by Lee Piper
“Grace, don’t,” Levi ground out, his grip tightening on me even more. The man had boa constrictor hands that five seconds ago I truly craved but now freaked me the hell out.
Despite our intimate proximity, I was already beyond his reach and he knew it. My shutters had swiftly descended, while the rest of me futilely attempted to grapple with the fact that I’d moved so far beyond wrong, I barely recognized what was right anymore.
I tried pulling away.
“No, Grace—”
“Let go of me, Levi.”
A gust of wind escaped him as he dropped his arms, releasing me from his hold. Levi raked both hands exasperatedly through his hair. Hair, that only moments ago, I was unashamedly tugging, while eliciting groans from him that would undoubtedly haunt my sexually frustrated dreams for the rest of my days.
I quickly stood on obscenely wobbly legs and attempted to right myself. Without Levi’s hands around me, the sheer magnitude of what just happened between us hit me with full force. It felt as though I was deserted in an oasis of guilt and surrounded by a sea of shame. Somewhere, far off in the distance and flickering away like a warning beacon, was my burning need for him. I chose to ignore it.
Levi stared at me, still breathing heavily, his eyes bright and pleading.
But I turned and ran.
****
“You what?” Carli shrieked, six hours later.
We were seated on the terrace of a Mediterranean restaurant and bar overlooking the ocean. God almighty Himself was in the process of dazzling us with one of the most exquisite sunsets Western Australia had to offer. Only I was completely oblivious to it all. Instead, my eyes were trained on the fifth whiskey neat I held cradled in my hands. Normally, the alcohol would have dulled the burgeoning panic which had been bubbling up inside me since first running out on Levi, but this evening it did nothing except amplify how much I craved the damn guy. And it made me irritable.
“Jesus, woman, my ears,” I complained, my head still throbbing from the residual ringing.
“Please tell me I misheard you. Please tell me you didn’t kiss your student teacher.”
I stared down at my drink, my face perfectly matching the red cushion on the wicker seat.
“Oh my God, there’s more isn’t there?”
I took a deep drink, continuing to avoid her questions.
“Okay,” she said the word slowly, stressing the two syllables. “Was there groping? Moaning? Dry humping? Penetration?”
“No.”
“Phew.”
“To the last part.”
“Grace.”
I dropped my head into my hands and let out a groan. “That’s not even the worst of it, Carli,” I mumbled into the linen tablecloth.
“Come on then, let’s hear it.”
So I told her. Everything. From first meeting Levi on Friday night and feeling that instant spark, right through to taking the remainder of the day off on sick leave to get away from it. I even told her about Riley liking the damn guy. Saying those words out loud made me feel like I had anaphylaxis.
Anyway, I’d spent the afternoon down at my favorite secluded beach with my feet anchored in the sand and my hands over my eyes, willing that last broken look from Levi to disappear.
It didn’t.
“Oh, babe. I don’t know about you but I need another drink. Fuck the carbs.”
I nodded and Carli went back inside to order another round. As I sat and stared at the now empty glass in my hands, my mind cast back to when I first met Riley—the best friend I’d just betrayed.
“What’s your name?”
I looked up from the primary school sandpit, a bucket in one hand and a spade in the other. A lanky, tan-skinned girl with a blonde side ponytail stood before me. She wore a bright pink dress with purple butterflies on it and I noticed that she didn’t have dark smudges of dirt all over her legs like I did.
After blowing ragged black bangs out of my eyes, I stated flatly, “Grace.”
“My name’s Riley.” She stretched out a clean hand and I stared up at it, uncertain.
“Mummy always says it’s polite to shake hands when you first introduce yourself.”
“Oh, okay.” I put down the bucket and brushed some sand off my hand with my blue t-shirt before grasping her fingers.
Riley shook my hand vigorously before letting go. “What are you doing?” She pointed down at my spade which I still held clutched in my other hand.
“I’m going to build a castle. It’s going to have a moat, lookout towers, a secret underground chamber for the princess and everything.”
Her eyes widened in awe. “I’m really good at building sandcastles. Can I help too?”
“Sure. Do you want to fill up the bucket with sand or dig out the moat?”
“The moat.” She smiled at me, her freckles catching in the sunlight, “We’re going to make the bestest sandcastle ever.”
Carli returned a few minutes later with two fresh glasses. She handed me one and then slid into her seat. Her eyes were empathetic yet firm. “You know what you have to do, right?”
I nodded and looked down at my drink, wondering how many more I would need before plucking up the courage to tell my best friend what I’d done with her almost-boyfriend. Not to mention my growing feelings for the guy.
Two and a half dekaliters at the very least.
My phone’s notification screen lit up. After picking it up off the table and inspecting it, I frowned.
“Levi?”
“Riley. She’s staying at her parent’s place for the rest of the week. Her mum’s sick.”
“Is she all right?”
“Who? Riley?”
“No, her mum. It must be pretty serious if she’s staying up there for a while.”
I snorted. “That woman’s a complete hypochondriac. She probably sneezed once and now thinks she has pneumonia or something.”
Carli was quiet for a moment. “So what are you going to do?”
I shook my head, and at long last the room moved along with it. “Not tell her over the phone, that’s for damn sure.”
“So why not go to her mum’s place and tell her there?”
“Carli, I’ve been drinking. They live in Margaret River, so a taxi would cost a down payment on a house and…” My voice trailed away. “Her mum thinks I’m a negative influence on Riley. We don’t exactly get along. She’d slam the front door in my face before I even set foot inside.”
Carli swore under her breath. “Seriously, girl, it’s a miracle you’ve got any friends at all.”
I dropped my head into my arms again. Carli was absolutely right and if it was at all possible, I now felt even worse.
****
It became a daily ritual then, that on my way home from work I’d drop past the bottle shop and buy something strong enough to knock me out until I woke up the next day. By the end of the week, Hank, the manager and my new drunken savior, would have my favorite bottle ready and waiting next to the till by the time I even walked in the front door. He never asked me the reason behind my ritualistic alcohol-induced oblivion of a nighttime. Instead, he looked at me sadly and shook his head as he swiped through my credit card.
Good man.
However, my days spent at school with Levi were emotionally exhausting to say the least. He’d tried to broach the subject of what happened between us on Tuesday morning, but I swiftly changed the conversation to effective teaching methodologies for Year Nines, and he didn’t attempt to do bring it up again. To be honest, I didn’t know whether to be grateful or insulted at how easily he gave up on that topic.
Anyway, the remainder of the week was spent avoiding eye contact, confined spaces, empty rooms, and any subject other than work. It sucked. And it wasn’t even as though I felt the same numbness like when Dylan packed up and left. Which in comparison to this, would have been heaven on earth. Oh no, this was a gazillion times worse because I felt everything. I felt Levi’s eyes caressing my face while I was teach
ing and he thought I didn’t notice. I felt that powerful magnetic pull between us when we were sitting side by side and I was attempting to explain curriculum planning to him. Hell, I even felt an incomprehensible wave of despair wash over me when we parted ways in the school car park at the end of the day. So it was only at lunchtime when I hid in the freakin’ staff toilets that I could finally draw breath.
Thus the alcohol.
Which was why I was seriously pissed when on Friday afternoon Martha called and requested both Levi and I attend an impromptu meeting with Serena after the final bell sounded. Dragging out my days any longer than strictly necessary was like getting a Brazilian wax just before my period was due.
Fucking painful.
Serena looked up from behind her laptop as we entered. Her measured gaze took in my murderous glare and Levi’s somewhat pained expression.
“Take a seat.” It wasn’t a request. “I hear you’ve fit in extremely well, Levi.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I hadn’t spoken a word to anyone about his progress.
“Sophie has recommended your, shall we say, talents? Very highly.”
I turned, glaring up at Levi but he ignored me.
“Have the daily debriefs with her been beneficial?”
What?
“Yeah. They’ve been, ah, educational.”
I suddenly felt sick in the pit of my stomach. Levi had been meeting Sophie without my knowledge, every fucking day? How dare he? I stared down at my balled fists, imagining that in each of them was one of his testicles.
“Which is why,” Serena continued, “you have now been invited to attend the National Independent Schools Education Conference. Congratulations.”
“With Sophie?” The words slipped out of my mouth before I could force them back and an awkward silence permeated the office.
“Yes.”
“You’ve got to be fucking joking.”
Shit.
I really needed to get a handle on that whole head/mouth filter thing which was clearly in need of major repairs.
“Is there a problem, Grace? Your student teacher has made quite an impression on certain staff members at Geographe High School. In fact, Sophie even deems it appropriate for him to experience the largest and most comprehensive week-long networking event of the year. Surely, you’re not trying to begrudge him that opportunity?” Her green cat-like eyes drilled into my own, willing me to refute with her.
I sat on my balled fists so I wouldn’t punch her in the face. “No,” I ground out.
“I thought not. Which is why,” she paused, clearly enjoying pulling the strings of my fate like a fucking puppet master, “you will also be attending.”
I stared at her.
“Now, I expect you to report back to me on each session you attend. I want to see detailed notes which you will then share with the staff in your department once you return. Consider it a trial run for the role of English coordinator.”
Whoa.
I was pretty sure my eyes popped a good inch out of their sockets. More than anything else, I wanted to turn the English department around and make it a force to be reckoned with. Not only that, but I’d already been begging Sophie and Serena to let me attend the conference for the past three months. I mean, the best of the best were going to be there—teachers, academics and professors alike. It was an awesome opportunity but one I’d gladly forego if it meant watching Sophie get her claws into Levi.
“So, we’re all going? Like, all three of us?”
A ghost of a smile reached Serena’s lips. “Sadly, Sophie is currently dealing with … an illness.” I snorted. That was code for a herpes outbreak if ever I heard one. Serena narrowed her eyes in warning at me. “So, unfortunately she will be missing the conference this year.”
“When is it?”
Serena looked across at Levi. “Your flights are booked for Saturday morning. You arrive in the afternoon and will be staying until the following weekend.”
“As in tomorrow?” I shrieked.
“Yes, Grace, as in tomorrow.” My inability to process this information was clearly starting to irritate her. But I didn’t care. I was going to be traveling with Levi, alone, for eight days and seven thigh-clenchingly long nights.
Heaven help me.
“So, where are we off to?” Levi appeared to be handling this unexpected bombshell much better than I was. He even remembered to ask for relevant information.
“Melbourne.”
“Jesus Christ.” I flopped back onto the office chair with a loud groan.
****
I didn’t go straight to the bottle shop that evening. Instead, I found myself once again at the beach, with shoes off and feet buried in the sand as though it were the only thing keeping me grounded. As I looked out at the azure water, my raging thoughts slowed and my shoulders, which must have been positioned up around my hairline, gradually relaxed. I breathed deeply.
Since Dad passed away, it was either in a book, a bottle or here, staring off into eternity that I found any solace whatsoever. Don’t even get me started on my avoidance issues. Believe me, I was well aware. I shut my eyes and inhaled the cool, salty air. The sounds of the waves gently lapping against the shore, the gulls cawing above me and my decelerating heartbeat brought about that vague approximation of calm I was all but used to by now.
Upon opening my eyes again, I watched as the sky transformed. It changed first from yellow to orange, then to pink, red, and finally purple. At last it slipped behind the horizon, taking my emotional turmoil along with it. I didn’t even attempt to organize my thoughts or create an action plan of how I was going to manage the next week. Attempting to juggle both the want and need Levi excited within me, with the abstinence that must surely follow, was going to be a headfuck of epic proportions. So I decided not to add broken promises on top of that mountain of guilt I’d already been lugging around for the past week.
Instead, I sat in the growing darkness—my feet buried, my heart full and my head strangely quiet. It wasn’t until a couple strolled past, arms wrapped around each other as they murmured between themselves and then laughed openly at something one of them must have said, that I stood, brushed myself off and left.
When I rounded the corner of the internal staircase and stepped into the off-white hallway leading to my apartment, I stopped short. My newfound calm quickly dissolved as two blue eyes caused my traitorous heart to malfunction.
“What are you doing here?”
“Drink?” Levi held up a bottle of whiskey with already one-third of it gone. He must have been waiting for some time because he was spread out on the floor. One leg was straight in front of him, while the other was bent with a notebook flattened against it and he held a pen in his right hand. Levi’s hair looked as though those delectable fingers of his had raked through it a few times. Whether it was out of habit or frustration, I wasn’t sure.
I shrugged my shoulders and unlocked the door. We might as well get the awkward conversation over with. I mean, not talking about anything but work for the past week had been exhausting and getting it done with a bottle between us seemed as good a time as any.
Levi stood and followed me inside. For a man who’d already ingested a good portion of whiskey, he still looked as sober as a saint. He detoured straight to the lounge room, before dumping his belongings onto the coffee table and then collapsing on the couch.
When I returned from the kitchen, and even in my emotionally comatose state, my body gradually kicked back to life at the sight of him. I blamed the fact that he had changed his outfit. Levi looked sinfully sexy in dark jeans, a white t-shirt and black combat boots. The guy couldn’t appear any further removed from the local surfers if he tried. I truly pitied the seams of his top though. They were clearly struggling to hold the scraps of material together over his chiseled torso and wide shoulders. Poor things. They hadn’t a hope in hell.
I swallowed, then sat down next to him, busying my itching fingers by pouring very healthy
shots of the amber liquid into our two short glasses.
Levi raised an eyebrow at the generous portions but said nothing. I just threw my head back and downed the whole drink in one go.
“Thirsty?”
“You’ve no idea.”
He smiled and raised the glass to his lips, his eyes glinting at me as he took a mouthful.
I looked down and poured myself another. Once I’d downed that one too and was then onto my third, I nodded my head in the direction of his notebook. “You writing your last will and testament there, sport? Because after that shit you pulled on me with Sophie, you should be.”
He smiled across at me again and casually leaned back, his arm draping along the headrests of the couch. “Kitten, after that number you pulled on Monday, you sure as hell don’t get to play jealous girlfriend now.”
“After being with Sophie all week, don’t reckon I’d want you anyway.”
He chuckled and my petulant mood lightened instantly. With him everything was so easy and yet so hard.
So hard and yet so fucking easy.
I leaned back, my head resting just below Levi’s hand and took another sip. Slower this time. I even got to taste the whiskey before it hit the back of my throat.
Bliss.
We sat there, drinking and silent for a long time. It wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, even sitting at the beach earlier hadn’t made me feel this centered. Which was yet another terrifying realization to add to the list that was growing infinitely larger by the day. It was strange really, how one person could have me so wired that I couldn’t formulate a cohesive thought in my head, let alone verbalize it out loud. While on the other hand, that one person could also soothe me like nothing and no one else. Even whiskey didn’t stand a chance against Levi.
I was well and truly fucked.
“Lyrics.”
“Mmm?”
“I was writing song lyrics before you got back.”
I rolled my head to the side and gazed up at Levi. His face was in profile, his eyes were closed and if it weren’t for his fingers tapping out a beat on the sofa just behind my head, I could have sworn he was asleep.
