“Ray-Ray.” Thyme inched closer to the bed. “Do you mind if I hold my nephew?”
“Absolutely.” She handed the eight-pound, twenty-one-inch bundle to her baby sister. “He’s amazing, isn’t he?” His absence from her body chilled her. He’d been a part of her for nine months. It felt odd to be without him. And without Trent.
“Well, you’re a bit biased, being his mama and all, but yeah, I think he’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”
“And you’re not biased? Hand him over to his favorite aunt.” Sage fumbled awkwardly at first but soon fit into aunty role. “Yeah, I’ll have to agree with you on this one, little sis. He’s the cutest. Too bad I don’t know what to call him.” She kissed his cheek and passed him back to Rayne.
Instantly she felt warm again, but not complete. One person was missing.
She’d managed to doze off in between the poking and prodding of the nurses and woke to her baby’s tiny cry. “Hey, sweetie. Mama’s right here.” Rayne pulled down her drab hospital gown and nursed her son. The first few times she tried to feed him she broke into a sweat, not knowing how to hold him or how to get him to latch on. Thankfully, a lactation consultant came in and showed her how to prop pillows and cradle the baby’s head.
Now they were a team. He pulled off her nipple and cooed, his tiny lips making a tiny heart shape. “Oh, how I love you.”
“Knock, knock. The nurse said you were awake.”
Only one voice could cause the familiar stir in her belly. “Hi.”
“How’s the most beautiful mother in the world doing?”
“Please,” Rayne snorted. “Flattery will get you nowhere.” If she only knew where he wanted to go.
He placed an enormous vase of lilies and roses on the windowsill and propped a dark brown teddy bear four times the size of the baby on a chair.
“I know.” He eyed the bear and smirked. “It’s pretty cliché. I couldn’t help it. He’s so soft.”
“He’ll love it. Someday.”
“Can I hold him again?”
Rayne offered her son up to his father, not needing a camera to capture the image. It would stay in her memory forever. “Hey, Oscar Eugene.”
Rayne snorted. “Those names are no longer on the top of my list.”
“No? And such handsome names,” he teased. “What’s on your list?”
“What’s on yours?”
“Nothing too extravagant.”
“That’s what I was thinking too. My sisters and I grew up being the granola girls. Thyme had it the worst. I don’t want my…our son to look back and regret his name. I was thinking of…Owen,” she said shyly.
“Hey, that’s my middle name.”
“I know.” Whether Trent wanted him to be or not, Owen would always be a part of him. And her. Theirs together.
Trent nuzzled the baby’s head with his cheek. “Wild Owen.”
Rayne laughed. “That sure fit him in my belly but his first ten hours of life have been pretty tame. By the way, what are you doing here at two in the morning? Are you heading into the bakery soon? Or…back to California?”
“No, I’m taking the next few weeks off.”
“What? You can’t do that.”
“It’s my bakery. My job. I can do whatever I want.”
“Don’t you have weddings coming up? A show to shoot?”
“I’ll head in to do the contracted wedding cakes. Marie and the boys can handle the day-to-day. This—” he nuzzled the baby again “—is more important.”
“Oh.” Her heart swelled, but she couldn’t afford to let herself fall in love again. “What about your show? I’m sure you don’t have the luxury of making your own schedule just yet.”
“I’ll figure it out.” Trent moved the giant bear aside and sat in the recliner. He leaned back, kicked his feet up on the footrest, and cradled their son to his chest. They made a beautiful image and she wished she could bottle the moment forever, but she knew Trent was not hers. It was only three days ago that he played footsies with his beautiful neighbor during lunch. And he probably had a line of women at his beck and call in LA. She was such a fool to believe he’d change his habits. A fool to believe he wasn’t like the other men in her life.
Closing her eyes, she curled up in a ball and tried not to cry herself to sleep.
When she woke the sun was poking through the blinds covering the hospital windows. Only the giant bear occupied the recliner, her precious baby asleep in the bassinet next to her bed.
“Morning,” a friendly nurse said as she wheeled a small cart filled with bandages, syringes, and rubber gloves. “I need to do some blood work. You feel up to that right now?”
“Do I have a choice?” Rayne grumbled as she sat up in bed.
The nurse laughed. “No, honey, you don’t. I’ll be quick. Promise.”
True to her word, the nurse did her thing and left the room within minutes. Rayne made her way to her private bathroom and took care of her needs. By the time she came out there were two more nurses waiting for her.
“Good morning, Ms. Wilde. We have some paperwork for you to complete while we run some tests on the baby and do his circumcision. And speaking of the baby, have you and the father decided on a name?”
The father. Not her husband, Trent would always be the father. Always be connected to her life in some way. No matter how angry she was with him for not reciprocating her love, she didn’t want their son to feel the animosity.
“Yes. I’ve decided on a name.”
What seemed like hours later, the nurses finally wheeled the bassinet back into her room. “He didn’t feel a thing.”
“Easy for you to say,” Trent said as he walked in behind the nurse. “I’m so glad I don’t remember this moment from my past.” He placed his hand over his crotch and grimaced.
“I’ll show you both how to care for him.” The nurse showed Rayne and Trent how to change the tiny gauze and explained what to keep an eye on. “He’ll be good as new in a few days. Little fella slept right through it.”
Once they were alone again, Trent picked up his son and paced around the small room, rocking and talking to the baby. A natural. And he said he never wanted children. Rayne knew it was because he didn’t trust himself, but if he could see how at ease he was with his son, the way happiness radiated through him and lit up his face every time he held the baby, Trent would surely believe in love.
Lost in a private moment between father and son, Trent smiled and laughed at his own thoughts. Caught between adoration and jealousy, Rayne scowled. Why couldn’t he look at her like that? Wasn’t it only seven months ago that he said he’d never have children right before accusing her of setting him up? Bitterness enveloped her. “Gavin needs me.”
“Huh?” Trent looked up, as if noticing he wasn’t alone in the room.
“My baby. Gavin.”
“I thought we were naming him Owen.”
“I changed my mind,” she said defiantly, holding out her arms for Gavin. She knew he hated the name. Thought it sounded pretentious and artsy. Rayne didn’t like the trendy name either but lied to spite Trent.
“I don’t think so.” He held the baby closer to his chest. “My son isn’t going to be made fun of for the rest of his life.”
“So you’ve decided to be a part of his life, then?” He stepped back as if she’d slapped him. Rayne hated the way she sounded, but Trent had yet to talk to her about his feelings and what, if any, role he’d play in little Owen’s life.
“I’m trying, Rayne,” he snarled between gritted teeth. “What the he—” he looked down at Owen, who seemed oblivious to the tension in the room, and whispered “—heck do you think I’ve been doing?”
“I wish I knew.” The baby started to squirm and Rayne’s breasts instantly tightened.
“Knock, knock. I’ve come to check on the baby. He should be ready to eat soon.” Right on cue he opened up his mouth and howled. “Oh, what a cutie.” The nurse reached for the light blue bundle in Trent�
��s arms and offered him to Rayne. “Do you remember which side you fed Owen with last?”
“My right.” Balancing the baby in one arm, the nurse took one of the extra pillows from the windowsill with her free hand, propped it under Rayne’s left side, and placed Owen at her chest. He rooted and found what he was searching for. The instant gratification tugged at her heart and made her love him even more.
“Well, now. It looks like you two have this down pat. Buzz if you need me.” She gently patted Rayne’s shoulder on her way out.
This time it was Rayne who forgot the presence of anyone else besides her and her baby. Trent’s sudden movement from the corner caught her eye and she lifted her head.
“Owen, huh? What happened to Gavin?”
Rayne shrugged. “I changed my mind. The paperwork has been processed, so I guess Owen it is.”
“Uh huh. What’s his middle name? Or are you going to lie to me about that too?”
Guilt washed over her and she lowered her gaze to her nursing son. “I don’t lie. His name is Owen Trent Kipson,” she whispered.
Trent held his breath and didn’t move. The room remained silent except for Owen’s gentle sucking. What felt like hours, but was merely minutes later, Trent quietly left the room, leaving Rayne once again.
Chapter Seventeen
Trent
Owen Trent Kipson. She named their son after him. Surely if she despised Trent that much she wouldn’t have given their son his name. For nearly his entire life Trent had built walls around himself and lied to everyone around him, telling them he never wanted to marry, never have children, never fall in love. And he believed the lies as well.
Until he met Rayne.
And held their son.
Now the world seemed bleak and empty without them. Her sisters were with her when she left the hospital yesterday, and Claire visited Rayne and Owen this morning. The walls didn’t close in around him as he’d expected while working on his new plan.
The only people he’d truly cared about before were his sister and Brian in a best friend kind of way. And Faith, but the love he felt for Owen could not compare to that for his niece. It was so much more. And what he felt for Rayne sure as hell wasn’t sisterly. Not seeing her, not being with her and Owen when they left the hospital yesterday, tore him up inside, but he passed Sage in the corridor and she read him the riot act about not adding any additional stress on Rayne.
Apparently his visits were an unnecessary stress. “Screw it,” he muttered to himself. He needed to see her and their baby. He grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter and headed out the door.
***
Rayne
Too tired to host any more visitors, Rayne turned off her cell phone and curled up with Owen on the couch. Examining his sweet, chubby cheeks and beautiful eyes, she saw faint glimpses of Trent. Owen definitely had his father’s eyes in shape and probably color. The faint dusting of downy hair on his head was light, but that could change as well.
Owen wrapped his little fist around Rayne’s index finger and fell asleep on her chest. She soon followed suit.
A while later a faint rustling in the room woke her. The warmth and slight pressure on her chest assured her the baby was still sleeping. Slowly she opened her eyes and tilted her head to her right.
“Hey. I hope I didn’t wake you.” Trent looked incongruous sitting on the white and blue-checkered glider. Gently rocking back and forth, he nodded to her chest. “He looks comfy.”
Rayne smiled. “He’s a little furnace. No need for a blanket with him near.”
“So, uh, how are you feeling?”
“Okay.”
“How did the bab—Owen sleep last night?”
“He didn’t.”
Trent shot out of the glider, startling Rayne, which in turn startled Owen, his hands flailing before he started crying. Rayne sat up and gently comforted the baby.
“Shit. I mean, crap, shoot…uh, damn, darn. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare him. Should we call the doctor?”
“No, he’s fine.” Owen stopped crying and fell back asleep the same time Trent sat next to them on the couch.
“So he’s not sleeping? I thought babies slept all the time. Is something wrong?”
Rayne almost smiled at his naivety. “He was up every hour to nurse. This afternoon he’s been sleeping in three-hour shifts. Hopefully I can flip-flop his schedule in the next few days. Otherwise I see a lot of late night television in my future.”
“Why don’t you let me help? So you can sleep.”
Laughing, she gently patted Owen’s back so as not to startle him. “I don’t see how you can.”
“Sure I can. What do you need me to do?”
“Owen needs me.”
“I’m his father. He needs me too.”
“You can’t nurse him.”
Stumped, Trent ran his hands across his face and then through his too-long-for-Trent hair. “Okay, you got me there. I can change him and rock him after so you can go back to sleep.”
Rayne thought about it. “Your show—”
“Doesn’t need me. I told you. I’m taking a few weeks off.”
Tempted to lean on him but frightened he’d hurt her again, she shook her head. “Sage and Thyme said they’d come over at night. I’m all set. Thank you, though.”
Truly irritated, Trent leaped up and paced around her small living room. “No way. Nuh-uh. You’re not pushing me out of my son’s life. I’m staying the night.” Rayne started to protest. “And I’ll be here during the day. This is what you wanted, remember? So why are you shutting me out?”
Yes, she had hoped he’d be a part of both their lives, but not because he felt guilted into it. She needed him to want to be there. Trent’s presence would only be a reminder that she had forced him into something he didn’t want. Because he was an honorable man, he’d offer child support, he’d take care of Owen’s basic needs. But would he love him unconditionally? Could he love her unconditionally?
No, she didn’t believe he could. This need to care for them would wear off and he’d soon return to his bachelorhood. And California.
***
Trent
Damn it to hell, that woman was stubborn. For three nights he’d stayed by her side, taking Owen from her exhausted arms as soon as she finished nursing him. Burping and changing his diapers made him actually feel closer to his son. How anyone so small could create such blowouts in his pants was beyond him, though.
During the day, Trent and Rayne took turns trying to rouse the sleeping baby. They smiled at him, brought him for walks—which instantly put him to sleep so they put off stroller time until the evening—turned up the music loud and made silly faces at him, all while Owen slept. The three-hour naps turned into four hours and the nightly feedings continued every hour.
On the fifth day they had a breakthrough. Granted, that meant little Owen was up crying all afternoon. Leaving a sleeping Rayne in her room, Trent skipped the stroller and strapped on the kangaroo-looking pouch, sweating all the while trying to put the baby in the contraption. He walked through neighborhoods, discussing mindless things with his son, all in an effort to calm the little guy.
“Come on, Little O. You gotta give your mom and me a break. I’m not getting any younger. I can’t party all night like I used to. Let’s just hang out for a bit, talk shop, go home and have some supper…” Trent thought of Rayne’s delicious breasts that were only for Owen’s taking. “You’re a lucky son of a…an ass. That you are, my friend. I was a little harsh with your mom a few months ago.”
Owen’s cries stopped and Trent hugged his son close. “Your mom is a great person.” Trent laughed. “Hell, she’s awesome. Beautiful, fun, spirited, loving. She loves you, you know. You’re not going to have the same childhood she did. Or I did for that matter.”
He rested his hands under Owen’s butt, cradling him close, and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “I love you too, little guy. You’re the best thing that ever happened to m
e.” He kissed his son’s cheek and noticed he’d fallen asleep. “Or maybe the second best. No, you and your mom are a package. The best package I’ve ever received.”
A light bulb of an idea went off in his head. “And I know just the icing for the cake.”
***
Rayne
The written instructions were vague but Rayne followed them regardless.
Trent: Meet me at my place when you both wake up.–T
It was nearly eleven by the time she’d managed to feed Owen, make breakfast, shower, feed the baby again, and do something with her face and hair. For the first time in ten days, since Owen’s birth, Rayne actually made herself presentable. Trent had been a lifesaver, staying with her for a week, letting her sleep, taking care of Owen, and cleaning the apartment.
Their friendship had been renewed. While not to its original capacity, it was still better than the animosity they felt toward each other. Each day the tension lessened. And if she were to be honest with herself she’d admit the tension had been from her toward him, not the other way around.
The past few days without him had been lonely but she understood his need to get away. As he told her months ago, he never signed up for this life. His sweetness to her and Owen clutched at her heart and made her wish for things she could not have.
Slipping out of her robe, Rayne stared at her closet in resignation. Maternity clothes hung on her, but she couldn’t squeeze into her jeans just yet. Pulling on a pair of worn yoga pants and a purple T-shirt, she eyed herself in the full-length mirror. Her body had definitely changed and would probably never go back to the condition it was last summer, but she didn’t care anymore.
People would have to accept her as she was. No longer the insecure, overweight, reserved girl of her youth, Rayne knew she had a lot more to offer than looks. Life had taught her valuable lessons and vanity wasn’t one of them. As long as she loved and respected herself, the rest would fall into place.
Sweet on You (The Wilde Sisters #1) Page 19
