She nods, her lips compressed with worry. “These years of knowing you, Emily, has shown me that what I’m telling you is the truth. You need to rest, honey. You really do. You’ve had too much strain on your face for so long. Maybe go home and see if you can sleep.”
The bell dings and we glance over as a nice couple holding hands enter Natalie’s Special Thingys, her little shop she opened right out of business school. She could have run a corporation, she told me once. Got a job offer and everything. If I’d accepted it, I wouldn’t have followed my dream, which was to have my own little store where I sold ‘special thingys’ I love to people who love them, too. I would have been very sad.
“Good morning,” she calls over with a friendly smile.
“Morning,” they call back with a little wave. “Cute shop.”
“Thank you! Let me know if I can help in any way.” She turns back to me and says in a hushed and gentle tone, “Emily, go home. I can handle this today.”
Shaking my head, I continue to unwrap inspirational magnets from the U.P.S. delivery, so that I can add them to our inventory list.
“I took off that day right after, when the kids and I…” I trail off and quietly add, “And I need the money.”
“Take paid leave, honey! I can cover this.”
From the corner of my eyes, I throw her a subtle yet imploring look. “I really hate being in that house. Please don’t make me go home.”
Reaching over to rub my back like a mother would, she says, “Okay. But if you feel overwhelmed—”
“—I’ll let you know. I promise.”
“Excuse me,” the woman customer says with her hand on a fairy lamp.
“Yes?” Natalie leaves to help her. I unpack the magnets, reading them as I go along.
Dance like nobody’s watching. – Satchel Paige
If we all did the things we were capable of, we would literally astound ourselves. – Thomas Edison
There is no limit save for the limit we put upon ourselves. - Anonymous
I pull out blank price stickers and start writing numbers on them with a happy face on each. Sticking them onto the backs of the magnets one at a time is meditative. And of course my mind travels to him. I haven’t see Xavier since that night. God I wish he had kissed me. I wished I’d called him back from the staircase.
But it was too soon.
I guess I lost my chance.
“This is a good one.”
The voice is unmistakable and my heart does a backflip. I glance quickly up and lock eyes with the most intelligent and piercing eyes I’ve ever seen. He’s holding one that reads:
Leap and the net will appear – John Burroughs.
I blink from him to the magnet to the door where the bell is still swaying. I never heard it. I was too busy thinking about him. This man. The one with the tight shirt tugging across his pectoral muscles. Fuck he is gorgeous.
I mutter, “It’s not my favorite,” glancing to Natalie. She’s still busy with the couple. The man is holding the fairy lamp now, but he doesn’t look thrilled. Looks like a sale.
Xavier’s voice seems even deeper this time as he asks, “Which is your favorite?”
My eyelashes are going bananas as I try not to stammer, “Haven’t found it yet. But that one’s not true.”
“You have experience with it?” he asks me, his eyebrow slightly cocking.
Do I have experience of the net not appearing? Fuck yes. Although if I’m honest, maybe I never really leapt. Not all the way. Frowning at that, I shrug, “Maybe. I don’t know. What are you doing here? How did you find me?”
It’s his turn to look awkward, which he somehow makes sexy. Setting the magnet down, he starts searching through the others. “How about this one?”
Believe you can and you’re halfway there. – Theodore Roosevelt
I roll my eyes. “Hell no. And you didn’t answer my question.”
Xavier smirks and tries again. “This one?”
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anais Nin
I stare at it, nibbling on my bottom lip. Taking it from him, I set it aside. “Maybe that one.”
“Maybe?” A full smile spreads on his face and his eyes dance like he’s happy to have succeeded. Or maybe he just enjoys the game of figuring women out. “You setting it aside because you’re going to keep it?”
I am. But I don’t want to confess that to him. He is a stranger to me, and has far to powerful a pull for me to be disclosing anything like that. It’s too close to my heart. And my fears. Can’t have courage without fear, right?
“No, I’m not going to buy it. I’m just making a new stack.” Picking up a few random magnets from another pile, I place them on top with a casual glance back to him. “Did you come to buy a gift for a friend?”
The question is ridiculous. There is nothing in this store that this man would buy for anyone. The fact that he’s here is a shock. A happy one, though I don’t want to admit it. “Crystals maybe?” I gesture to the raw-wood table where they rest, each as beautiful as its neighbor.
He glances over, then back to me. “I like the table.”
“It’s a good one.”
“Nice and thick,” he says.
I swallow hard but hold his steady gaze. Here’s some courage right here.
Emily
The silence lingers until my heart starts to pound. His eyes drift to my mouth and I realize it’s slightly open.
Natalie walks over. “How are you today?” She’s in her late-forties, happily married, and looking at him like she wants to ride him all the way to her fifties.
“Good,” he answers with a polite nod, which looks bizarre on him. This guy looks like he could lead a motorcycle gang, and here he is standing among the most feminine things you can buy. “How are you?”
“Mmhmm,” my boss smiles. Gathering herself together, she glances to me, flushing deeply as she realizes she’s not being subtle. “Emily, would you ring the nice couple up, and please give them one of these candles as a thank you.” Handing me the thirty-dollar lavender-scented candle, she offers another smile to Xavier. “Can I help you with something?”
“I’m a friend of Emily’s.” he says as if that’s true. “I was just checking to see if she’s okay.”
We are not friends. I know nothing about this man except that he’s a terrible driver, hot as hell, and he’s friends with a coroner for some odd reason.
Natalie’s eyes flicker. Her eyebrows rise up just a little like this is the best news she’s ever heard. She smiles. “I see.” Walking behind the iPad register, she tells me, “Why don’t you take lunch and I’ll ring up the Harrisons?”
“That’s not necessary,” I stammer.
“Great,” he says. “Let’s go.”
I gape at him, because he’s acting like the conversation is over. I would tell him where he could put that assumption, but the Harrisons approach. Mrs. Harrison is holding several of our greeting cards made by a local artist. She eyes Xavier like Natalie did, her husband not noticing.
Jeez! Is this guy a chick-magnet or what? This can’t be good. He’s trouble.
Or maybe he could be something purely casual. Just someone to help me fuck the pain away.
God, Emily. Listen to yourself.
Don’t go with him.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a half hour.” Grabbing my purse, I move around Natalie to get out. Xavier’s already heading for the door. His ass in those fucking blue jeans makes my cleavage sweat.
“Make it an hour,” Natalie sings.
My face goes red and I throw her a surprised glance. She smiles and nods like, hurry up, he’s leaving!
And here I thought I was being inappropriate with how much I want this man so soon. Natalie knows what happened, and yet here she is egging me on like it’s okay. Just goes to show how hot Xavier really is. Or how much she hated Sam.
“Honey, what is this?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Your arms
are all bruised up,” she said, pulling up the sleeve I’d just tugged down.
“I was…umm…” I couldn’t think of a good reason for them. No fall would have brought those on.
She frowned and remained quiet for all of two hours, then later approached me with fire in her light blue eyes. “Emily, is he hurting you?”
“No one is hurting me! I’m fine. I just, was mugged.”
Her eyes went wide in shock, but then her look changed as she remembered. “Were you mugged last month, too? What about the scar right here on your collarbone? Did someone try to take your wallet then?”
“Natalie,” I groaned, wishing she’d drop it.
“You don’t have to put up with that from any man. Don’t you know that? You deserve so much more. Why don’t you leave him?”
Sam had found the flight receipt for Seattle and had completely lost it on me. He screamed that if I left him he’d not only hurt us, but Marisol and her girls, too.
I was so scared of him I couldn’t tell Natalie that. I couldn’t put her in danger, too.
“Please, just drop it.” I turned my back on her and that hugely embarrassing conversation. But it wasn’t the last one we had. Over the years she finally chose to ignore what she saw. I missed her asking. I felt so alone.
Then one day as I was about to go home when, without warning, she came to me and whispered, “If you ever need help, I am here. I am just waiting for you to ask.” Choked up and speechless, I nodded. It just felt good to hear.
“What kind of food do you like?” Xavier asks as he holds the door open, the bell twinkling. Passing by him, I swear I hear him sniff me. I glance over quickly but he looks normal and is standing upright.
I’m about to say, anything would be fine, when I stop myself. Anything is not fine. There are a lot of foods I hate but have eaten anyway, for way too long. “I could really use a burger,” I admit.
“A burger, huh?” The street is filled with shops and restaurants all glinting in the sunlight.
“Uh huh. With bacon, cheese, BBQ sauce and a fried egg,” I say, as I picture it.
He laughs outright. “Specific.”
I give him a sideways smile.
“I like your dress.” He glances down, making me follow his appreciative gaze.
I’m wearing a navy blue tunic dress with flats. It was cheap, but it looks designer. “Thank you. I like your…” I bite my lip and look away. “Burgers okay with you?”
“Perfect,” he mutters, and takes my hand. Electric shocks flash through me as our fingers entwine. I pull back, like it hurts. It doesn’t. I just can’t. Especially since I want to so badly. I haven’t been this attracted to anyone my whole life. It’s terrifying and exciting and my nerves are on edge.
“Don’t!”
“I’m sorry!” he mumbles. “I didn’t know I was going to do that.”
“I’ve just lost my husband!”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, he frowns to his left. “I had no idea I was even doing it. It just felt natural.”
Hearing that is music to my ears. I am bright red. Even my chest is flushed. I want to hold your hand so badly! And other things, too. But I feel too guilty!
“It’s just not right.”
“It’s not. I know. Fuck!” His teeth grind together and he grumbles three words I don’t want to hear. “I should go.” Yanking his hands out he rakes his fingers through his thick, black hair. A struggle is on him. I know the feeling. He locks eyes with me and takes a step closer, his right hand rising between us like he’s about to touch my face, or grab me and kiss me. I can’t breathe. I’m frozen in anticipation. His lips part and I think he’s about to, but instead he rasps, “Goodbye, Emily. I’m glad you’re okay.” Without looking, he crosses the street. A car skids to a stop, but Xavier doesn’t even flinch.
I’m not okay. I was okay when you were here and we were going to spend some time together and have something normal like fries. A shake. Holding hands down a sunny Chicago street before noon.
My voice cracks in desperation as I call out, “XAVIER!”
In between two parked cars on the other side of the street, he ignores the driver yelling at him and looks over his shoulder at me.
“Thank you for checking on me,” I whisper.
My chest is aching for him. Only a blind man couldn’t see it on my face. Xavier’s frown deepens. He turns and leaves, rejecting me. But I rejected him first.
Oh, why did I do that? Come back…
Xavier
“Still hurt?”
I glance to War and shrug, stretching out my leg from where I sit on the couch. “Nah.”
He drops it, looking at me like he wants to say more. “Moving all our stuff in here today wasn’t what your leg needed to heal.”
“Quit being a doctor and be a wolf. I’m fine. Don’t baby me.”
War smiles, “Fair enough.”
An apartment has been sitting empty down the hall. We just emptied Howard’s old place into it. Alisa had few things other than clothing. She’d moved in with little since what happened in Ohio. Now the two of them are in a new place about to make new memories. I should be happy for them. Or at the very least, not care either way. Why it’s bothering me, I don’t know.
Alisa walks in, blue hair mussed up from carrying things in the wind. “You have a lot of guns, War.”
He grins at her. “Yeah baby, I do!”
“Why?”
“For times like these,” I mutter, my mind throttling the gas on what I’m going to do to the Russians. Fighting is what I need to do to get back to who I really am again. It’ll take the edge off.
But then even though I’m concentrating, Emily calling my name across traffic slams into my head for the millionth time, and my cock twitches at the memory, like it always does. She wanted me to go back to her. I saw it on her face. Her gorgeous green eyes were desperate for me to return. Which is exactly why I walked away. I’m not good for her. The world I live in isn’t safe. And there’s that other reason…the one she’d never forgive me for.
Dusting off his hands, Draik strolls in. “It’s all there. Hey you! Coroner!”
War looks over from the chair opposite me, motioning for Alisa to come sit on his lap as he says, “Yeah?”
“You’ve got a lot of fucking guns, man. I mean, what the hell?”
Curragh’s long strides are right behind Draik’s. Howard and I exchange a look, waiting for him to say the same thing, but instead he just grumbles, “Alisa…don’t piss off your boyfriend.”
She laughs, and I smile, too, thoughts of Emily Foster abating. War grabs his blue-haired girl and brings her to his lap, kisses her neck, and whispers intimately, “Yeah, you hot little piece of ass, don’t make me mad.”
A booming guffaw escapes me. Even though he said that really quietly there are three other wolves present. Which he knows. He meant that crass comment for us because our Dr. Howard — War — Peters is not the type to call the love of his life a hot piece of ass. He’s romantic. Sweet. Endearing. And so head over heels over that girl that he caused us a shit-load of trouble.
Draik whoops, too. Even Curragh is amused. Alisa? She just kisses his hair and leans into him, staring at me. “How’s your leg?” she asks.
All eyes float toward me. “Fine.” Changing the subject, I address my packmates. “Oh hey, I forgot to ask.”
Curragh crosses his arms. “They weren’t there anymore.”
“Kara told Mazzagatti she got a tip?”
He nods once, irritated. “Yeah. Chicago P.D. searched the place. No dead bodies. At least none that he told her about.”
I don’t have to ask if she told them to look for bodies. She didn’t. The plan was to slip the intelligence to her old boss, Captain Mazzagatti, in the form of a question — Do you think they might have gone to the tunnels? Then we’d see what they came up with.
Curragh tells us, “They sent down a fully geared-up Specia
l Forces unit. Place was empty. In their eyes no one has been there since all that other stuff went down.”
“Was he pissed?” War asks.
“Nah,” Curragh mutters, heading over to sit on the far end of the couch where I am. “He wants to check under every rock. One of them is hiding Alexander.”
“Fucking snake that he is,” Draik grumbles, plopping down on the last empty chair. We all want to catch this guy. It’s an obsession. Something I know a lot about lately. It seems all I think about is shit I don’t want to, but can’t stop doing.
Together we go over anywhere else we can search. Ideas get thrown out and I participate as I should, but after a while of this, my mind wanders away to feminine hands picking up a magnet with encouraging words. Words of courage that struck a chord in her. How she lied to me about wanting to buy it later. How I memorized it because it meant something to her.
“Xavier!”
“Mmm?” I glance over to Curragh. “What?” Everyone is looking at me.
“Walk with me.” He rises up from the couch.
I frown around the group and find conflicted expressions staring back. Just like mine. “Yeah. Okay.”
Outside the light is pale gray-blue as the sun works its way to the west. We can’t see it anymore, but I stare at the sky anyway, not enthusiastic about this inevitable bullshit.
“Is it her?” We start to walk up the street.
I know exactly who he’s talking about. Emily. The one with the fucking tits I want to suck on until I forget I’m too old to drink milk that way. Emily with the heartbeat that’s a mystery. Emily with the cute children in the way.
“Who.”
He huffs through his nose at me, staring ahead. “Your forever.”
I freeze. “What? No!”
He’s eyeing me gravely, not sure if I know what I’m talking about or not.
“That’s not what’s going on.”
His mouth tightens and he nods. “You sure?”
“It’s a case of the forbidden. I can’t touch her, so that’s all I want to do.”
“You’ve been distracted,” he mutters as we start walking again.
“Yeah, well, my cock is the sole reason,” I grumble.
Werewolves of Chicago: Xavier Page 6
