My body told me to go for it as I imagined the ride I’d have on that big stick of his. However, my mind told me that just like the others, the pleasure of the act would not compare to the pain of the aftermath. That’s why I fought my urge and quickly jumped up and knocked on the window to tell Rico where I was about to go. I rushed out the room to go to the bathroom to freshen up and stop the drip that streamed down my leg. As I walked, I could feel his eyes follow me out and I got all tingly inside. Once I was in the bathroom I stood in front of the mirror and tried to convince myself and my pussy that any sex with Rico was a bad idea.
“No Yass, not him. Stay calm. It’s almost over.” I said to myself I splashed some cold water on my face and reapplied some lip gloss.
As I stood there I could still feel the moisture between my legs, so I quickly went over to grab some tissue and dry myself off. When I finished and was about to leave the bathroom, there was a sudden knock on the door that caught me off guard. I started to open it but before I could, Rico walked in with that seductive look in his eyes and a smile that matched. I could say nothing as he walked right up to me and I could feel his warm breath on my forehead. Both of us stood there for a second as our body heat bounced off one another and the sexual tension met his peak.
At that point I couldn’t stop myself because I jumped right into it when Rico leaned down to kiss me. In seconds we were locked in a wild, crazy kiss that included small nibbles and growls as we ripped at each other clothes. Rico pushed me back into the wall of the bathroom as he licked down my neck and I closed my eyes as he slipped the sleeves of my jumpsuit down. Within seconds he had it down to my waist as he flipped the cup up on my bra and began to suck my breast. Sensations ran through me from head to toe and my pussy soaked my panties as I rubbed his head and moaned in ecstasy.
“Yes Rico. Yessss.” I moaned as he changed the pace and began to slowly kiss and lick his way back up my body from my breast while he guided his hand into my wet, sticky center.
I felt the muscles in my womb contract and then release more juices as he made love to me with his hand and licked my neck. I kissed his cheek and held him tight as he continued to guide his fingers in and out of my honeypot.
“Damn Yasmine, this not how I wanted it, but I can’t resist you. I don’t know what it is, but you do something to me. Maine, I ain’t like them other niggas but I can definitely see the attraction girl. Ummm baby. You make a nigga wonna wife you after a few hours. You’re a cold piece of work Ms. Lady and I love it.” Rico said as I finally opened my eyes and looked into his face.
I still saw that lust that burned in his eyes and I felt the heat too as he made my kitty cream, yet there was still something missing. Something that made me began to rethink what I was doing and sent my mind back to the man of my dreams. Suddenly I saw Courtney’s face and I couldn’t go on with Rico. Even though he was knuckle deep inside of me with one hand as he unbuckled his pants with the other, I knew my heart wouldn’t let me go through with it.
“Rico let’s stop.” I said as I pushed Rico’s hand away from me and he stopped immediately and backed up.
As soon as he had moved I sprang into action as I fixed my clothes and jolted towards the door.
“Yasmine, wait. I’m sorry.” Rico said as I stopped at the door and he came up behind me.
I continued to fix the arms of my jumpsuit as he came up behind me and pressed his sweaty, chiseled body up against mine. I told my body to resist him as he breathed down my neck and made goosebumps pop up all over my body, but my pussy like always, had a mind of its own. I could feel myself get wet as I trembled on already weak legs and Rico suddenly reached his arm over my shoulder to hand me my keys.
“Before you go beautiful, here are your keys. Your car is ready. That’s what I was coming in here to tell you, before we…. Before we let our emotions get the best of us. Not to say I didn’t enjoy it, because I did. I’m just feeling you Yasmine. I’m glad it didn’t go any further because I can see something with you. Something other than a fuck and I know you only want that from one person. And since I’m not Courtney, I’ll just say see you later if I’m lucky.” Rico said as he kissed me gently on the neck and I released the breath I held since he stepped behind me before I walked away.
I rushed out of his office and into the shop without a glance back as my coochie throbbed and my heart told me I had done the right thing. I sped away from the shop with tears in my eyes as I thought about how I had almost fucked up.
“Damn why do I always do that? I’m gonna fuck up everything again.” I said to myself as I yelled out for my phone to call Snow and she answered on the first ring.
I quickly told my best friend what had happened in tears as she listened, while she giggled with someone in the background. When I finished my story I felt a little better but I still felt like I was about to fall apart.
“What the fuck’s wrong with me Snow? Why I gotta always fuck a nigga just cause he fine and my pussy get wet? I’m tired of that shit because it ain’t led me to the good man my heart desires yet. All I keep getting is fuck boys who either too obsessed when I want to take it slow like Wayne’s ignorant ass, or a muthafucka I gave my all to who didn’t give a fuck like Alvin. Bitch, I’m thinking about just giving up. Fuck a nigga altogether. Something wrong with me any fucking way, so I might as well.” I said to my friend as she sucked her teeth on the other end.
I heard her tell whoever that was in the background to be quiet before she gave me her best Snow advice.
“Bitch ain’t shit wrong with you, you only doing what niggas do. SO what you get dick and bounce out, you just beating them to the punch. It’s a cold game out her YaYa and you know it. We gotta do what we gotta do. This ain’t the time in yo life for you to start second guessing the decisions that helped get you here. We do whatever it takes bitch, you know that. Now, take yo sexy ass home, climb in that big ass bed and sleep that shit off. You should have fucked Rico is what you should’ve done. Then yo ass wouldn’t be on the phone with me crying and shit. Come on Yass, you know what it is. Now, you feel better?” Snow asked as I drove closer to home while I wondered why I ever listened to her ass.
I could see the stupidity in the philosophy I had lived by most of my life. A philosophy handed down to me and Snow by her brother and a few street bitches from our hood. That backwards thought process had worked for us as we grew up in the hood, but it had proved to be nothing but trouble for me in the real world. The more I thought like that, the more I lost and I was so tired of the pain that never seemed to end. That’s why I let Snow’s words go in one ear and out of the other as I pulled up in front of my condo.
“Ok Snow, you’re right. Yea, I feel better. Now, let me let you go so I can carry my tired ass to bed. Goodnight girl.” I said to my best friend as she said it back and I hung up the phone.
I shook my head at my lost best friend as I got out of the car and grabbed my bags while I released everything that had happened that day into the early morning air. Once inside my house, I showered and got in bed to only get wrapped up in my emotions again. I fell asleep in tears as I thought about how I had always sabotaged my own life. I continued to question why I did it as I fell into a deep sleep with Courtney right there in the center of my dream.
I woke up the next morning about nine a.m. and I still felt weighed down by the events of the previous day. I still wondered why I was so desperate to feel a man’s touch, that I would sabotage what I wanted most to get it. I found myself in tears again as I sat up and reached over for my cellphone. I dialed Kyle’s number unconsciously and soon as he answered I spilled my guts. I told him the clean version of what happened right up until the part where Rico put his hands down my pants. When I was done Kyle said something to me that opened my eyes a little wider and helped to ease my aching heart.
“Yass, baby. There isn’t anything wrong with you but something did happen to you that made you this way. What you crave is so much deeper than physical and that’s something I
know. You need to go talk to someone sister, like for real. You remember when mom and dad sent me to see that psychiatrist after my girlfriend died in the car accident? Remember how I never thought I needed it, but you all did? Then I went and found out that I was angry at her for not listening to me and getting in the car. He helped me see I felt guilty and showed me how to work past it and let it go. That’s what you need Yass. You need to find out what’s hurting you and let it go. You got people who love you out here and I know one who ain’t a relative.” Kyle said as I dried up my tears and became interested in what he said.
“Yeah, I see you sucked that shit up then, huh? You heard me right though. I know somebody who loves you and he ain’t a relative.” Kyle said as my heart raced in my chest.
I knew that someone he talked about was Courtney but I needed to hear him say it. I needed to hear him say anything that would indicate Courtney was the man of my dreams and he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.
“Who are you talking about Kyle?” I asked as he chuckled on the other end.
“Yass, you know damn well who I’m talking about. Courtney fool. He called me yesterday and asked about you. He wanted to know had I talked to you and relayed his message. I told him I did and he wanted to know what you said. I told that fool you were speechless and he lost his fucking mind. That maine really, really likes you Yass, and I hope you like his ass too. He told me to tell you he will be back home for Thanksgiving and he hopes that he sees you. After that it was another hour or so conversation of him reminiscing about you, then shit got weird.” Kyle said and we both laughed until my laughter turned into happy tears.
I was overwhelmed with happiness at the thought of Courtney and how much he liked me too.
“You just don’t know how much better you just made me feel little big brother, with everything you said. I think you’re right. I’m gonna have to look for some help and work on myself before I even get into it with Courtney.” I said as I admitted it to myself and Kyle.
For the first time, I admitted the way I thought and behaved was wrong and I was ready to move forward and leave it all behind.
“That’s my girl, see you already passed the first step. Now, it’s time to do what you do best, and that’s overcome shit. You’re one of the strongest women I know Yass. And I love you.” Kyle said and almost made me cry again.
I told him I loved him back before we said bye and hung up the phone. After that I sat there in my bed for a while before I turned on the T.V. to just relax and ease my mind. I changed the channel until I found Judge Mathis and got involved in the last few seconds of a case. As soon as it got good they went to a commercial and I sighed as I fell back into the bed. As I laid there the commercial that came on caught my attention, so I sat up to see what it was.
“Do you crave physical gratification at any cost? Are you driven by desires of the physical kind? Do you have unhealthy relationships because of this desire?” The man on the commercial asked before he told viewers to call the sex addiction hotline to find a licensed therapist in their area.
At that moment it was like the commercial played just for me as I remembered what Kyle had said and instinctually picked up my phone. Before I knew it, I had dialed the number and found the perfect specialist in my area. Without a thought I dialed the number and scheduled my first appointment with Dr. Leo Carrington, which would get me one step closer to a better life. At that moment, I was finally ready to cure that urge forever and reserve all of my erotic adventures for the man of my dreams.
Chapter 9 Beyond the Physical, There’s Self-Love!
The two days that followed my almost erotic adventure with Rico, went by like a breeze. Confident that I would get help soon and my life would get back on track, I engrossed myself in the final steps for my move and my new practice as that throb between my legs began to slowly fade. By the time that Thursday, the second week of September rolled around, I was ready to face my demons head on and move past them. I arrived at Dr. Leo Carrington’s office in downtown Memphis at 11:30 a.m., thirty minutes prior to my appointment and sat nervously, waiting in the lobby as my heart raced in my chest.
I stared around at the different pictures and posters about sex addiction on the walls of the big, spacious and nicely decorated office as Dr. Carrington’s secretary offered me something to drink. I declined anything because my stomach was in knots and quickly turned my attention away from the short, blonde hair beauty who stared at me over her massive desk. I felt so embarrassed to sit there and wait for an appointment to talk about why I couldn’t keep my pussy in my pants, but I knew it was necessary. I fought that urge inside of me that wanted me to just get up and run as I thought about what I could have with Courtney, if I could just get my shit together. I knew that I could never have a healthy relationship or healthy lifestyle for that matter if I didn’t figure out why I did the things I did, and that was enough to keep my ass in that chair.
I sat there and stared at this one poster that said sex addiction was always deeper than sex as I thought about what Kyle had said. I remembered he had told me something similar and finally I admitted to myself that it had to be something in my past that I buried. I tried to think back and open those locked doors in my mind as I sat there, but I had buried those memories so deep I thought they could never be found. I felt my emotions start to work their way back to the surface when the one memory I had uncovered popped in my mind and I squirmed in my seat. I could feel my cousin’s hands all over me as he offered me candy and favors for my silence. My heart began to race so hard I could barely breath as my memory went further than it ever had and I could feel him penetrate me. To break that memory, I had to jump up out of my chair suddenly and pace the room like I would do at home.
I walked back and forth in front of the secretary’s desk as she watched me intently and wrote something down on the pad that sat in front of her on the desk. I slowed my pace to watch her write for a second, but my anxiety was so strong I couldn’t stand still for long. After a few seconds I began to pace again as I wrung my hands and watched the doctor’s door, ready to go in. As I paced, I thought about Courtney and how beautiful my life could be until I felt the anxiety inside of me begin to melt away. As the memory I uncovered began to fade to the back of my mind, I felt calm enough to sit back down and stare at the secretary who still had her eyes on me. We sat there and stared at one another for minutes, lost in our thoughts before she finally spoke.
“Ms. Anderson, or can I Call you Yasmine?” The girl asked as I smiled and replied.
“Yes, you may call me Yasmine.” I said as I watched her get up from her desk and come around to sit in the chair besides me.
“Yasmine, I’m Olivia and I just had to come over here to say something. I just wanted you to know that I’ve been where you are and things do get better. I got this job because of my addiction and since I’ve been seeing Dr. Carrington, my life has been so much better. Just be open to all he says okay?” Olivia said as I shook my head to say that I would and she stood up.
“This is nothing to be embarrassed about. The people who should be embarrassed are those who don’t seek help. You’ve made it past the first step, so be proud doll.” Olivia said before she smiled at me and walked back around her desk to sit down.
“Thank you so much Olivia.” I said as I thought about her words.
I sat in thought for a while before the door to Dr. Carrington’s office suddenly flew open and I watched as a tall, dark skinned boy with big curly hair walked out with a tall, handsome, white man with big brown eyes and dimples behind him. The man had on a pair of jeans that fit him perfectly, loafers, and a crisp blue button down shirt that showed the curve of his muscles. I couldn’t help but get a bit aroused as I looked up into his handsome face and he gave me this big, million-dollar smile. I had to imagine the saddest time in my life to calm the throb that had begun between my legs as Dr. Carrington walked over to introduce himself.
“Why hello Ms. Yasmine Anderson, I’m so sorry to
have kept you waiting this long. I am Dr. Leo Carrington and I am excited to talk with you, so would you please step into my office so that we can chat.” Dr. Carrington said with this slight British accent that made the throb between my legs worse as he extended his hand for me to shake.
I didn’t know if I should touch him at all as I sat there staring into his sexy eyes and my pussy got wet while my heart raced out of control. I was so afraid if I touched his hand that urge would overpower me and I would relapse in the one place I was supposed to be able to get help. I thought of a million things I could say to get out of the handshake as I stood up and Dr. Carrington stood there with his hand still extended and an inquisitive smile on his face. It was as if he could read my mind as he suddenly reached over to grab my mind and calm my anxiety.
“It’s ok Yasmine. A handshake doesn’t mean we have to have sex. We can control our urges in professional settings, can’t we?” Dr. Carrington said in a warm and loving tone like a father talks to his child as he gripped my hand tightly.
His tone, along with the knowledgeable and sincere look in his eyes. helped me to relax and release my anxiety and sexual tension. I squeezed his strong, warm hand back and then quickly released it. I could still feel a sexual desire for him deep inside of me as I faked a smile and confidence.
“Nice to meet you Dr. Carrington. I’m eager to speak with you as well. And to answer your question, yes we can.” I said as I gathered all the courage I could find to follow him to his office door.
When we got to the door, Dr. Carrington stopped and stood to the side as he waved his hand for me to go into the office as he turned to talk to his secretary. She handed him the note she had written while I paced. I continued into the spacious, elegantly decorated office with family pictures on the walls and huge abstract painting over the huge oak desk. I took a seat in one of the plush chairs in front of the desk and waited as Dr. Carrington finished his conversation before he came in and sat down.
Cold Piece of Work: The Erotic Adventures of A Single Woman Page 17
