“No, sir. Not yet, but I will.” Robert helped himself to a large slice of the roasted pig. “I figure to get her alone tonight and explain it. That way she can have friends around to take her mind off of the matter.”
“Could be she’ll be all the more embarrassed for it,” Mr. Atherton replied, “but I trust you to be as easy on her as possible.”
“Absolutely. I care very much for her.” Robert continued heaping food on his plate as Tyler dug into the roasted pig.
Earlier that day he’d managed to speak to Mr. Atherton by himself. Pulling him away from the roasting pig, Robert had spoken his mind. Tyler Atherton had listened without interruption.
“I love Jess,” he’d said, “but not in a way that would lead us to marriage. She’s like a little sister to me. I would do anything to keep her safe and protected. I would give my life for her, Mr. Atherton, but I cannot marry her.”
Mr. Atherton hadn’t seemed at all surprised. Robert had always known the man to be rather casual in the way he dealt with life, but he was, in fact, quite astute.
“You’re in love with the Chesterfield gal, aren’t you?” he’d asked. Robert couldn’t deny it and Atherton nodded. “I could see it in your eyes—the way you look at her. Reminded me of how I felt about Carissa. You know, I want exactly that for my Jessica, and if it’s not to be with you, then I want her set free to find that person.”
Now all Robert had left to do was break the news to Jessica.
The opportunity to do just that came some time later, after Robert’s second plate of food. Eating with some of the older ranchers, Robert enjoyed their stories of cattle drives to Kansas and the hardships of days gone by. Reluctantly, he got to his feet and searched the dancers for Jessica. She didn’t seem to be among them. He was about to take his search to where the other women had gathered when Jessica approached him to ask for a dance.
“They’re playing a waltz,” she said with a coy smile. “Wouldn’t you like to dance with me?”
All evening Robert had avoided Alice, but now with Jessica standing before him, it was Alice that he longed to dance with. He took hold of Jess and led her toward a quiet spot under a tall sugarberry tree. “We need to talk.”
Jessica looked up at him. “Talk?” She gave a tug and broke free of his hold. With great flourish, Jessica whirled in a circle, her skirt splaying out around her. “Isn’t this the most beautiful gown? It’s perfect for dancing, and I want to dance.”
“I know, but this can’t wait.” Robert knew what needed to be said, but finding a way to do it gently was harder than he’d thought. “Jess, I’ve been trying to talk to you for a long while now, but you won’t hear me out. I talked to your pa this morning—”
Her face lit up. “To ask for my hand? How wonderful!” She looped her arm through his. “And now you’ve brought me away from the crowd to propose. This is perfect. We can announce it tonight.”
He pulled free and took hold of her shoulders. “No! Listen to me, Jessica. I am not going to marry you.” He hadn’t meant for the words to come out so harsh. He softened his tone. “I will always care about you. Like I told your pa, I would even give my life for you. You’re like a member of my family—a little sister who I dearly love. But, Jess, I’m not in love with you.”
“But you love me, and out of that a deeper love can grow,” she said, smiling.
Robert shook his head. “No, Jess. It’s not going to grow deeper.”
Jessica lost her smile and fixed him with a stare. “You love her—that scar-faced mousy blonde. You love her, don’t you?”
“It’s not like you to belittle those less fortunate than you,” he reprimanded.
“You love her, don’t you?” she pressed.
For a moment Robert didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to declare his love of Alice to Jessica. What he felt was private and personal. He needed to speak with Alice and share his thoughts with her—not Jess.
“Answer me, Robert. You love Alice Chesterfield.”
“I do,” he said, blowing out a heavy breath. “I didn’t start out to fall in love with her. I wanted to be her friend and help her adjust to life in Texas. I had no notion of anything else. The love just happened.”
“But not for me,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “Why can you love her . . . and not me?” A single tear slid from her eye, and Robert reached out to touch it. In the lantern light it glistened for a moment and then faded. She bit her lower lip and said nothing more.
“But I do love you, Jess. Just not that way. Falling in love is a matter of the heart. You can’t force it.”
“I didn’t think you’d have to,” Jessica replied. “I thought . . . well . . . I’m pretty.”
“Jess, it has nothing to do with looks. You’re a beautiful woman. You’re smart and talented—everything that a man could want.”
“But not for you.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jess.”
She lifted her chin, appearing to regain some of her steam. “Not as sorry as you’re gonna be.” She sniffed. “You’ll see. I’ll make someone a wonderful wife, and we will travel and be wealthy. I’ll be the most beautiful woman in Texas, and he will be the handsomest man.”
Instead of making Robert jealous, as he was sure she was trying to do, he smiled and nodded. “I bet you will be. I hope that for you and so much more. I still want us to be friends, Jess. We’re practically family.”
She started to walk away but then turned back. In her expression Robert saw hurt mingled with anger. “I don’t want to be friends with you, Robert Barnett. I’d rather have a rattlesnake for a friend.” She stormed off in a huff.
Robert might have chuckled at her reference to the snake if it hadn’t been such a serious moment. He watched Jessica approach one of the local rancher’s sons. Apparently she asked him to dance, because he willingly followed her to the area where other couples were doing a reel.
“She’ll be all right,” Tyler Atherton said, coming up behind Robert.
“I hope so. I sure don’t like lettin’ her down, hurtin’ her.”
“I heard everything you said, Robert. It takes a big man to be honest in the face of such a thing. I’m proud of you for treatin’ her with respect.”
Robert looked at the older man. “Thanks. That means a lot comin’ from you. My pa says he doesn’t respect anybody’s opinion more than yours.”
Atherton smiled. “We’ve been friends a long time—gone through a lot together. I feel the same way about your pa.” He slapped Robert’s back. “And I have a feeling I will always think highly of you, as well. I would have liked havin’ you for a son-in-law.” The older man squared his shoulders. “Now, come on back to the party. There’s still more cake, and I have a mind to get me another piece.”
Robert laughed. “I can definitely see the benefit of that.”
“How are you feelin’?” Jake asked Marty. He knew she’d been worried about him ever since he’d been kicked. He knew that it compounded her worries that he would die like her first husband. “You know I’m concerned that you aren’t takin’ it easy enough. I know you’re thinkin’ you gotta get things done because the baby will probably come sooner than August, but you can’t do everything.”
“I know,” Marty replied. “I’m trying to be cautious and take things slow, but there is a great deal to oversee. As for how I feel, I’m a little tired, but otherwise fine. The real question is how do you feel? You know I think it’s much too early for you to be out here carrying on with the others.”
“Even your sister said I was doin’ fine, and it’s not like I’m up there square dancin’. Marty, you gotta stop worryin’ about everythin’.” He put his hand on her stomach. “For the sake of our children, if not for yourself.”
“I can’t help it. I love you so very much. I don’t want to lose you.” She stared off at the dancers and musicians. “I know that you’re in God’s hands, but—”
“But?” Jake interrupted. “But God isn’t big en
ough to handle this? But God won’t give you your own way all the time? Grief, Marty, you either trust Him or you don’t. I’m not sayin’ that we won’t have doubts about Him, but I am sayin’ that we don’t need to. We know He’s faithful.” He turned her to face him. “Marty, if I drop over dead tomorrow, will you stop lovin’ God again?”
She still wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I . . . don’t know. I don’t like to think I would.” She shook her head. “I’d like to say my faith is strong enough to get me through anything, but I know better.” Finally she raised her gaze to his. “I’m a coward.”
Jake chuckled. “Marty, there’s no one less cowardly in the world. You are a strong woman, but unfortunately, you think it’s your own strength that makes you so. It isn’t. We don’t do a thang in our own strength, Marty.”
“You’re sounding more and more like a Texan and less and less like a banker,” she told him.
He nodded. “That’s who I am, Marty. You gotta let me be who I am. And, you’re gonna have to let our boys be who they are.”
“Our boys?” She smiled. “So you already plan for a houseful of boys?”
“Didn’t you want to adopt three of ’em?”
Recognition dawned on her. “You mean you’d be willing?”
“I love children, Marty. I love the idea of helpin’ those needy ones. If you love those children, then I know I’ll love ’em, too. I want you to wire Mr. Brentwood and have them sent down on the train.”
She threw her arms around Jake’s neck. “Oh, thank you. Thank you so much! I’ve missed those boys more than I can say. I really want them to be a part of our family.”
Jake kissed her soundly on the mouth and smiled. “Then that’s what I want, too.”
Marty reached up and touched the smaller bandage Hannah had put on Jake’s wound. “I’ll try to be accepting and understanding. I really want to trust God more.”
“Then do it, Marty. You’ve always been a woman who went after what she wanted.”
Alice found herself watching Robert for most of the evening. She’d been unable to take her gaze from him when he led Jessica Atherton away from the party. However, once she saw him tenderly touch her cheek, Alice knew she had to stop fooling herself. She had fallen in love with another woman’s man. The idea sickened her.
“This is such a wonderful place,” her mother said, coming to stand beside her. “I can see why you love it so. I have to say it’s nothing like Chicago.”
Alice turned toward her mother. “Speaking of Chicago, Mama, I wonder if I might go with you when you return.”
Her mother seemed surprised but pleased. “I would love for you to come visit Simon and me in our home.”
“No, I meant . . . would you let me come live with you?”
“Well of course,” her mother said, taking hold of her arm. “But I thought you preferred it here.”
Alice shrugged. “There’s nothing to keep me here. I do enjoy it and I love Marty like a sister, but honestly, it would probably be better for all concerned if I were to leave.”
Just then Simon barreled into Alice. “This is the best time I’ve ever had,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist.
Alice smiled down at her brother. “Well, do you suppose you could show me a time like this in Chicago?”
The boy straightened and dropped his hold. “There’s nothing like this in Chicago. I want us to move here.”
Alice looked to her mother, hoping she would set Simon straight. “Why don’t you go on and have some more fun,” Mother told him. “We are talking about something serious just now.”
“But this is a party,” he reminded them. “You don’t talk about serious things at a party.”
Alice felt bad and nodded. “Perhaps he’s right. I probably shouldn’t have brought it up just now; you should be out there with the others.”
“Go on, Simon. I want you to go play,” Mama encouraged. She turned back to Alice and smiled. “It’s all right, Alice. We can talk about anything you want—anytime you want. I am so glad to have you back in my life that I could easily spend all of my time with you and Simon and never speak to another soul.” Mother seemed to scrutinize Alice for several moments before continuing.
“Alice, you seem troubled about something. What is it?”
“I . . . well. . . .” Alice paused, not wanting to lie to her mother. “Marty and Jake were so kind to take me in when I had nothing—not even references for the job they hired me to do. When the banks fell apart and they lost everything, they still allowed me to stay on with them. I knew it was difficult for them, but they insisted. Now I find myself again having the benefit of someone else’s generosity. I guess I just feel that I’ve overstayed my welcome. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.”
“I’ve seen the way you help out around here. You aren’t a burden. I think you more than earn your keep. And they all seem to very much enjoy your company.”
“Which is why this is so hard.” Alice glanced at the revelers and saw Robert kiss his mother’s cheek. How she longed for him to kiss her. “I think we should go before we are no longer enjoyed and useful.” She looked at her mother. “But I don’t think we should say anything about our plans. At least not until we’re ready to leave. Otherwise Mrs. Barnett might feel slighted or believe us to be ungrateful.”
“I don’t know why she would. She knows I have a home in Chicago.”
“I know, but she also said we could use the Montoya house for as long as we liked. Mrs. Barnett is generous to a fault. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
Her mother remained silent for several minutes and then nodded. “If you think that’s best, Alice, then I will go along with you. However, have you considered the matter of your train fare? I was under the impression that you had no money.”
“I don’t,” Alice said realizing the problem. “But I’ll get it. I’ll figure a way.” She didn’t know how she could possibly make it work, but she was determined to try.
“I wonder if I might have this dance.”
Alice turned to find Robert Barnett standing directly behind her. She wanted to refuse him, but instead she found herself nodding in agreement. She let Robert take her to where a dozen or so couples were waltzing.
She looked at him and shook her head. “I don’t know how.”
He smiled that lazy smile of his and her heart melted. “Then it’s time you learned. We enjoy having our get-togethers, and you’ll just have to get used to dancin’ if you’re gonna be around here.”
But I’m not going to be around here. I have to leave before you realize that I’ve lost my heart to you. I have to go before anyone knows how I feel.
“I have to go,” she said suddenly and pulled away. She heard Robert call after her, but Alice continued to make her way with great haste to the solitude of the house. It wasn’t until she was behind the closed door of her room, however, that she felt she could finally let down her guard. The pain of losing something she didn’t really have seemed such a contradiction, but there was no other way to look at it.
I’ve lost him, but I never had him. So why does it hurt so much?
Chapter 21
For weeks the men planned their trip to Fort Worth and the cattle sale. Knowing they’d be gone for several days, Alice decided it would be the perfect opportunity to leave without any uncomfortable good-byes.
She had been plotting and planning for their escape, but when the time came, she still felt uncertain. She and her mother had spoken several times, but Alice knew her mother wasn’t convinced she was doing the right thing. For Alice, however, there was no other choice.
Robert had tried his best to get Alice alone. He continually nagged her to go riding with him or to sit and talk with him in the evening. It was getting harder and harder to avoid him. Alice had even given up going to church, because twice Robert had cornered her after services to speak to her. She felt almost certain that he’d figured out or been told of her feelings for him.
The second
night after the men’s departure, Alice knew she’d never have a better chance. “We’ll leave tomorrow, no matter what,” Alice had told her mother. Even now the look of shock on her mother’s face was imprinted in Alice’s mind.
“Are you sure that’s wise? What about money?”
Alice had talked Marty into lending her some money. It wasn’t a lot, but it would be enough for train tickets and maybe some food.
The problem, however, was getting away from Marty and Hannah. She knew if either of them caught wind of her plans, they would do their best to put an end to them.
When Marty and Hannah announced they would be heading out just after lunch to work on Marty’s place, Alice felt confident God had intervened to help her leave. Watching at the window, Alice jumped into action once the buggy pulled away. That would leave the large carriage, which was exactly what they’d need.
“We must work fast,” Alice told her mother. “I don’t want any teary good-byes. I’ve written letters for Hannah and Marty explaining our leaving this way.”
“It hardly seems good manners to sneak out,” her mother replied.
“We’re not sneaking. We’re avoiding a scene. I know these people better than you do. They will fuss and fret and nag us to stay.”
“Your brother isn’t going to like this one bit. He’s quite happy here.”
Alice looked at her mother in confusion. “Did you come here meaning to make Texas your home?”
“No, I bought round-trip tickets. But seeing how Simon has thrived, I’ve begun to think about the possibility. Simon has blossomed while here. You have no idea how it was for him in Chicago. He was so unhappy.”
“Perhaps with me there, we can find a way to better his life. I’ll get a job, and maybe I can earn enough to lavish him with special gifts. Papa used to do that for me.”
“And did it make everything seem right?” her mother asked, giving her a look that suggested she already knew the answer.
Moment in Time, A (Lone Star Brides Book #2) Page 20
