“You won. That’s wonderful for you, Tenley, but what about next time? What if the stakes are raised higher? Will you once again put yourself at risk for a case? Or just to win?”
“Not every case I take is dangerous. This was my first one. I’m sure I won’t be taking on anything even remotely related to this one, so please stop worrying about me.”
“Can we please stop worrying about ‘my so-called empty life’ and start talking about Jagger? Why do you believe he still wants me after all of this time?”
“You’re going to have to trust me. He will explain it all to you when he wakes up.”
“Perfect. Yeah, after my magical kiss awakens him from his slumber. Thanks a lot, good old friend, but I think I’m ready to visit with him.”
“Don’t be cross with me, Tumbleweed. I love you, and I’m trying to help you.”
“Yeah, you’ve said that.” I was angry. She touched on a nerve that I didn’t like. My life is my own, and to sit here and have to justify it to Wendy, of all people? Makes me angry. So of course, I let my mouth run her over like a freight train.
“You know dear friend, maybe you should try loving me a little less and focus on your own life and leave my life to me. It’s worked out great so far for me, okay?”
Wendy being Wendy, she shook her head and gave me a little shrug. How those mannerisms irked me to no end. She knew it, and I still was affected by it.
She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear. “I think you need to work on your litigator skills. You are trying too hard to convince me how happy you are. You keep telling yourself the same old line and maybe you’ll believe it. I’ll see you later, Tumbleweed.”
She turned and left me standing there. That went well. My coffee now cold, I tossed it into the trash. I still didn’t have all the answers to my questions, but it was time to go to the source. I had to see Jagger for myself. I hurt him so badly with sleeping with Shane, and then rejecting him not once, but twice. How is he not hogtied and married by now and with children? He’s the whole package, and yet they all want me to believe that he’s been waiting for me to return to him?
This is crazy! My head is beginning to throb with beating my brain to death with my anxiety. I’m back here again. I’m in front of his door, but this time I go in. He’s not alone. A nurse is with him.
“Hi,” I say as I continue to enter further into the room. “Is it okay if I visit for a while?”
“Of course you can, darling. I’m all through here with Mr. Brown Eyes. I was just changing his medicine bags. I’m Shirley, and you are…?” she welcomingly asked me.
“I’m Tenley Fairchild, an old friend.”
“Nice to meet you. Have a seat and take all the time you need with him. Talk to him, they say it helps.”
“Thank you.” I barely get out before my tears begin to fall again.
“Are you sure you’re okay, sweetheart? Can I get you anything? Water or juice perhaps?”
“No thank you, ma’am, I’m fine. This is really hard for me, um, to see him this way. I’m not sure what to do.”
“It’s easy honey, just pull up a chair, hold his hand, and simply talk to him. He’s breathing on his own. He’s just being a bit stubborn at the moment by staying asleep. The better looking they are, the more attention they crave. Mr. Brown Eyes over here is doing just that, but I’ll play along. He’ll be alright. He just needs a little help and the good Lord above.” She smiled warmly at me.”
“You seem pretty certain that’s all it will take to wake him from his slumber.”
“Well, you see, honey, I’ve been a nurse for twenty seven years now, and believe me, I’ve seen a lot worse than Mr. Brown Eyes. Medically he’s stable. His injuries are on the mend, but maybe he’s just not ready to wake up and greet the day yet. Maybe, just maybe, he’s been waiting for you. Only one way to find out is for you to talk to him.”
“Thank you, Shirley. I feel a little better, and I will talk to him.”
“Good for you. I’ll be around if you need me.”
“Shirley, may I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“How did you know Jagger has brown eyes if he hasn’t woken up yet?”
“Just a hunch darling, just a hunch.”
She happily walked away, and I found myself smiling. Jagger did have amazing panty dropping brown eyes. They were deep brown, and some days I actually thought they sparkled. I said a silent prayer to Jamie in heaven. He seems to be behind the ruse of getting me here, so I just hope he is truly watching me now and will give me the strength I need to get through this, not only for me, but for Jagger too.
I quietly walked in and heard the beeps coming from the sensors hooked up to Jagger. His hair was longer, almost to the edge of his neck. Beautifully messy, the way I always liked it. His beard is grown in, but not Duck Dynasty like. Either the nurses or his father must be grooming him. As I get closer, I can see cuts and abrasions along his cheek and jawline. His broken leg was raised off the mattress in a support harness. You can tell his ribs were still wrapped through the thin hospital gown. And then my eyes found what I was looking for…his tattoo. I somehow convinced myself that he hated me and would probably have it removed, but he didn’t. I was happy to know a part of me was still with Jagger. I carefully pulled down his gown over his heart, and that’s where I saw my name. “Ten, My love…my world.”
Tears were beckoning once again, but I let them fall. Here was the man who I loved more than I loved myself. I know it sounded selfish choosing my career over him, but I thought I was doing right by him by leaving. I own my hurt. I own my betrayal. I suffer through my pain because it’s what I feel I deserve. Was I wrong all of these years? Distancing myself from my family, and Jagger? I miss Zoey and Tommy. I need my crazy friends to help me get through this, but then again, I’m not too sure Tommy would be all so willing to lend advice to the woman who practically used him for some quick comfort. He said we were okay, but I’m still not convinced.
Jagger was beyond handsome. He seriously belonged on a cover of a magazine. Even in his current state, he looked amazing. His arms were as thick as my legs. His body is layered on top of layers with muscles. You don’t get this kind of body by working out in a gym, you get it by working a ranch. Unless you live the life of a true country cowboy, no one could understand all the hours it takes to keep it running. Jagger is incredibly strong in body and in mind. He has to be okay. I wanted to touch him, feel him breathe, and smell him. I was already beginning to lose my senses being this close to him again. Even in a coma, Jagger still had the ability to rouse a physical reaction from me.
I leaned in as close as I could and laid my head onto his rising chest. His breathing was steady and strong. I closed my eyes and imagined him holding me in his strong arms. I loved being wrapped around his body, especially the nights we made love under the stars. I raised my head and shrugged off those delicious memories of us. Pulling up a chair, I sat and held his hand in mine. His hands were so calloused and rough to the touch. I placed a gentle kiss on each of his knuckles and placed my cheek down on his hand.
“I’m here, Jagger. I’m home. I’m not sure if you even want me here, but Wendy and your father seem to think I am the answer to their prayers. Do you remember how the story goes? Sleeping Beauty is in a deep sleep while she waits for her prince to awaken her. His magical kiss breaks the curse, and they live happily ever after. Now in our story, you are the princely cowboy, and I’m not too sure I’m your princess, but let’s go with friend for now. So like I was saying, I’m here to get you to wake up.”
I continued, “Oh Jagger, I wish I had magical powers to wake you, but I’m just me. Although I can yield some power in the courtroom, I doubt I can do the same here with you. If I truly had magic, then Jamie would have lived, but that’s not how our story turned out. I guess because you’re sleeping, you really don’t have much say in what I say right now. So I’ll give you a ‘this is your life,’ and if you wake up, then by all m
eans, say what you want. The sound of your voice, no matter what the tone, will be amazing to hear. I need you to wake up, Jagger. Your father needs you. You should have seen the look in his eyes when he saw me. I saw so many emotions grace his face, but the one thing that stood out was hope. How come everyone around me has it all figured out, but me?”
I ran my fingers along his jaw, his beard was coarse. I said, “Jagger, I’m sorry I hurt you by leaving. I believed by leaving it would somehow bring you peace in the long run. I did a foolish act with Shane. I knew it that night but still made a reckless decision that changed my life—our life—together. Shane having feelings for me was the last thing I ever expected him to say. Was I so deeply in love with you that I totally missed what was right in front of me? I guess so, because I never knew.”
“He sure is angry with me now. His reception of my arrival was less than warm, it was downright cold. Not sure what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t that. Jagger, please wake up. Open your eyes. Your nurse calls you ‘Mr. Brown Eyes,’ did you know that? I’m told coma patients can hear beyond their slumber, so if that’s true, then make sure you bat your beautiful eyes at Shirley when you do wake. I think she may have a crush on you. It’s so easy to love you, and I’m so sorry for not loving you enough. I was wrong Jagger, and I’m sorry. Please wake up.”
It was late, and I was beginning to get hungry and tired. Shirley came in a few times to check his vitals and then let us be. He was lying here so still. I couldn’t help but think of Jamie. There were times when I didn’t know if Jamie was breathing, he was so still. I would shake him awake and then he would look at me like I was crazy. I almost wanted to shake Jagger, but I stopped myself, so I did the only thing I could do…I kissed him.
Ever so gently, I held his face and leaned in to place a chaste kiss upon his lips. I pushed away his hair off his forehead and kissed him there as well.
“Now, my sleeping cowboy, I don’t expect you to suddenly wake from my kiss, but I pray you feel the warmth of it and know that I’m here.”
“I’m so scared, Jagger. You need to wake up.”
One more kiss to his lips and then I turned to leave. I watched for any signs of movement, but he remained still with his chest rising up and down.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I said.
I knew for certain I could not return to New York until I knew Jagger would be okay, but would I ever be?
BY THE TIME I left the hospital, the sun had set over the Teton’s, and my stomach was grumbling something fierce. Other than breakfast and my earlier snack and coffee, I was ravenous for dinner.
I elected not to call the ranch or Wendy for a ride. I rented a Ford F-150 to take me to my father’s ranch. Only in Wyoming, you can rent a truck. I had my share to choose from, but I’m sure my father would want me to drive something strong enough to get through the unpredictable Wyoming weather.
The inside temp reading said eight degrees outside. The rental agency already had the truck warming up for me, so when I got in, I was toasty warm. Thank goodness for Roxy, packing me my down coat and accessories. My boots were a little wet, not the best choice for today, but I needed a reminder of the girl I used to be and wearing my red boots would do the trick.
I came upon the secured gate of the ranch and punched in my code. It was my parents’ wedding anniversary. I smiled as the gates opened up to allow me to drive through. My parents were so in love with one another. I can only imagine how disappointed they are in me. They probably look at me and wonder what went wrong.
Along the long road that would bring me home, I passed the cabin rentals, the horse training area, and the mini rodeo section that was always a crowd pleaser for the summer tourists. This property was huge, and now merging with the Rhodes property, my father wanted to expand even more into his business. Shane was in charge of the horses and the races they would compete in. He belonged here and was a part of it, just as much as I was. My last name may be Fairchild, but this land flowed through Shane’s veins, and if Jamie had lived, they would be amazing partners.
I’ll try to avoid him tomorrow and stay out of his way. I’m sure with me being here in person, my father will want to conduct some ranch business, but I will try my best to do all of that without Shane. I’m not in the mood for another confrontation with him.
I guess I spoke to soon because as I pulled up to my home, there Shane stood. I sighed in frustration because I didn’t want to go another round with him. I grabbed my bag and headed up to the house. My goal was to avoid him, but Shane was right where I needed to be.
“Aren’t you going to say hello to me?” he asked. I spun around and looked at him with questioning eyes.
“After your warm greeting earlier today, I felt it was best to stay out of your way, so that’s what I’m doing.”
I turned once again in hopes of avoiding him. He reached for my arm and pulled me close to him.
“Please Shane, let me go. I’m exhausted and can’t do this with you right now.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for that. I’m so sorry for talking to you the way I did today, but woman give me a fucking break. Just seeing you almost stopped my heart. Please give me a chance to make it up to you.”
“Shane, I have to go. My parents are waiting for me.”
“Please Tenley, say you’ll talk to me tomorrow? You’re not going anywhere until you agree.”
“Fine! I will talk to you in the morning, but hear this, Shane Rhodes. I don’t take kindly to orders, never have and never will. It’s best you remember that before our talk tomorrow. Good night.”
“Oh, darling! It’s good to have you home. Yee-haw!!!” he screamed out into the night sky. Oh my goodness! Only in Wyoming.
“Well, I guess Shane had a change of heart,” my father said as he opened up his arms for me to walk into.
“Hi, daddy,” I whispered into his chest as he held me. I needed this hug after today’s events. I was so tired, but I needed to eat before I collapsed.
“Come on, baby girl. Your mama cooked up some of your favorites.”
“Good. I’m hungry.”
“I figured you might be. Mama is in the kitchen. Let’s go.”
“I guess you’d mind if I took a plate up to my room?”
“Is that a serious question? You know the way to the kitchen. Now go!”
“Yes sir.”
The sight of my mother wearing my grandmother’s apron tied around her waist almost made my heart melt. The memories I tried so hard to hide away were all rushing back to me. This house and the memories it held were so strong. After all my time away from here, I could still feel my brother’s presence and the love we had as a family. Have as a family. I have their love, I always have. I just need to allow myself to feel it again. I’m trying Jamie, I’m trying. My eyes became glassy as I created a new memory.
“Hi, mama.”
“Oh, my sweet girl! You’re finally home.”
She wiped her hands and came rushing toward me for a hug. My mother sniffled a few times, but by the time she let me go, her tears were gone. She never did like crying in front of us.
“I’ve missed you so much, Tenley. Thank you for coming home.” I gave her a silent smile.
After dinner, I was in no shape for a long talk that my mother wanted to have. I promised her a talk in the morning after a ride with Jazzy. She brightened up after hearing me talk about riding. I saw more hope in both of my parents’ eyes, but I remained quiet and kept my thoughts to myself. My mother walked me up the stairs that would take me to my childhood bedroom. It’s been renovated since I left home, but mama kept it personal to my liking. This room still contained memories of my life here in this house. My doll collection was beautifully displayed in a corner. Awards and photos hung above, and mama had left out my favorite pony to sleep with.
I’ve been away from home for five years, but somehow my mother knew exactly what I needed and maybe even secretly wanted. I hugged her, and she left me on my own.
I hadn’t checked my phone all day since I called Zoey. I saw a few missed calls from Zoey, and one text from Tommy.
“If you need me, call me.”
I wanted to call him, but I was way too tired. I fired back a quick text.
“Hi Tommy. Thank you for always being there for me. I’m doing okay. Sorting it all out. I’ll call you when I can. Xo…Tenley.”
He texted back. “Ok.”
I let out a sigh and powered down my phone. Kicked off my boots and stripped out of my clothes, not bothering to look for pajamas. I wrapped myself around the duvet and lost myself into sleep.
Of course, Jagger was in my dreams. Oh hell! I’m in trouble. My dream took me back to a carefree time where I had no inhibitions. Jagger and I were skinny dipping in the pond on his ranch. Jagger kept assuring me that we wouldn’t be seen and definitely not be interrupted. I always believed and trusted him completely. We made love in the warm water with the stars shining in the sky and the moon as our light. I could feel my orgasm again and again, and then a burst of cold air ended my bliss.
“Tenley, time to wake up sweetheart. Are you under there?”
I was having the best dream when I heard my mother over me, at least I think it was mom. I stirred a bit, then my covers were ripped off of me, and then she shrieked so loud that her screams could wake the dead.
“Oh, dear Lord! Tenley Faith Fairchild! Put some clothes on. This is how you sleep? What if your daddy came in? And you call that underwear? It looks like dental floss with a scrap of material holding it together.
“Mother! Get out. What are you fucking doing in here at this ungodly hour?”
Then I felt a stinging slap come down hard on my bare ass. It was mama’s way of showing me how she felt about my choice of language this morning.
All Roads Lead Home Page 10
