‘I grew up in Surrey. It’s just me and Dad now; he lives in London and is a head teacher. My mum died when I was thirteen.’
‘You were an only child?’ he chanced, dismayed when he saw her tense, her jaw tightening as she looked away from him.
‘No.’
The stiff, cold tone was back and she pushed open the passenger door, sliding out before he had a chance to speak. Hell! OK—so this was another no-go area. He ran the fingers of one hand across his forehead. It was like walking on eggshells around her. If she hadn’t been an only child but she described her family as being just her and her father now, what had happened? It was something that upset her, that she was not prepared to talk about and, not wanting to end such a good day on a sour note, he left the car and followed her rigid frame down the path. He could tell she wasn’t pleased but she didn’t object when he followed her inside and up the stairs to the flat, helping as she silently set about making hot chocolate.
He was no closer to learning what troubled her, which made things very difficult in knowing what to say and how to approach her. She was as skittish as a fawn when things became uncomfortable for her. If she was concerned about being trapped or thrust into some kind of relationship too quickly, he would need to keep things casual, take things slowly, not put any pressure on her. If he told her too soon just how far ahead and how permanently he was thinking, she would run a mile. She would certainly think he was some kind of crazy man if he told her that he had known from the first second that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Hell, he probably was crazy.
Frowning, he ran a hand through his wayward hair. She made him feel things he had never felt before. And everything was so out of his control that it scared him. His whole life had turned inside out the moment he had met her and he wanted more than anything to be with her, to take away her pain, to know her in every way possible.
Patience and care, he told himself, spooning chocolate into the mugs. It went against the grain for him, was contrary to his nature, but if it was what Kate needed, he would keep things light and casual and fun for now. The last thing he wanted was to scare her with serious declarations of undying love, certainly no talk of marriage and a few dozen babies—not yet, anyway.
‘It’ll be good when Nic and Hannah come over in a few weeks’ time,’ he commented, cupping his mug in his hands, eager to steer the conversation back to safer ground.
Wary brown eyes looked at him. ‘You’re serious about having the kittens?’
‘Of course I am.’ Hoping to engineer another opportunity to spend time with Kate outside work, he voiced a brewing idea. ‘Perhaps you’d come to the pet shop with me and help pick out the things I’m going to need.’
‘Why did you do that? Offer them a home, I mean,’ she asked after a moment and he hoped it was a good sign that she hadn’t refused outright.
‘I couldn’t resist them.’ It was pretty impossible to resist her, too, especially when she blew on her drink like that and then licked dusky-rose lips with the tip of her tongue. A groan nearly escaped him. He wanted—needed—to kiss her. His hands tightened round his mug. This was torture. He forced himself to focus, watching her expression as he continued. ‘Besides, I could see how much you wanted them.’
The thought that Conor may have decided to rehome the kittens because of her made Kate feel warm inside. ‘But I’m not going to be here,’ she murmured in confusion, trying to keep up the barriers between them.
‘You will be for a while. You can share them.’
She shouldn’t even think of agreeing but the lure of the kittens was compelling. ‘We’ll see.’
‘I bet you’ve thought of names for them, haven’t you?’ He raised an eyebrow, a twinkle in his eyes. ‘I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.’
She couldn’t help but smile. He may confuse her and scare her and challenge her, but he could be irresistible sometimes. ‘Willow.’
‘Smoky.’ He smiled back, his expression so warmly intimate that she couldn’t breathe.
It wasn’t a good idea to get too involved or close to this man. She had managed to escape from the difficult moment over her family, nearly revealing far too much about herself, terrified Conor was going to pursue the subject and that she would have to talk about Wesley. The aching hole opened up inside her as it always did when she thought about her brother. She missed him so much. Loved him. Was so angry with him. So many emotions jumbled up together. And always the guilt. As ever, the memories threatened to rise up and choke her but she battled against the images, at least while Conor was there. They never left her, invading her sleep every night, affecting every part of her life these last months.
‘Are you all right, Kate?’
Conor’s husky concern shivered through her. He was too observant, too attuned to her moods. Unable to look at him as she tried to mask her emotions, she nodded. ‘I’m fine.’ Sensing his hesitation, she held her breath, willing him not to question her further.
‘I’ve really enjoyed today,’ Conor commented with obvious sincerity, and she sighed with relief as he turned to wash his mug in the sink before leaving it on the drainer. ‘Thank you for the idea and for seeing it through with me.’
‘That’s OK. It was good meeting Nic and Hannah, I really liked them.’ Nervous, she set down her own mug as Conor moved closer and she realised her escape route was blocked.
‘They liked you, too. But that’s no surprise—you’re easy to like.’
Her pulse started racing as her gaze slid inexorably to his and she recognised the burn of desire in his green eyes, fighting against her own response. ‘Conor—’
‘I know you feel it…’ The fingers of one hand tucked some strands of hair behind her ear, lingering to brush against her cheek, making her flesh burn ‘This amazing connection between us.’
‘Maybe. But I’m adult enough not to act on it.’
‘Why?’
She paused, taking a deep breath, desperate not to weaken. ‘Look, Conor, I’m only here for a short time.’
‘We can take things a day at a time, have some fun,’ he suggested, which was exactly what she had expected of him.
The knowledge she had been right and he wanted a temporary diversion enabled her to harden her heart and shore up her fragile resolve. As the pad of his thumb began to trace the swell of her lower lip, she caught his hand and removed it, disconcerted when his fingers closed around hers, preventing her withdrawal, holding her palm against his chest so she could feel the rhythmic beat of his heart. Her body throbbed from his touch, his closeness, the subtle earthy fragrance of him wrapping around her. Part of her wished she was the kind of person to throw caution to the winds and enjoy a few commitment-free nights in his bed. She had no doubt she would enjoy it. But she couldn’t do it. Not now. Maybe if Darren had never happened, maybe if the last frightful months had never happened, perhaps then she could have accepted the brief, casual fling Conor was offering, satisfying the yearning ache of want inside her.
But those things had happened and for now her life was complicated by so many other issues and problems that this was one step too far, no matter how gorgeous and sexy and tempting Conor was. Meeting his seductive green gaze, she called on all her determination and found the strength to pull her hand free, breaking the electrifying contact.
‘I didn’t come here for this.’
‘What did you come here for, Kate?’
The softly voiced question caught her unawares and she regretted again that Conor saw far more than she wanted him to, understanding and compassion mixing with the desire in his eyes. For a moment she thought of Hannah’s story and advice. But her own situation was different and she couldn’t take the risk with Conor or open herself up to more hurt.
‘I’m just here to work. Adding extra variety to your social life is not part of my job description,’ she insisted, wishing she could put more distance between them. Although he wasn’t physically touching her, he was far too close, far too tempting
.
Amusement sparked in his eyes. ‘What do you know about my social life?’
‘Nothing.’ Cursing the flush that warmed her cheeks at his light-hearted teasing, she looked away from him. ‘And that’s the way it’s going to stay.’
‘What about your social life?’
‘What about it?’ she parried, her discomfort increasing.
‘Apart from today, you’ve done nothing but work this week.’
‘I’m here to work, nothing more.’
His head tilted slightly on one side, he looked at her, his expression thoughtful. ‘This is a great area, you know. There’s lots to see and do. It would be a shame not to enjoy some of it while you’re here.’
‘Conor—’
‘I’d be happy to show you around,’ he added with a boyish smile.
She sighed, wondering how long she was going to be able to resist his gentle persistence. ‘In the unlikely event I need a tour guide, I’ll let you know.’ Straightening her shoulders, she forced herself to face him and inject some authority into her voice. ‘I don’t date colleagues.’ Not now, she added silently. A shame she hadn’t introduced that rule sooner.
‘Will you promise me one thing?’
‘What?’ Kate asked warily, trembling as his hands skimmed up her arms to her shoulders, moving on to cup her neck and face, his thumbs under her chin forcing her to look at him.
‘Don’t close your mind to this.’
She tried to ignore the way his touch made her feel all shivery and hot and needy. ‘It wouldn’t work, Conor.’
‘You can’t know that.’ His voice was husky and persuasive, his eyes sincere. ‘Take the time you need, but give us a chance. Please.’
‘Conor, I—’ She snapped off her words, alarmed how shaky her voice was, fearing he had detected the underlying emotion she had been unable to contain.
Frowning, he tipped up her face, gazing into her eyes. ‘Tears, Kate?’
‘I don’t cry,’ she snapped, struggling for control.
‘Maybe it’s time you did.’
Shocked, she stared at him. ‘Why?’
‘To get it out.’
‘What?’
‘Whatever it is that’s eating you up inside. Something is haunting you, making you sad,’ he clarified, shocking her anew with his frightening perception.
Her hands shook as she caught his wrists, trying unsuccessfully to free herself from his hold. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘Yes, you do.’ He stroked her face, his fingers warm, caressing, strong yet exquisitely gentle. ‘Let me in, Kate. Tell me what’s wrong.’
‘Nothing’s wrong,’ she lied, trying to shore up her battered inner defences, feeling closer to letting go than she had in ages. She had been on the ragged edge for too many weeks but she hadn’t cried, terrified that if she ever started she would never stop, that all the pain and grief and horror and guilt suppressed within her would come pouring out and swamp her and she would never be able to cope. She had buried everything inside because that was the only way she could function and go on. She was just a novelty, a diversion, something for Conor to tinker with while she was there, but this was her life and she wasn’t strong enough to handle it. Sucking in a ragged breath, she injected some steel into her tone. ‘I’m not some project for you to fix, Conor.’
‘Is that what you think?’ He frowned, hurt and puzzlement in his eyes following her terse comment. ‘You’re wrong, Kate. I want to help because I care, because I want—’ He ceased abruptly, looking uncertain. After a brief hesitation he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as if struggling for control. When he opened them again they were dark green, warm but troubled. ‘I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never do that.’
But he would. Because she knew with utter certainty that she could care for him. Impossibly. Deeply. Irrevocably. That was why he was so dangerous and why she had to stop anything before it started. Physically she wanted him with a desperation that shocked her but emotionally she was too vulnerable. It would hurt too much when the time came for her to walk away. A few nights of pleasure would never be enough with this man. No matter how much he planned not to, he would hurt her—terribly—and she was too fragile to survive any more pain.
Staring into his mesmerising green eyes, dreading to imagine what was showing in her own, she knew she had to send him away. ‘Forget about me, Conor.’
‘I can’t do that.’
‘You must,’ she whispered, trembling under the touch of his hands on her face, seeing his wry smile.
‘It’s not humanly possible.’
Scared her heart was going to stop, unable to suck air into her lungs, she stood motionless as he bent his head and pressed a firm but brief kiss to her mouth, releasing her before her body could betray her and respond as every atom of her being craved her to do. He held her gaze for one timeless moment, a welter of emotion and desire churning in the depths of his moss-green eyes, then he turned and walked away, leaving her wanting so much more…and knowing she could never have it.
The days passed quickly and Kate was grateful because being busy gave her little time to brood about her problems…including Conor. Which didn’t mean she could put any of them out of her head. Somehow she got through each day and coped with her work, but inside she felt as if she was hanging on by a thread. She was relieved to go out on house visits with the district nurses Jillian, Elaine and Ritchie for a few days, learning more about their regular patients and increasing her knowledge of the area.
By the end of her second week Fred decided she was ready to handle visits on her own and however much she told herself she was thankful, an insidious, traitorous part of her missed Conor’s company. When he wasn’t flirting with her or trying to get her to go out with him, he was funny and smart and always told her such interesting things about the local history and environment. He also gave her confidence about her work. Shadowing him had been interesting…when she could forget about the man and concentrate on what an amazing doctor he was.
Over two weeks after the visit to Nic and Hannah and seeing the rescued puppy settled with Charlie, Kate had still not been able to put the incident with Conor in her kitchen out of her mind. He remained patiently persistent, somehow managing to give her personal space and yet always be around, lounging in her consulting room at the end of the day, talking about work with his mouth while his eyes said very different things. No matter how hard she tried, how many times she told herself she was doing the right thing, being sensible and thinking of her self-preservation, she couldn’t forget that too-short, too-chaste brush of his lips on hers.
Impatient with herself, she parked her car outside the surgery at Thursday lunchtime, using her key to unlock the door as she was running late and the staff had begun their break. She left the tray of patient notes behind Reception to be filed away, then set off along the deserted corridor towards her consulting room. She heard a murmur of voices as she approached Conor’s room and she glanced through the open door, pausing in shock as she saw him standing just inside, Jenny in his arms. The young receptionist was clinging to him, her face buried against his chest and one of his hands was stroking her blonde hair. Rooted to the spot, Kate was disturbed by the wave of hurt and disappointment that lanced inside her. He hadn’t wasted any time, had he? Only days ago he’d been asking her out, wanting her to give things a chance between them, but it seemed he had moved on. Her heart clenched as she heard some of their conversation.
‘I don’t know what I’ll do,’ Jenny murmured in distress.
‘Let’s wait until the result is back and take it from there,’ Conor soothed. ‘Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you.’
The exchange brought back painful memories. Was something going on between Conor and Jenny? Might Jenny be pregnant? Kate’s thoughts turned to Darren and what a fool he had made of her, working his way through a string of junior nurses and doctors behind her back, getting at least one of them pregnant, before she had found him in bed with his
latest conquest…a former friend and colleague.
When Conor turned his head and saw her, Kate felt embarrassed at being caught, her heart thudding under her ribs as she met his disapproving green gaze. Looking grim, he moved slightly, reaching out to push his door closed with one foot, shutting her out. She felt rejected and hurt. It wasn’t her business what he did. She had wanted him to leave her alone, to turn his attention to someone else, so it was crazy to feel like this because he had.
Once in the sanctuary of her own room, she drew in a steadying breath, unable to concentrate on her paperwork or banish her unease at what she had seen. She wrestled with her thoughts, wondering if she should mention the incident to Fred. But what if she was making too much of it? If she was going to do anything, she needed to know the truth—which meant confronting Conor, asking him to explain what had been going on. Nerves made her tense and uncertain. She would think about it some more. See what happened. Her spirits low, she sighed when her mobile phone rang but brightened when a glance at the display told her the call was from her father in London, who was home from school as the Easter holidays had begun.
‘Kate, darling! Is this a bad time?’ her father greeted her, his familiar voice tightening her chest with emotion.
‘No, it’s fine. I’ve just arrived back from home visits.’
‘Are you all right?’ She heard his deep-seated concern. ‘You sound a bit down.’
‘Just a difficult day,’ she excused herself.
‘How are things going? Are you coping?’
She closed her mind to thoughts of Conor. ‘I’m doing all right,’ she reassured him, with more conviction than she felt.
They talked for a while and Kate found that hearing his news and talking with him had a calming influence on her inner turmoil.
‘I rang because I’ve planned a little surprise, Kate,’ her father announced. ‘I thought I’d come up tomorrow and stay for the weekend. Would you like that? Would it be convenient?’
‘That would be fantastic! Could you really? I miss you so much!’ She laughed, relief and happiness welling inside her. She desperately needed to see him, talk with him. ‘Tell me what time your plane arrives and I’ll arrange to be there to meet you.’
A Doctor Worth Waiting For Page 7
