by Eve R. Hart
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I looked up at him as my eyes tried to focus.
“Nothing to be sorry about, Reagan.” He lifted me up again. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me down the stairs and out the door. “I’m getting you out of here.”
He put me in the passenger’s seat of my car then ran back inside to grab my keys. He backed the car out of the driveway, maneuvering it with ease around his bike. For a second I wondered where he was taking me, but my mind was too thick with fog to focus on one thing for very long. A few minutes later we were parked on the street outside of a cute two-story craftsman style house. The front porch was huge and had a wooden swing on one side. The front door opened and Chris stepped outside.
“Come on,” Brand said after he opened my door. I took his hand and we both met Chris on the front porch. No words were exchanged as we all shuffled inside. Brand pulled me to the left into an open living room area with two couches. “Sit. I’ll be back in a bit.” He walked back outside and Chris followed him. I heard their faint, muffled voices but couldn’t make out what they were saying. After a couple of minutes, Chris walked back inside alone and flopped down on the couch beside me.
“You want to tell me what happened?” he asked, his voice full of concern. I didn’t sense a hint of judgment.
“No,” I replied. Maybe one day I would talk but it was not that day.
“You want to live with me for a while?” He brushed off my distance like it was no big deal and changed the subject.
“Can I?” I sounded like a hopeful dejected child. He pulled me into his chest and hugged me.
“Hell yes,” he said in a soft but excited tone. I smiled into his chest thankful that I had such amazing people in my life.
He gave me the grand tour of his place. It was a cute little house. The kitchen was small but updated. The living room was spacious and had a definite masculine feel to it. Huge TV mounted to the wall over the fireplace. Two leather couches faced each other separated by a huge oak coffee table. The walls were a deep blue with clean white trim. There was a bathroom and a bedroom on the bottom level. He told me that would be my room. It was simple and looked like it was already made up to be a guest room. A tall dresser sat in one corner. Two bedside tables sat on either side of a queen bed. The bedspread was deep green with lighter sage leaves that matched the paint on the walls. Then he took me upstairs to show me his huge room with en suite bathroom. The room was decorated with purple and blue. It had a very Chris feel to it.
He explained to me that his grandparents’ had this house, and two others that were similar in style, built. They wanted them for when their children. The idea was that when they started their own families they would have a place to live. He said that his grandparents wanted to keep the family close and help them out in any way they could. After his grandpa fell ill, his grandma had to sell two of the homes. Chris mentioned that he was pretty sure that Ethel actually owned one of them now and rented it out. I hadn’t heard anything about it so I only shrugged.
When we got back downstairs, Brand was pulling up in my car. He got out carrying a large duffel bag and a box that I knew was full of my things. Chris showed him where to put everything when he got into the house. Then we all sat in the living room and chatted for a while.
Eventually, Chris had to go to work and Brand got Chris to give him a ride to his bike. Not long after that Brand was back on the couch and we were watching TV together. A few hours later, I grew tired and told him I was going to bed. He nodded and gave me a small smile. I got up and headed for my new room but he didn’t move.
“You’re staying?” I asked, hope dripping from my voice.
“Yep.” He flashed me a wider smile and settled into the couch with his arms crossed over his chest.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. As I made my way to my room I let out a relieved breath. It had been one hell of a day. I realized how lucky I was. I didn’t want to continue down into a dark hole. I was surrounded by people that cared and love me. I was going to focus on the good and move on with life. Yeah, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Loch
Staying at the clubhouse nearly every night was starting to wear on me. I like my quiet. And while I loved my brothers, I was at the point where I could’ve used a break from it all. We all were on edge and stressed out. I was almost convinced that being around each other was doing more harm than good. But the truth of it was that we all needed to be together at that time. We needed the support or one another.
Ever since Reagan came back from the hospital, I’d spent the first couple of nights at my house. Some nights, I was just too drunk to even leave the clubhouse. I knew drinking wouldn’t help me. But still, I found myself at the bottom of a bottle at the end of the night. And felt like shit the next day, in more ways than one. I was avoiding and I knew it. It was stupid but I didn’t know what else to do. It was too hard to be so close to her and not be with her.
I fucking missed her. That was what it all boiled down to. I wondered if my distanced was for the best. But I couldn’t find out the answers without going to her. And that led me back to the idea that I would only make it worse for her. I was so damn convinced that I was doing the right thing.
I decided it was time to go home. There were projects there I could throw myself into and I hoped that would help. As I pulled up into the driveway I saw Brand walking out of Ethel’s house carrying a box and a bag slung over his body. I hopped out of my truck wondering what the fuck he was doing as I watched him toss the stuff into Reagan’s car.
“What the hell is going on?” I barked.
His body snapped to face in my direction. Right away, I saw his pants and shirt were smeared with dried blood. My mind raced with all the things that could have happened. Most of them involved something bad with Reagan. Panic rose to the surface and there was a sharp pain in my chest that was almost crippling. He hadn’t called me, so I hoped there wasn’t any reason to be concerned. He sighed and looked at me. His face was hard and his eyes looked uneasy.
“Reagan is going to stay with Chris for a while,” he said. “She… I don’t know what happened. But I walked into the bathroom with her crumpled on the floor, mirror broken, and her hand was bleeding. She’s fine, but she can’t stay here anymore.” He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling when he got to the ends. If I would have stopped for a second, I would have focused on the helpless look in his eyes.
I was pissed. I was mad at myself that I wasn’t there for her. I was hurt that Brand was the one to take care of her. But at the same time, I was also thankful that he was there and knew what to do. I wasn’t sure I would have thought of that myself. I would have moved her into my house, into my bed, where I wanted her all along. Where I could watch over her. I felt that that would have been the worst thing to do. Hell, when it came to Reagan, I was at a loss about everything. I didn’t know what to do or even how I should do it.
“She’s okay?” I asked, knowing deep down that she wasn’t. I also knew she wouldn’t be quick to admit it. His nod was hesitant like he was thinking the same thing I was. I could see something behind his eyes. My body went rigid and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You got something you want to say?”
“No, Loch. I should get back over there.” His tone was flat. He turned from me. I knew he had things on his mind. I had a feeling he wanted to tell me off but thought better of it.
“You stay with her,” I said before he got into her car.
It was an order, one that I had given him more times than I probably should have. He turned to me and I could see he was clenching his jaw as his nostrils flared. His chest heaved and his fingers twitched at his sides. He was doing his best to not snap. I wanted the know what the fuck was going on. Why was he so pissed at me?
“You got it, VP,” he seethed. He slid into the car and whipped out of the driveway.
I looked up to the sky and let out a loud deep roar to the Heavens. I h
ad never felt so lost and angry at the same time. Maybe I was wrong about everything. Maybe I had just fucked up the one true and good thing I’d ever had. Maybe I just wasn’t a good enough man for her.
My plans for going home and putting her out of my mind went to shit. I straightened up my house and organized the garage. I even fucking scrubbed the bathrooms, all three of them, from top to bottom. But nothing kept my mind from spinning out of control.
I thought about going to Ethel, but something deep in my guy felt ashamed. I couldn’t pinpoint why, though. It drove me fucking mad. I questioned my every move when it came to Reagan. Then I started to question my feelings. In the end, nothing changed. I still wanted her like I wanted the sun to rise in the morning. I still missed her with every bone in my body. And I still had no clue what to do about it.
Later, as I lay in bed, the images of her ran through my head. It didn’t fucking help that I could still smell her on my sheets. Even weeks later, her scent lingered. It hit me like at damn knife to the gut. I wished everything wasn’t so fucked up. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t taken her to the clubhouse that night, things would be different. If I had just sat her down the moment I knew how I felt about her and told her. If the shit with Race and The Devil’s Kings hadn’t happened. If I had just gone home fifteen minutes earlier that night she was attacked. The fucking ‘what ifs’. Nothing you could do about them but yet they still drove you crazy.
At the end of a long and sleepless night, I wasn’t any closer to having the right answers.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Reagan
Chris had never once complained about me being in his space the whole week and a half— so far— I had been there. In truth, I was loving it. It was enough space for me to breathe and I didn’t have to walk down those damn stairs at Nan’s and relive it each time. Brand was pretty much living on the couch and the three of us got along so well. I felt like Chris enjoyed the company as much as I needed it.
I decided it was time. I was going to go back to work. I knew Chris had the night off and was in the city on some date he got off the Internet or something. I wasn’t all that sure about it. But hey, if he was happy about it then I would be too, for him. I didn’t grow up with technology in my back pocket, so I wasn’t really savvy on the ways of that world. Sure, I had a not too long ago gotten a smart phone, but the most I did was look up movie times and play silly games. I realized that for a twenty-three-year-old, it was pretty sad. Anyway, with Chris being off, I knew Nate would be at the bar and I could talk to him about coming back.
I dressed in my usual work attire. A vintage rock tee, black skinny jeans that looked like they were shredded to pieces, and my boots. I put my hair in a high ponytail. I did my makeup, thankful that most everything was healed and there wasn’t much to cover up.
I hopped in the car, thinking how I was actually grateful now that Nate bought the damn thing for me. I wondered what even happened to my old one. I hoped the boys had lit it on fire and roasted marshmallows over it. The images of that night threatened to come spilling into my mind. I did my best to stomp them all down.
I headed over to the bar, pulling into the empty lot right as the clock on my dash turned five. I took in a deep breath, wishing it would give me courage before I opened the car door and stepped out. The gravel crunching under my feet didn’t drown out my hammering heartbeat. I was practically shaking with the thought of seeing Nate. I was scared and excited all at the same time. And if I was being honest, I missed him. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t even want him after the way he had treated me. The way he abandoned me. Or so I felt. He pretty much left me when I needed him the most. But then again, I before all of this I wasn’t even sure that I meant something to him. I let out a heavy sigh as I pulled open the door.
There he was, sitting at the end of the bar wearing his worn jeans and cut, looking just as sexy as I remembered him. His eyes immediately looked to mine but I couldn’t read his expression. Anger? Surprise? Hurt? I had no idea. He stood up as I shuffled my way over to him. We stood awkwardly a few feet apart. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms but I held back. The seconds ticked on in a heavy silence.
He looked different, yet still familiar. His hair was a bit longer. His eyes looked tired and a little broken. I wondered if there was something that went on while I was stuck in my hole. Or, perhaps it had everything to do with me. I had no clue at all and I was too scared to ask. He still looked like my strong knight, though, and I longed to be the princess that he kissed.
“I’m here to work,” I finally said. “If you still want me that is.” Yes, my words were meant to be taken more than one way.
“Are you sure?” he asked as his body softened a little. “You don’t have to. Chris and I have it handled.” I shook my head and threw up my arms in frustration.
“I don’t need kid gloves, Loch.” He flinched at the use of his road name. Maybe that had been a bit too much but I was a little pissed off. I knew he had the guys looking out for me. I had my suspicions that he had Brand watching over me. That was the reason Brand had been around all the time. But he hadn’t been there.
He let out a long sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. I started to think it was a bad idea that I was there.
“All I want to go on with my life,” I continued. “I need and want to work and forget what happened. I want things to feel normal again. I need things to be like they were.” Again, I wasn’t just talking about the job. Even if I was hurt and mad at him, I needed him. He gave me a firm nod and I wasn’t sure if he was grasping what I was telling him. I left the door open, it was his choice to walk through it or not.
“Okay,” he said after a beat. “Then get to it. Everything is stocked right now. I’ll be in the office.” He turned and walked away.
Guessed he wasn’t going to walk through it after all. A few tears ran down my face. I quickly shook them off and took my place behind the bar, waiting for someone to walk in so I could serve them. I decided I was going to let Nate be. I wouldn’t go anywhere near that office and all the sexy memories it held.
About an hour later, the familiar rumble of a few motorcycles broke through the stillness of the bar. I smiled, actually excited to see the guys. The door pulled open and the loud chatter filled up the silence around me. They all stopped short when they saw me behind the bar. I smiled wider as I cocked my hip.
“Are you boys drinking, or what?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Hell yeah!” Bocca yelled out from the back. I lifted up on my toes trying to see him over the others. Everyone moved in and crowded around the bar as I started throwing down opened beers.
After everyone gave me their welcome back hugs or shoulder squeezes, they headed off. They broke into scattered, little groups. It all felt normal. Exactly what I needed. Bocca lingered, taking a seat in front of me. And to my surprise, Diesel took a seat too.
“So, did I miss anything good?” I asked.
The quick eye cut they gave each other wasn’t lost on me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but I knew better than to ask. I sighed internally. I had come to love these guys, each in a different way. And if something were to happen to them, I would be crushed. Flashes of what had recently happened to Bocca played in my mind. While I didn’t know the exact details, I knew he went on a ride perfectly fine and came home with two bullet wounds. And from the way I found Nate after it happened, it was a hard hit to all of them. Something bad was coming, I could almost smell it in the air.
“Nothing much. So, you back now?” Bocca said shifting in his seat.
“Looks that way. I figured you boys were missing my awesome face behind the bar.”
“And he let you come back?” Bocca asked giving me a pointed look.
“He doesn’t seem much to care. And besides, you think I would let him tell me no?” I wasn’t able to hide the bitterness from my tone. “He’s been hiding in the office since I basically told him I wasn’t leaving.” I gave a shrug.
<
br /> Brand showed up a little later and I made him go hang out. He had pretty much been around me twenty-four seven and I knew he was missing his brothers. It didn’t go unnoticed to me that he always had an eye on me, and every time I smiled and shook my head at him. I don’t think I would have made it to this point if it wasn’t for him. He had been there for me at every moment, every breakdown. He always seemed to know the right thing to do and he never pushed me too far.
It was a good night. If any of them felt pity for me, they hid it well. They treated me just like they had before it all happened. Nate came out a while later. He didn’t say anything to me. In fact, it felt like he was doing his best to avoid me. One time I handed him his beer and his fingers lingered against mine as he grabbed it. His eyes lifted to look at me and a shiver broke throughout my body. I was the first to look away. It was almost too intense and confusing. The emotions that surrounded us were suffocating. But I couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad. I knew I would most likely end the night curled up in bed and crying about it all.
By the time I got home I was exhausted. Brand followed me back and settled himself on the couch once we were inside. I nodded letting him know I was spent and heading to bed. He returned it and I heard him settle in and click on the TV as I shuffled to my room.
Seeing Nate was too much and I was amazed I was able to hold it together as long as I did. I stripped down to my shirt and flopped onto the bed. The tears began to fall before my head even hit the pillow. I needed to let go. I needed a way to let go of him. Because at that moment, I had no idea how to begin. Being around him brought back every feeling and everything we had shared. The memories of all the times we’d spent together played like a movie in my head the whole night. One that, weeks ago, I would have sworn had a happy ending. But now it just felt like a chapter in the middle of a book that I desperately needed to end.
