“I’m not doing this with you. It’s not like you’ve been celibate for five years, and neither have I, but that’s our past and if we have a chance at making it, then you can’t throw my past in my face every chance you get. Jagger, that’s not fair, and I would not treat you the same way you are treating me. Remember, cowboy, I’ve heard some of it already, and never once called you out on it.”
“What do you expect from me, Ten? I’m a fucking guy! No guy wants to hear about his woman with someone else, friend or no friend.”
Fuck! The way she’s looking at me tells me that I just fucked up. She’s probably thinking I’m referencing her to Shane, which in a way I am. I promised her that he wasn’t between us anymore, but saying what I just did has put him right back there.
“Thanks for that. Um, I need to go meet my mom now. I’ll call you later. Enjoy your pastries.”
“Tenley, please wait!” I called out to her, but she bolted for the door. “Dammit! Dammit! Nurse!!!”
I called out for Shirley when she wouldn’t respond to me by pressing the call button.
“I have to get the hell out of here, and that’s right now.” I grabbed onto the side bar and got a firm grip to get out from the bed. My leg felt weak and unsteady, but the therapist left me a crutch to use for balance, because I was too tall to use a cane.
“What are you doing out of bed?” It was my father, now entering my room. “Son, you are going to hurt yourself. Come on, let me help you.”
“Pop, I’m fine. All I need is to get back to the ranch and find Tenley. We had a fight and she left. Please dad, help me?”
“She didn’t leave, son. She’s down the hall with your mother.”
Instant relief flooded over me. She was still here, thank you God.
“Dad, please, take me to her.”
“How about this? Give your girl some time to talk with your mother. They need to catch up, and while your mama is keeping her busy, I will help you get cleaned up and dressed. Come on, son. Work with me here?”
“Fine!”
“You know, Jagger, I’m beginning to hate that word.”
He wrapped his arm around me and led me into the bathroom.
An hour later, still no Tenley, but I knew she was close by. My father was watching me like a hawk, getting ready to stop me from running after her. “Dad, I’m fine. As long as I use the crutch, I will be able to walk with no help.”
“Jagger, why the rush? You were more than okay yesterday with the physical therapy in place, and now I come here and you just want to make a run for the door. I know you are frustrated, but your leg needs work. Put in the work, listen to your doctor, and you will be back to where you were before the accident.”
“Dad, if it wasn’t for Shane, I wouldn’t even be here at all. He is the reason why I’m still in this bed.”
“What do you mean… it’s Shane’s fault? She-devil threw you and that’s when you fell. How is that Shane’s fault?”
“Really, dad? Do you not see what’s right in front of you?”
“I guess I don’t, son, so maybe you should explain it to me.”
“When have I ever been thrown from my horse? I can tell you, never. She-devil did not throw me off of her. I was knocked off by Shane. He told you that story to cover up the truth about what really happened up on that ridge.”
Of course, after I shouted out my anger over my leg, and then mentioned Shane’s name, my father was relentless with his questions until I told him everything. He was so taken aback, he had to sit down to catch his breath.
“I’m so sorry, son. If I had known, I would have kept Shane away from your room. He was here every single day, sometimes more than once.”
“Dad, Shane is no threat to me. He will never get another chance to hurt me again, this I promise you. He said he is sorry, and he’s attending weekly therapy sessions with Wendy. He is the least of my concerns right now. I need to go check on Tenley. She’s my only priority.”
“I’m here, Jagger, so calm down, cowboy.”
Oh thank God! She’s come back and with my mother following her in. She came right over to me and whispered that she was sorry she left.
I hugged her back and whispered in her ear, “I’m so sorry baby for losing my temper. Please forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. We can talk about this later when we are in private. Your mom and I talked to Dr. Sampson. He’s signing your discharge papers now on the condition that you allow a physical therapist to work with you three times a week. He will come to you on the ranch, but you have to promise to do the work. Can you do that?”
“Absolutely. When can I go home?”
“Right now, as a matter of fact,” Dr. Sampson answered my question as he entered my room. “Here are your discharge papers. Please follow your therapy, and come see me in about a month for a check-up, sound good?”
“It sounds great. Thanks, doc, for all you did for me.”
“My pleasure, son. Just don’t make me regret releasing you too soon.”
“I won’t, sir. I promise.”
My mother hugged my father. She was so happy I was coming home. I was just about ready to go, when my father asked for a minute to talk to me. Tenley would bring the truck around front, and I would meet her downstairs. My mother wanted me to come home with them, but I refused. I knew where I wanted and needed to be.
“Dad, I don’t want to talk about Shane, not anymore, not ever.”
“Well, that’s too damn bad, because we are going to talk about it. Do you even understand what an accusation like this means? You could have died, son, and your answer to all of it is to just not talk about it anymore? Well, I want to, and I’m going to get some answers from that boy, even if I have to beat it out of him.”
“Dad, leave Shane alone. Kip is your friend, and I don’t think he will appreciate you pounding on his son.”
“And you’re my son, so what about you? He certainly didn’t care when he shoved you off your horse.”
Upsetting my father was the last thing I wanted to do. He and my mother had been put through enough sitting bedside vigil all those weeks I was in the coma. I took out my frustration on them and still they showed me unconditional love.
His eyes were filled with anger over Shane hurting me. This was my father, who raised me to be strong in mind and body, and to be a good man. Today I would prove to him that his lessons did not fall on deaf ears. I would take the high road with Shane and just concentrate on my life with Tenley. We waited long enough to be together, and our time was now. I gave my father a hug, with him returning the gesture.
“I love you, son, so much more than you can ever know.”
“I know, dad, and you’ve shown it to me every day of my life. I’m working everything out, please trust me. Shane’s working it out too. Please, let’s leave it at that. Now I’m ready to go. Are you going to help me or not?”
He smiled. “Lead the way,” my father said.
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I was ready for what was waiting for me outside of these walls.
All roads lead to my girl.
HELPING JAGGER INTO my truck was no easy task. Of course, I rented the largest Ford truck they had on the lot, which caused difficulty for Jagger getting in. Although his cast was now off and replaced with a walking brace, he was still sore. The brace kept his leg in place while he was up and around. He needed to pace himself through his physical therapy. My cowboy tried to not show his discomfort around me, but I knew better.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go home and rest?” I said to him as he instructed me to turn down a private road off his property.
“I’m fine baby, stop worrying.” He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it.
“Where are we going anyway?”
“Just a few more miles ahead, you’ll see.”
As I got closer to our destination, I saw what he wanted me to see. It was a house, and from the sight of it, a pretty big one.
“We’r
e here. Come on, baby, let me show you around.” He practically hopped down and landed on his stronger leg.
“Jagger! Please be careful, you can’t risk injuring that leg again.”
He took me in his arms and kissed me soundly on my lips. He looked so happy to be here with me.
“I’m fine. No. More. Worrying. Do you want to go inside and take a look around?” he asked with hope dancing around in his beautiful brown eyes.
“Who does this house belong to?” I asked now with curiosity.
“It’s mine. I’ve been building it for the past five years. I began designing it with the architects before you received your law school acceptance letter, and I was going to tell you about it when you officially said yes to my marriage proposal. It took me a long time to finish it, but once I did, I knew I only wanted to share this home with you.”
“Jagger, I don’t know what to say. I have no words. This house is…breathtaking.”
“You don’t have to say anything, baby, and I’m not pushing you to decide right now. Just come inside and take a look around with me, okay?”
“Okay.” A simple agreement to a lifetime commitment. He always made everything sound so simple, whereas I overcomplicated everything between us.
The house was stunning. It was designed to resemble a modern day log cabin. It had three floors, a wraparound porch, and an Olympic size swimming pool in the backyard with the mountains as our back drop. I was right when I said I had no words. He never gave up on me, and to build this home for us was just something I never imagined would ever be.
“Say something, Tenley. Do you like it?”
“Jagger, like doesn’t even come close. It’s the most beautiful home these eyes have ever seen. I can’t believe you did this.”
“Well, believe it, because it can be yours with a simple answer. If not, we can live anywhere you want. I just want you. Tenley, I promise I will not be so selfish again when it comes to us. You choose me. I choose you.”
“Jagger, don’t you see? We are still back in the same place we were all those years ago. I expected you to leave with me, and you expected me to stay. I love you. I’ve always loved you. How can I not? You are amazing in everything you do. Look at this house.”
“I am looking, and all I see is you in it. Tenley, I want to marry you. I want our kids to grow up in this house, and I want to sit right there on that porch and hold your hand when we watch our grandchildren play out on this beautiful land. I’m not asking you to give up your law career to be a rancher’s wife. Just be my wife. I don’t have a ring for you, not the one I want you to have, but I will.”
I don’t deserve him. He’s painted the perfect picture for us and for our future, and I still can’t say yes to him, at least not completely. He hasn’t wiped his smile off of his face since we got here. I can see the pride in his face as he takes in the house he built. This is his land, his house, and his dream.
“Hey,” he said, as he lifted my chin so I could look at him. “Talk to me. Is this too much, too soon?”
I let out a sigh as he held me.
“Yes, it may be. Jagger, this trip was never supposed to be permanent for me. I came home to find closure in Jamie’s death and the wreckage I left behind. To make peace with my parents while trying to find a little for myself. To see you again has brought it all back for me. The feelings are still there. It’s like time has just stopped, and we were on a holding pattern. Now we’ve been cleared for take-off, and it’s just a matter of what direction to take. I just can’t see myself giving up everything I’ve worked for in New York to come back here and start over. I know, selfish, right?”
“I wasn’t going to say that. It makes you honest. You were honest then, and you’re still honest now. But who says you have to start over? I can move to New York. I’ll follow you this time around.”
“No! I will never ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t. I offered.”
“Jagger, please don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what? Love you? Want you? Don’t you see? It’s impossible to move on without you. I tried that once, and I epically failed. Every woman I fucked in the last five years paled in comparison to you. All I saw was you. I want no one else. When Jamie listed all the reasons why his best friend shouldn’t date his kid sister, we proved to him that he was wrong. I knew I loved you way before you ever told me how you felt. I was scared and didn’t want you to laugh in my face. When you finally took a chance on me and trusted me with your heart, I did the same. Please, baby, trust your heart now, and I’ll trust mine. This right here is where we can start over, or we can have that in New York. I can do anything as long as I know you’ll be waiting for me when I come home.”
“You would really give up everything you have here in Wyoming to move to New York to be with me? Your ranch. The beautiful home you spent five years building. Your family. You would say goodbye to all of that for me?”
“In a heartbeat,” he answered with no hesitation. “I let you go once because I refused to see no other way of life beyond what I was living. In the end, I had no life without you. I don’t want to feel like that again. Having you here with me now almost feels like a dream. I’m afraid to wake up and realize that’s all it was, but then I touch you, I feel your skin against mine, I feel how your body reacts when I do and the loss it feels when I stop. We were just on a break, baby, a long vacation, but it’s time to come home now, and my home is where you are. Ten, just think about it, please? Take the time to really think about it, okay?”
“Okay.” He accepted my one syllable answer, and we drove the rest of the way in silence. As we pulled away, I couldn’t help but look at the massive work of art Jagger had built, and most of it with his own hands. He never ceased to amaze me and what he could do once he made up his mind. Although this home was technically on the Parrish Ranch, it was far away from the main house where his parents still lived. Jagger had it built on his own acres that was separate from the rest of the land and properties.
He told me that once he cleaned himself up and refocused on the ranch, that’s when his father signed over the deed to him. The house was always Jagger’s, but now the land was his too. This was his dream, it always was.
Jagger, Jamie, and Shane were natural born cowboys following in their father’s footsteps, paving the way for their own legacies to be passed down. Jamie never lived long enough to see his dream and what would come for him, but he made the most out of the time he did have. Every day he worked the ranch side by side with my father, along with the other ranch hands. My father’s ranch was considered the crown jewel of all of Wyoming. It was the top grossing ranch in the state, and one of the top ten in the entire country.
Now Jagger has offered me his crown jewel to share with him. His home, his land, his heart. All I have to do is say “Yes,” but I’m still struggling and I don’t understand why.
We were at the main house, and I had not yet put my truck in park, Jagger leaned over and did it for me. He wanted me to stay with him tonight, but I needed to get back. I still had so much to talk to him about, but my head was pounding and I just wanted to go to sleep.
“Tenley, will you look at me please?” his voice sounded so small.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I was barely holding on to my resolve with Jagger slowly chipping away at it. I was helplessly falling back into our old rhythm we once shared. He held my face where I could look at him.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Good, I was hoping you would say that. I kind of feel like I have to ask. You’re not giving too much away right now, emotion-wise.”
“Jagger, that’s the problem. All I’m feeling is emotion, and I don’t know how to put my feelings into words.”
“That’s okay baby, I don’t need to hear them right now, just show me.”
“How?”
“Kiss me. Kiss me like the first time you knew you loved me. Is that what you want?”
“
Yes.” I said, almost breathless.
“How much do you want it, Tenley?” He leaned in and stroked his fingers along my cheek, inching closer to my mouth.
Oh if he only knew how much. I was about five seconds away from pouncing on him.
“Please kiss me, Jagger.” I whispered. He did with so much love and passion. I wanted more, but I pulled away.
“I love you, Tenley. Don’t run, please. Just have faith this time around.”
He kissed me again and then hopped down from my truck. His father greeted him at the door and waved goodbye to me.
I don’t deserve him, I thought as I made my way home.
My house was dark when I arrived back home. I had totally missed dinner with my parents, but thankfully they understood why. I made my way into the house and found a note waiting for me on the entry way table.
Dear Tenley,
We’re staying in the cabin tonight. Daddy will be with Sky. She’s about to deliver her new foal, and I’ll be helping him. See you in the morning.
Love,
Mom
Relief washed over me after reading mama’s note. With all that was thrown at me today, I had just enough I could take. I made my way upstairs to my room, and all I wanted to do was fall asleep and think of nothing until morning.
But that’s when I found it: another letter addressed to me on my side table. Another letter from Jamie. How many more are there?
Wendy must have left it for me when she was here earlier. I sat with my back to my headboard and turned on the radio. Rascal Flatts was playing, “Here.” I held Jamie’s letter and listened to every word coming through the radio. My tears flowed like a faucet. If there ever was a perfect song that described Jagger and me, this was it. I ripped open the letter and began reading my brother’s words.
Hey Darling,
How ya doing? I swear to you these letters are not meant to hurt you. They are to help and guide you. You’re probably thinking why I’ve taken on the role of knowing what’s best for you better than you do, but as your big brother, it’s kind of my job. We had that special connection between us, little sis. I always knew what you were thinking before you usually shouted it out. Do you still do that? I’m actually smiling right now because you would go from 0 to 50 in a second. It’s no wonder why you chose law to pursue as a career. My natural born fighter, you always were. Which brings me to my next question: Are you still fighting? Fighting that impossible wall that you’ve put up? It doesn’t have to be that hard, especially when it comes to love.
All Roads Lead Home Page 20
