by Vi Carter
I spread my legs and close my eyes. My body reacts to his touch. My core starts to tighten and tremble instantly. I hate it. I hate myself for wanting him, for wanting more. Fingers dip inside me. My shoulders tighten when he removes his fingers, I know they are slick with my excitement. My throat burns with disgust as my body burns with a want I can’t explain. His hand touches my lips.
“Taste yourself.” He whispers.
I don’t. I’m frozen. His hand leaves my lips and the sound of him sucking his fingers has my eyes widening. I can make out his outline now as my eyes adjust to the darkness. His large frame scares me. He’s moving, removing his clothes. A part of me is screaming to run for the door, to get out while I can. He returns to me taking my throat in his hands. His large erection brushes against me and jerks as he tightens his hold on my neck. My hands go to his arms and he eases his hold but doesn’t release me as he pushes me back towards the bed, and makes me sit. I’m released from his hold. A startled yelp releases from my throat as his lips connect with my thigh. I try to close my legs but his large hand pushes them open, his other hand presses on my stomach, pushing me back until I’m lying flat with my feet dangling over the bed. I tell myself to pretend that I want this. To pretend that this is okay. His tongue flicks out and my eyes snap open at the sensation. I was a virgin in every sense. His tongue moves deeper and my hands move to his shoulders wanting more and he gives me more, his tongue flicks and jerks before he stops. His hands grip my thighs as he moves up my body, and I think to myself that this is it. I’m going to lose my virginity like this, but he keeps moving until he’s sitting on my chest before he bends over me, his cock touches my lips and I don’t move.
“Take it,” he commands.
Closing my eyes, I open my mouth and allow him entry. He dips it in and out. Pushing it further down my throat until I start to gag. I try to push him away but I can’t. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes as he pushes himself into my mouth again before removing it. He’s off me quickly and I’m trying to catch my breath when he pulls my legs wide and places himself at my opening. The warning is on my lips to tell him I’m a virgin but he pushes himself in. Pain sears my body and I shout out, he groans and pulls out. I want to tell him to stop, but it’s like my body is no longer my own. He pushes in again and I look away as I grip my bedsheets. He isn’t holding back, his pace quickening and I just want this to end. Hands wrap around my throat and I’m facing him with open eyes as he moves even quicker. The pain mixes with something more that I don’t want to identify. The air becomes thinner, and then his movements become frantic, he groans loud and his hold on my throat tightens until I think I’m going to come before giving three more thrusts inside me.
***
After he leaves, the lights come back on and with it a flood of emotions. There is blood on the white bed sheets. Frantically and through a cloud of tears, I pull it off and walk slowly to the bathroom. My body isn’t allowing for any quick movements. A sob pulls from me as I clean the blood from between my legs. The mirror I glance up at has a girl looking back at me, mocking me for being so disgusting. I had wanted him; I didn’t try to stop it. It’s my fault.
Turning on the bath, I step down and hold the sheet under the water and start to scrub, but my blood isn’t disappearing. The splash of the heavy sheet onto the tub isn’t enough to disguise the noise of someone entering my room. I don’t think but jump out of the bath and wrap a towel around myself as Linda steps into the bathroom. I watch as her eyes take everything in from the bedsheet to my shaking hands. My face burns with humiliation.
“I can see you aren’t up to dancing.” Her voice doesn’t hold any emotion and it allows me to gather myself and step out of the bathroom and away from the bloodstained sheets. My control slips as I stare at the tossed bed. Tears make a pathway down my face.
“The only way to free yourself is to take control.”
I turn to Linda and swallow some of the emotion.
“If you don’t take control, he will keep taking until there is nothing left.” Her words hold some form of emotion, hurt, regret, and understanding maybe.
“I want to leave this place,” I say wiping my nose.
Linda tilts her head sideways. “That’s not going to happen. I’ll leave you for tonight and you can come to the club tomorrow.”
Fear has me stepping to her. “Don’t leave me.” I feel so weak saying it and I don’t blink as I wait for her to answer me.
“He won’t come back tonight.” She turns and leaves me and I blink, tears falling down my cheeks. She is right, he doesn’t come back, but sleep isn’t something that comes either. My mind is replaying the whole thing over and over again.
***
The next morning Linda arrives and I’m already dressed and waiting. She raises an eyebrow in surprise when she sees me but doesn’t say anything. After a sleepless night and hours to think about everything, I decided I didn’t want to be a victim, I would take control. The club didn’t scare me and seeing Candy and the girls is actually starting to become something I am looking forward to. I still feel fragile, but I won’t let him win. The next time he comes to me I will tell him no, I will fight him; I will take back my control.
“You can go straight out onto the floor.” Linda dismisses me and I don’t linger in the changing room. Something tugs at my chest when Candy smiles at me from across the room. Could I tell her? I wanted to. I wave back, but maybe she was as much a captive as I was. The club once again at this time of the day is empty. I count five men, all of them watching Wendy dance. I turn and watch her too.
“She has moves. But don’t ever tell her I said that.” Candy bumps shoulders with me in greeting and I focus on her smile and mirror it.
“Are you dancing today? Give her a bit of competition.”
Candy’s compliment has me blushing and I shrug. “I’m not sure. Linda just told me to go out on the floor.”
“You should use this time to practice.” Candy nudges me towards the empty pole I had danced around yesterday.
“You take this very seriously,” I say. She walks with me to the pole.
“It pays the bills and more.” She winks and departs as I climb the three steps up onto the stage. I don’t think about last night. I don’t think about anything, I just dance. I dance with my eyes closed and when I open them I notice I have gained the attention of two men. I slowly turn my back on them as I continue to dance. Wendy moves across the room, hips swaying dramatically. She doesn’t stop until she reaches the oak doors. I slow my dance as I watch her push the door open and she slips through. I stop dancing and slowly get off the stage ignoring the man who’s walking towards me. I’m looking for Wendy but can’t see her.
I find Candy and B out the back laughing. I wanted to ask about Wendy going into the back rooms but I didn’t want to with B present.
“Hi Cara.” Candy rotates in a circle on the makeup chair. “We are just talking about wardrobe malfunctions that have happened.”
B isn’t laughing anymore, she’s watching me full of suspicion and I stand awkwardly.
“Relax B. She’s cool.”
I appreciate Candy vouching for me, but I don’t feel comfortable with B either, not after her non-friendly welcome.
“B was dancing one night and she was pretty hot, myself and Wendy stopped to watch her.” Candy is grinning as she speaks.
“Not this again.” B’s trying to sound angry but as she faces the mirror, I can see the amusement in her eyes.
“Yes, this again. So...” Candy fully faces me. “She’s wearing these lycra hot pants, black, real tight. Too tight.” Candy laughs and B swings around in her own chair holding a hairbrush.
“Girl, they were really nice pants.” She brushes her blond hair out.
“Yeah, so tight they ripped.” Candy finishes while laughing. “She had nothing underneath. Everyone got more than they paid for.”
I smile. Candy’s laughter continues and there’s something warm about it. It’s
the type of laugh that makes you want to chime in.
“That fool really messed up my extensions.” B pulls a handful of loose strands from her head. “Did you hear the lies she was spouting?”
Candy nods while applying lip-gloss to her already shiny lips.
I feel silly standing here, but I didn’t want to go back out on the floor. This felt somewhat semi-normal.
“Yeah, she said Gerald hit her.” Candy pouts in the mirror.
My body perks up. Gerald. The doctor had used that name before. It wasn’t possible that he was here in this club.
“Gerald?” I quiz, hoping I don’t sound strangled.
“Yeah, the security man. Big guy,” Candy says.
B grins. “Hunky, mysterious. Sex on legs.” She laughs and Candy nods.
“Is he the guy at the red curtains?” My question has both of them sobering up.
Candy swings around so she is facing me. “No, that’s Damien. And keep away from the red curtains; it would break someone like you.” Pain is in her eyes and I want to tell her I was already back there and saw what happened, but I don’t. Instead, I nod.
“You wouldn’t miss Gerald. He lurks in the back of the room,” B says.
Now all I want to do is go out on the floor and see if he’s out there. I would finally get to see him. I felt sickened at my own excitement.
“We better get back out.” Candy touches my arm as she speaks. “You okay?” She asks and I force a smile.
“Yeah.”
I return to the floor and serve drinks this time, all the while searching the club for the elusive Gerald. I don’t see him. Two other security men linger around the room. One being Damien, the other is too small and slim to be Gerald, if that is really his name.
Linda arrives on the floor an hour later. She beckons me towards the main doors and I know it’s my time to go back to my room. I’m frozen for a moment, it’s a sad day when I want to stay at a dance club.
Linda doesn’t speak and neither do I. What is there to say. The only thing that is on my mind is to take control of this situation and that meant standing up and saying no to him. I hate the feeling I get when I step into my room and see clothes laid out on my bed. I stare at the leather attire as Linda closes the door behind me.
CHAPTER TWELVE
HIM
The slam of the library door has me sitting back in my chair. Linda’s heels click heavily as she approaches my desk.
“What are you doing with that girl?” Her hands rest on my desk as she leans in. Her eyes hold anger and pain. I understand why, but this isn’t the same thing.
“None of your concern.”
She pushes away from my desk while she brushes her hand across her forehead. “You’re grooming her,” her voice is low as she looks around the library.
“I said it’s none of your concern,” I repeat myself, raising my voice slightly in hopes of snapping her out of this.
“I get it with the dancers, and the back room, and the parties. I do Gerald.” She’s leaning back, and her eyes are pleading with me. “But this girl? I don’t understand,” her voice softens.
“I’m not asking you to understand.”
She’s standing up fully again and I don’t like her losing control like this. “You’re getting too close to her.”
Her laughter is bitter. “I don’t even speak to her. I just don’t like what I’m seeing.”
I clench my jaw. “You don’t have to deal with her anymore then.”
“No, but I have to deal with the questions from her father. Asking me about his daughter.”
“I’ll deal with him,” I tell Linda, just wanting her to leave. She is fragile-looking, and I am busy.
“How? The same way you dealt with Mickey.”
I stare at Linda and she folds her arms across her chest looking unsure now. She is stepping on thin ice with me.
“I don’t want that girl groomed,” her voice is small, ghosts heavy on her heels. I can see it in her eyes. She could chew her own pain. It is that heavy.
“She is being groomed for the back rooms,” I answer honestly, something in my stomach jerks.
“It would break her, she’s too fragile.”
“She’s stronger than you think. I think she would enjoy it.”
Linda looks at me from the corner of her eye as she half turns away trying to hide her own pain. “She doesn’t enjoy it, Gerald. I saw her yesterday. I saw the state she was in.”
“Take some time off, get yourself together and then come back.” I face my laptop to dismiss her. She’s a mess and had no idea what she is talking about. Cara’s body responded with eagerness, I remind myself. Linda is too caught up in her own past. This isn’t about Cara, it’s about her.
“No, I’m fine.”
I exhale loudly and look back up at her.
She straightens. “I am fine, Gerald. Wendy is making a racket about you putting your hands on her. I think it's best you fix it.” Slowly, very slowly, Linda is returning.
“Is she still drinking?”
“Yes.” Linda’s answer is instant. “Did you sort out Jake?”
I rub my forehead before looking back up at Linda. “I’ll sort it. Is that all?” I don’t think she can pile any more on top of me.
“I just have one more question about Cara.”
“Linda…”
“I promise it’s the last one.”
I sit back in the chair and join my hands together. “Fine, one question.” If this is what it takes to make her move on, so be it.
“How did you pick her?”
I grin. “How did you know I picked her?”
Her lip tugs up slightly but her eyes are dead. “You first.”
“She used to visit the castle. I spotted her one day on the camera and I just knew. She was innocent and teachable. I could see the potential.” She had been staring at the painting of my grandfather. She was smiling up at it and I could see it. She wanted more.
Linda drops her arms at her side.
“Now you, how did you know I picked her?”
“Her father had no debt with us. He was a drunk that you brought here one night and then he owed us a small fortune. I knew when you suggested his daughter as payment, that there was more to this.”
It was too easy, but I was sick of the same thing all the time. I wanted a challenge and Cara was perfect. Is perfect.
Linda’s shoulders fall forward.
“Are you satisfied now?” I can tell she isn’t and clench my jaw.
“Yes.” She nods before leaving the library. Linda is broken to the stage she is perfect. She shows barely any emotion and her moral compass doesn’t exist until now. I hate it. Money is power and power is everything. Nothing else should matter. Not our past, not other people.
I’d been stealing from my grandfather from a very young age. The value of money, I was very aware of it. It had its own power. People respected you if you had it. It gave you power, it gave you the right to hurt people, belittle people without consequences. People loved you because of it. They envied you because of it. I wanted money so badly that slowly I gathered it by stealing from right under my grandfather’s nose. He noticed. He counted every penny, but I was always careful not to get caught. He knew deep down it was me but he had no proof.
The old sheds out the back was where I hid it all. Three loose floorboards discovered while smoking one day became my saving grace. I’d hated my life and when I found the empty space under the shed, I decided I would fill it, I wasn’t sure with what but when I saw the power of money, I decided that’s what I would fill it with. Each note made me taller. Yet when the hole filled up, it wasn’t enough, I couldn’t stop the addiction. I grew clever at stealing things, it went from cash to items and then documents that grandfather kept. By the time he died, it was all in my name. It was all mine. All the money. All the power.
My ringing phone pulls me out of my thoughts. “Mr. Norris. We have a situation. Mrs. Conyngham wants a word.” She is beco
ming a nuisance.
“Can it wait?”
I can hear Marcus asking her if she can wait.
“No, this is very important,” Mary sounds agitated.
“I’m on my way,” I tell Marcus and hang up. This better be important.
Mary, another woman, and Jake are waiting for me. I can already see what has happened.
The brown-haired woman who I can assume is Ger, the owner of the jewelry, steps up to me with a demanding tone. “He is the thief who took my jewelry.”
“Okay Ger, let’s take this down a notch.” Mary touches Ger’s arm and it seems to calm her slightly. I glance at Jake who seems to not have a care in the world. That needed to change.
“Yes, I think if we all calm down. We can talk out back.” I don’t want anyone over-hearing our conversation.
“He’s a thief,” Ger’s voice rises.
I nod. “We will discuss it all in here.” I open the door to a side office that is rarely used. Three Queen Ann’s are scattered around the room. Mary instantly sits down. Jake stands close to the fireplace and when Ger steps into the room, she looks around her.
I close the door. “So what are you going to do about it?” Ger asks straight away.
I look to the accused. “Did you take this woman’s jewelry?”
“I just said it was him.” Ger steps closer to me, demanding my attention.
“No, I didn’t. She’s a mad bitch.”
Ger’s eyes widen and Mary’s rise into her hairline.
“How dare you?” Mary turns on Jake.
I open my hands wide to try to calm this situation down.
“I believe you,” I tell Ger and she bristles in satisfaction.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“You will be compensated and I’ll ring the Gardaí.”
“Compensated how?” Mary rises and the gleam in her eye has my lips tugging.
“However Ger wishes.”
Mary steps closer. “I have been affected by this too.”
Ger looks doubtfully at Mary.
