by S. H. Kolee
Jenny and Marcus were the first to arrive. Although Jenny claimed their relationship was still strictly platonic, they seemed to be spending an inordinate amount of time together, and I saw how Jenny never missed a chance to touch him.
Simon and Kendra arrived shortly after them, and Simon kissed me like he hadn't seen me in days again. I was cognizant of Sarah's earlier mention of our PDA, but I couldn't help leaning into him, our kiss a little too intimate for an audience.
I pulled away, feeling embarrassed as I glanced at Kendra who was standing right next to us, not missing a thing. It was one thing to make out in front of our friends; it was another thing to make out in front of Simon's little sister. But she just grinned at me widely, waggling her eyebrows and reminding me so much of Simon that I couldn't help but grin back.
When Grant arrived, Sarah swooped in on him and gave him a kiss that rivaled my embrace with Simon. When she turned around and winked at me with a mischievous smile, I burst out laughing, shaking my head when everyone inquired about what was so funny.
We settled into the living room after everyone had piled their plates high with meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Kendra's eyes were sparkling as she surveyed the scene.
"I can't wait until I get to go to college and live in an apartment!"
Simon leaned back on the arm of the recliner I was sitting in, his usual spot, and frowned at Kendra.
"You still have a couple of years before college. Don't be in a rush to grow up."
Kendra pouted, but then brightened. "At least I'll get to listen to you guys play tonight! I can't wait!"
"How exactly is Kendra getting into the East End?" Marcus asked.
"I have a fake I.D.!" Kendra was almost bursting with excitement and I heard Simon sigh.
"Kendra, you're only using that I.D. tonight. Grant was able to get that from a girl who looks like you, but it's only a loan." Simon glared at her. "And remember, the only reason I'm letting you come tonight is because you want to hear us play so badly. If I even see you within two feet of an alcoholic beverage I'm dragging you home, even if I have to jump off the stage to do it."
Kendra rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. You can stop with the big brother act. I won't get within ten feet of a drink."
Simon looked satisfied with her answer and went back to eating, interspersed with absentmindedly massaging the back of my neck. Sarah was right—we were ridiculous with our affectionate touches, especially Simon, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
The rest of dinner was harmonious and the boys left earlier to prepare for the show. Kendra looked at us pleadingly after they left. "Can't I have just one drink? Please? I swear I won't tell my brother." She shifted her gaze, focusing her plea on me.
"Sorry, Kendra," I said, smiling affectionately. "Simon will kill us both if I let you have a drop of alcohol. If it makes you feel any better, I won't drink either."
Kendra's shoulders slumped in defeat. "But I wanted the total college experience."
Jenny patted her shoulder sympathetically. "I didn't even get served at the East End until a month ago when I turned twenty-one. But now I drink there all the time."
Sarah smothered a laugh and I just shook my head, not sure why Jenny thought that would make Kendra feel better.
I distracted Kendra by asking her what she wanted to study in college, and she took the subject and ran with it, forgetting all about her momentary distress. She was so much like Simon with her mercurial mood shifts. I wondered if these mood swings would put a wedge between Simon and me. I couldn't help thinking about how angry he had gotten earlier about a harmless joke, but I pushed the thought aside and focused on Kendra debating whether to become a veterinarian or a zoologist.
Chapter Fifteen
By the time we made it to the East End there was already a line formed outside. I held my breath when Charlie, the bouncer, checked Kendra's I.D. I felt bad lying to him, but I just smiled as he waved her through. We weaved our way to the bar after we checked our coats, snagging a couple of stools we could gather around.
We ordered drinks, and although Kendra and I were reduced to diet soda, that didn't stop her eyes from shining as she looked around the bar. "Is it always this crowded?"
"No, it's only like this when the Henchmen are playing," Jenny answered. "It's gotten even crazier ever since that stuff happened with Claudia. For some reason, it's made Simon even more popular, and in turn, the Henchmen."
I surreptitiously shook my head at Jenny, not wanting her to continue. The last thing I wanted to talk about was what had happened with Claudia, especially in front of Kendra. Not only did I not want to be reminded of the gruesome incident, but only Sarah knew the truth and I felt uncomfortable lying.
Fortunately, the Henchmen came out on stage and the conversation was forgotten. We made our way closer to the stage, although we had to risk a few elbows thrown our way. I drank in the sight of Simon, oblivious to the other members on stage. His blue t-shirt fit snugly over his broad shoulders, and I could only think about how strong and muscular they felt when I clung to them when he kissed me passionately. His blue eyes were intense as they swept the crowd, stopping to settle on me. I could almost feel the electricity between us as he gazed at me, and I could feel the tingle all the way down to my toes. It was amazing how he could make me feel breathless with just one look.
I was startled out of my trance when the Henchmen started playing one of their most popular songs and the crowd started screaming in approval. Simon's eyes broke away from mine as he started singing, but I still couldn't look away. He sang with the same intensity as when we were alone and his entire attention was focused on me, his hands caressing my body until I felt like I was on fire.
"They're awesome!" Kendra's squeal finally broke my concentration from Simon as I glanced at her. She was swaying to the music and looked absolutely in her element.
We watched them amidst the crowd for most of their set, but near the end Sarah started complaining about her feet hurting so we snagged a table removed from the dancing masses.
"Thank God," Sarah sighed in relief when we sat down, stretching her legs out. "I thought my feet were going to fall off."
"Everything for the sake of beauty, right?" Jenny looked at Sarah's four-inch snakeskin heels. "I wish we were the same shoe size."
Kendra stuck out her own heels for everyone's inspection. "I got these for 50% off!"
I drowned out their conversation about shoes as I studied the people in the East End. I couldn't help wondering if any of these people had been overtaken by their vardogers, and I was only seeing their physical bodies, their souls long gone. More importantly, I couldn't help wondering if any of these people were on the cusp of being overtaken and I was sitting here unable to do anything about it.
I sighed, trying not to think about it. I heard Simon announce that this was their last song, much to the dismay of their fans, and that it was a new one and hopefully they liked it. I perked up at his words, surprised that Simon hadn't mentioned the new song to me. He often asked my opinion of songs he was writing, but of course I always thought everything he wrote was brilliant.
Sarah, Jenny and Kendra also turned their attention back to the band, as curious about the new song as I was. The beat started out slow and Simon's voice was like velvet over steel, smooth yet strong.
I can't imagine my life
I can't imagine my death
I can't imagine being here without you
You can't imagine your life beside me
If you only knew the things that you said
Were a stab to the heart
Did you care when I bled?
Will you care when I bleed?
If you cared for me
Would you lay me down?
Would you bare your soul?
Would I pierce your defenses?
It's just a stab to the heart
Over before it began
Did I care when you bled?
Will I care when you bleed?
>
My heart was pumping, blood rushing through my ears until it was all I could hear, the rest of the song fading into the background. I didn't understand their new song, but the line about a stab to the heart was reverberating in my head. I was convinced that Simon had written this song, since he had taken over composing songs for the Henchmen, but I couldn't come to terms with how morbid it was. How could he write a song about stabbing someone's heart when just a few weeks ago, he had done just that?
"Are you okay?" I turned to Sarah at her question, trying to get control of my breathing.
"Yes, I just...their new song..." I didn't know how to finish my sentence, not wanting to actually say my thoughts out loud. I wished I could see Simon but the crowd of people standing in front of our table blocked my view.
Sarah frowned, glancing over at Kendra and Jenny but they were busy talking. "It was a little...weird, after everything that's happened. Maybe it's Simon's way of processing through everything. You know what they say about musicians—being onstage is like therapy for them."
I nodded, telling myself that Sarah's explanation made sense. I just wished Simon had warned me. It had taken me completely off guard.
I was on edge as we waited for the boys to join us after they were done. I didn't know what I was going to say to Simon, to explain how much his song had bothered me.
Simon was all smiles when he dropped into the seat next to me, resting his arm on the back of my chair. Kendra immediately launched into a monologue about how amazing they were, and Simon patiently listened to her chatter while grazing his fingers back and forth on my arm. He was so close that I could feel the warmth radiating from his body, smell his cologne mixed in with sweat from being onstage. I should feel safe and content, Simon's arm protectively around me and surrounded by my friends. Instead, I felt agitated. Something didn't feel right but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"You guys were great," I said when Kendra finally paused to take a breath and was distracted by Jenny asking her a question.
"Thanks." Simon gave me a wolfish grin. "All I could think about was getting my hands on my friend Oscar." Simon glanced down at my shirt suggestively and I felt some of the tension drain from me as I laughed. I still asked the question.
"So...did you write that last song?"
Simon nodded, pausing to give Janice, the waitress, his drink order. He turned back to me with an expectant expression. "Did you like it?"
"Isn't it a little...ghoulish to sing about a stab to the heart after...after everything that's happened? What is that song even about?"
Simon studied me for a few beats before answering, his expression turning serious. "I'm sorry, I guess I never thought about it like that. I wrote that song a while ago, and I didn't think twice about it. It's just about two star-crossed lovers, nothing more."
I nodded, telling myself I was reading too much into it. I made a concerted effort to not think about anything serious for the rest of the night. Kendra made it easy with her lighthearted banter that made everyone laugh. Even the endless stream of fans, mostly female, that stopped by the table to gush over the Henchmen didn't bother me.
Chapter Sixteen
The room was dark and I strained to make out familiar shapes. There was a narrow bed pushed against the wall and I could see the outline of a desk next to it. I could make out shapes of buildings through the window, but it was pitch black outside as well. A light suddenly flicked on, a small lamp on the desk that barely illuminated its immediate surroundings, leaving the rest of the room shrouded in darkness.
I first noticed that there was someone sitting next to the desk when I saw a hand reach out, opening a drawer. The figure moved closer to the desk until I could make out his features. His blond hair glimmered under the dim light and he turned towards me, as if he sensed someone was there. His brown eyes looked in my direction, but he looked through me and I knew he couldn't see me.
I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out. I was frustrated as I was reduced to just watching him.
He turned back to his desk, taking a small box out of the drawer he had opened. Dread filled me as he opened the box and pulled out a razor. I wanted to rush over and snatch it out of his hands, but I was glued to the spot, my legs not listening to my commands to move.
He looked up again, but this time not in my direction. I followed his gaze but I couldn't see anything in the dark. He turned his attention back to the razor, studying it as if it held the answers to life.
My heart started pumping furiously when I saw a hand emerge from the shadows, gripping the boy's hand that was holding the razor. The boy looked up, his eyes widening in fear but he made no sound, as if he was transfixed by what he saw. The shadowy hand took the razor from him, and before my mind could process what I knew was about it happen, the hand jerked the razor against the boy's wrist, slashing it brutally as blood poured out of the gaping wound.
I wanted to scream, even if it was inside my own head, but I forced myself to remain calm, to not miss a detail of what was happening.
The boy looked down at his sliced wrist with his mouth wide open, as if he didn't believe what he saw. He raised his unharmed wrist, as if he wanted to see if it was bleeding as well. I swallowed a whimper when I saw the shadowy hand again raise the razor that was now dripping with crimson blood, ripping it into his other wrist.
The boy raised his head, holding his hands up as rivulets of blood streamed down from his hacked wrists. But he didn't look in the direction of his assailant. He looked directly at me, his expression one of surprise.
"What are you doing here?"
I woke up with a gasp, my body shaking as I tried to ground myself in reality. I concentrated on the feeling of the bed under me, the soft pillow cradling my head, until I felt myself step back from the precipice of panic.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
I turned to Simon who was hovering over me, concern glinting in his eyes. I didn't trust myself to speak, knowing that if I tried to explain what I had just seen that I would dissolve into tears.
Simon pulled me closer to him so that I was on my side with my back against his front, cocooned in his warmth. He wrapped his arm around my waist, burying his face in my neck and murmuring soothing words.
My breathing finally started to regulate but I still didn't want to say out loud the ugly words of what I had seen. Simon seemed to understand my reluctance to speak so he just held me tight, kissing my neck softly, not out of passion but comfort.
The night was just barely on the cusp of dawn and we watched the hazy morning glow fill the room. We both seemed unwilling to break the silence, both lost in our thoughts.
I finally turned towards Simon, his arms still holding me tight. "I had a vision."
Simon's lips tightened but he nodded. "I thought as much. What happened in it?"
"I saw a boy slice his wrists. Well, he didn't really do it. His vardoger did." I couldn't give any more details than that. It was still too fresh in my mind.
"Now what?"
"Even though the vision was terrifying, now that they've returned it means I can actually do something about the vardogers. I just have to figure out who this boy is. He was in a dorm room and I could see the math building through his window. The math building is directly across from Bowery Hall. I lived there my freshman year and I'm sure it's the same dorm hall."
"So what's your plan? To hang around Bowery Hall until you see him?"
Simon's sardonic tone grated on me. I pushed against his chest but he didn't release me. "Actually, that is my plan. Do you have a problem with that?"
Simon sighed heavily, tightening his arms around me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. It's just...the thought of you putting yourself in danger is driving me crazy. Everything is so good right now. I just don't want it to change."
I took a deep breath, telling myself to be patient. "I understand where you're coming from. And I appreciate your concern. I really do. But this is what I'm meant to do. I can't
sit idly by and let some innocent boy die because I can't be bothered."
I put my hand on Simon's jaw, his stubble raspy beneath my fingertips. I leaned towards him and kissed him softly, asking him to understand. Simon drew in a long breath and returned the kiss, nipping at my lips and then deepening it, his tongue caressing mine with long seductive strokes.
My heart was beating fast again when we broke apart, but now for an entirely different reason. Simon pulled me even closer, as if he were trying to meld our bodies together, cradling my head in the crook of his neck.
"I know you have to do this. I just...I can't lose you."
"You won't lose me. I promise."
Simon and I stayed in bed for a while, both of us loathe to leave the little world we had created for ourselves in his bed, but I reminded myself that Kendra was in the other room. I had been reluctant to stay at Simon's apartment since I didn't think it was appropriate with Kendra there, but Simon assured me that Kendra was old enough for it to not be an issue. It didn't take much convincing since sleeping with Simon was becoming addictive, even though I was always nervous that our caresses would go further before I was ready.
I took a quick shower since I had to go to work. Simon was still in bed when I came back into the bedroom, looking relaxed with the sheet at his waist. Simon always slept with no shirt on and I admired his sleekly muscled chest, remembering how warm and firm it had felt pressed against me.
Simon raised an eyebrow when he saw me checking him out, but I just grinned. I wrapped my towel tighter around my body.
"I need to change."
"Go ahead."
I rolled my eyes and looked at him pointedly. "You're still in the room. Looking at me."
"I don't mind."
I put my hand on my hip in exasperation but I couldn't help laughing. Simon grinned at me mischievously and then hopped out of bed. I made a point to not glance down at his shorts because I was already used to his condition in the mornings.
Simon gave me a quick kiss before making his way to the bathroom, whistling. I felt happy, even with the frightening vision I had experienced last night. Not only did I have Simon to help me through them, but now I had a purpose for experiencing them.
