by Rod Rees
‘You sound fearful, General Salah-ad-Din.’
‘Oh, I am, Grand Vizier. War is a fearful business.’
‘But we will prevail?’
‘Of course: the strength of the JAD – that it is a walled citadel – is also its weakness. Now my troops have completed their encirclement of the city, the nuJus are sealed inside, caught like rats in a trap. Tomorrow we will begin the systematic bombardment of the city, pounding it until not one building is left standing, not one food warehouse is unrazed, not one water cistern is unsmashed … only then will I unleash my HimPis. My intention is to assault the JAD through two breaches in the Wall, one on the Istanbul side and one on the Delhi side. In this way we will divide the forces available to Gelbfisz and more quickly overwhelm the nuJu fighters.’
‘How long before the JAD is ours?’
‘I understand the time granted for the performing of any miracle is forty days and forty nights.’
‘Forty days,’ murmured Pobedonostsev, his eyes sparkling with excitement. ‘And I assume you have instructed your HimPis that they must exterminate the nuJu population as they advance … that they will take no prisoners …’
‘I have left it to the Grand Mufti to impart that particular instruction; he seems particularly enthusiastic regarding the killing of nuJus. My own opinion is that this sort of total war will sicken my fighters. There is no honour in killing woeMen and children.’
Pobedonostsev laughed. ‘Honour, General? The war against the nuJus cannot be fought in a knightly fashion. This struggle is one of racial survival and must be waged with unprecedented, unmerciful and unrelenting harshness. You must imbue your fighters with a passion for killing nuJus. They must be drunk with the thrill of what Great Leader Heydrich calls Lustmord: murder for pleasure.’
‘My men are soldiers, not beasts.’
‘Your men must act as beasts because they are opposed by beasts. Anyone who has looked in the face of a nuJu knows what animals they are.’
Salah-ad-Din eyed Grand Vizier Pobedonostsev with undisguised contempt. ‘They are animals, Grand Vizier, who wish to go to ABBA accompanied by as many of my soldiers as they are able.’
Pobedonostsev nodded towards the soldiers working on the artillery. ‘Surely with the siege mortars so generously supplied by the ForthRight, nuJu resistance will be quickly smashed.’
‘We will see.’
‘You seem less than pleased by the assistance offered by Great Leader Heydrich.’
‘Whilst, Grand Vizier, I am ever ready to accept help and advice whenever it can further the sacred cause of HimPerialism, I am dubious of any offer of assistance that is made by Heydrich. UnFunDaMentalism makes no distinction between Shades and nuJus, it defines them both as UnderMentionables. He has made numerous speeches where he iterates that the ultimate aim of UnFunDaMentalism is to eradicate all UnderMentionables from the face of the Demi-Monde, his so-called Final Solution.’ Salah-ad-Din gave an empty smile. ‘You may consider me a tad old-fashioned, but I am reluctant to ally myself with anyone who calls for the extermination of my race.’
‘You are too sensitive, General. Surely you must recognise that these public pronouncements are made with the sole purpose of exciting the patriotic sensibilities of his people. This is mere political puff, nothing more.’
Salah-ad-Din smiled. ‘I bow to your superior intelligence regarding matters of political puff. But I would ask, Grand Vizier, what does Heydrich, this skilful politician of yours, require in return for the provision of the mortars?’
‘Well, one thing has been mentioned …’
‘And this is?’
‘There is an Enemy of the ForthRight in the JAD. A Blank … a woeMan by the name of Norma Williams. Heydrich attaches great importance to this girl’s destruction and HimPeror Xolandi has agreed that, once our assault is under way, we will allow a company of SS StormTroopers led by Comrade General von Sternberg into the JAD in order that they may deal with the girl.’
‘It is no small thing that is asked. An SS death squad operating in NoirVille is politically … sensitive. But there I go again, Grand Vizier, being driven by my sensitivities. Very well, you may tell von Sternberg that he will be allowed to pursue his vicious little games, but only when his victims are Blanks. In the extermination stakes, HimPerial Secretary, I am an enthusiastic proponent of equal opportunity amongst the races of the Demi-Monde.’
*
The posters that had begun to spring up on the walls of the buildings in the JAD were what persuaded Edelstein to ask Burlesque and Odette to attend the rally in the town hall. It was important, he explained to them, that he had a reliable account of what the JAD’s leadership had to say about the situation, and as Burlesque and Odette were Dupes, they seemed the perfect people to conduct the reconnaissance.
Which was why the pair of them were standing crammed into the hall along with five hundred or so very anxious-looking nuJus. The meeting was scheduled to commence at three, and even as the clock was still striking a tall man – dressed in a shabby suit, a kippah atop his bald head and the sunlight glancing on his small spectacles – clambered up the steps to the stage.
‘Must be bad news,’ Burlesque heard someone nearby comment, ‘if Gelbfisz has come to speak in person.’
Gelbfisz bowed to the audience. ‘People of zhe JAD … I am grateful for zhis chance to speak here today unt I ask you to listen to me slowly, as I have very important news. Zhis morning NoirVille declared war on zhe JAD …’
It took several minutes for the hubbub to quieten down. To be told, flat out, that they were as good as dead created consternation in the crowd.
‘Following zhe attack by zhe Zealots on zhe Hotel du Zulu, HimPeror Xolandi has decided zhat zhe only good nuJu is a dead nuJu. Zo, even as I speak, zhe HimPis are gathering beyond zhe Wall unt our military experts expect zheir attack to commence at any moment. Of course, I have tried to reason mit HimPeror Xolandi, but mit so many Shades killed in zhe bombing of zhe hotel, unt mit zhis coming so close after zhe azzazzination of Shaka Zulu, he ain’t in a mood to parley. Zo, ve must prepare to fight.’
He looked around the hall and then spread his hands in a gesture of hopelessness. ‘Make no mistake, zhis vill be a struggle for zhe very survival of our race unt vether ve do survive vill depend on our courage unt our bloody-minded vill to live. It vill not be easy. Oh, I could stand here unt spout platitudes unt assure you zhat ve have made every preparation to give zhe Shades zhe turnaround, but zhe truth is zhis will be a grapple to the death.’
There was more excited chatter amongst the crowd, so excited that Gelbfisz had to bang his gavel hard on the podium to restore quiet. ‘Zo we must be ready to fight. As you know, all men between zhe ages of sixteen unt sixty have been allocated to a regiment, but in zhis fight we vill all be soldiers. Men, women unt children, zhe old unt zhe young, we vill all be frontniks.’ He paused to wipe away the tears welling up in his eyes. ‘Zhese are terrible times vhich vill become even more terrible in zhe days unt zhe veeks ahead, but mit zhe help of ABBA ve vill endure. Zo, I vould ask any of you who have not already done zo to come forward to help in zhe defence of zhe JAD unt of zhe nuJu people.’
‘And is it only nuJus you are asking to fight?’
The question came from the side of the hall and when Burlesque looked he was amazed to see Josephine Baker pushing her way through the crowd. As beautiful and as imperious as ever, Josie climbed the steps of the stage and the sight of her caused a commotion in the crowd.
‘I ask again, Rabbi Gelbfisz, is it only nuJus you are calling to arms? There are a great many Shades who came to the JAD to be free of the persecution we faced in NoirVille and who will gladly fight alongside the nuJus who offered us sanctuary.’
Gelbfisz didn’t get a chance to reply. With a shout of ‘Kill the Shade’ one of the crowd lobbed a bottle at Josephine, smacking her on the side of the head and sending her sprawling across the stage. This was a signal for pandemonium to break out, with the more racially toleran
t of the nuJus coming to blows with those of a more Shadephobic disposition.
‘I fink we’re needed, Oddie, my love,’ and with that Burlesque started to shove his way towards Josie.
With both Burlesque and Odette being so big, by judicious use of their fists and elbows they were able to smash their way through the mob. When they got to the stage, Odette picked up the unconscious Josephine and, with Burlesque acting as a battering ram, they battled their way to safety.
1:24
The JAD
The Demi-Monde: 13th–16th Days of Fall, 1005
Lilith’s scheming to enjoy the fruit of Yggdrasil is one of the pivotal stories in the HIM Book. That woeMen are adept in WhoDoo, the Dark Magic, is a given, and therefore it is no coincidence that Lilith wished to eat the forbidden fruit: Yggdrasil is, by tradition, an ash tree, a favourite host of the fly agaric mushroom which is an ingredient often used by WhoDoo witches in the preparation of their magical potions. The modern interpretations of this Verse (Mohammed Ahmed al-Mahdi, The Irrefutable Logic of Misogynism, Bust Your Conk Publications) is that ABBA wished – by denying Adam the fruit – to prevent Man from beginning a self-destructive enquiry into the dark arts. Unfortunately Lilith, being a woeMan and hence emotionally immature, was unable to resist temptation, a weakness of character that led to the Fall of Man.
A Fool’s Guide to HimPerialism: Selim the Grim, Bust Your Conk Publications
The bombardment began at seven o’clock that morning. Norma had just brewed herself a cup of coffee and was standing on the roof of the Portal – the Observation Deck – enjoying both the coffee and the sight of the sun rising over the JAD when the mortar shells began to fall. They fell continuously for the next two hours. Even cowering in the Portal’s basement – Norma hadn’t believed it was possible to get down four flights of stairs so quickly – it was a terrible experience, and if her time in Warsaw hadn’t inured her to the noise and the horror of an artillery bombardment, she was sure she’d have gone mad. The floor and walls of the Portal shuddered and shook; the air, thick with dust, smoke and powdered plaster, was nigh on unbreathable; and even blocking her ears with her hands, she couldn’t escape the deafening explosions as the shells landed.
Her only comfort was that, unlike the poor nuJus in the rest of the JAD, she endured the bombardment in relative safety. From the outside the Portal might look unremarkable but the reality was that under its brick facade it was a steel-and-concrete-reinforced bunker, capable, so Moynahan assured her, of withstanding all but a direct hit from Shade artillery.
Moynahan’s confidence in the strength of the Portal was somewhat undermined when a mortar shell landed slap-bang in the middle of the road in front of the building, sucking the front door off in the process and sending it, fluttering like a leaf, skywards.
‘Get the bomb shutters up,’ screamed Sergeant Edelstein.
It took five minutes for the steel shutters to be drawn over the windows and doors and the Portal sealed from the outside world. The Portal was now what it had always pretended not to be: a redoubt. Snug and secure, they waited for the bombardment to end, which it did at nine o’clock sharp. An eerie quiet descended on the JAD, which was broken when Edelstein began to bark out orders sending soldiers bustling around checking for damage. There were so many jobs to be done that Edelstein ran out of neoFights to perform them. His eye fell on Shelley, who was standing doing nothing.
‘Shelley,’ he yelled, ‘you’ve got sharp eyes. Get up top and see if there’s anything left of the JAD.’
As Shelley climbed the staircase Norma followed him, but even from the Observation Deck it was difficult to see very much. After just two hours of shelling it was as though day had surrendered to night: so much dust and smoke was rising from the city that the light of the sun was blocked and the JAD was enveloped in a wraithlike twilight. What little they could see made a depressing sight. Entire streets had disappeared to be replaced by a jumble of fractured masonry, twisted steel and enormous shell-craters. Across the street from the Portal a newly demolished house stood askew, its entire frontage blown off to expose the inner walls, on which, improbably, pictures were still hanging.
‘Merciful ABBA,’ said Shelley quietly, ‘we see before us the glowification of wace hatwed. Man has no wight to kill his bwother and it is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to murder.’ He shook his head dolefully and glanced towards Norma. ‘Do you not despair for HumanKind, Norma? Much as I admire the message of peace and non-violence you have been pweaching, surely when you see such wanton destwuction you must wealise that Man is iwwevocably shackled to violence, his soul ensnared by MALEvolence?’
‘HumanKind can change, Percy.’
‘No, Norma, mankind must be changed. To turn from violence and destwuction, men must be given the facility to understand.’
Norma frowned, remembering that Shelley used his fey demeanour to hide a penetrating intellect. That was one of the reasons why she loved him so very much: he made her think. ‘Understand what?’ she asked.
‘Evewything. Man is a very docile and twactable beast, Norma, easily led and infinitely persuadable. He wishes so much to believe that he is easy pwey to the specious cant uttered by politicians and weligious leaders. The only way to pwevent violence is to give mankind the facility to understand that the whetowic of leaders such as Heydwich is just so much nonsense.’
‘But how?’
Shelley smiled. ‘I have given this much thought, and my conclusion is that to thwart the political villainy wife in the world people must be given unfettered access to information. Leaders contwol their people by manipulating the information they make available to them. If the only information the Shades have is that nuJus are plotting to destwoy them, then that is what they will believe. And if the nuJus are told that the Shades are an infewior wace that is what they will believe. Only the twuth – information – will fwee mankind fwom the vicious tywanny of ignowance … and its addiction to violence.’
‘The tragedy is that people don’t want to know …’
‘Then they must be obliged to know.’
Norma laughed. ‘That’s why you’re a poet, Percy: you can dream the impossible dream.’
Shelley gave her an odd look and then nodded towards the burning JAD. ‘Perhaps you are wight, Norma. But then dweams do, occasionally, come true. And it is a wonderful dweam, is it not, to imagine that such carnage would never be wepeated?’
Norma gestured to the destruction that surrounded them. ‘So what’s next?’
Shelley shrugged. ‘Maybe thwee, four more days of this nonsense. After that they’ll twy to bweach the Wall, and once that’s viable the fighting will begin in earnest.’
*
BANG!
The entire section of the Wall Giscala and his fighters were cowering behind shook.
BANG!
Concrete was blown inwards, great lumps of stone shrapnel hurling fighters backwards to lie smashed and dashed on the cobbles.
‘S-s-stand s-s-steady, boys,’ Giscala bellowed. ‘Just k-k-keep your heads d-d-down and you’ll be ok-k-kay.’
This was, Giscala knew, a very generous use of the word ‘okay’. After three days of being bashed about by Shade mortars his fighters looked far from okay. The continual shelling made it impossible to sleep: he was exhausted and so, by the look of them, were his fighters.
But now, he suspected, there wouldn’t be much chance of getting any rest. The Shades seemed to have tired of pounding the city to powder and had turned their attention to the Wall. For the last few hours they had been using their howitzers to smash it down.
‘How long do you reckon the Wall will stand, Captain?’
The question came from a private – Levi, Giscala thought his name was – hiding behind the burnt-out carcass of a steamer.
‘Half an hour, t-t-t-tops.’ Give it another thirty minutes and the Shades would have smashed a breach in the Wall and then all Hel would break loose. Giscala’s scout
s had already reported seeing armoured steamers assembling ready to ram their way into the JAD. This was the crucial moment: Giscala and his fighters had to hold the breach or the JAD was history.
‘Pass the word, S-S-Sergeant, that all the f-f-fighters should be at their stations. It’s i-i-imperative that the armoured steamers don’t get through the W-W-Wall. Tell the guys that the very s-s-s-survival of the J-J-JAD depends on them.’
In the end it took the Shades another hour to smash a serviceable breach in the Wall, their success signalled by an oppressive silence. The rain of mortar shells stopped and a deep brooding quiet descended over the JAD.
‘What’s happening, Captain?’ he heard a skittish-sounding Levi asking. ‘Why don’t the Shades attack?’
‘Who knows, P-P-Private, but I’ve got a sneaking feeling we’re not g-g-going to have to wait long to f-f-find out.’
He was right. No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a deep, powerful rumbling came from beyond the Wall. This, Giscala knew, could only mean one thing: hundreds of steamer engines powering up.
*
It was a long, long day and one that began well for the JAD fighters. The Shades attacked the breach using the tactics that Giscala had been told to expect: armoured steamers at the front with Shade shocktroops streaming behind them. And knowing what to expect, he had been ready for them.
During the days waiting for the Shades to come calling he had had his fighters spend their time making sticky bombs – flour sacks full of blasting gelatin, which were then dipped in axle grease. When these were hurled against the side of an armoured steamer, the hope was that the grease would make the bombs stick to it, the resulting explosion being powerful enough to rip off a track or fracture a boiler. Of course, it was a suicidal form of attack and the cost in fighters’ lives was terrible. Giscala watched in horror as Levi – who couldn’t have been more than sixteen years old – was killed destroying a steamer. But there was no time for sorrow or tears. With a cry of ‘For the J-J-JAD,’ Giscala leapt forward leading his fighters in attack after increasingly desperate attack.
