Ryan took a sip of her beer and gave her partner a slow smile. "I guess I can understand that. And, no, it doesn’t hurt my feelings to have you say that. Like I said, I’ve never lied to you about my sexual history. I’ve never kissed a man."
"But you said …"
"Marcus wasn’t a man when I kissed him … or her."
"Huh?"
"Marcus was Marcia when we first met," Ryan said, smiling when Jamie’s eyes grew round. "She was kinda cute, and I liked her when I met her, but there was something funny about kissing her. It sounds funny now, but she gave off male vibes, and I couldn’t get into it."
"Male vibes?" Jamie asked, still trying to get her mind around this information.
"Yeah. She was more aggressive than I like a woman to be."
"You liked Ally," Jamie reminded her dryly, lifting one eyebrow.
"Ally wasn’t aggressive," Ryan said. "To me, there’s a difference between being aggressive and being dominant. Ally was definitely dominant, but in a very slow, gentle way. Ally makes you want to submit to her," she said thoughtfully, her mouth unconsciously easing into a smile. "Marcia was just plain aggressive. I didn’t like that at all."
"But you stayed friends with her?"
"Oh, yeah, I like him a lot. Now that he’s more comfortable with his sexuality, he seems much more laid back. I don’t want to test my theory," she said, chuckling, "but I bet he’s not as aggressive now that he’s had the surgery. I think he had some trouble coming to terms with who he was back then."
Jamie’s eyes grew even wider as she asked, "He had the surgery? He’s … a … real guy now?"
"As close as medicine can make him," Ryan said. "He’s still genetically a woman – still has the double X chromosome, but he had a double mastectomy a couple of years ago, and about 6 months ago he had the bottom half done."
Gritting her teeth, Jamie crossed her arms over her breasts. "Jesus, I can’t imagine choosing to have my favorite erogenous zone removed. That’s a man with convictions!"
"Having the mastectomy is one thing, but risking losing feeling down below is a hell of a lot bigger commitment in my book. Nobody’s messing with my girl thang."
Jamie chuckled; giving her partner’s girl parts a pinch. "I like ‘em as much as you do, baby."
"I rather doubt that," Ryan said, barking out a laugh.
With a thoughtful look, Jamie said, "Damn, I can’t get my mind off that surgery. I wonder what his … thing … looks like."
"His thing?" Ryan asked, chuckling. "For someone who’s been well acquainted with ‘things,’ it’s rather odd that you can’t even use the word."
"Penis," the blonde said, sticking out her tongue. "I can say penis. Happy?"
Tweaking her lover’s nose, Ryan said, "Delirious. I uhm … can arrange for a peek. Do ya really wanna see?"
"What?"
"He said he’d show me, but I said I didn’t have enough knowledge of the equipment to give him an opinion. You could help him out, though."
"Help him out?"
"Yeah, he’s kinda weirded out about showing it to a woman in a sexual setting. I think he wants to be reassured that it doesn’t look freaky."
"Why do all of your friends feel comfortable asking you to do the most intimate things with them?" Jamie asked, her pique showing.
Ryan slid her arms around her partner’s waist and looked down into her eyes. "Don’t you feel comfortable asking me to do intimate things with you?" she asked, her voice sexy and low.
"Yes, Ryan," Jamie said, unable to hide a smile.
"I guess I give off the right vibes," Ryan said. "But, don’t worry, cupcake, I refuse all intimate invitations, unless they’re issued by you."
"Let’s go back in," Jamie said, taking Ryan’s hand. "In only two hours, you’ve been asked to help someone have a baby, and check out a new penis. I can’t wait to see what’s next. Let’s hit the second floor and see what kinda trouble you can get into."
"Have I ever told you what a good sport you are?" Ryan asked.
"Yes, you have, but I don’t mind hearing it again."
After a tour of the second floor, and meeting more people than she could ever hope to remember, Jamie led her partner back upstairs. "I don’t want Mia and Jordan to sneak away before I see them," she said. "Mia threatened to get drunk, and I want to make sure Jordan didn’t join her."
"Jordan never gets drunk," Ryan said.
"No, but neither did Juliet before Mia got her hands on her," the blonde said, chuckling.
When they got back upstairs, Ryan briefly said hello to Ally and Sara, giving the brunette a quick kiss on the cheek; while presenting Ally with her lips. "Be right back," she said, before she even sat down. "I want to see how Mia’s doing."
Jamie sat down on the couch next to Sara, while Ryan went over to the corner. Crouching down next to the pair, Ryan said, "Jamie told me about how it went. I’m very sorry, buddy."
"It sucked," Mia said, nodding. "I was betrayed by my family tonight, Ryan. I never thought that would happen."
Reaching for her, Ryan sank to her knees and wrapped Mia in a firm hug. "We’re behind you. Whatever you need – whenever you need it. We won’t let you down. We’re your family, too."
Sniffling, Mia said, "I love you, Ryan."
"I love you, too. Now, I know how hurt you are, but don’t forget that things will change over time. Your parents will eventually come around. Look at how nice Jamie’s dad is to me now. If he could change that much, I’m sure your parents can, too."
"I know," she said quietly. "Someday we’ll all get along. But we’re a long way from that now."
Jordan unwrapped her long legs from around Mia and said, "I’m gonna go make a pit stop and then get a beer. Want one, Ryan?"
"Uhm … sure," she nodded. "I guess we’re walking home, so I can indulge."
As Jordan walked away, Ryan cuddled Mia to her side. "How ya you doing? I heard you were planning on getting hammered."
"Yeah, I’m half hammered. I was shaking so badly when I got here that I looked like I’d been in the freezer." She rested her head on Ryan’s shoulder and sighed deeply. Lifting her free hand, Ryan started to run her fingers through Mia’s curls, soothing her. "Mmm … that makes me sleepy. Can I take a nap while Jordy’s gone?"
"Of course. My shoulder’s always available, buddy." She continued to stroke Mia’s hair, quickly realizing that the brunette was breathing heavily already.
I think half-hammered might be an under exaggeration. Looking up, Ryan caught Jamie’s eye and gave her a wink. Sitting quietly, holding Mia in a loose embrace, Ryan allowed herself the rare pleasure of sitting back and watching her partner interact with people. She loved watching how open and genuine she was; how she brought a spark to every conversation, making both Sara and Ally laugh repeatedly.
Turning her attention to Ally, Ryan watched as Sara said something to her, the brunette stroking her thigh as she spoke. With her mouth twitching into a slow smile, Ally nodded, her eyes crinkling up as they did when she was particularly happy.
That’s what it is, Ryan thought, trying to figure out what was different about her friend. She’s happy. Being in a relationship is really working for her. She watched for another few moments, finally correcting herself. Being with Sara is really working for her. I’ve never seen her look so completely comfortable and relaxed.
Sara put an arm around Ally’s shoulders and tugged her down in front of her, kissing the back of her neck while the larger woman giggled like a child. Damn! After 6 years I wouldn’t have had the nerve to push her around like that! Watching carefully, she once again amended her thought. Ally wouldn’t have wanted me to push her around like that. That’s the difference. She’s let her guard down with Sara. Damn, I wonder why she never felt comfortable being that way with me? Ryan sat pondering her question for a few minutes, watching the two women play gently with each other. Suddenly, it dawned on her. She didn’t let you in because she didn’t feel the same way about you. You slept
with her for 6 years and you were no closer at the end than you were after the first few months. And here’s Sara, only knowing her since Thanksgiving – treating her like she’s her own personal doll – and Ally’s loving it. Something has clicked between these two that never clicked with you – it wasn’t right, Ryan, and you know it. You were sex partners – just sex partners.
She smiled at the animated blonde who had captured both her body and her soul. Thank God it didn’t work out, she thought, shaking her head. As much as I was attracted to Ally, and as much fun as we had in bed, we never had the kind of chemistry that Jamie and I have. There’s not a doubt in my mind that Jamie’s the perfect match for every part of me – not just my libido.
Just as she was considering this thought, Jordan returned, bearing a pair of beers. "Here ya go, Boomer," she said.
"Thanks. Here’s your girl back," Ryan said, kissing Mia’s head. "She’s been thoroughly cuddled, and she’s sound asleep. Now, don’t rile her up again." She untangled herself from Mia’s embrace and smiled when the curly-haired woman immediately cuddled up to Jordan in the same way. "You guys are gonna stay with us tonight, right?"
"Yeah, I think we will," Jordan said. "Especially if you’ll make us breakfast."
"It’s a deal," Ryan said. She started back to her partner, but was once again waylaid. One of the birthday girls stopped her and dragged her over to the opposite corner of the room to say hello to a few old friends. Ryan went along willingly, and spent a few minutes chatting with the women. The birthday girl, Shay, was feeling no pain, and she launched into a long, pointless story that Ryan was completely unable to follow.
As usual, when her attention wasn’t otherwise required, Ryan gazed at her partner, thoroughly enjoying the way she was interacting with Sara and Ally. How lucky am I? I can bring her to a party full of ex-lovers, former sex partners, a trans-sexual, a woman who wants me to be her Lamaze coach, and God knows what else – and she’s unflappable. She honestly looks like she’s enjoying herself, she marveled. What a perfect match she is.
And speaking of perfect matches, she thought wryly. Who would have guessed that Ally would be the one to bring the old Sara back? She watched her friend flirt and play with Ally, while seamlessly carrying on a civilized conversation with Jamie. She’s grown into such a woman, she thought fondly, so different from the girl I fell in love with. But, there’s a familiar lightness to her now – that was completely absent when we met again this fall. It’s like being with Ally lets her be the woman she’s become; while reclaiming some of her girlish playfulness. She seems like Ally’s equal. She shook her head again, as she was forced to admit, We were never really equals. She always looked to me for validation, for approval – I don’t see that with Ally. She seems to trust herself more now. Sparing another fond glance at her old friend, she thought, I truly hope it works out for both of them – they both deserve to be who they really are.
Looking at Jamie again, she considered, That’s what life is all about. Striving to be who you are – no matter how painful the journey sometimes is. I can be myself with Jamie – I don’t have to be someone for Sara to look up to, or for Ally to control and drive mad in bed. We don’t have roles – we’re just ourselves. In good times and bad – we’re just our struggling, questing selves. Damn, that feels good.
Okay, she said to herself, so, what are you doing standing all the way over here, listening to someone who barely knows you’re here. Giving a tiny wave to the more sober people, Ryan walked over to her partner, and asked, "Anyone need anything while I’m up?"
"I need something," Ally said, "let me go with you and see if any of the water I brought is still here."
"Oh, water tends to last," Ryan said, laughing. "It’s the beer that disappears. Jamie?"
"Sure."
"Be right back," the dark woman promised.
The pair made their way into the kitchen, and Ryan performed her bailing task again, since Ally couldn’t find any of her water in the first tub. The water was all gone, so Ally helped herself to a Pepsi. "I hate this stuff, but Sara likes it," she said, smiling at Ryan. "One of us might as well be happy."
"Speaking of happy," Ryan said, giving her friend a gentle punch in the shoulder, "you look positively blissful, bud."
Grinning shyly, Ally said, "I’m in love, Ryan, and it feels fantastic. Really fantastic."
"You look like you’re in love," Ryan said. She wrapped one arm around Ally’s shoulders, and gave her a rough hug. "I assume Sara feels the same?"
"Uhm … well … to be honest, I haven’t told her yet. But, I think she does. She acts like she loves me," she admitted.
"That’s the important part," Ryan said. "Words are easy – it’s the actions that count."
"Things have gone a lot quicker than either of us had planned, but it feels right, Ryan. It’s all falling into place."
"I’m very, very happy for you both," Ryan said. "I mean that, Ally."
Looking down at the floor and shifting her weight, the larger woman said, "I was a little concerned when you seemed to be avoiding us earlier. Are you sure you’re okay with this?"
"You know," Ryan said, climbing up onto a bare space she created on the counter, "I’ve been having some trouble getting used to it. But seeing you both tonight has helped me turn the corner. You seem right for each other, Ally. You both seem happier than I’ve seen either of you. Since I love you both and want you to be happy, I think it’s time for me to let go. I honestly think I can do that now."
Standing between Ryan’s spread legs, Ally tucked her arms around her waist and held her to her chest. "Don’t let go completely, sugar. I want to have you in my life for a good, long time."
"I do, too," Ryan murmured into Ally’s shirt. "I was sitting over there with Mia, looking at the 3 of you, and you looked like you were having such a good time. I want to start doing things together." Pulling back, she asked, "Would you like that?"
"Yeah, we both would," Ally said. "We wanted to go out dancing the other night, and we both thought it would be fun to ask you and Jamie. But we weren’t sure you’d be up for it …"
"I am," Ryan said, "and Jamie likes you both. I’d really like to get together more often."
"I think we need to hang out with some other committed couples," Ally said. "Sara doesn’t know any lesbian couples, and most of my friends are terminally single, so you and Jamie are our role models."
Ryan laughed softly, saying, "Those are some big shoes to fill, pal."
"You’ve got big feet," Ally teased. "And I should know. I’ve nibbled on those tasty toes many times."
"Yes, you have," Ryan said, chuckling. "And you were darned good at it."
Ally looked at her for a long minute, stroking Ryan’s cheek with the tips of her fingers. "That’s not enough, is it?"
"No," Ryan said softly. "It’s not nearly enough. I used to think it was."
"So did I," Ally said, giving Ryan a wistful nod. "You know, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I think it would have been different between you and me if we’d been friends before we became lovers. I got into the same old patterns with you that I always fell into, and I never had the nerve to try to change them. Going slow with Sara has made a very big difference."
"I don’t think either of us was mature enough to go slow back then, Ally. I know I wasn’t."
"Yeah," she said, smiling. "I was newly sober, and the last thing I could have done is been truly vulnerable. I’m finally ready to let someone know me deep inside. And boy, that makes all the difference."
"It does. So, why don’t we get back to those women we love," Ryan said, smiling warmly at her friend.
"A fine idea." Wrapping an arm around Ryan’s neck, Ally gave her a hug. "Who would have thought that the two of us would both fall in love within a year?"
"Not me," Ryan said, laughing softly. "But I’m sure glad we did."
"Hey," Ryan said, sinking to the floor beside her partner.
"My beer had better not
be warm," Jamie said, taking the frosty brew from Ryan. "Are you avoiding me, sweet cheeks? Every time you leave, you’re gone for a half hour."
"Never," Ryan said, giving her a kiss. "As a matter of fact, I plan on being within an inch or two of you for the rest of the evening."
Seeing the slightly hazy look in the pale, blue eyes, Jamie kissed her partner gently and asked, "Are you a little tipsy?"
Holding her thumb and index finger an inch apart, Ryan nodded, giving Jamie a slightly goofy grin. "It’s hot in here," she said. "I have to keep drinking to stay cool."
"Shoulda worn your shorts," the blonde teased. "You’re way overdressed."
"I thought jeans and a knit shirt was about right for a 45 degree night," Ryan said, shaking her head. "I should put all of my long pants away until spring."
"You," Jamie said, tapping her partner’s nose, "are a goofball."
"Yeah, but I’m your goofball, and you’re stuck with me." Ryan tucked her arms around her lover and pulled her close. Several slow, sexy kisses later, Ryan let a sweet, languid smile settle on her lips.
"I think you’re more than a little tipsy. How many beers have you had, baby? I can’t even smell pizza on your breath. You’re all hops and malt and barley."
With her mouth forming a little pout, Ryan asked, "Bad?"
"No, not at all. I just need to drink a little more to keep up."
Nuzzling her nose into her partner’s neck, Ryan murmured, "You’re such a good egg."
Jamie took a little nibble on a nearby earlobe. "Do you know that you lapse into your Irish accent when you’re a little drunk?"
"I don’t!" Ryan declared, sounding like a lass straight out of County Mayo.
"Oh, but you do," Jamie said, her own accent sounding much more English than Irish.
With a slightly lopsided grin, Ryan asked, "Do ya like it, then?"
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