With My Body

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by Nikki Gemmell


  With this kind of book, even though it is fiction, people tend to assume you are talking about yourself. Where do you draw the ideas/inner thoughts for the central character?

  Everyone assumes, with Bride Stripped Bare and this one, that it is my husband and myself. It is not. The books are fiction. Close friends can vouch for that; strangers may think they know us, but they don’t. I’m a keen observer of life, and it all gets poured into my writing. My writer’s notebooks that I’ve had since the age of fourteen are constantly mined for my fiction—in them are thoughts, conversation scraps, story ideas, observations. It’s my magpie mind, constantly on the prowl. The one thing I demand of my writing is that it has the ring of truth, because there’s an incredible potency in honesty. I think that’s why there’s often the confusion. I’m fascinated by the things we may be thinking but rarely have the courage to say. Love the “aha” moment when readers may think, “yes, me too,” but perhaps have never articulated that thought, especially to their partners.

  The Bride Stripped Bare was written under the name Anonymous. Were you much more comfortable with the sexual nature of the book this time around?

  Virginia Woolf describes anonymity as a refuge for female writers, and it certainly was for me during the writing of Bride. For a long time there it felt like my life was one huge flinch in reaction to the flurry surrounding the book. I still don’t know who outed me to the press, and it was hugely traumatic to lose control of that book and my professional life. I vowed I’d never write another book like it, but then gradually I moved on, buoyed by the heart-lifting reaction to the intense honesty of the book. Almost a decade later I feel like a different person. More mature and more confident, and with that has come a loosening. I’m no longer bound by what people think. I have a voice. Perhaps that’s the inevitable letting-go that comes with middle age, particularly as a woman enters the age of invisibility. It can be an extraordinarily playful and freeing time. Personally I feel like I’m becoming lighter as I age, reveling in the sheer wonder of life and everything around me. In terms of sex it’s like my God, that our bodies can do that—still do that!

  Your book is extremely honest when it comes to sex, but do you think many people are—to their partners, their friends? Or is there this idea of what sex should be that people tend to conform to or are embarrassed to go against? Do you think there is more honesty in talking about sex now, or is it informed by what people read in Cosmo or draw from characters like Samantha Jones from Sex and the City?

  What relationship can survive the shock of absolute candor? Gabriel Garcia Márquez said every person has three lives: a personal life, a private life, and a secret life, and it’s the secret one I’m fascinated by. The raw underbelly of our sexuality in all its ugliness and vulnerability, and all its beauty, too. It’s rare to reveal to a sexual partner the core of your secret self. I’m intrigued by that. How far we can go in terms of candor—and if we really want to. There’s something so visceral about female sexuality, and I think a lot of men have little idea of the depth and complexity of it.

  What are the most honest interpretations/accounts of sexuality you have seen in film or read in books?

  The French writer Houellebecq is the standard bearer for me. His novel Atomised, for its shocking honesty, delicious grubbiness, vulnerability, and courage. In terms of films, Jane Campion’s In the Cut was extremely brave and honest; and at the other end of the scale there was a lot of honesty in that deliciously funny opening of Bridesmaids.

  The Victorian book that you draw the quotes from is sometimes strangely spot-on in its sentiment. Tell us a little about how you found this book, and if you think any of this wisdom still applies. Why did you choose to use this lesson format again in With My Body?

  As with The Bride Stripped Bare I went back to my deeply eccentric London library, in St. James Square, in search of dusty old tomes on womanhood. I found a fabulous little advice manual for young women heading out to the colonies. It was a Victorian how-to manual on everything from pleasing a husband to dealing with other women to raising children. Its tone was so sparky, brisk, matter-of-fact, and very wise. It was intriguingly anonymous, but you just knew that the author was a shrewd—and warm—observer who’d lived a rich and complicated life, an older woman trying to steer younger ones through the precarious choppy waters of early adulthood. There are life lessons in it that are still shockingly pertinent today.

  Bride and With My Body are in part inspired by the writings of Colette, Anaïs Nin, and Marguerite Duras. What are the qualities of these writers that have influenced your work?

  Their unflinching take on womanhood, in all its complexity—the richness of sexuality, relationships, female competitiveness, motherhood.

  The memories of the main character’s sexual awakening as a teenager triggers a new phase in her current married relationship—even though it has been pretty ho-hum in the bedroom for a while. One of the things that you usually can’t have again in a long-term relationship is the joy of discovery of a new lover and the excitement and novelty that can bring, but you seem to provide hope that, even after years of marriage, you can take things to a new level and rediscover each other.

  The book is a manifesto, as much as anything, about how to unlock a woman’s sexuality. This can happen at any stage of adult life, even when a situation seems like a lost cause. I’m fascinated by that.

  A lot of women on the Facebook page for this book have suggested that men should read this. Has your husband, and if he has, how has he reacted?

  I love that women want their partners to read my books—to learn, to understand. I hear stories of women putting the novels on the pillow beside them with the words “read this, now you will understand.” My husband finds the books deeply sexy because they delve into a woman’s psyche. He loves being surprised.

  Your books are sometimes labeled controversial, but do you think they are?

  They’re about the truth, and there shouldn’t be anything controversial about honesty—but of course, it’s often the most shocking thing of all.

  Read on

  Have You Read?

  More by Nikki Gemmell

  THE BOOK OF RAPTURE

  Three children wake up in a basement room. They have been drugged and taken from their beds in the middle of the night. Where are their parents? Whom can they trust? The family has been betrayed to the government, and Salt Cottage, their home on a cliff top above the ocean, is no longer safe. Their mother’s scientific work has put them all in danger. She must put her faith in an old family friend—and in her children’s own resilience and courage.

  “Haunting, thought-provoking, and beautifully written.”

  —Marie Claire

  “[Gemmell’s] writing is powerful and heartrending as she delves into the working of human relationships, love, and family.”

  —Courier-Mail

  THE BRIDE STRIPPED BARE

  A woman disappears, leaving behind an incendiary diary chronicling a journey of sexual awakening. To all who knew her, she was the good wife: happy, devoted, content. But the diary reveals a secret self, one who has discovered that her new marriage contains mysteries of its own.

  “Titillating … like an artful striptease, The Bride Stripped Bare ensnares us with its rawness.”

  —San Francisco Chronicle, a Best Book of the Year

  “[The Bride Stripped Bare] affects a dreamy mood and a poetic brand of erotica.”

  —New York Times

  LOVESONG

  The heartbreaking story of Lillie Bird, a woman from a locked religious community who finds freedom at last in a strange new world, England, but is accused of murder.

  “Gemmell evokes place superbly … while Lillie, clever, confused, and vulnerable, is real and touching.”

  —Sunday Times

  “A lovely, lyrical creation that has melody and melancholy aching through its sentences … bewitchingly good.”

  —Elle, Book of the Month

  ALICE SPR
INGS

  Snip Freeman lost her father long ago. Accompanied by her lover, Dave, she embarks on a journey into the vast and fierce landscape of the Australian interior to find her father and unravel the terrifying silence of her childhood.

  “Alice Springs is like a female version of Kerouac’s On the Road.”

  —Cosmopolitan

  “Leaks deep into the imagination … . haunts one long after the book ends.”

  —The Times

  SHIVER

  A young woman, Fin, fulfills her ambition to visit Antarctica, the last great wilderness on earth. Here she integrates with the local community, learning to respect their customs and way of life. But she breaks the strictest taboo of all when she falls in love.

  “Gemmell writes brilliantly.”

  —Sunday Times

  “Her inimitable, urgent, and demanding style makes her books impossible to put down or forget.”

  —Madame Figaro

  Don’t miss the next book by your favorite author. Sign up now for AuthorTracker by visiting www.AuthorTracker.com.

  Other Books by Nikki Gemmell

  Shiver

  Cleave

  Lovesong

  The Bride Stripped Bare

  Pleasure: An Almanac of the Heart

  The Book of Rapture

  Why You Are Australian

  Credits

  Cover design by Amanda Kain

  Cover photograph © plainpicture/PhotoAlto

  Copyright

  First published in 2011 in the United Kingdom by Fourth Estate, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.

  P.S.™ is a trademark of HarperCollins Publishers.

  WITH MY BODY. Copyright © 2012 by Nikki Gemmell. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  ‘The Son’ by Pablo Neruda, translated by Donald D. Walsh, from The Captain’s Verses, copyright © Pablo Neruda and Donald D. Wash 1972. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Group.

  FIRST HARPER PERENNIAL EDITION PUBLISHED 2012.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

  ISBN 978-0-06-212263-6

  EPub Edition © MAY 2012 ISBN: 978-0-06-212264-3

  12 13 14 15 16 OV/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Prologue

  I

  Lesson 1

  Lesson 2

  Lesson 3

  Lesson 4

  Lesson 5

  Lesson 6

  Lesson 7

  Lesson 8

  Lesson 9

  Lesson 10

  Lesson 11

  Lesson 12

  Lesson 13

  Lesson 14

  Lesson 15

  Lesson 16

  Lesson 17

  Lesson 18

  II

  Lesson 19

  Lesson 20

  Lesson 21

  Lesson 22

  Lesson 23

  Lesson 24

  Lesson 25

  Lesson 26

  Lesson 27

  Lesson 28

  Lesson 29

  Lesson 30

  Lesson 31

  Lesson 32

  Lesson 33

  Lesson 34

  III

  Lesson 35

  Lesson 36

  Lesson 37

  Lesson 38

  Lesson 39

  Lesson 40

  Lesson 41

  Lesson 42

  Lesson 43

  Lesson 44

  Lesson 45

  IV

  Lesson 46

  Lesson 47

  Lesson 48

  Lesson 49

  Lesson 50

  Lesson 51

  Lesson 52

  Lesson 53

  Lesson 54

  Lesson 55

  Lesson 56

  Lesson 57

  Lesson 58

  Lesson 59

  Lesson 60

  Lesson 61

  Lesson 62

  Lesson 63

  Lesson 64

  Lesson 65

  Lesson 66

  Lesson 67

  Lesson 68

  Lesson 69

  V

  Lesson 70

  Lesson 71

  Lesson 72

  Lesson 73

  Lesson 74

  Lesson 75

  Lesson 76

  Lesson 77

  Lesson 78

  Lesson 79

  Lesson 80

  Lesson 81

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  Lesson 84

  Lesson 85

  Lesson 86

  Lesson 87

  Lesson 88

  Lesson 89

  Lesson 90

  Lesson 91

  VI

  Lesson 92

  Lesson 93

  Lesson 94

  Lesson 95

  Lesson 96

  Lesson 97

  Lesson 98

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  Lesson 100

  Lesson 101

  Lesson 102

  Lesson 103

  Lesson 104

  Lesson 105

  Lesson 106

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  Lesson 108

  Lesson 109

  Lesson 110

  Lesson 111

  Lesson 112

  Lesson 113

  Lesson 114

  Lesson 115

  Lesson 116

  Lesson 117

  Lesson 118

  Lesson 119

  VII

  Lesson 120

  Lesson 121

  Lesson 122

  Lesson 123

  Lesson 124

  Lesson 125

  Lesson 126

  Lesson 127

  Lesson 128

  Lesson 129

  Lesson 130

  Lesson 131

  Lesson 132

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  Lesson 134

  Lesson 135

  Lesson 136

  Lesson 137

  Lesson 138

  Lesson 139

  Lesson 140

  Lesson 141

  Lesson 142

  Lesson 143

  Lesson 144

  Lesson 145

  Lesson 146

  Lesson 147

  Lesson 148

  Lesson 149

  Lesson 150

  Lesson 151

  VIII

  Lesson 152

  Lesson 153

  Lesson 154


  Lesson 155

  Lesson 156

  Lesson 157

  Lesson 158

  Lesson 159

  Lesson 160

  Lesson 161

  Lesson 162

  Lesson 163

  Lesson 164

  Lesson 165

  Lesson 166

  Lesson 167

  Lesson 168

  IX

  Lesson 169

  Lesson 170

  Lesson 171

  Lesson 172

  Lesson 173

  Lesson 174

  Lesson 175

  Lesson 176

  Lesson 177

  Lesson 178

  Lesson 179

  Lesson 180

  Lesson 181

  Lesson 182

  Lesson 183

  Lesson 184

  Lesson 185

  Lesson 186

  Lesson 187

  Lesson 188

  Lesson 189

  Lesson 190

  Lesson 191

  Lesson 192

  Lesson 193

  Lesson 194

  Lesson 195

  Lesson 196

  Lesson 197

  Lesson 198

  Lesson 199

  Lesson 200

  Lesson 201

  X

  Lesson 202

  Lesson 203

  Lesson 204

  Lesson 205

  Lesson 206

  Lesson 207

  Lesson 208

  Lesson 209

  Lesson 210

  Lesson 211

  Lesson 212

  Lesson 213

  Lesson 214

  Lesson 215

  Lesson 216

  Lesson 217

  Lesson 218

  Lesson 219

  Lesson 220

  Lesson 221

  Lesson 222

  Lesson 223

  Lesson 224

  Lesson 225–The Last

  P.S. Insights, Interviews & More…

  Other Books by Nikki Gemmell

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

 

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