair, before you got spoiled rotten by Inez. He’s about to grab a box, when he spots the Rice Krispies. Wait a second, he thinks. Snap! Crackle! Pop! And Leo likes rice. He says, “Rice is the right white!”
Tinker reaches for the box. “I got you this time, kid!” he says. He doesn’t even care that he’s startled an elderly woman reaching for Grape-Nuts. He can hardly wait to get home and see if he’s right.
As soon as he gets back to the apartment, he realizes Leo already had lunch. And he doubts Leo will eat breakfast in the middle of the afternoon.
Leo is spinning his plastic ball from the Mexican brat, when Tinker calls out to him, “Come here, Leo! Come right now!”
Usually, Leo obeys him. But this time Tinker has to take away the ball in order to get Leo to come to the table. Leo is starting to get upset, when Tinker shows him the box. “Rice Krispies, Leo! You want some Rice Krispies?”
Leo freezes. “Rice Krispies,” he repeats.
Tinker is always surprised when Leo speaks. Clearly, he has the kid’s full attention. But then Leo startles Tinker with loud grunts and squawking sounds. It takes Tinker a few moments to realize they mean Leo is excited.
“Yes, Leo,” Tinker says. “It’s Rice Krispies. You want some?” He brings a bowl and spoon to the table, where Leo has already positioned himself. He pours the milk on the cereal and watches Leo tilt his ear above the bowl to listen. Then he takes a bite. For the next five minutes, Tinker sits still and quietly watches Leo eat. With each bite, Leo tilts his head to listen, then eats a spoonful. Tilts, eats a spoonful. He isn’t smiling—he never smiles—but there’s a look on his face that makes Phil think he is happy.
When the cereal is gone, Leo lifts the bowl and drinks the milk. Tinker dabs at his eyes with pudgy fingers. Goddamn kid is really messing with his mind.
* * *
—
LEO DREAMS OF his sister. The stars on her ceiling. The planets in a row. He is lying on her bed, and Venus is counting. Her voice is soft. It doesn’t hurt him.
When he wakes up, he thinks he is in the closet with his purple blanket. But he is not. He is here in the strange bed. The man with the orange hair is out there with the TV. He misses his purple blanket. He smells bacon. Bacon is what his father ate. Where is his father? Leo sees his angry face and flinches.
Leo goes out to where the man is. He sees a spot of yellow on the floor. Warm. He squats and puts his hand there. When the yellow moves, he moves his hand again. Suddenly he sees a flash. The man has something silver. It’s the loud, terrible thing! It is his father’s never ever touch. Leo freezes in terror. It is going to be loud. He starts to scream about Venus.
The man gets up. He is yelling at Leo to stop screaming. Leo puts his hands on his ears. He remembers the terrible sound. He remembers his sister from before. He waits for the terrible loud to come.
It doesn’t come. The man is still yelling at him. Then it is dark. The blanket from his bed is on his head. He can’t see the silver. He starts to rock. He counts to calm down. He counts his fingers over and over like his mother taught him.
When Leo gets hot, he stops counting. He hears quiet. He knows the man left. He comes out of the blanket, and the room is empty.
* * *
—
TESSA IS ANGRY with herself that she didn’t think of it sooner. She knows it was her guilt that made her dumb. Obviously, the best way to deal with Phil might be to simply ask permission to play with Leo. She can offer to help Leo with his schoolwork, even though she knows for a fact he doesn’t do anything. She could show up with some alphabet magnets or some books for teaching Leo. How could he say no? Maybe he would jump at the chance!
Because of Phil’s and her schedule, Tessa didn’t see an opportunity until Sunday morning. “I’m going to go say hi to the neighbors,” she tells her dad. “See if Phil needs any help with his son.”
Her father looks up with surprise, but of course he’s perfectly fine with this idea, since she knows he worries she is too shy. “Good for you, Tess,” he says, winking at her.
Now she’s standing at Phil’s door, feeling nervous. She has put in her pink barrettes, one on each side at eye level. She has put on her new training bra, too—even though her breasts are just nubs. And she’s wearing her favorite shirt, the one with all the drawings of Holly Hobbie on it.
She is about to knock on the door when she hears Leo begin to scream and wail. And then his father is yelling, “It’s just a gun, Leo! It’s okay!”
Tessa freezes. Leo’s father has a gun. Should she run to tell her father?
“Venus!” Leo yells. “A gun!”
“Yes, Leo. Venus had a gun,” says Phil. “But Venus isn’t here. Look! I was just cleaning it, Leo! I put the gun away.” He is yelling but trying not to yell too loud, Tessa can tell. After that, Leo’s wails sound muffled, like he’s under a blanket.
Tessa guesses he is probably rocking. He is going to be okay. She hurries back to her own apartment, where she holds her statue of the Virgin Mary next to her heart. She says Hail Marys as she replays in her mind what she heard at the door. She knows something important now that she didn’t know before. She whispers partly to herself and partly to the Virgin, “Venus is a person.”
Tinker is startled to hear a knock on the door. He paid April’s rent already. He hasn’t given his address to anybody—not even the w
aitress Wendy yet. He nervously unlocks the door and opens it a crack. It’s the snoopy girl from next door.
“Good morning,” she says. “How are you today?”
“I’m fine,” says Tinker. He glances back into the apartment, making a quick survey of how messy it is. He needs to be friendly, but he doesn’t want Miss Snoopy to come in.
“I’m kind of busy right now,” he says. “Do you need something?”
“Is Leo around?”
Tinker chuckles. “Yeah, he’s here. He’s just playing,” he says, which is true. Leo is sitting on the floor on the other side of the pullout bed. He’s found a spot of sun and he’s tossing the jacks on the floor.
“My father wants to invite you and Leo to Easter dinner,” she announces.
At first, Tinker is too shocked to make what she said compute. He’s barely talked to Tony since he moved in. He still hasn’t gotten that tattoo he promised he’d get from Tony.
“Well, problem is, I work nights,” answers Tinker, relieved that this is absolutely true.
“Even on Easter Sunday?” she asks. “They don’t let you off?”
“Sorry, sweetie,” Tinker tells her. “Where I work, we put on a special Easter dinner for anyone in need. Not everybody has a big family or relatives to come over.” He can’t believe he was smart enough to think of this lie so fast.
The girl doesn’t answer. Tinker sees her try to peer around him into the apartment.
“What about Leo?” she asks.
“What about him?”
“Well, it’s Easter. Maybe he could come even if you can’t.”
Tinker bursts out laughing. This girl has no idea, which is kind of reassuring. Clearly, she doesn’t know Leo.
“Um, I don’t think you want Leo,” he manages, grinning. “That boy’s one picky eater. Probably doesn’t like turkey—”
“We’re having ham.”
“And I also gotta warn you, he doesn’t talk much; he’s not much of a…what do you call it?”
The girl waits. It’s on the tip of his tongue. “A conversationist,” finishes Tinker proudly. He bets this girl doesn’t know such a big word.
“Conversationalist, you mean?” she asks. Before Tinker can agree, she adds, “But we don’t mind at all! Are you planning on leaving Leo here alone on Easter?”
Shit. Now Tinker feels stuck. If they think Leo is being neglected or something, it will raise red flags. Maybe the best thing is to just let Leo go. What can it hurt? It’s not like Leo can tell them anything.
“Tell you what,” he says, like he’s doing the girl a favor. “I’ll ask Leo. He’s not much for strangers. But if he wants to come, then I’ll let him.” This is good. This makes him sound like a real father. A good father.
“How about three o’clock?” she says, acting as if Tinker said yes. “You can drop him off at our door on your way to work.”
And the snoopy little bitch knows his routine! “You got a deal,” says Tinker with a broad smile. “But only if he wants to.”
* * *
—
IT HAD TAKEN some perseverance from Tessa to get her father to say yes to inviting Leo and Phil. She can tell he’s not a big fan of Phil. But she knew he’d say yes in the end, because how could he say no to inviting people to Easter dinner who might not have family around?
“If it means that much to you,” he finally told her, which is what he always says when she wins an argument. And this time, it really does mean that much to her. She is hoping, hoping, hoping that Leo will come. Please, she prays at night, let Leo come to dinner.
It’s not until later, when she’s looking for hamburger in the freezer, that she remembers Phil calling Leo “that boy.” She can’t picture her dad calling her “that girl.” And Phil said Leo probably wouldn’t like turkey. Wouldn’t a dad know if his own son likes turkey or not?
* * *
—
THE MAN IS doing something to Leo’s head. Leo fights him. He feels wet on his head. “I just want to comb your damn hair, now that you have hair to comb!” the man says. He is holding something. Leo recognizes the comb. His dad had a comb. His comb was black. The man’s comb is the wrong brown. Leo liked to play with his dad’s comb.
“Fine,” the man says. “I give up!”
Leo picks up the comb. He runs his fingers on the points. The man says to come. Leo comes with the comb in his hand. He follows the man out the door and down a hall. The man knocks on the door three times. So Leo knocks three times, too.
The door opens. It is the girl who has Cheetos. She is wearing a purple dress that’s the right purple. Leo likes looking at the dress. He hears voices. The man is talking to the girl. “Go on in,” he tells Leo. Leo waits. When the girls says, “Leo, come,” he follows her into a place that he doesn’t know. It smells good.
The couch is the right brown. A man and a woman are sitting on it. Then he sees the rug. It has a lot of colors that are the wrong colors. But it has rows and rows of Vs and Xs. Leo sits down to look. He traces the patterns they make with the comb.
The girl’s brown hands are holding something out to him. It is a red fire truck. It makes him think of his sister from before. The gun. The terrible screaming. But then the girl turns it over. It has very large wheels. She spins them with a finger and hands it to Leo. He feels her sit down near him. He spins the wheels, stares into the turning.
Before Leo arrived—in case he did—Tessa warned her dad, Marco, and Marco’s fiancée, Maureen, that Leo is special. “He’s not normal,” she explained. “He’s, like, special ed.” She went down the list. “Don’t try to touch him. He hates that. Don’t expect him to say anything. He might, but he probably won’t. He stares at things a lot, and sometimes he rocks—”
“Tessa,” her dad had interrupted. “How do you know all this? I thought you’d only met him a few times.”
Tessa blushed. “I know from seeing the other kids like him at school,” she said dismissively. “He just seemed like a kid at school in special ed, and so I’m thinking that Leo is the same.”
Her father’s eyes lingered on her long enough to make her nervous that he didn’t believe her. The timer going off in the kitchen for the potatoes saved her.
Ten minutes later, Phil dropped Leo off. Tessa couldn’t believe it. She was so worried he might not come.
At first, Leo sat on the floor and traced the patterns in the rug with a comb he brought. “He seems like a sweetie,” Maureen offered. Maureen is super short, and her long dark hair has maroon stripes in it. She met Marco when he stopped by while Tony was giving her a tattoo. Tessa likes her because she is talkative. She’s like the opposite of shy, and Tessa thinks her dad would call her “sassy.”
Then she remembers the gift she has for Leo. It’s a toy fire engine with big wheels. At first he acts afraid of it, which is weird. He won’t touch it, and Tessa can tell he’s getting upset. Quickly, Tessa turns it over and sets the big wheels spinning, because she knows Leo likes that. Finally, Leo takes it and starts spinning the wheels himself.
Tessa chats with Maureen and watches Leo until Marco announces it’s time for everyone to come to the table.
“It’s time for dinner, Leo,” she tells him. When he doesn’t respond, she reaches down and gently tugs on the fire engine. “Come here, Leo,” she says firmly. “It’s time to eat.”
To her great relief, he lets the truck go and stands to follow her. She leads him over to the dining table and pulls out a chair. “Sit, Leo,” she says. It feels like she is ordering him around like a dog, but she knows it’s the only way to get him to do what you want.
Tessa sits down next to Leo, nervous about how this will go. She hopes he’ll eat something and not make weird sounds.
Then Marco, who’s more religious than her dad, says grace. Instead of closing her eyes all the way, Tessa watches Leo, who is sta
ring at the bowl of peas in a way she knows.
As soon as Marco says “Amen,” Tessa asks her dad to pass the peas.
“The peas? You hate peas,” her father says.
“I know, but I have a feeling that Leo likes them.” She’s about to add that he might count them but catches herself. She dishes a good-sized mound onto Leo’s plate. He begins to touch them, gently spreading them out. Everyone is watching. “I think it’s okay if he uses his fingers,” she says.
Marco starts asking for people to pass the food, and it’s a relief. She always liked Uncle Marco. Not just because he looks so much like her father, except with short hair, but because he is always joking. Compared to him, her dad seems sad.
Tessa glances at Leo’s plate. He’s working on putting the peas in a swirl pattern that starts with one pea in the center and goes around in circles outward. “Look at what Leo is making,” she says proudly.
“Why, he’s a regular Einstein,” says Marco, laughing.
“Not so sure I’d put it that way,” her father counters.
They all watch to see what will happen when the design is finished, the last pea placed. Leo picks up the pea in the center and pops it in his mouth, quickly following it with the next in line. He doesn’t count them. Tessa isn’t sure if she’s disappointed or glad.
The rest of the meal proceeds pretty normally. The only other thing Leo eats is the ham—three slices, in fact, which is way more than Tessa expected. Of course, he wouldn’t eat it until after she had cut it into small pieces.
But now Tessa feels warm and happy. Marco tells jokes. Maureen talks a lot about movies. She goes on and on about Coal Miner’s Daughter. Her father keeps the food moving, and now and then Tessa sees him quietly watching Leo.
Tessa can’t wait for dinner to be over so she can get Leo alone and ask him about Venus.
My Name Is Venus Black Page 8
