In the car they sat in silence; Kitty bitterly regretting what had happened, and Jack regretting only that she didn’t feel the way he did.
“I’m sorry,” he apologised.
“I had no right to come into your room.” He was devastated, believing that one mistake could take her from him forever.
Kitty remained silent, cursing herself, cursing him, wishing it hadn’t happened but accepting it had. Wishing there was a way to turn back the clock, but knowing of old that there was no way she could do that.
The traffic was heavier than usual. The journey seemed to drag on forever. She glanced sideways at Jack’s face, a miserable, unhappy face. She had not spoken a word to him in two hours and knew how he must be suffering. Serves you right, she thought. She was angry, with him and herself, then she felt guilty. When she closed her eyes she saw Harry’s face.
What now? she asked herself. What now?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Kitty stood by the kitchen window, arms folded, brown eyes turned to the star-filled sky.
“I don’t know what to do about Jack,” she murmured.
“He just won’t give up.” , Mildred was seated at the kitchen table, her hands clasping a mug of cocoa and her eyes resting on Kitty’s troubled face.
“Come and sit here,” she said.
“I’ve made you a mug of cocoa…drink it while it’s still hot.” Like Kitty, she had been unable to sleep.
Coming to the table. Kitty took up her mug, then put it down again.
Leaning forward she ran her hands through her tousled dark hair, dropped her head and closed her eyes.
“He’s driving me crazy,” she groaned.
“I can’t sleep, and I can’t work. It’s been worse since his father went to America…everywhere I turn, Jack’s watching me.”
He was there when she answered the phone, smiling at her from the doorway; he was there when she looked up from the filing cabinet; he was there the minute she arrived and when she left.
“I’ve been seriously thinking about looking for another job.” Raising her head, she looked at Mildred.
“I don’t want to,” she admitted.
“But what choice have I got?”
“You know what Jack’s problem is, don’t you?”
Kitty was amused to see Mildred actually smiling. TheI’ she declared, now smiling herself “I’m Jack’s problem, that’s what you’re going to say, isn’t it?”
“I don’t have to now. You’ve said it yourself. Of course you’re his problem! If you think he’s driving you crazy, what do you think you’re doing to him’i He sees you every day, yet you might as well be at the other end of the world. You won’t talk things through with him. You won’t let him take you out, and you return all the little gifts he sends. The poor sod’s head over heels in love with you, and you still can’t make up your mind what to do about him;
Kitty laughed, and the tension was broken.
“You’re wrong,” she chuckled.
“I do know what to do about him.” Clenching both fists she shook them in the air.
“I’m going to strangle him!” she said through clenched teeth.
“If I look up once more to see him gawping at me, I swear to God I’ll do away with him!”
“I thought you liked him?”
“That’s just it. I do have a soft spot for Jack,” she admitted.
“If only he’d give me time to get my thoughts together.” But secretly she knew all the time in the world wouldn’t make any difference. Her heart belonged to Harry.
“You don’t love him, that’s the root of the problem?”
“You could say that.” Kitty’s brown eyes softened.
“I do like Jack,” she confessed thoughtfully.
“And I know he would take care of me like I’ve never been taken care of before.”
“But you’re afraid?”
“No. Not afraid exactly.”
“What then?” Mildred saw shyness creep into Kitty’s face and started to wonder.
“You haven’t been keeping secrets from me, have you?”
Kitty was startled.
“Like what?” Harry was her secret and would stay that way until she was sure he still wanted her. The time was soon.
Very soon. Until then she thought it best not to talk about her hopes.
Mildred sensed something about Kitty’s mood.
“Oh, nothing,” she muttered.
“I just wondered if there might be another man, that was all.” Saving Kitty the trouble of answering, she went on in a quieter voice, “That night when you and Jack…you know?”
“When he came to my room at the hotel?”
“Well, yes.” Mildred looked a little uncomfortable.
“You don’t regret confiding in me, do you, Kitty?”
Kitty’s face melted into a warm encouraging smile.
“Who else should I confide in?” she asked gently.
“Did he…force himself on you?”
Kitty shook her head.
“It wasn’t like that,” she answered truthfully.
Mildred took a sip of her cocoa.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“I’m sure you would have told me if he had.” She didn’t ask any more questions.
Instead she finished her cocoa, took her cup to the sink and rinsed it, then she made for her bed with the parting remark, “All the same, it’s a pity you can’t bring yourself to love him. You could do worse than marry a man like Jack Harper.” Lately she had come to realise she was leaning on Kitty too much.
Kitty remained downstairs until the dawn crept over the rooftops. She was too restless to sleep, and too tired not to. She thought about Jack, and Mildred’s remark, and murmured to the sky, “She’s right. Jack would make a wonderful husband. He’s kind and generous, and when he loves, he’s really dedicated.” But she couldn’t convince herself.
“He’s not for me. I could never give him the affection he deserves.” Suddenly she felt adrift, cut loose from everything that mattered. The loneliness was overwhelming. But then she thought of Harry. Somewhere out there, he might be thinking of her. It was a warming thought.
A moment later she turned out the light, closed the kitchen door and went to bed.
The following day was Saturday. Feeling as if she’d spent a night on the tiles, Kitty got out of bed. After a few minutes yawning and stretching, and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she threw open the curtains. At first she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The trees, the lawn and even the tiny round knobs on the gate posts were covered in a thick carpet of white.
“It’s been snowing!” There was a childish excitement in her face as she pressed her nose to the cold windowpane, her shining eyes big with wonder as they viewed the world outside. Fluffy flakes splashed on to the glass, sliding down to make starry patterns in front of her nose.
“Oh, I hope it snows till Christmas,” she said wistfully. The year had gone so quickly. Her childhood had long gone; now her youth had gone.
She refused to let thoughts of the past mar her joy.
“MILDRED!”
Her voice rang out, frightening a robin who was hopping through the snow, “Mildred…it’s snowing!”
Running along the corridor, she called to her aunt: “Get up! Look out of the window…it’s snowing!”
Thinking the house must be on fire, Mildred sprang out of bed and flung open her bedroom door.
“Whatever’s going on?” she cried, bleary-eyed and looking like the wrong end of a mop.
Laughing, Kitty swung her round.
“It’ll snow till Christmas,” she promised.
“You’ll see! It’ll snow till Christmas!” Propelling Mildred through the bedroom she snatched open the curtains.
“See that? The skies are full of it.”
Mildred was happy when Kitty was happy, but in truth she hated the snow. She loathed the cold weather, and couldn’t wait for the summer.
“You
’ll be asking me to make snowmen with you next!” she exclaimed with horror.
Kitty laughed and swung her round again.
Shivering at the very sight of the snow, Mildred drew away.
“I’m off back to my bed,” she declared.
“You can go out and freeze your hands off if you like, but I’m not setting foot out of this house until Monday morning. By that time the snow will have gone, I hope.”
Disgruntled, she got into bed and threw the duvet over her head.
“Shut the door on your way out,” she called in a muffled voice.
“If you’re that tired, you won’t want me to fetch you a cup of tea?”
Kitty teased. Before Mildred could answer she ran out and pulled the door to, holding on tight so it couldn’t be opened from the other side.
It was only a few seconds before Mildred was tugging at the other side.
“You bugger!” she yelled.
“Let go of this door!”
“Why? I thought you were so tired you wanted to spend the ddy in bed?”
Kitty knew how her aunt coveted her morning cup pa Neither hell nor high water, not even a heavy snowfall, would keep her from it.
There was a short silence. Then, “All right…put the kettle on. I’ll be down in a minute.”
Kitty went about her duties singing. After a few minutes seated at the breakfast table with Mildred, who carped and moaned that at her age she needed a good night’s sleep, Kitty washed the breakfast cups, ran a Hoover round the house, and polished every surface in sight, singing all the while and thrilled at the prospect of seeing Georgie.
“She’s back before the board on Monday,” she reminded Mildred.
“I hope they release her this time.”
Mildred had lost patience with Georgie.
“She would have been released long ago, if only she’d learned how to curb her temper.” She sighed.
“Who am I to talk anyway?” she asked.
“I’ve done exactly the same with that greedy ex-husband of mine. Now he’s after my blood.” Reaching behind her, she plucked a brown envelope from the dresser. With a shrug she threw it across the table.
“It came yesterday.”
Concerned, Kitty opened it and drew out the letter. As she read her expression changed from curiosity to anger, then to anxiety.
“It says here you have to sell the house and contents.” She was so shocked she fell into a chair.
“He can’t really make you sell this house, can he?”
Pointing to the letter, Mildred explained, “As you see, that letter is from his solicitor. They don’t usually issue those instructions unless they’ve done their homework.”
“But it’s your house!” Kitty was certain her aunt had the right to refuse.
“It was left to you by your parents. It was he who cleared off. It was he who set up homa with another woman. And even then you haven’t shirked your responsibilities because, since you started work, you’ve done your bit to support the children. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“It seems not. He says it’s not enough. He wants his share of everything…including this house.” Mildred sighed wearily.
“I’m tired of fighting,” she said. Clenching her fists together, she banged them on the table.
“Damn the man! I’m beginning to think it might be better if I do sell the bloody house, just to get him off my back once and for all.”
Kitty was appalled.
“Is that what you want?”
“’Course it isn’t! As you said, this house was left me by my parents. It’s where I was born. It’s where I grew up…where I got married from.” She grinned. “That was a mistake if ever there was one.”
Coming round the table, Kitty bent down to hug her.
“Don’t let them take it from you,” she urged gently. “There has to be another way. Perhaps you could get a mortgage to give him his share?”
“I’ve thought of that, but I’m not too keen. It would be a millstone round my neck.” Touching her hand against Kitty’s she apologised.
“It’s not your problem. I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Oh?” Kitty was disappointed.
“I thought we’d agreed to look after each other?”
Mildred gave her a look of love.
“You’re a blessing to me,” she said.
“Now get off and see that wayward friend of yours. Tell her what I said. If she’d learned how to curb her temper, she’d have been out of there long ago.”
A few minutes later, Kitty was hurrying down the path, kicking the snow beneath her feet and thinking what a wrench it would be for her aunt to part with this lovely old house.
Watching from the window, Mildred was thinking the same. When Kitty turned to wave, she waved back.
“I wish I had your strength,” she said under her breath.
Surprisingly, the bus was on time. In fact, if Kitty had been just one minute late she might have missed it.
“I thought the weather would hold you up,” she told the conductor as she clambered onto the platform.
“Did you now?” He was only two months away from retirement. Completely bald beneath his cap, he had a long narrow face with thin arched eyebrows and lips you could slice a loaf with. His hands trembled as he rolled out the ticket, and when he smiled, as he did now, his false teeth played a merry tune against his gums.
“Off to the borstal again?” Taking off his cap he scratched his pink head.
“I should have thought she’d been out of it by now.”
Kitty crossed her fingers and winked.
“Next week…if all goes well,” she whispered. She had confided in this old man some time back, on an empty bus when returning from a visit to Georgie. It was the first time her friend had had hopes of being released, and the first time she had had her hopes dashed. Kitty had been softly crying when the conductor sat beside her, and she’d told him everything. Since then he had taken a keen interest in what he believed was a strange relationship between his ‘respectable passenger, and a convict who couldn’t stay out of trouble, even in jail.
After paying her fare and thanking him for his concern, Kitty made her way down the aisle. Other passengers marked her out of the corner of their eyes; they had overheard the remarks made by the conductor and were curious. More than that, they were drawn by Kitty’s dark beauty.
In her long boots, calf-length coat and black beret, she made a striking figure. Her smiling brown eyes shone from her face and her long dark hair made a striking contrast with the cream-coloured collar of her overcoat.
When she sat down, taking off her beret to shake the snow from it, she smiled at one young woman, who made a sour face and quickly looked away. Must have got out of bed the wrong side this morning, Kitty thought, pulling the beret back over her thick wild hair. After that she concentrated on the journey ahead. If she was to be let out on Monday, Georgie would need all kinds of help. To that end, Kitty had been to a local letting office, where she’d acquired a list of rented properties for Georgie to glance through.
Taking the list from her bag, Kitty perused it for most of the journey. There was one place in particular she hoped Georgie might like. It was a one-bedroom, ground-floor flat, in a street not too far from Mildred’s house.
“You’ll like this one,” Kitty whispered hopefully. Marking the place with a pencil, she noted; “The rent’s reasonable too.”
Georgie was all smiles when Kitty showed her the list, “You’re a good mate,” she said.
“But I don’t want to tempt Fate by looking at it. Put it back in your bag. If they let me out on Monday, the two of us can go and inspect the place. If it’s good enough for a lady like me self then I’ll be glad to take it.” Her face broke into a grin.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she said.
“Give us a fag, and I’ll tell you me life story.”
“I don’t know if I could stand it,” laughed Kitty, “but I’ll give you a f
ag anyway.” Taking out a packet of Players, she deliberately held them at arm’s length.
“Have you stayed out of trouble since I saw you?”
“I haven’t punched anybody’s face if that’s what you mean.” Stretching her arm out as far as she could, Georgie still couldn’t reach the cigarettes.
“Aw, come on, gal! Have a heart!” she pleaded.
Kitty narrowed her eyes.
“Will you keep out of trouble until Monday?”
“I’ll try me best.”
Unimpressed, Kitty returned the cigarettes to her bag, “Not good enough,” she declared.
Georgie was frantic.
“All right! All right! I ain’t been in no trouble, and I ain’t got no intention of spoiling me chances before Monday. Cor, bleedin’ hell, gal!” she cried indignantly.
“Anybody would think I were all us fighting!”
Kitty’s eyes opened wide as she said with disbelief, “Now why would anybody think that?”
Groaning, Georgie dropped her head to the table and folded her arms over it. From the depths of her soul came a pitiful wail, “Give us a fag, for pity’s sake!” When Kitty put the packet into her hand, she looked up, an elfin grin spreading from ear to ear.
“You’re a good ‘un,” she said.
“What are you? A bloody good ‘un!” Taking a cigarette out of the packet, she put it between her lips and waited for Kitty to hand over a box of matches. She lit the cigarette and slid the packet into her pocket. Making smoke-rings, she settled back in her chair and eyed Kitty with some apprehension.
“Are you all right, gal?” she asked.
“Never better.” Kitty didn’t reveal she had been sleeping badly.
“You’re a bleedin’ liar, Kitty Marsh.”
Kitty’s smile broadened.
“Is that any way to treat someone who’s come out in the snow and travelled on a crowded bus to bring you a packet of fags?”
Georgie laughed.
“You bugger! You won’t put me off like that.” Pulling her chair closer to the table, she said in a softer voice, “You ain’t fooling me, gal. I know sum mat up.” Suspicion dawned.
“It’s that bleedin’ aunt of yours, ain’t it?” Clicking her fingers she exclaimed, “I knew it! What’s she been up to now, eh? Stolen the fillings out of your teeth, has she?”
Living a Lie Page 21
