"Maybe we all should leave." Janie felt panic pressing in on her, and was bitterly ashamed of her weakness. But she was terribly afraid for Ben. And Rafael. "Why don't we pick Rafael up from Shea and Jesse and take off? We can go anywhere for a few days. Maybe Ron Perkins will see the guy again while we're gone, and the sheriff can arrest him."
"He hasn't done anything wrong, Janie." He reached out to touch her arm, then quickly drew his hand away. "You can't identify him as the second man at the murder because you never saw him. So Dev wouldn't have any excuse to arrest him."
"I heard him. I could identify his voice."
Ben shook his head. "Are you sure, Janie?" His voice was gentle. "It's been three years, and you had just seen your boss murdered. No one's memory would be good under those circumstances."
"There must be something we can do." Her voice rose in a wail of frustration.
"Dev is keeping a close eye on the restaurant. I hope that if we don't show up soon, this guy will get impatient and do something stupid, like try to break in again. Then Dev will have him." His eyes softened. "It wouldn't be smart to go back to town with this guy on the loose."
"So we just wait."
"That's all we can do."
The rest of the day was spent in edgy tension, both of them too aware of the other, both doing their best to ignore it. When Janie's frustration reached the screaming point, she hurried into the bathroom to brush her teeth and regain her composure. There had been too many emotional swings today. After she'd changed into her nightgown and walked back into the bedroom, she was surprised to see Ben sitting on the twin bed, examining a pair of binoculars. "What are you doing in here?" she blurted out.
He looked up in surprise. "I thought you understood. We're both going to sleep in this room. I don't want us to be in separate rooms if something happens." He was all business. There wasn't a trace of the desire that had filled his face earlier.
Janie swallowed hard. "I didn't realize that's what you meant."
"I can't protect you if I'm not close to you."
"I would have thought the other bedroom would be plenty close," she muttered.
"We've been sleeping in the same bed for a couple of weeks now," he answered, his words clipped. "There's no reason to get your shorts in a knot."
"Fine," she said coolly. "Just tell me where to sleep." He jerked his head toward the bunk beds. "Use the bottom bunk. It's more protected than this twin bed."
She slipped between the sheets and closed her eyes, trying to force herself to fall asleep. But Ben seemed to fill the room. His scent surrounded her, and every noise he made was magnified about a hundred times. She even imagined she could feel his heat wrapping around her in the narrow bed.
Finally, frustrated, she turned over and faced the wail and tried to force her mind to think of other things. Suddenly the room went dark and she heard Ben settling on the bed so close to hers.
She hadn't wanted to sleep in the same bed with Ben, but now she realized she'd gotten used to it. She missed his presence next to her, missed his solid, comforting warmth. She loved waking up in the middle of the night to find that she'd cuddled against him while sleeping, and falling back to sleep without moving away.
Restless and unsatisfied, she tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. And she knew Ben wasn't asleep, either.
Finally, after she'd turned over one more time, she heard him whisper, "Janie?"
"What?" Her voice was equally hushed.
"Why can't you sleep?"
"I guess it's just all the excitement around us. All that noise and activity outside makes it tough to sleep," she said tartly.
His chuckle warmed the air around her. "You just miss sleeping with me, don't you? Come on over here."
"You're pretty cocky, aren't you?"
"I miss sleeping with you."
The laughter had disappeared from his voice. Instead, she heard a need that he rarely allowed himself to show. And she couldn't resist it.
She slid into the narrow bed alongside him, and immediately realized that it might not have been such a great idea. They could make no pretense of not touching, not in this twin bed. Their bodies were touching from chest to toe. And when he slid his arms around her and pulled her close so that her back nestled against his chest, it was obvious that he was aroused.
"Let me hold you tonight," he whispered in her ear, and his breath caressed her cheek, making her shiver.
She yearned to turn around and face him, to finish what they had started earlier that evening. But his arms held her snugly against him, and she knew that he didn't want her to turn around.
She lay as taut as a coiled spring next to him, but as their breathing steadied, she was surprised to find herself relaxing. And she realized that Ben was relaxing, too. Just before she fell asleep she sighed and moved closer to him.
* * *
When she woke in the morning, she found that she and Ben were tangled together, their legs intimately entwined. And sometime during the night she had turned to face him. Now her cheek rested against his chest, and her hand was tucked between their bodies.
For a moment she kept her eyes closed and pretended this was normal, pretended that she and Ben would wake up this way every day for the rest of their lives. But the image was too seductive, too alluring, so she reluctantly eased away from him and sat up on the edge of the bed. Ben had made his feelings about their future very clear.
"Where are you going?" His voice was slightly hoarse from sleep and thoroughly sexy.
"The sun is up. I thought we had to be up, too." She turned to face him, and found him looking at her with longing in his eyes.
She wanted to leap back into the bed with him. But before she could move, he shuttered his eyes and roiled over on his back. "You're right. There are fish waiting to be caught."
"Let's not disappoint them, then," she said lightly as she headed toward the bathroom.
By the time she was dressed, all evidence of the longing in Ben's eyes was gone. She tried to tell herself that it didn't matter. That it was there at all was a good sign. Two weeks ago, he never would have allowed her to see any weakness in him, any need for her. But they still had a long way to go.
She hummed to herself as she poured water into the coffeepot. Clearly, Ben wasn't as immune to her as he wanted her to think. Maybe they could make a real marriage together after all.
When he walked into the kitchen a few minutes later, she couldn't stop herself from staring at him. She rarely saw him without his deputy's uniform. Today he wore worn, faded jeans and a flannel shirt that was clearly an old favorite. Its soft cotton hugged his shoulders and clung to his chest. He'd rolled the sleeves up to his elbows, and muscles rippled in his forearms. She'd always thought he looked good in his uniform, but her mouth went dry as she looked at him in the worn denim and soft flannel.
"Are you ready to go fishing?" he asked.
She pulled herself together and turned away to pour a cup of coffee. "I don't do anything until I've had my morning coffee," she said firmly.
"I didn't know you were such a slave to the coffeepot." He lounged against the counter and watched her as she poured two cups.
"There's a lot you don't know about me," she said quietly.
Ben straightened and set his cup on the counter. "I know that, Janie," he said, and she heard a wisp of regret in his voice. "I guess I thought that if I didn't know you, it wouldn't be so hard to end our marriage."
"Now that we're stuck in this cabin together, you're going to learn about me whether you want to or not." She took a sip of coffee rather than meet his eyes.
"Maybe I want to know more about you now."
She jerked her head around to stare at him. "Why, Ben?"
He shrugged, deliberately casual, but he didn't look at her. "Maybe the judge at Rafael's hearing will ask us questions about each other. It just seems like good insurance."
Janie ignored the crushing disappointment and took another sip of coffee. "Ask anything
you like," she said coolly. "We might as well make use of this time together."
He nodded once, then moved away to watch out the windows as he finished his coffee. Janie allowed her gaze to follow him around the room. He wasn't looking at her. He wouldn't realize that she was staring.
Ben was such a complicated man. There was so much of himself that he kept hidden. But what he'd shown her these past couple of weeks had done nothing but increase her admiration for him. He was an honorable man to the core. He would give his life to protect her, and Rafael. And he was committed to his job, and the people of Cameron. There was much to admire about Ben.
"I don't see anyone out there," he said abruptly. "Let's go fishing."
"What are we going to use for poles and bait?" she asked as he made sandwiches for lunch. There was nothing in the tiny cabin that even remotely resembled a fishing rod.
He gave her an unexpected grin. "Everything we need is in my car. I'm always prepared to go fishing."
Ben grabbed the cell phone, then Janie followed him down the steps and watched as he opened the back of his pickup truck. He pulled out two fishing rods and a large tackle box, then a backpack, before he slammed the hatch closed. "This should do it for us."
They walked to the edge of the lake, and Ben stared down into the depths for a while. Then he started walking. "I don't like this spot. Let's look for a better one."
"It looks like you do a lot of fishing," Janie said.
He looked over at her with a smile. "Whenever I can."
"I had no idea."
His smile disappeared. "I guess there's a lot you don't know about me, either."
"I want to learn, Ben," she said before she could think.
He looked over at her again, and this time there was need and desire in his eyes, along with regret. "You shouldn't want me, Janie."
"Maybe not, but I do."
"One of us needs to be smart about this marriage."
"I thought that was your job. You're the one with the mile-high fences around yourself."
"They seem to have gotten a lot lower recently," he muttered, then he walked a little faster. Almost as if he wanted to put some distance between them after his unwilling admission.
After a moment, Janie ran a few steps to catch up with him. "What are you looking for?" she asked, trying to change the subject. Clearly, their marriage was something Ben didn't want to talk about.
"I'm looking for the place where the big fish are hiding."
She glanced at him, startled, but realized that it was exactly what he was doing. Every ten or fifteen feet he stopped and stared into the blue depths of the lake. Finally he set the fishing rods and tackle box down. "This will do."
For the next several hours he patiently showed her how to tie a fly onto the end of her line, how to cast her line into the water, and what kinds of places were likely to be hiding fish. He didn't laugh when her line got caught in one of the trees behind them, or when her fly plopped into the water only inches from where they stood. And he never acted frustrated or bored or irritated with her clumsy efforts.
As the morning hours crept away, they moved slowly around the shore of the lake, trying new spots. Ben caught three fish, but threw two of them back. He kept the largest one for their dinner. She had a few bites, but didn't manage to hook anything.
It didn't matter. She loved the calmness of the lake and the silence that surrounded them, the peacefulness of the repetitive motions of casting. She loved the fact that Ben seemed truly relaxed for the first time since he'd asked her to marry him. And she was thrilled to learn a new skill, one that she'd wanted to try for a long time.
"Are you about ready for lunch?" Ben asked, laying down his fishing rod.
"I guess I am," she said, surprised. "I didn't realize I was hungry."
Ben grinned at her, his eyes unshadowed and laughing. "That's a bad sign, Janie, really bad. When you forget about everything else while you're fishing, including food, you've got it bad."
They traded banter while they ate, and Janie was amazed again at the transformation in Ben. The serious, closed-off man she'd been trying to get to know had disappeared entirely. In his place was a laughing, teasing stranger. One she wanted to know a whole lot better.
When she'd finished her sandwich and the granola bar he'd pulled out of his backpack, she leaned back against the tree and closed her eyes. "Am I mistaken, or is this heaven?"
"If it's not heaven, it's pretty darned close." He propped himself up on one elbow and turned to face her. "I didn't know you liked the outdoors so much."
"I guess it's another one of those things we need to find out about each other," she said lightly.
"How come you never learned to fish since you've been in Cameron? A lot of the people around here fish, and anyone would have been happy to teach you."
She shrugged. "I was too busy working in the restaurant. And I didn't want to make any friends. I was afraid they would be in danger if the man who was after me ever found me." She looked over at him. "Kind of like the situation we're in now.
"Poor Janie," he said softly. "How alone you must have felt."
"No more alone than you."
He shook his head. "I have a job where I'm in contact with people all day. You hide in that kitchen of yours and never come out from one week to the next."
"I come out into the restaurant all the time," she protested. "I know almost everyone in Cameron by sight."
"Then I guess you only hide in the kitchen when I'm in the restaurant."
She turned to face him. "The same way you leave the restaurant whenever you see me?"
Her question hung between them in the suddenly still air. His eyes darkened as he watched her, but she didn't look away. And neither did he.
"I couldn't stand being around you, Janie," he finally said in a low voice that resonated with desire. "I wanted you too much. And the night we spent together just made it worse. Then I knew what we were like together, but I knew I couldn't have you. It was easier to avoid you."
"Why did you think you couldn't have me?" she asked, holding her breath.
"Because you made it clear that you weren't interested. And I had nothing to offer you." His eyes flared with passion, but she could see the effort he made to control it. "I still don't."
"You're wrong, Ben." She leaned closer. "Since we've been married, I've been learning all kinds of things about you. And all of them are good." She held his gaze as she added, "You know now why I couldn't get involved with anyone, but it hasn't sent you running in the opposite direction. So what's your excuse now?"
He groaned. "Don't do this to me, Janie. I want you too much. Do you know how much torture it's been, sleeping in the same bed with you for the past two weeks and not being able to touch you?"
"Don't you think I've felt the same way?" she asked fiercely. "I didn't make love with you five months ago on a whim. It wasn't just a night of pleasure for me, easily forgotten. There was a connection between us, Ben. I'll admit I've been fighting it, too, because I was afraid for you. I didn't want you to get close to me and then get hurt. But you're in this with me now, and if the killer is in town, he knows I'm married. So why are we still trying to pretend that this thing between us doesn't exist?"
"Because it shouldn't exist. You don't need a man like me in your life."
She took a deep breath, then recklessly played her hand.
"You're exactly what I need in my life, Ben Jackson."
"You don't know what you're saying, Janie." The words sounded as if they'd been torn out of his throat. But instead of moving away, he reached for her and pulled her into his arms. "I don't want you to regret anything."
"I couldn't. I could never regret anything I feel about you, or anything we do together."
He groaned again. "You're making this too easy for me, Janie."
She looked up at him and brushed a lock of hair away from his forehead. "I don't think waiting for you for three years has been easy. It hasn't been for me, anyway."
Then his mouth found hers, and his kiss tasted of need and heat and desperation. He moved his hands over her as if he would die if he didn't touch her. When she pulled at his shirt, he ripped it open. And when she put her mouth against the smooth skin of his chest, she felt him shudder beneath her.
"This isn't the way it should be," he growled as he trailed kisses down her neck. "We should be somewhere comfortable and safe, where I can love you the way you deserve to be loved."
"I'm safe with you, Ben, wherever we are. And what could be more magical than lying next to this beautiful lake, with nothing but wilderness around us? This is perfect."
"You're perfect, Janie." He pushed her T-shirt up to her neck, then closed his eyes when he saw the delicate bra she wore. "You're going to drive me crazy if you keep wearing this fancy underwear."
She smiled into his neck. "Why do you think I wear it? The cat sure doesn't appreciate it."
He pulled the shirt over her head, then bent to kiss the sensitive skin below her bra. She jumped when his fingers brushed her nipple, then gasped when he took her into his mouth. "Ben," she whispered, her voice shaky.
"I want to look at you," he muttered. He snapped the bra open, then eased it away from her breasts. "You're so beautiful," he said, awe in his voice.
He bent to kiss her again, sucking gently at her nipple, and she shuddered as a hot wave of desire crashed over her. Blindly she reached for him, trying to unfasten his belt.
"Not yet," he said, gently pushing her hands away. "I've waited too long for you. If you touch me, it will be over far too quickly."
He bent to kiss one nipple again, tracing his finger over her other breast. She moaned his name and twisted beneath him, heat building low in her abdomen.
And suddenly he couldn't wait, either. He tugged at her shorts, unbuttoning them and pulling them down her legs. His eyes darkened at the scrap of lace she wore beneath them, but then he pulled that away, too.
She lay naked beneath him, every part of her throbbing with need. He stared down at her, then said, "This is your last chance, Janie. You'd better say no now, because in a few moments I won't be able to stop."
THE MARRIAGE PROTECTION PROGRAM Page 14
