by Lee Piper
I watched spellbound as Levi walked out the bathroom. Just before he opened the hotel room door, he called over his shoulder, “And the thing between Katrina and I? It really is over, Grace.” He left without a backward glance and the door shut softly behind him.
By the time Levi returned, I had cleaned up the mess in the bathroom, changed into yoga pants and a tank top, and was sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed. My hands covered my face and I clamped my eyes shut as tightly as they would go. But I could still see them. The images of children having their innocence torn away, Levi included, continuously circled my brain. The story he had told was heartbreaking, there was no other word to describe it. And the fact that I had accused him of holding it back, as though it were a test of his depth of feeling, made me feel sick. I truly regretted how I’d acted. I felt so ashamed.
So I decided to repay him for his honesty. It was important he knew how much I valued the trust he’d given me. What happened between us after that? I wouldn’t even contemplate. Couldn’t. But I was going to try to show him that I could be a better person if he would just give me the chance to prove it. I owed him that much at least.
My head shot up from the unexpected dip in the mattress as Levi climbed onto the bed. I hadn’t heard him return, so quickly brushed my tears away, suddenly embarrassed. He sat facing me, in torn jeans and a dark t-shirt, his expression searching. But I looked down and started picking at the threads of the coverlet, too frightened that his eyes would turn cold because of my actions from earlier.
“Dad and I were always close,” I began.
Levi said nothing. He didn’t ask me to leave the room in disgust either, so that was a good sign.
I continued, “Three times a week, after he finished work and my shift at the café ended, we’d have what he used to call ‘Daddy and Daughter Time’.” I snorted. “It was a shit name, he was so unoriginal when it came to stuff like that. But I looked forward to spending time with him more than anything else in my entire week. Even more so than Dylan, which should have sounded an alarm bell right from the start.”
I traced the patterned outlines on the fabric with my index finger. “Anyway, Dad and I would meet down at our favorite beach. He’d always buy me a caramel ice cream first, like I was five or something, and I’d let him. For some reason it always tasted sweeter when he did. We’d just sit in the sand and talk literature or he’d tell me about his day and I’d talk about whatever crap happened in mine. Sometimes we wouldn’t even say anything, we’d just stare at the water and the sun as it set in front of us. Reckon those were the times I loved best.”
I swallowed. “I was living with my sister then. Her and Dad weren’t as close, not that they argued or anything because they didn’t. They just didn’t seem to connect in the same way Dad and I did. Anyway, my sis and I moved into the apartment together when I was eighteen and we always got along really well. Though she’s older than me by seven years. At the time, she was math coordinator at a school nearby and encouraged me to study education when I finished my senior year. I guess she knew I loved learning and thought I’d be good at teaching kids how to enjoy it too.”
I paused for a minute, collecting my thoughts before continuing. “I’d met Dylan the year before, when I served him at the café and he complained about his food order. He was always a dick like that. I’d never had anyone show an interest in me before that and apparently being a jerkoff was his way of saying he liked me, so…” I sighed. “Our relationship was okay, I guess. It wasn’t exactly fireworks and fucking rainbows or anything but we traveled along all right. I thought I was in love and he told me he loved me all the time, if not in person then by voicemail or text. Weird really, because he said all that stuff but when we were together it was,” I shrugged one shoulder, “I dunno, boring I guess. He never looked at me like I was anything special. I mean, it wasn’t as though he’d ever pinned me against a wall and talked dirty to me, or got so caught up in the moment that he wanted to fuck me where we stood. Not like—” I stopped, flushing.
Shaking my head, I continued, “That summer Dad died of a heart attack.” I rubbed tense fingers across my eyes, wanting to keep my shit together despite the painful memory. “I was a mess. Dylan would come over and try to comfort me,” I shook my head again, “but shoving a reheated frozen dinner in my face and calling me ungrateful for not eating it didn’t exactly help. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own bubble of despair, I would have seen the signs. Hell, I might have even done something about it, who knows? They were so freakin’ obvious. At first, my sister and Dylan both decided that giving me space was the best thing, so they’d head out whenever he dropped by. Then there were the covert glances when we were all pretending to watch a movie. I even overheard a whispered conversation in the hallway one time. They must have thought I was fucking deaf or something. And then the text messages started. If one of them was out while the other was with me, they were forever on their phone. They’d both wear the same secret smile that if I’d been in a better frame of mind I would have picked up on straight away. But I didn’t. I didn’t care about anything other than the agony I felt in losing Dad.”
I stopped tracing patterns and instead went back to playing with the fabric of the coverlet. “So, when I woke up one morning and read a text from Dylan that said we were finished, I wasn’t exactly devastated. To tell you the truth I didn’t scream, didn’t cry, didn’t feel any worse off than I did the night before. I just got out of bed and walked to my sister’s room to tell her. Only she wasn’t there. And none of her stuff was there either. I checked the rest of the apartment. All of her belongings, clothes, toiletries, plates, cutlery, fucking everything was gone.” I laughed bitterly. “Man, they must have moved at the speed of light to get all her shit out of there in under eight hours.”
Taking a deep, steadying breath, I continued, “Riley found me that afternoon. I was sitting in the spot where the couch used to be, staring at the wall where the TV once belonged, completely lost in a bottle of whiskey. That girl was fucking amazing. She moved in straight away, never once asked what happened and when I was,” I glanced up at him, “good and ready,” I looked back down at my restless fingers, “I told her that my sister and I’d had a fight, Dylan and I were through, and I was still distraught over Dad’s death.”
I scrunched the fabric between my fingers, creasing it. “I refused all contact with both of them after that. They could die in the flaming pits of hell for all I cared. Though six months later there was a wedding invite in the mail. Fuckers. I burnt it.” I shook my head. “I never told Riley the whole truth; I don’t really know why. But she stayed and I’m thankful for it every day of my life. Which is why she’s more family to me than my own sister and more of a friend than I’ve ever deserved.”
We were silent for a while. I kind of wished telling Levi about my darkest betrayal would help me feel somewhat liberated. But I didn’t. I didn’t feel anything other than total exposure and absolute vulnerability. Hell, I would have felt more comfortable had I been sitting there naked. And the worst part was that I didn’t know what else I could say. I genuinely had no idea how to communicate what he meant to me, how much I truly wished he cared for me too. It sucked. With each breath we took it felt as though the space between us was getting heavier, denser, harder to navigate.
I looked up at him and my breath caught. Levi was staring at me intently, his head to one side. I couldn’t look away. So I came to a decision, my eyes were going to speak for me. Even if he didn’t want to hear a single word more, they weren’t going to stop until he knew the truth.
All of it.
I took a deep breath. Tread carefully, my eyes said. Be gentle and kind because I’m fragile. And even though you sit at some distance from me, you now hold my heart cradled in your palm. You can break it, they said. I have given you that power. Please, don’t break it. Don’t break me.
Levi’s eyes turned liquid. “I love you, Grace.”
I took a deep br
eath, savoring his words. “I love you too, Levi.”
Turned out, falling in love was as simple and as complex as that.
Chapter Fifteen
Unfortunately time will never slow down the ticking clock,
It’s not as if you care at all or that you even give a fuck.
-MONDEZ, “Chaos”
Levi reached for me and I moved to sit astride him. His hands cupped my face and I sighed as feather-light lips chased my eyelids, cheeks and jawline. I wrapped my arms around his neck, losing my fingers in his tousled hair. Finally, I gave into the compulsive need to touch him, to feel him, to reassure myself that this was real. I thought I’d lost him. And that emptiness at the base of my stomach felt exactly the same as when Dad passed away. It suddenly became clear. Levi was my world.
My everything.
He pulled back slightly and gazed at me, his eyes the brightest blue yet. “It’s true. I love you.”
“Never stop.”
“Not a chance.”
“Even if I fuck it up? Because I’m going to, sooner or later.”
“Grace, I’ll never stop loving you. No matter what happens, my heart has your name on it.”
I leaned forward, grazing my lips over his. “That’s kind of gross. But I’ll never stop loving you either.”
Levi groaned and deepened the kiss, his tongue delving inside. I responded fervently, pressing closer and pulling his head by the hair. But he was still too far away, so I ran my fingers down his chest and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head. It was discarded over my shoulder without a moment’s thought. My hands roamed his tattooed skin, engraving each rise and dip of his torso with my heated touch as his muscles tightened and rolled beneath them.
I had to get closer. “Lie down,” I murmured.
Levi slowly lowered himself back onto the bed, his eyes never leaving mine. He looked so fucking mouthwatering, I couldn’t look away. I crawled on top of him and briefly touched his lips, before slowly kissing my way down his chest. He cursed when my tongue licked his sensitive spots and sucked in sharp breaths when I gently nipped his flesh.
It was awesome.
I unbuttoned Levi’s jeans and unzipped the fly, peeking up at him from beneath my lashes.
“What’ll it be, kitten?”
“I’m going to put my mouth on your cock. And I’m not going to stop until you beg me to.”
He swore. Loudly.
Chuckling, I gently traced the outline of Levi’s hard length through his boxers. “Or, we could just skip to the begging part.” I grinned.
“You wouldn’t be that cruel.”
“Wouldn’t I?” I gripped him firmly, teasing him through the material and smiling wickedly when he threw his head back, groaning.
But then I took pity on him. After pulling down his jeans and boxer shorts in one go, I threw them in the general vicinity of his t-shirt. Sitting back, I gave myself a full minute to take him in. His gorgeously open face looked at me with hungry adoration, and those black tattoos boldly recounted an even darker tale. I gazed at Levi’s strong arms, they held me close when I needed it, and closer still when I thought I didn’t. I admired his long fingers, they healed me when I hurt and ignited me when I ached.
Christ.
“How did I ever come to deserve you?” I whispered.
Levi sat up. He took my face in his hands and kissed me passionately. His lips drank from mine until I saw the stars, could taste the moon and felt the beginnings of eternity stretching before us. When we finally drew breath, he murmured, “Holy fuck, that was intense.”
I nodded in agreement. We were definitely going to need an eternity together, a lifetime wasn’t long enough. As always, I was impatient to get started so I gently pushed him and he flopped back down onto the bed with a crooked grin. I moved between his legs and bent forward, coyly looking at him while grasping his erection in one hand. Slowly and deliberately, I licked the beads of moisture gathered at the tip, “Mmm.”
Levi inhaled sharply and reached down, running a calloused finger over my wet lips. I opened my mouth and sucked on it.
“I’ve been dreaming of this ever since you bit my finger in your classroom. Do you remember?”
I smiled wide. How could I forget?
After releasing Levi’s finger, I turned my attention back to his hard erection. As his pupils dilated, I smiled. I relished the deep sounds he made at the back of his throat as I ran my tongue languidly up the shaft. When I reached the head, slowly taking him in my mouth and drawing him even farther inside, he swore. “Fuck, Grace.”
Suddenly, his pleasure became mine. I increased the pace, working him ravenously with my mouth. I wanted to own his every breath, his every sound, his every exclamation. I wanted to greedily wrap them all up and store them safely inside me.
It wasn’t until Levi gently pulled me away, growling, “Kitten, stop. I’ll come if you don’t,” that I realized how long I’d been relentlessly devouring the man. My lips were swollen and my jaw ached slightly, but I didn’t care. I had lost myself in the moment and loved every second of it.
Sitting up again, I wiped the corners of my mouth with my fingers.
Levi’s eyes turned molten. “Come here.”
I went willingly. He grabbed my arms, rolled me onto my back and covered me with his body. He kissed me with a force that awoke a passion so strong I truly feared we’d explode if I reciprocated it fully.
I broke away, panting. “Please.”
“What do you need, kitten? Tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
“You. I need … Please.”
Levi’s weight shifted to his elbows as he gazed down at me. “You need me, huh?”
“Yes,” I breathed, “and you fucking know it.”
“You’re right, I do. I just love hearing you say the words.”
“Bastard.”
He chuckled but soon sobered as his eyes turned predatory. He ruthlessly tore off my clothes until at last, I was naked beneath him.
I arched my hips and angled myself in line with him, imploring him to enter.
He did.
“Levi.”
He smoothed the hair away from my face and looked down at my stunned expression. I was attempting to process the incredible sense of completeness that washed over me when we joined. A mixture of emotions flickered across his face. “Mine,” he murmured.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his hips, drawing him deeper. “Mine.”
Levi groaned, bent down and kissed me, his chest flush with my own. The contact sent a shiver through me and I held tight. I could even feel the pounding of his heart, we were that close. Never before had I been this intimate with anyone. I’d always shied away from it, screamed and yelled at it. But with Levi, being connected in this way felt right. It felt … perfect.
He began to move.
I framed his face with my hands and stared up at him, awestruck. He gazed back down at me and we met each other, thrust for thrust. Our bodies came alive then. We fed off the heat created, the pleasure given, the sounds echoed. Beads of sweat appeared, they trickled down our fevered skin but still we looked on, eyes wide and worshipful.
I could feel that energy begin to smolder inside me as my entire body transformed into a blazing mass of careening electric currents. Levi sensed how close I was and increased the rhythm, deepening his movements. “Come for me, Grace.”
My eyes never left his face as I lit up around him. I came for Levi, for the love he showed, the trust he’d given, the bravery he inspired. I came for the betrayals we shared, the family we lost, and the life we found.
Once my tremors subsided, Levi let go and came too. His eyes grew wide and he called out my name as though in fervent prayer. I drew him down to my lips, kissing him with abandon as his body convulsed, trembled and then grew still.
“Holy fuck,” I murmured against his mouth. “Now that was intense.”
He smiled.
****
My arm throbbed slightly but it was nothing I couldn’t handle, and my white shirt all but covered any evidence of my hot temper anyway. In fact, during the morning session, I completely forgot about it. Instead, I slipped in and out of blissful daydreams.
After we made love the night before, Levi and I once again ordered room service. We devoured it, and then each other. Several times over. As I shifted in my seat, balancing a notebook on my knee while trying to remain focused, my lower body ached in the most delicious ways possible.
Levi’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Thankfully, the overzealous speaker from New South Wales drowned out the vibration. I glanced across at him. He stared down at the caller ID, frowned and then canceled the call. After meeting my eyes, Levi winked, and my insatiable female parts were suddenly ready for another round of insanely hot action.
Sweet God, the things he could do to me.
Levi’s eyes hungrily lingered on my lips, but before I could embarrass myself and moan out loud, his phone buzzed again. He considered it for a moment, clearly uncertain.
“Just answer it already,” I hissed.
He showed me the name on the screen and my stomach instantly dropped. “I’ll just see what she wants and be right back, okay?”
I stared down at my pen, it was in the process of being snapped in two.
“Stop it. You’re overthinking things, kitten.” He quickly skimmed his thumb across my bottom lip and then left to take the call.
Fucking Katrina.
I swear, that woman had a damn radar that sent out warning signals whenever Levi and I were in a good place. Her ability to miraculously appear on cue was uncanny. I shook my head. Negative thoughts were only going to lead me to a bottle of whiskey and it wasn’t yet noon. I took a deep breath.
