“I shall spend my holiday working on an assignment. I appreciate the offer, but my time is best spent on my studies.”
“I shall miss you.”
Grateful, she gave him an affectionate smile and turned her attention to her novel.
Dear Diary,
It broke my heart, declining his invitation….
* * *
Natasha enjoyed her time with the twins and her visits with Nanny over the Christmas break. She avoided the formal engagements as much as possible. Her brothers planned an early escape. Natasha began counting the hours until she returned to the school.
Two days after her return to school, walking back toward the main building, she heard Stewart’s voice.
“Natasha.”
She turned to see his smiling face. With few students, professors, or staff at the university yet, she dared to follow him to his room, careful not to be seen. Stewart closed the door, placed his suitcase on the floor, took her into his arms, and gave Natasha a long, romantic kiss.
“I missed you,” he admitted.
“And I you,” she responded. She placed her arms around his neck. “I was not expecting your early return.”
They sat on the edge of his bed, and Stewart spoke of his holiday before he opened his case to reveal a small decorated box.
“Momma thought perhaps you might have joined us. She was prepared with a gift.”
Natasha undid the bow around the box and removed the lid. She uncovered an embroidered navy silk scarf. Overwhelmed my emotions, her eyes watered. She held the cloth against her heart, closed her eyes and felt the warmth of his family’s love.
“It was not Momma’s intent to make you cry. My family would be honoured to open their home to you. They asked me to extend an open invitation.”
With the scarf in her hand, Natasha embraced Stewart.
Dear Diary,
He does not realize how fortunate he is to be loved by his family….
* * *
With an increase in assignments, Stewart dedicated even more time to his studies. If Natasha wasn’t in class she was by his side, assisting when she was able. Last to leave the library, Stewart would walk Natasha to her dormitory, ensure no one was watching, and kiss her good night before returning to his own quarters. Ready for a break in his studies, he often spoke of his eagerness to see his parents again. Stewart was sitting at a long table in the library when Natasha finished her last class and joined him.
“I plan to return home for the entire week during our spring break. With your grades, there is no need to remain at the school to work on your studies. I have informed my parents you will be joining us,” he told her.
Natasha stared at the table. “And your sister? What of her?”
“In a letter, Momma said Vicki shall be visiting a cousin. An aunt and uncle plan to take the girls skiing.”
“It will be the four of us?” she asked.
“Indeed.”
Relieved, Natasha found it difficult to contain her enthusiasm. A grin broke free. She would inform her mother she intended to remain at the school.
* * *
Natasha stepped onto the train with Stewart behind her. It did not take long before the train stopped at the station. His parents greeted them. Once again, Goldie was her constant companion. Natasha treasured her time with Stewart and his parents. When it was time to depart, she hugged his momma and poppa and thanked them for their hospitality. The young couple chatted about their week as they travelled back to the school.
Dear Diary,
The school year is coming to an end. I will miss the university, but am eager to return to the orphanage….
Chapter Fifteen
The school year ended and Natasha and Stewart returned to the orphanage. Natasha leaned against the wall, listening to their happy chatter as the children ate breakfast. Stewart joined her.
“Goldie greeted me at the door when I returned home after seeing you. She began sniffing my clothing and hands. I believe she recognized your scent. She wagged her tail, showing her approval.”
“You must encourage Goldie to follow you to the river this afternoon,” she begged. “It would please me to see her again.”
“She won’t leave Vicki’s side to follow me. Join me at the house once we finish here. We can inform Momma your family moved into the area. She would be so pleased to see you.”
Natasha could not consider his request. Stewart’s family would insist upon meeting her parents. With only one year of school remaining until she graduated, she must continue deceiving everyone.
“Absolutely not.”
“Natasha, please, I beg of you.”
“I don’t wish to discuss this any further.”
Natasha turned and looked toward the children.
“You are so stubborn,” he mumbled.
Natasha walked away from Stewart to speak with another volunteer.
* * *
Later that day, Natasha arrived at the river as Stewart reached the slope.
“I’m planning to swim and would welcome your company,” she informed him. She pulled her dress off to reveal her suit.
Natasha ran into the river seconds ahead of him and dove into the deep water. She emerged in front of him, placed her arms around his neck, and gave him a mischievous grin.
“Help me dive,” she pleaded. “As a young girl, my brothers would assist me by cupping their hands. It has been years since I have attempted a dive.”
“Natasha, I would never stop grieving if I were to hurt you. Remember when I tried to flip you like Vicki?”
“Stewart, please,” she begged.
She placed her hands on his shoulders and waited for him to cup his hands. He placed them under Natasha’s foot and lifted. Her body began to rise above the water. Natasha moved her hands from Stewart’s shoulders to his head. But she lost her balance and fell forward. Stewart moved swiftly in an attempt to give her a soft landing in the water, but he was too late. Her chest and stomach hit the shimmering surface with a loud smack. Stewart never spoke when her head appeared above the surface. Natasha appreciated the silence. Tender, she made her way out of the river and onto the grass.
“I would be wise to wait for another day before a second attempt. I lost my balance.”
“There will not be another attempt,” Stewart responded, regarding her sternly. “I’ll take you to my parent’s cottage. There is a pond with a dock where you may practice your diving skills.”
She sat at the edge of the river with the water flowing around her toes. Stewart remained in the water, floating on his back. Her time with him was fast approaching an end. She would finish her final year and graduate. Stewart would return to continue his master’s degree. He has two difficult years ahead of him. He will continue to live in residence and only return home for the holidays. Our friendship must become a wonderful memory. He will find happiness without me. Fighting tears, she closed her eyes, willing herself to be thankful for the time they shared.
“I cannot imagine my life without you, Stewart,” she whispered.
His hand touched hers. His gentle kiss brushed her fingers.
“You will be in my life and heart for all eternity.”
He heard me. What was I thinking to vocalize that? She looked up and gave him a slight smile. In her heart and mind she was convinced Stewart would meet his future wife during his final years at school. She couldn’t think about the future. However, she didn’t want to think of him with another woman.
With a deep breath, she leaned back on her elbows and relaxed as the sounds of nature wove around her. Expecting to hear the leaves rustling in the breeze, instead, the birds chattering drowned out the softer sounds. After a few minutes, Natasha sat up. Stewart had settled by her side.
“My, oh my. You’re impatient,” Natasha remarked, looking toward the tree.
“Who?” Stewart asked as he glanced around. “We’re alone.”
“The birds. Watch them. Listen to them. You would think by
the loud ruckus they’re creating they’re upset, but it is just part of the mating process.”
The chirping became louder. The chipmunks began chatting.
“I would love to be able to communicate with the animals,” she continued. “It would be pleasing if the university offered a course in comprehension of animal sounds. I would be the first to enrol.”
“A course in animal comprehension?”
“I’m serious,” she exclaimed. “Animals are incredibly intelligent. They put humans to shame. They possess instincts we only dream of. The change of season, approaching storms, the fruits and vegetables that are safe for consumption….”
“You are unlike any woman I have ever known, Natasha Hathaway. Within minutes you have transformed from a silly child in the water to an adult seeking a philosophical conversation.”
“I yearn to escape this world we live in. Find contentment, hang on tight, and run.”
“I’ll be by your side,” Stewart whispered, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Holding your hand. Encouraging you.”
Natasha fought her emotions. They would never have a future together.
“You are a handsome, intelligent, passionate man with a loving family. You have nothing to run from.”
“Run to me, Natasha. Together, we’ll have a perfect life.”
Stewart would have a perfect life, but she would never have the opportunity to love again once they parted. Like her parents and grandparents before them, she would have a marriage without love or respect. Unable to stop it, a tear ran down her cheek.
“My intent was not to make you sad,” he said.
Trying to smile, the very thought of being parted from him tore her heart in pieces. She did not want the relationship to end until the last possible moment.
“Kiss me. Please kiss me.”
Stewart leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss.
“I’ll love you for all eternity,” she promised.
Placing his hand behind her head, he lowered her upper body to the grass and kissed her.
Chapter Sixteen
Her third and final year began. Although Natasha missed the orphanage, she was thrilled to be back at the university. She was sitting on her own at a small table in the library when Stewart entered and placed an envelope in front of her. It was sealed, with her name written on the front.
“I don’t expect you to recognize Momma’s penmanship, but this was sent in my letter,” Stewart informed her.
Natasha opened the paper. It was an invitation to join the Donovans for the Christmas holidays. Mixed emotions overwhelmed her. Stewart sat in the chair beside her and reached for her hand.
“Stewart,” she warned.
“I observed the room as I entered. We do not have an audience.” He kissed her fingers. “Natasha, I beg of you. Join my family for the holiday.”
“Would you allow me a few days to consider the request?” she asked, hoping to think of a reasonable excuse.
“Send your mother a letter informing her you have been invited to share the holidays with the family of an acquaintance. I shall walk to your home and carry your suitcase back.”
“No, you cannot,” her voice a little louder than intended. She calmed herself. “I shall tell them I have an important assignment, return to the campus, and ride the train to the station.”
“Natasha, that’s foolish. There is no need to take the train when our homes are within walking distance. I know you cherish fresh air. Allow Poppa and me to come to your home, make an acquaintance with your family. You have my word, neither Poppa nor I will speak with wit, but put forth our best behaviour. I’m certain once your father meets mine he will approve and allow us to court.”
Natasha looked down at the paper in front of her, and then glanced around the room, thankful no one had entered. She turned her attention back to Stewart.
“Please, I beg of you,” she pleaded, keeping her voice lowered. “You must listen. My parents are unlike yours. Father is an arrogant man who is difficult to please or speak with at the best of times. If he does not approve of an acquaintance, I will not be allowed to see that person again. If he did not approve of you, a chum from school, it’s possible I’d be prohibited from finishing my education because we would encounter one another. My academics mean nothing to him. It would break my heart to leave this institution without my degree. As you recall, Nanny had to plead with Father before I was able to apply for admittance to the university.”
“What of your momma?” he asked.
“Mother would never question Father’s decision. To my knowledge, she has never voiced an opinion once Father speaks. Do not ask to make their acquaintance again. I will approach my family after graduation.”
“As you wish. But I shall meet you at the university and escort you back on the train. I will not allow you the opportunity to change your mind. My family is expecting to see you.”
Lacking the energy to argue further, Natasha turned her attention back to her books.
Dear Diary,
I made a foolish error, agreeing to go to his home over Christmas. It is a holiday for family. I am not family, nor will I ever be a part of his family….
* * *
It was wonderful seeing her brothers, but the time spent at the castle felt like an eternity. Grateful to be leaving the confines of the building she called home, she was deep in thought during the carriage ride to the university. Natasha was still beset with mixed emotions over her decision to visit Stewart’s family. Although she enjoyed her time with his parents previously, it seemed inappropriate to visit during a family-oriented holiday.
The carriage stopped at the school gate, and she was assisted down. The carriage disappeared from view as the train whistled, announcing its arrival. Chugging along, it came to a rolling stop at the platform. Stewart was the first to step off. He walked toward her, smiled, and picked up her luggage. She followed him onto the train, took her seat, and prepared herself for the journey.
Walking into his family home, Natasha’s eyes darted about in delight. Excitement bubbled in her chest. The decorations were simple but elegant. A decorated tree stood in the sitting room. The delicious scent of homemade baking filled the air. A few minutes after she settled in Vicki’s chamber, a gentle tap took her attention to the door. Looking up, she discovered Stewart leaning against the doorframe.
“Would you care to join us as we take the dog on a short stroll around the property?”
“Indeed I would,” she responded, closing her suitcase. “I will be down in a moment.”
Outside, Natasha giggled when Stewart took her hand in his, copying his parents who walked ahead of them. When they returned to the house Stewart led Natasha to the sofa. His parents entered the kitchen. Stewart squatted in front of the family pet, rubbed her head, and looked into her eyes.
“Lie down and go to sleep, Goldie.”
He re-joined Natasha on the sofa, placed one arm around her shoulder, and leaned toward her. Soft kisses caressed her neck. Natasha moaned. He moved his hand to her cheek and continued stroking her skin.
“Stewart,” she groaned quietly, pulling away. “We’ll be seen.”
“My parents are aware I’ve kissed you,” he responded, keeping his voice lowered.
“Stewart! You shouldn’t….”
“Natasha. My parents do not hide their emotions within the walls of their own home.”
“They’re married.” As the words came out of her mouth, she regretted them. It was painfully obvious Stewart’s upbringing was very different. Still she found the transition difficult. “It’s pleasing to hear they’re able to show their affection.”
“I missed you,” he admitted.
His hand moved to the back of her head. He bestowed a gentle kiss on her lips. Stewart pulled her down onto the sofa, covered her body with his, opened his mouth and kissed her. She lost herself in the sensation of the embrace until soft humming intruded on Natasha’s bliss.
Natasha pushed herself upright a
nd brushed the hair from her face. Mr. Donovan was standing by the tree with his wife. Natasha’s face burned.
“Eliza and I are planning to dance this evening. You may continue—”
“Don’t further embarrass her,” Eliza warned.
Resting on his side beside Natasha, Stewart chuckled.
“—conversing,” Mr. Donovan continued. “Or, you may join us.”
Mr. Donovan lifted his voice in song. He extended a hand to his wife, and they began to dance. Stewart stood, inviting Natasha to join him.
“Would you do me the honour?”
“I would be delighted,” she responded, placing her hand in his. “Your poppa has a wonderful voice.”
“Yes. He was raised with music. My papa played the fiddle. Poppa preferred building, but was blessed with a beautiful voice. When we were younger, Poppa would take Vicki in his arms as Momma took my hands and guided my feet. Once we were put to bed, I could hear his singing as I read.”
“It seems Stewart is in love.” Natasha overheard heard Mrs. Donovan whisper.
“As am I.” He gave his wife a gentle kiss.
Natasha was astonished. Stewart said that his parents were not afraid to show their emotions within their home, but a guest was present. Such behaviour would be regarded as horribly unacceptable at the castle. She had never seen any form of affection between her parents. She had yet to see them hold hands or look at each other with love.
“As I told you earlier this evening,” Stewart whispered, interrupting her thoughts, “my parents still love one another. I respect and admire them and their beliefs. I plan to raise my family in the same fashion. My children will know the true meaning of love and respect.”
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