“What do you say we go to Washington DC for Thanksgiving vacation? The Vietnam Memorial is something I want to see, and Rex was asking me about how it was made, why it was made, how long it took to make. The kids are old enough, and we all have time off from school and work.”
“Will we fly on an airplane?” chimed Lily, in between bites. None of her friends in the fourth grade had ever flown, as far as she knew. She had no idea what anyone was talking about, Vietnam, a big wall, lots of names. It didn’t seem like a big deal to her, but an airplane ride certainly did.
“I don’t know. Do you think it is such a good idea, Paul?” Elizabeth started to worry even before the conversation began. She didn’t want anything to interrupt the progress Paul had made. She had not been privileged or included in Paul’s therapy sessions, but she knew he was rung out after each one. Thankfully, they had tapered down to once a month, and he always soon bounced back to normal, but she sensed it was the only place that Paul could unleash his demons, created in large part by the war in which he had served. The same war that was memorialized in the nation’s capital. Surely it would conjure up memories of the bloody battle which still subjected him to horrible nightmares, excruciating headaches, and had cost her brother his hand.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I know it might be a difficult part of the trip, but it will only be one part of the visit. There are museums and government buildings, Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, and so many things to do and see. I want to go.”
Sensing the burning desire in Paul, Elizabeth finally nodded in agreement and broke into a smile. They had never ventured far from home. This would be their first big family vacation, and only the second time she had been on a plane with her beloved husband. The memory of their first romantic moment, returning together from the family Thanksgiving in Boston, flashed in Elizabeth’s mind and she smiled. She made a mental note to get seats for the family so she and Paul would be in one row together and the children would have the two seats in front. It would be nice to fall asleep on his shoulder, high in the sky, once again. “Ice cream cones, anyone?”
)
Preparing ice cream cones was a favorite family event. It wasn’t simply a matter of scooping ice cream into a cone. Elizabeth always bought the cones that had names stamped into them. The first time she brought that particular brand home, the children were so delighted that it became a summertime ritual and a special dessert. She knew better than to replace them with a cheaper version, or the fancy pointy sugar cones the children hated. After all, every new box presented another possibility to find a cone with one’s name, and the kids loved the suspense. So far, Paul had eaten one that bore his name, and once they found one that said “Beth,” and another time, “Liz,” but not close enough.
The children followed their mother into the kitchen as she pulled a new box of cones from the cupboard. They were difficult to open, with no easy way to penetrate the plastic without a pair of scissors. She took a pair from the kitchen drawer and expertly cut across the top of the package. This family activity was so simple, so understated, and actually kind of silly, but everyone loved it. Gingerly pulling the first cone from the sleeve, careful not to smash the delicate confection, Elizabeth handed it to Rex. “Name, please?”
“Oh, brother—‘Scott,’” he droned. “I don’t even know anyone named Scott.”
“Too bad,” Elizabeth smiled. “It’s yours.”
“Name, please?” Elizabeth echoed again as she handed the second cone to Lily.
“Francis??? Where do they get these names? They sound like Cabbage Patch Kids.” Lily giggled.
As Paul brought in the last of the dirty dishes from the back yard, Elizabeth waited patiently while he set everything in the sink, one utensil, one plate, one glass at a time. Washing his hands first, slowly, and methodically going through the gestures of a routine that had become only too familiar, making everyone wait while he found a comfortable spot, Elizabeth finally shoved the box of cones in his face.
“Here Paul, just pick one. It’s your turn.” The whole family knew this could take some time, the effort Paul put into every last thing he did, and the pace at which he did them. He continuously interrupted himself with a joke, a question, a side story, until finally, he completed the task at hand. Even when Rex rolled his eyes or Lily tugged at his shirt motioning to hurry up, Paul took it in good humor and acknowledged them with a grin.
“Drum roll, please.” This could take a while, Elizabeth knew. The children’s ice cream was beginning to melt in their already-prepared cones.
Paul finally reached inside the box and slowly, ever so slowly, pulled the delicate cup out of the box, being careful not to let it crumble. Holding it in one hand, covering his eyes with another, he slowly peeked through his open fingers, turned the cone around so he could see the name, and handed it immediately to Elizabeth. “I don’t believe this,” she squealed, “my name! An ice cream cone that says Elizabeth! Mine, all mine.”
“Not so quick. I would rather immortalize this tender little morsel and put it in the freezer, and never throw it away. Clear? Everyone understand? Never throw it away.” Paul was emphatic, and although it was said with good humor, he sounded one-hundred-percent serious.
Elizabeth sent Lily and Rex outside to finish their ice cream cones and found a piece of Tupperware to protect the treasure Paul had uncovered. Once wrapped and stored for what she supposed was the next generation, Elizabeth finally scooped cones for herself and Paul. They joined the children on this last summer evening, and enjoyed their refreshing treat together, silently watching the sun fade away as the promise of fall filled the air.
Chapter 29
Elizabeth startled when the artificial ficus tree in the corner of the living room rustled. She inched closer, hoping it wasn’t a mouse, a lizard, or some other four-legged creature that sometimes made it through the front door when it was left open too long. Glancing down, she jumped back when she saw two feet behind the large pot. Paul emerged, as if from a secret hiding place, and smiled at her.
“Damn it, Paul! How long have you been standing there? You know how much I hate it when you’re so quiet and appear from out of nowhere.”
“Not long. I was watching you.”
“Watching me do what? Why do you do that, Paul? It makes me crazy and I keep telling you that, over and over. I don’t like anyone sneaking up on me.”
“Neither did I.”
Elizabeth steadied herself and took a deep breath. “Did you want something?”
“I wanted to find out if you’ve booked our flights to DC.”
Elizabeth was hesitant, “Are you sure this is a good idea, Paul? There will be some unpleasant memories and I’m not so sure it is what I would call good therapy. What if you have a flashback, or you become agitated or upset? I’m afraid it won’t be the fantastic trip you’re imagining, and I don’t want to see you in any more pain.” She laid her hand on his shoulder, “Look what just happened. You’re still hiding behind bushes and making sure you’re well hidden from imaginary enemies. What do you think’s going to happen when you don’t have the familiar surroundings of your living room? What if you have a panic attack in the hotel room, or worse yet, the airport?”
Paul stepped back, angered at her response. “I’m not a cripple! Everything will be okay, I promise. I want Lily and Rex to see our nation’s capital and we’ve never taken a vacation like this as a family. Please, don’t worry about me. As a matter of fact, why don’t you call Sam, and see if he, Linda, and the kids would like to join us? How many years has it been since we’ve seen them? They moved to Boston over three years ago. It’s a drive for them, but they could easily make it in a day.”
“I’ll see what his work schedule’s like. Should be school break from his university about that time.”
“Your brother’s brilliant, Elizabeth. As much as I admired him, I was always a little envious he took advantage of the G.I. Bill and foll
owed his dream. Glad he isn’t knocking around community colleges in Southern California anymore. Linda is married to a genuine college professor, and you’re married to a Nowhere Man.”
“Don’t go there, Paul. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and while Sam may ‘think’ he’s superior intellectually, he can also be a real know-it-all son-of-a-bitch too. Linda has her hands full.”
She nodded to Paul and reached for the phone. Hearing Sam on the other end, she explained what the family was planning. There wasn’t a hint of hesitation from Sam when she extended the invitation.
“Get yourselves some warm jackets and boots, even if you never wear them again in sunny California. You probably don’t even remember how cold it can get back East in November.” No longer nervous or afraid, Elizabeth smiled when she hung up the phone.
)
Cruising at thirty-six thousand feet, Elizabeth barely remembered what it was like to fly. Once they had climbed through the clouds and the fasten seat belt sign went off, the children relaxed and soon engrossed themselves in the travel games and books Elizabeth had packed for the trip. Remembering the last flight she and Paul took together, she unfastened her seat belt and leaned closer to Paul, resting her head on his shoulder. Paul returned the gesture by running his fingers across her forehead and murmuring, “Get some rest. I’ll keep an eye on Rex and Lily. You are the best wife and mother. I’m only here because of you.” His words sounded both melancholy and strong, making Elizabeth feel peaceful and secure.
The landing was smooth and effortless. Although a chilly forty-five degrees, the sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. Sam and Linda had already checked in and the children were wide eyed with anticipation at the idea of room service and eating in restaurants for three whole days.
“Pancakes for breakfast, hamburgers for lunch, and pizza for dinner every day. You said it would be okay, right Mama?” Rex reminded his mother of her promise and Elizabeth wished she had never mentioned it.
“That’s what I said. We’re on vacation—Oh, I see Sam!” She beckoned to him from across the lobby and told Rex to grab him and let him know they were checking in.
Rex and Lily dashed together in the direction of Sam’s family. Even though it had been almost three years, the cousins enthusiastically greeted one another, and their exhuberent squeals could be heard by the crowd of waiting hotel guests.
With his slower gait, Paul finally caught up to the group huddling in the corner, and broad smiles broke out all around. He extended his hand to Sam, followed by a brotherly hug. “How are those college freshmen treating you, old man?”
“Most are brilliant or rich or both, with a low level of maturity. Not like we were at that age.”
“Yeah, learning how to shoot a moving target in the middle of raining bullets and mortar fire will do that to a kid. We grew up fast. They’re lucky to have someone who can set the history books straight.”
Elizabeth finished at the front desk as quickly as the long line and computers would allow, and joined the group with hugs and kisses. Sam had become proficient at using a prosthetic device for his hand and was no longer ashamed, and encircled his little sister in a big bear hug. “Hey, Sophomore!”
Elizabeth looked at her brother cross-eyed. “Still hate that nickname,” she muttered under her breath, realizing it would be hers for a lifetime.
“I probably would have stopped calling you that a long time ago if I didn’t know how much it irritated you—you set yourself up.” With another warm hug, they laughed and turned their attention elsewhere. Linda admired Lily’s long, curly hair. Unlike her mother’s, it was truly auburn. She gushed over Rex’s blond good looks, until everyone was talking at once, clearly ecstatic to be together again.
“Too long, far too long,” muttered Sam as they made their way to the elevators.
Paul glanced at his watch. “Almost six. Let’s get ourselves settled in our rooms and see if there’s a pizza place nearby.”
Elizabeth agreed. “Great! See you in the lobby at six-thirty.” Lily and Rex were already racing to the elevator to see who would be the first one to push the button, but they patiently held the door and waited for their father to catch up, as always.
)
At eight the next morning, the group met in the lobby as planned and went outside to wait for the shuttle bus. Shivering from the cold, and happy to have a warm pair of boots, Rex was the first to board. He was glad he had listened to his mother when she told him no shorts, no T-shirts, no sandals, even though he had to unpack everything he had so carefully planned to bring. While it had been a while, Elizabeth easily recalled the low temperatures in November on the East Coast, along with rain and sometimes an early snow. Though the air was a frosty twenty-five degrees, the sun pierced through the clouds with the promise of a beautiful day.
After a stop at the Washington Monument and Lincoln Memorial, the shuttle slowly moved toward the Wall, through the Constitution Gardens, and pulled into the parking area reserved for buses and handicapped visitors. Of the children, Rex was most excited, and he was the first off the bus as the doors opened. Elizabeth laid her hand on his shoulder. “You have to be very quiet here, Rex. This is a special place, and it means a lot to your father and uncle.” Almost the instant she said it, she knew she didn’t have to. Rex was somber, attentive, and quiet, gazing toward the Wall and ready to touch this hallowed ground he had only seen in pictures.
The group stayed close together and followed Sam and Paul. The children were old enough to understand the respect this monument deserved and were on their best behavior. On approach, it was hard not to stand in awe of its length and breadth, stretching well over two hundred feet, over fifty-eight thousand names etched into the solid slabs of marble. Rex inched closer to the Wall and softly laid his hand on the surface, fascinated by the feel of the multitude of engraved letters. He cautiously walked in a slow, measured pace, feeling the names beneath his palms and sensing an energy springing forth from the written words. Paul and Sam kept their distance, stepping back to see the entire work and the enormity of the memorial. A crowd was beginning to gather and the silence spoke volumes. Men, women, and children stood at attention, strolled past the names, held hands, wept, and remembered.
Elizabeth and Linda were nervous, staying on the sidelines at first, keeping a cautious eye on their husbands. Without words, they understood the effect this memorial would have on their men and watched intently. Elizabeth prayed that encountering this visual monument to the fallen wouldn’t trigger an episode in Paul and she braced herself for his reaction.
Motioning to her, Paul sensed her anxiety. He wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her hair. “I’m okay. I was a little nervous myself, but I’m good. Don’t look so worried.”
At that moment, Sam caught Paul’s eye and waved him over to where he was standing. He was at one end of the Wall, searching through a book of endless names, in alphabetical order, each representing someone’s father, son, uncle, brother—all lost in Vietnam.
“What did you find? Looking for anyone in particular?”
“I was thinking about people we knew. I wanted to take a moment to bow my head, and think about them. Damn, there are six from our battalion, but look who else I found.”
Paul leaned over Sam’s shoulder and peered at the name just under Sam’s index finger. “No . . . Dr. Leonard Shapiro. Holy shit. When?”
“Says August 1, 1967.”
“Seven months after we left. Help me find his name,” said Paul. “I want to pay my last respects. Sometimes it seems like a hundred years ago, and other times it feels like it was just yesterday. Do you ever think about the time we spent in the field hospital?”
“Every once in a while. I remember that really sweet nurse who helped me write the letter to Elizabeth on Christmas Eve. I wonder how many guys she saw go off the deep end.”
“You mean, like me?” Paul turned to Sam and continued without a hint of apprehension. “It’s
okay, man. I’ve accepted it. We’re all different. What affects one doesn’t affect another. I’m glad you were able to piece your life back together, move on, get that damned history degree, and do what you had always planned to do with your life before the goddamned war interfered.”
Sam looked relieved. “I didn’t mean anything by what I said. Honest . . . sorry.”
“Doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t. It’s not a big deal. By the way, I never asked. Anything ever happen between you two? That sweet nurse? What was her name?”
“Diane. She was an excellent nurse, that’s all. A beautiful, raven-haired angel with the darkest brown eyes I’d ever seen. I suppose there could’ve been something if we weren’t in the midst of a bloody war and a stockpile of dead and wounded soldiers.” Sam broke into a slight smile with the recollection of her touch; the gentle, delicate caress with which she cleaned his wound every day; the words of encouragement she murmured as she wrapped his severed limb with clean bandages, always leaving his bedside with a salute and a smile before tending to the next injured man in line.
They continued to search the Wall, armed with directions written on a small piece of paper provided by a volunteer docent. The panels were arranged chronologically by date of death, small dots placed at the edge of every tenth line, making it easier to locate a particular name. It was still confusing.
Rex appeared beside them. “What are you doing?”
“We found a friend. Dr. Leonard Shapiro. Maybe you can help these two old guys. Here’s the panel, row, and line where we should be able to find his name. Why can’t we figure this out? It’s not that hard.” Exasperated, Paul handed the piece of paper with the information to his son.
Keep Forever Page 16
